Title: Simple Liberties – Season 6
Author: Ky (venom69)
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating: ADULT.
Summary:What if Chakotay had said no?
Character/Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay
Spoilers: None… the show’s ended!
Warnings: sex, language.
Prompt Number for fic101: 98 - Play
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Elton John. Part 7 of the Simple Liberties series.
Disclaimer: Usual guff. Not mine, promise to put them back where I found them.
Date: 21/03/07

***

There's a rhyme and reason
To the wild outdoors
When the heart of this star-crossed voyager
Beats in time with yours

***

"Kathryn Janeway's personal Log; Stardate 53049.2"

As she moved about her Quarters, clearing the remains of her dinner from the table, Kathryn sighed.

"We've been out of the Void for almost four months now and life on Voyager seems to be settling back into a more sustainable routine."

She recycled the half-eaten meal, habitually going through the motions of getting rid of the evidence that suggested she had simply picked half-heartedly at her dinner - again.

"Though, in true Delta Quadrant fashion, we'd only been back in regular space for a few days when we managed to destroy a Borg probe. When we analysed the remains, Seven of Nine found data nodes filled with tactical information among the debris. The nodes were able to tell us the location of a heavily damaged scout ship nearby."

Her untouched cup of coffee, now cold and looking as though it had the potential to start spawning, went the way of the meal, the computer beeping in acknowledgement.

"Chakotay decided to plan a 'heist' and invade the Borg vessel while its defences were down. The plan was to perfect our time on the Cube to less than two minutes. We were to beam in and take its transwarp coil, and beam out before they could detect what we were doing. The coil would have shaved 20 years off Voyager's journey."

Sighing again, Kathryn shook her head as she called for a coffee ice cream, hoping that she could muster the will to actually eat it instead of letting it sit, forgotten.

"I'm not sure that I would have done the same in his position, but the lure of our journey being cut another two decades was - is - a strong one. No one on the crew actively disagreed and, even though it's my job to voice my opinions, I didn’t either."

She had been doing her best not to openly challenge Chakotay, not since their last few days in the Void.

Tears pricked at her eyes when she thought about it, but Kathryn shook the emotion away and resumed tidying her living area. Folding the throw that usually donned her sofa, she continued.

"While the away team worked in the holodeck to get their timing right, Seven studied the logs of her parents to hopefully give us an insight on how to make the mission a successful one. When Naomi began asking Seven questions about the Collective, she hallucinated that the Borg had accessed her neural transceiver and knew about the plan."

Picking up the duty roster PADD's that sat on her desk, she quickly uploaded the completed information to her portable terminal and sent it to Chakotay for his approval.

"Before we even had a chance to beam to the disabled cube and execute our well-rehearsed heist, a Borg salvage operation had taken place and, by the time we reached the co-ordinates, the transwarp coil was long gone - along with the rest of the cube."

The crew had all been disappointed that they'd missed the chance to get the coil, but most of them were just happy to be back among lively space again after a year of nothingness in the Void.

Their fifty year journey didn't seemed quite as long when they were interacting with other races.

"It was only a few days later that we stopped for shore leave on the Brenari home world. Since the crew had been devoid of anything resembling solid ground, minus the holodeck programs, for a year, Chakotay decided that we would land Voyager and ensure that everyone had a few days planet side. "

Tom and B'Elanna had found a romantic resort to spend three days in, basking in the sun and the chance to be alone.

Sam and Ayala - a not entirely surprising match - had taken Naomi for a family holiday.

Tuvok and Vorik had found a peaceful meditation sanctuary and they had spent their leave deep in thought and prayer.

A lot of the younger crew had found something akin to an amusement park for adults and grinned their days away.

Kathryn had spent the three days in a hotel room - the details of which she could recall none of - grieving for the baby that she'd never had the chance to appreciate.

Her arms had literally ached with the desire to hold something - someone - and the hollow feeling in her abdomen had left her with little more to do than whimper.

Three days of solid crying had made her wish that she hadn't bothered to leave the Ship at all and when she had finally had no choice but to pick herself up and return to Voyager, she hadn’t felt any better.

She had no idea what Chakotay had done.

"As well as giving the crew a welcome break, it gave us a chance to give Voyager a once-over.”

In their time in the Delta Quadrant, the Ship had been through he ringer - as Tom often said - and the chance to go through her and ensure that there were no problems that they’d missed had been welcomed.

“At the beginning of our leave, I spoke with the foreign minister and he told me about the system that we were about to spend six months travelling through. Apparently, the sector was controlled by a race known as the Devore. According to Minister Eucal, the Devore are a slightly xenophobic race and highly afraid of telepaths."

Eucal had been a lot more colourful in his description of the Devore Imperium and the memory made Kathryn smile.

"Though apparently ruthless in their treatment of telepaths, the Devore are easily bought. Eucal told me that when we entered their space, we would be forced to submit to an inspection of the Ship and then would be assigned an Inspector who would travel through their space with us. Apparently, the idea is to keep us away from their populated planets and space stations, and ensure that we have no telepaths."

She snorted; it wasn't a particularly good system when the Devore scanned the crew on the first meeting and could easily tell that they had four telepaths aboard.

Tuvok, Vorik, Kes and Seven - apparently ex-Borg counted as still being telepathic - had all been scanned by Second-Inspector Prax during their initial meeting with the Devore.

He had reported his findings to his superior officer and then promptly deleted the recording of their abilities from his equipment.

"Apparently, the whole point of the elaborate charade is so that the First-Inspector can spend six months bribing us in exchange for his silence with the imperium."

So far, they'd had to give up a large supply of dilithum for their escorts’ silence, but Kathryn knew that more would be demanded as their journey through Devore space grew closer and closer to a close.

"Eucal wasn't able to tell me if Ships actually made it through Devore space or if they were simply betrayed and looted at the last checkpoint, but the extent of the sector left us with no alternative but to, once again, go with the customs of the locals. I’m inclined to believe that we’ll make it out the other end; surely there would be much less timely and costly ways of raiding our technology without giving us a false sense of security."

Moving into her bedroom, Kathryn frowned at the framed photo of her, Chakotay and Roshan that rested on her nightstand.

She knew that it wasn't really appropriate to have it on display anymore, especially considering the status of her personal life at the moment, but she had never quiet been able to bring herself to put the picture away.

"To that end, for the past two months, we have been graced with the presence of First Inspector Kashyk. He has been assigned temporary Quarters for the trip through Devore space and, from what I can tell, he spends his days simply observing us. If I didn’t know better, I'd say the Inspector was lonely in the Imperium; he certainly likes to engage the crew in idle conversation."

She sat on the bed, the picture clutched in her hands as she stared down at it, the creases of a frown denting her forehead.

"He also seems quite taken with me, and Kashyk and I have been spending quite a bit of time together over the past two months. I'm not quite sure what to think of that, though, not at this point."

If she thought her feelings for Chakotay were uncertain - and since he'd been such an ass to her, she wasn't sure if she actually did have any feelings for him beyond anger right now - then her feelings for Kashyk were even more so.

Though potentially life-threatening to them, their Devore escort was a dark, dangerous, compelling man.

He had the 'tall, dark and handsome' package down - in all fairness, so did their Captain - but Kathryn suspected that it was his dominating personality that drew her attention like a moth to a flame.

Kashyk was smug - gloating, even - clearly confident in his own personality and the effect that he had on others.

He held all the cards in this exchange - both the one between Voyager and the Devore and on a more personal level - and he knew it.

She wouldn't call what they were doing 'dating', exactly, but he had been spending a lot of time with her since he'd joined Voyager's crew and her time with him was probably the closest to a date she was going to engage in for a depressingly long time.

Kathryn knew that nothing permanent could ever come of whatever affiliation they had - Devore didn't leave the Imperium. Ever. - and she wondered if, perhaps, that was the appeal.

The chance to have something akin to a normal relationship with a man, even if only for a while.

A fling, as it were.

Whatever it was, and whatever it was destined to be, she was even less inclined to record her thoughts about the situation with Kashyk in her personal logs then she ever was to talk about the distance that she and Chakotay still had between them.

For as much as she wanted to talk about what had happened - and no one beyond Kes and the Doctor and Chakotay knew - Kathryn wasn't sure that she could put into words how much he had hurt her with his crass assumptions and she was even less sure that she could get through that explanation without crying.

"Computer, end log."

Sighing again, she put the picture in her top drawer, face down, closing her eyes against the memory of Roshan’s smiling face.

***

Late the next evening, Kathryn sat on a bar stool next to the temporary addition to their crew, sharing a glass of whiskey.

Apparently, the Devore weren’t big on synthonol or alcohol and Kathryn thought it quite possible that she might be forced to spend the next four months straight drunk in the interest of a cultural exchange.

Though, that did have a certain amount of appeal.

"Tell me," Kathryn said, swirling the liquid around in her glass, "Why do the Devore take the risk of assigning an Inspector to every Ship that passes through their sector?"

Kashyk raised an eyebrow, clearly amused at her words. "Are you planning to shoot me, Kathryn?"

"No, of course not." Though, sometimes, it was tempting. "But surely there are others that would?"

He eyed her for a moment, obviously wondering exactly how much to tell her. "As you know, at each checkpoint that we pass through, I am required to report to the Imperium. If I'm not there to make a report or I'm injured in any way... well, you can imagine."

She could.

They had to pass through two checkpoints per week, with a total of fifty inspections - including the initial and the final - while they remained in Devore space.

While it was a fairly lengthy and elaborate process for the Devore Imperium to go through in order to blackmail a passing Ship for whatever supplies they wanted, she had to admit that it was certainly a system that seemed to work, if the eclectic supply of technology that she'd seen the Devore use was anything to go by.

Absently, Kathryn looked around Sandrine’s as she considered her reply to his surprisingly honest statement.

Clucking her tongue, she took a small sip of the amber liquid in her glass. "Don't you ever get bored?"

"Bored?"

"Restless. Agitated. Fed up. Tired of it all." She shrugged. "You spend six months on a ship doing virtually nothing, travelling from one side of your space to another, making random demands here and there, only to turn around and do it all again with the next Ship going in the opposite direction. How do you not get bored?"

"I get to meet people like you." Kashyk let his lips spread into a slow, seductive grin.

Kathryn swallowed the rest of her whiskey and kept her mouth firmly shut and her eyes focussed on the empty glass in her hand.

***

Kathryn stood formally in front of the desk, hands behind her back. "You wanted to see me, Captain."

"Kathryn." Chakotay didn't bother standing to greet her. He nodded to the chair across from him. "How is our friend today?"

"There's nothing new to report." She didn’t make a move to sit and he didn’t push the issue.

She knew that this wouldn’t take long; he would see to that.

"Nothing at all?" He raised an eyebrow sceptically. "If I'm not mistaken, you had today off?"

'Off' was an odd term to use, considering that she wasn't actually required to do much in terms of a normal duty shift while they blindly followed their pre-charted course across Devore space.

She nodded anyway. "Yes."

"And I've been led to believe that you spent the entire day with our Devore guest."

It wasn't a question.

She answered anyway, if only to fill the uncomfortable silence that descended over them. "Yes."

"We need him on our side."

"I know."

He met and held her eyes. "And we need to be sure that he's not going to screw us."

"I know that, too."

Chakotay was silent for a moment as he watched her. "He seems quite taken with you."

Jealous?

Kathryn simply raised an eyebrow.

"He's requested that you be his escort on a permanent basis."

She had been the unofficial escort since Kashyk had come on board.

Making it ‘official’ was neither here nor there, really. "Our escort wants an escort?"

"He wants you." Chakotay corrected seriously. "I suggest you accommodate him, or Voyager might not make it past the next checkpoint."

***

While they travelled through Devore space, they had been given a clear and direct route designed to get them out of there as soon as possible and no deviations would be tolerated.

The Devore, while effectively trying to rob them blind, obviously wanted Voyager out of their space as quickly as they wanted to leave.

Kathryn was grateful that, at the very least, they hadn't been told to follow any kind of intricate pattern in order to avoid everything from large planets to small probes in the sector.

The downside of this particular type of travel was that, aside from the alien that wandered their halls, it was exactly like being in the Void, they just had better scenery.

Crewmembers were back to being bored, though they at least had a hot topic of conversation to chat about, and the engineering staff had taken to pulling things apart and putting them back together again.

Kathryn, on the other hand, found herself in the position of Chief Babysitter for Kashyk.

Her job was to keep him entertained enough to like them and distracted enough to ignore the telepaths aboard.

While he didn't actively go out of his way to interact with their telepathic crew, or even mention them, he had told her that he wouldn't ignore their abilities if he came across them.

So it became part of her job to keep him away from the posts of their four gifted crewmembers.

On the up-side - for her, at least - Kashyk seemed to have developed an interest in human culture and their history, which made keeping him distracted just that much easier.

He spent days pouring over their database, reading everything that he could about how humans had evolved over the centuries, both socially and technologically.

While he immersed himself in their history, Kathryn was able to go about her normal duties as First Officer - not that she actually had much to do in that department.

When he wasn't interested in reading any more, she was given the delightful task of entertaining him.

Since he had discovered the violent side of their history three days beforehand, Kathryn hadn't seen him and she'd been taking full advantage in the lapse in her hosts duties.

Sighing in bliss as the bubbles caressed her skin, Kathryn closed her eyes and allowed her mind to wander dreamily.

She was planning to enjoy the fact that her body was relaxed for the first time in months.

Since the miscarriage, the disastrous attempt to talk to Chakotay, the failed attempt to get the transwarp coil, the shore leave that she remembered as little more than a sea of tears, and Kashyk's arrival, Kathryn knew that she was - once again - neglecting her body's needs.

Kes had expressed her concern, the Doctor had expressed his concern and B'Elanna had expressed her concern and confusion over the situation, but Kathryn couldn't bring herself to find the energy required to keep her sanity in tact.

Not right now.

A bath, however, had been exactly what she needed and she laid back and let the soothing hot water open her pores and cleanse her tumultuous mind into a peaceful, dream-like state.

"Kashyk to Kathryn."

Well. It was good while it lasted.

Bringing her hand out of the water to battle against the coolness of the room, she tapped the comm. badge that lay on the side of her bath tub.

"Kathryn here."

"Meet me outside Holodeck One. There's an interesting program in the database that I'd like to try."

Kathryn didn't want to get out of the bath for anything short of a red alert or the apocalypse.

And even then she'd have to think about it.

"Can't someone else meet you?"

"No. I want you."

She sighed again.

The Inspector, while strangely compelling and certainly interested in her on a more personal level - which he made no secret of - really could be a petulant two year old when he wanted to be.

Reaching for the nearby towel, she quietly ordered the computer to drain the hot water from her bath as sighed wistfully as she watched her relaxation swirl away from her.

"I'm on my way. Kathryn out."

***

Le Cour De Lion.

Kathryn hadn't expected - or wanted - to find herself back in this place again any time soon.

After the incident with the Hirogen, it had been silently and unanimously agreed upon by the crew that the programs used to torture them weren't going to be accessed.

While they had never deleted them, none of the programs had been opened in well over a year and Kathryn wasn’t quite sure how to feel being back in the strangely familiar scene of the bar.

Tugging on the hem of her white suit jacket, Kathryn bustled around the tables in the empty bar, picking up glasses and depositing them on the bar top for Jean Paul to dispose of.

Her character was the proprietor of the establishment, but she also doubled as the leader of the French Resistance.

Aptly, Kathryn thought, she was Maquis.

During his readings of human history, Kashyk had expressed an interest in World War II and someone - someone that was going to be hung if Kathryn found out who had spilled the beans - had mentioned the program to him.

After he'd pulled her from her own little piece of heaven on Voyager that came in the form of steam and bubbles and rose scented lotions, Kathryn had met him at the doors to the Holodeck and he'd given her the name of the file he wanted to run.

When she'd started the program and stepped into ancient France, her breath had caught in her throat.

"Would you like to be a Nazi or a Maquis?" Kashyk had asked her.

While he didn't have any desire to shoot her - apparently, according to him, she was too attractive for that - he was interested in the interplay between the dominant/submissive relationship that the Nazi's had developed with those of 'impure' blood.

"I am Maquis." Kathryn had replied quickly.

She'd replicated their costumes from the data banks and agreed to play the program out until Kashyk grew tired of it.

"Katrine!"

Looking up at Jean Paul's frantic shout, she frowned. "What is it?"

"You are to meet with our contact." He reminded her, pointedly looking to the clock that hung from the wall. "A munitions trade, Oui?"

"Oui.” Sure, why not? “Tres Bien."

Picking up a glass with lipstick stains around the rim, Kathryn dumped it on the bar top before heading towards the door, hoping that Kashyk would tire of this game easily.

***

Tom and B'Elanna stopped her on the walk back to her Quarters.

When they saw her attire, B'Elanna looked her up and down before she frowned, though it looked like more of a scowl to Kathryn.

"What happened to you?"

"Something called C4 happened to me." Kathryn grumbled.

"C4?" Tom repeated. "That was a twentieth century explosive, wasn't it? Commonly used in the Armed Services."

She nodded and rolled her eyes. "Specifically used by the American Troops from World War II."

"You were running the World War II simulation?" B'Elanna frowned, a hand absently moving to her flat stomach to confirm that no life - holographic or otherwise - grew there. "Why?"

"Kashyk wanted to know what Sainte Claire looked like when occupied with Nazi's. And then we engaged in battle when the American reinforcements showed up."

"He was a Nazi?" Tom asked and she nodded. "Did you shoot him?"

"It was far more tempting then you can imagine, but no."

"Did he shoot you?" B'Elanna asked.

"No." She shook her head and huffed in amusement. "But he did chase me down a street waving something called a 9mm at me."

"Tom, why don't I meet you in the mess hall."

He frowned at B'Elanna. "I don't mind waiting."

"Tom," She tried again, "Go away."

"Girl talk. Right. I got it. Bye Kathryn." He nodded, grinning, before he continued down the hall.

When Tom was out of earshot, B'Elanna glared at her. "What is going on, Kathryn?"

"What do you mean?"

"Kashyk likes you."

She really wasn't in the mood for this conversation.

Leaning heavily against the bulkhead, Kathryn shrugged tiredly. "He thinks I'm an interesting opponent."

"No, Kathryn, he likes you."

Well, yes, she had known that.

Kashyk didn't exactly make a secret of it. "And?"

"And how do you feel about him?"

Kathryn thought that she owed it to her friend to be honest about that. "I really don't know."

B'Elanna frowned. "Well, you do know that he wont hesitate to kill us if we don't do what he wants?"

"Of course I know that."

"Then what is going on?" She frowned again. "For that matter, what does Chakotay say about all of this?"

The mention of his name made her stiffen.

"I have to go." Kathryn pulled her body from the wall and ignored B'Elanna's calls as she walked quickly back towards her Quarters.

She was not going to have that conversation.

***

What was going on?

She had asked herself that question at least a hundred times in the past three months and, regardless of the amount of thought she put into it, Kathryn couldn't come up with an answer.

Yes, he was attractive.

Yes, he was compelling.

No, she wasn't blind.

Yes, she knew the danger he posed.

No, she didn't really understand her attraction to him.

That was about as far as her thoughts would take her.

Beyond that, she went round and round in mental circles until she had a headache and an upset stomach.

Kashyk was only going to be on Voyager for another three months or so, but a part of Kathryn feared that even another week with him was dangerous for her health.

What if she did fall for him?

What if she did let herself cross the line from enemies to lovers? Already that line seemed very blurred at times.

What if... what if...

She remembered having very similar thoughts about someone else not all that long ago and a sharp pain to her chest made her gasp.

Chakotay.

Well.

What could she say about him?

As far as she was aware, Chakotay could care less what she did with Kashyk, as long as she kept him happy and compliant and content to ignore four of the crew whenever he spoke with the Imperium.

Sighing as she flopped down onto the bed, Kathryn glanced to the empty place on her nightstand.

Even though it wasn't there, she could see the picture clearly in her mind and she wondered just what it meant - if, indeed, it meant anything at all - that she had put it away.

***

"I have a demand." Kashyk announced a few days later.

Sitting up straighter in her chair, her interest certainly piqued, Kathryn raised her eyebrow.

While he'd had plenty of opportunities to do so over the three months he’d been on Voyager, he'd yet to actually make a demand for anything in exchange for his silence. The dilithum that they’d had to give up early in the peace had been at the request of Second Inspector Prax.

"And?"

"Your holodecks intrigue me." He looked around the Le Cour De Lion critically. "I believe this technology would be welcomed by my people."

She felt almost evil for imagining - and, more to the point, enjoying the imagery of - the Devore in their Nazi uniforms, running after each other with guns as they yelled out curses about impurity.

"I'll talk to the Captain." She replied.

Kashyk grinned. "He wont very well say no, now, will he?"

He had a point there, damnit.

"I still have to speak to him before I agree."

"Why is that?" He asked. "From what I've read, you were in command of this vessel when it left on your original mission."

Now how they hell did he know that?

While they had given him access to the database, they had heavily encrypted - Borg algorithms and Klingon stubbornness had been brought in - all of the things that they'd rather Kashyk didn't know the details of.

The status of the crew was among the list of things he shouldn't have been able to read.

He grinned at the look on her face. "Don't look so surprised, Kathryn. Blackmail isn't my only talent."

Another image popped into her mind, but this time it was far more graphic and, though she hated to admit it, erotic.

His grin widened and Kathryn wondered if he was the real telepath around here.

***

"Kashyk wants holodeck technology."

She reported to him every afternoon before the end of her shift.

They were keeping close tabs on everything that Kashyk said, hoping for some kind of indication as to what would happen when they reached the borders of Devore space in less than two months.

Would they be allowed to continue on their way, a little short on dilithum and some random technology, but otherwise unscathed?

Or would the ship be impounded and the crew shot or imprisoned?

So far, Kashyk had been playing his cards very close to his chest - though his thoughts on where their 'friendship' could lead were blatantly obvious - and this was the first thing he'd asked for.

Chakotay frowned. "We don't trade technology. You know that."

"It's that or our lives." She replied smoothly.

"Do you really think they'll kill us if we don't hand over whatever they want?" He raised an eyebrow. "Or is this a big smokescreen to loot the Ship?"

"I have no doubts that this is a smokescreen to blackmail us into handing over whatever they want." Kathryn agreed. "But I also have no doubts that they will kill us on sight if we don't agree to his demands."

Eucal had likened the Devore to petty thieves and Kathryn was reminded of the pirates that had terrorized Ship centuries ago on Earth's seas, shooting those that resisted their demands.

Nodding slowly, Chakotay sighed. "Have B'Elanna prepare what he wants."

"We have until the next checkpoint to hand it over."

Apparently, as well as submitting a report on their activities, Kashyk was also required to show the Imperium some tangible gain from allowing Voyager to travel through their space.

The Imperium weren't impressed with his lack of results on the first half of the journey and Kathryn got the feeling that he was hoping to hand over the holodeck technology to make up for all of the missed opportunities.

"Tell B'Elanna there's a deadline."

***

She found B'Elanna in the Mess Hall.

While Kashyk was learning the finer arts of pool from Tom - apparently the fascination with World War II had only lasted a few days, thankfully, and now the crew's idea of recreation was his drug of choice - Kathryn slid into the empty seat across from her friend.

Looking up from the PADD in her hand, B'Elanna smiled. "Hey."

"Hi."

"What's up?"

There was no point in beating around the bush, though Kathryn knew what the reaction would be. "Kashyk wants holodeck technology."

"Yeah, I'll get right on that." B'Elanna snorted.

Yep, that had been about what Kathryn had expected. "Chakotay has approved it. You've got two days."

B'Elanna growled, but she nodded. "Kashyk is a P'taq."

She frowned at her friend, shaking her head slightly. "Be fair, B'Elanna; he's just doing his job."

"Why are you defending him?"

Kathryn didn't know - it had been an automatic response - so she kept her mouth shut.

"I get that he's attractive and he has that whole bad boy thing going for him, but how much has that clouded your judgement?"

"My judgement is fine."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

Not in the slightest. "Yes."

"Really?"

"I'm not getting involved with him, if that's what you're thinking."

At least, she wasn't consciously getting involved with him.

But Kathryn feared that part of her mind - the part that was starved for affection and someone that would show an interest and listen to her, she thought - was already half way down the dangerous path of the seduced.

B'Elanna raised an eyebrow. "I hate to break it to you, but I think you already are involved with him."

***

B'Elanna's words spun through her mind as Kathryn quietly sat on the Bridge.

Prax and his team were going through the Ship, scanning the crew and every exposed surface - and making them remove some of the wall panels just for kicks - while Kashyk reported back to the Imperium.

They had been ordered to remain at their posts while the Inspection took place and, since talking showed disrespect towards the Imperium, the silence left Kathryn with the chance - unwelcomed as it was - to play over B'Elanna's words from the day before last.

Was she involved with Kashyk?

Had it happened while she had been blinded with the hurt she felt over her last real conversation with Chakotay?

Or was her working relationship with the Devore simply too complicated for anyone else to comprehend?

Kathryn didn't know.

What she did know was that Kashyk was attracted to her.

He made no secret of that and she had to admit that it was nice - more than nice, actually - to have someone blatantly interested again.

Chakotay had been like that, in the beginning.

He had told her straight out that he wanted her and he had done everything that he could to slowly seduce her into the idea of something more between them, pushing past her fears and doubts until she was left staring at an attractive, intelligent, funny man that could, possibly, make her happy for the rest of her life.

She had been a breath away from agreeing with him when, as life in the Delta Quadrant always seemed to be, the timing had screwed them.

Several times, in face.

First it had been Roshan's death, but they had come back from that. Then the Void, though they had recovered from that too. Their 'blissful week' had been a killer, but Kathryn knew that, if things had been just a little different - if she had miscarried a day later or found out that she was pregnant a day earlier - then they probably would have bounced back from that too.

But it hadn't happened like that.

And, in the end, he had accused her of lying to him and trying to hide the fact that she had carried his child for five weeks.

Unconsciously, Kathryn's hand moved to her belly.

When she felt the small bump there - gravity's way of saying 'up yours!', she thought - she could almost believe...

No.

Thinking like that would do her no good.

If it hadn't been for their conversation in the Ready Room, if he hadn't jumped the gun and assumed so much, maybe that could have been the turning point in their relationship.

Maybe their mutual grief could have been the thing to push them that final step until they were together.

Kathryn knew that the only thing that had separated them for years had been where they slept each night.

They laughed, loved, cried, fought, argued and grinned with each other.

She had thought that they had been lovers in every definition of the word bar one.

But now… they weren't speaking outside of duty shifts and she was faced with a new attractive, intelligent, funny and compelling man that wasn't shy about his desire for her.

"Prax to Captain Chakotay."

The voice startled her out of her thoughts and Kathryn suspected that might be a good thing with the way her mind had been spinning in circles.

He stiffened.

Kathryn thought that everyone on the Ship did too.

"Chakotay here."

"Your vessel has passed inspection. I have returned to the Imperium Station. Inspector Kashyk is prepared to return to Voyager now."

"Very well, we'll beam him aboard." The link closed and he turned to her. "Go and meet our gust in the transporter room."

Nodding, Kathryn rose and felt her stomach drop to the toes of her flat shoes as she moved towards the turbolift.

***

Seduction.

His eyes promised slow seduction and Kathryn's face was hot when she met his gaze, convinced that the transporter operator could see exactly what was clearly there.

Kashyk looked her up and down - Chakotay used to do that, part of her whispered - and grinned. "Lovely to see you again."

"You've only been gone for three hours."

"And you look more lovely then I remembered."

It was strange to hear him say things like that.

Kashyk was not a man that she associated with hearts and flowers and declarations of love.

If anything, the most romantic thing she ever expected to hear from him was 'bend over.'

"So," He said, clapping his hands together. "What is on the agenda for the rest of today?"

"What would you like to do?"

She could see that he seriously considered a reply of 'You' - or something to that effect - before smiling. "I believe that there is a party planned for tonight, in the Holodeck."

Neelix, with the help of Tom, had organized a little post-middle-inspection 'pick me up' for the crew in Sandrine’s.

It wasn’t designed to be anything formal; just whoever wanted to attend was welcomed to come in for a drink and a laugh.

He'd mentioned something about dancing, but Kathryn wasn't planning on participating in that one.

A tequila shot wouldn't go astray, though.

She nodded her agreement to attend - did that mean they had a date planned? - before they exited the transporter room and began walking down the hall.

"And until then?"

"I'm hungry." Kashyk rubbed his stomach. "Neelix was going to serve Leola soup for lunch."

He had to be the only person - aside from Kes who was too nice to tell her ex-boyfriend that Leola could clean the plasma manifolds before it could be considered edible - on Voyager to actually like the root.

"Let's go then.” Kathryn gestured to the turbolift. “I'm sure there's plenty of leftovers."

***

It wasn't so much that she wanted to be with Kashyk, more that Kathryn was relishing in the chance to have something akin to a normal courtship.

From the beginning, she had always had a strange - though usually enjoyable - relationship with Chakotay and part of her wondered what would have happened if they’d met under different circumstance.

Would they have still be drawn to each other if she were just another woman on Earth and he were just another man? Or did they need the tumultuous relationship to appreciate each other?

Not that they always did that.

Kashyk watched her as she pushed the food around her plate, making a half-hearted show at eating the meal in front of her.

"You're troubled."

Kathryn looked up and tried to manage something that would resemble a smile. "I'm fine."

Even after months of spending virtually all of her time with him, she was still surprised when he showed concern for her or anyone else.

While Kathryn didn't doubt that Kashyk was a good man in his own way - though his line of work could probably stand a change or two - she got the impression that he was expected to spend the six months with Voyager being, well, a bastard, really.

Not that she was wishing that on Voyager - god knew that a break from people trying to shoot them was never a bad thing unless it was a void - it just made his words slightly harder to swallow.

Was he being kind and considerate because he cared or was he doing it so he could butter them up before he dropped a bombshell along the lines of Voyager being impounded while the crew was set to rot in a Devore jail?

"It surprises me," Kashyk said, either missing her silence for the troubled pause that it was or simply ignoring it. "That you have children aboard with such a long journey ahead of you."

"Children?" Kathryn frowned before she followed his line of sight and waved to the little girl that stood at the entrance to the mess hall, her features slightly frozen in fear as she looked at Kashyk. No doubt Naomi had heard stories and Kathryn couldn’t imagine that any of them had been good. "She was born on Voyager."

Kashyk raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised. "Your Starfleet allows women with child to serve?"

She shook her head. "Samantha didn't know she was pregnant when we left on our original mission."

"I see." He nodded and slurped up a spoonful of the Leola stew that he loved so much. "Children are a joy; they will make your journey worthwhile."

"You think so?" He didn't strike her as the paternal type of man.

"I do." He nodded, grinning. "This surprises you. Did you not expect me to have thought about children?"

"Well, in your line of work," Blackmailing innocent Starships, "I'm surprised that you have time to consider it."

"My parents died when I was quite young. I raised my brother and sister from a young age. In a way, that was enough to convince me that I would one day want children." He fixed his dark eyes on hers, his expression serious. "With the right woman, of course."

Oh Boy...

Kathryn swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. "Of course."

***

"I don't know what you see in him." B'Elanna told her, shaking her head and sighing.

It seemed that the crew - well intentioned that they usually were - had taken to reporting to the Chief Engineer whenever Kathryn was spotted in public with Kashyk.

Since she was his escort, it seemed that B'Elanna did nothing all day but listen to the run through of their activities.

Kathryn was glad that they weren't actually required to do anything in terms of running the Ship while in Devore space. She could imagine the warp core failing because the chief engineer was hearing about her lunch date.

Heh.

"He's not what he seems." Kathryn replied quietly.

It was the truth.

After their conversation in the mess hall about children and the joy that they could bring to a person's life, they had begun having several conversations that were similar; surprising her with the depth in Kashyk’s personality.

While it was plainly obvious that he was an intelligent and compelling man, it was almost impossible to believe that there was anything more to him beyond a gruff exterior.

As it was, Kathryn still found herself blinking in surprise and stifling a snort of disbelief whenever he said something that didn't fit with the general assumption of him.

"If you say so." B'Elanna shrugged.

Kathryn quickly said goodbye to her friend and headed back to her Quarters to get changed for the party.

***

She looked at Kashyk out of the corner of her eye.

"So tell me something," Kathryn started, raising her eyebrows and taking a deep breath. "Are we actually going to be allowed to leave Devore space when we reach the borders?"

"Do you want to?"

"You're not answering my question."

Kashyk shrugged. "Provided that you meet the terms of the agreement, yes, we will let you pass."

Also meeting his randomly chosen stipulations was unspoken, but Kathryn knew that they were the deciding factor in Voyager's fate.

He had taken the holodeck technology back to the Imperium during the earlier inspection and Kathryn knew full well that he would ask for something else sooner or later.

"You don't actually have to leave, you know. You could always stay." He offered quietly.

She raised her eyebrows, surprised at his words. "You mean Voyager would join the Devore Imperium?"

"No, I mean you."

Kathryn coughed as she tried to think of an appropriate response and was grateful when the volume of the music rose, moving from background music to something the gathered crew could move to.

"The dancing is about to start." She said as people moved to the makeshift floor in the middle of Sandrine’s, created by moving tables and chairs to the sides of the room.

He took the hint and didn't add to his comment. "Dancing, you say?"

"That's what they're doing." She nodded, smiling as Tom stumbled a little. "Though some with less grace then others."

Kashyk raised an eyebrow as he watched the occupants of the dance floor. "And the purpose of this is?"

"Fun. Relaxation. Exercise."

She was going to add that it could also be used as a way to get closer to someone, but wasn't prepared to give him that opening.

"I'd like to try this."

Apparently, he didn't need any openings.

"You need a partner." Though she'd pay half her rations for the month to see him dancing alone in the middle of the crew.

"I believe that you are my escort." He rose, holding out his hand in invitation. "Escort me to the dance floor."

Taking his hand, she let Kashyk pull her to her feet and walked to the dance floor with him.

The song wasn't particularly slow paced - was she happy or disappointed about that? - and she slid into his arms, moving his right hand to her waist as she held his left.

"Are there required steps?" He asked quietly.

"No, just as long as you stay off my toes, all you have to do is move to the beat of the music."

She had never danced with Chakotay before and she wondered what it would be like.

The thought rose to the forefront of her mind, unwelcomed.

Pushing it away, Kathryn focused on the man she was with as they moved around the dance floor, in time with the beat.

For someone that had never done it before, and most certainly had never heard the song, Kashyk picked up a rhythm quickly and Kathryn had to admit that she was impressed.

Best of all, her toes didn't meet his feet once.

Kashyk held her gently but firmly, leading their dance - though she had expected nothing less from him - as their bodies moved in time with each other, navigating their way around the floor.

Some of the crew turned to look, curious at the couple circulating the floor, but no one actually said anything and Kathryn thought that they would handle this strange new development tactfully.

It was a short song and, when it was over, he dropped her hand and took a step back. "Now what?"

"A drink?" She offered.

While it had been nice, dancing with him, Kathryn wasn't sure that she wanted to repeat the experience just yet.

Kashyk nodded. "Excellent."

"I'll get them and bring them over."

Parting, Kathryn moved to stand at the end of the bar as she waited for the bar tender - The Doctor had landed that job again, it seemed - to finish serving the crew at the other end.

Taking the quiet moment alone to catch her errant thoughts, Kathryn didn't realize that anyone was behind her until a hand grabbed her arm and she felt her body connect with a solid chest, pressed against her back.

Kathryn didn't have a chance to gasp before Chakotay's - she could smell that it was him, even before he spoke - mouth was pressed against her ear. He voice was too low to be heard by the crewmembers around them but far too close for her to be anything resembling comfortable. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"What are you talking about?" He wasn't hurting her, but her breath had sped up a little, regardless, as the adrenaline pulsed through her.

Clearly, her body remembered what close contact with him was like and it was making its desired pointedly known.

"Your little show with Kashyk."

She shrugged against him. "We danced."

"Is that what you call it?"

"You ordered me to become friendly with him." Kathryn reminded him, her voice a hiss. "You ordered me to be sociable."

He hadn't exactly whored her out for the Ship, but that was how she'd felt when he first issued the orders.

"We need him willing to look the other way. I ordered you to distract him, not screw him." Chakotay snapped back.

Kathryn's gaze hardened, even though it wasn't directed at him.

That bottle of whiskey on the shelf was quivering in fear, though. "I don't believe that it is any of your business whom I choose to sleep with."

Chakotay didn't need to know that she hadn't even kissed Kashyk, let alone bedded him. And he definitely didn’t need to know that her body hadn’t reacted like this when she’d danced with him.

Using the hand that held her arm, Chakotay quickly turned her body so that she was facing him, her back arched to press against the edge of the bar, their lower bodies pressing together.

They were both silent for a long, drawn out, moment, trying to stare each other down.

"So this is your idea of punishment, huh?" Chakotay relaxed his grip on her arms, but didn't let go. "You're mad at me for being angry with you about the baby. And you think that screwing the alien of the week will get my attention."

"Clearly it has." She snapped back, not moving to separate their bodies. "As for the baby? Yes, I am mad at you."

"I don't think you have a right to be, do you?"

"Oh, stop being such a pig-headed idiot. I didn't know about the baby until I woke up in Sickbay." He didn't react. "And, yes, I would have kept it and I would have told you, but you didn't give me a chance before you decided that I was clearly lying to you."

Her voice was a low hiss and she was more than aware that this was probably the most inappropriate place to finally be having it out with him, but they were both too fired up after months of bottling the emotions to care about the location. Though they both appeared to still have the sense of mind to keep their voices low.

So far, no one had noticed.

"What the hell was I supposed to think?"

"You could have trusted me! Not just jumped to your own conclusions! For God's sake, Chakotay, I am not Seska. I didn't steal your DNA and then show up with a child. We had sex."

Her thoughts automatically flickered back to the top of his desk, unconsciously bringing a mental image to the forefront of her mind. She pushed the image down and swallowed roughly.

The heat from his body pressed into hers wasn't helping that, either.

"I am very much aware of what we did, Kathryn. But you're the one that pushed me away afterwards, and then the Doctor came to tell me that you had been pregnant."

"I didn't push you away." She sighed, suddenly tired. They were going to go around and around in circles if one of them didn't calm down soon. "We pushed each other. Face it; neither of us wanted to think about that week of supposed bliss."

Chakotay’s only held her left arm now, his right gesturing to the tables scattered around the room. "So you thought that jumping into bed with him was the way to solve that?"

She slapped him, once, hard across the cheek and then watched - though sadly it wasn’t as satisfying as she’d hoped - the slight imprint of her hand form on his face. "You moved on first, you know!"

Chakotay didn't move.

"Are you drunk? I don't even remember her!"

Kathryn would have made a joke about bad sex always being forgettable if they had been on better terms.

As it was, she simply glared at him.

"What do you want from me, Chakotay? Do you want me to say that I'm sorry?" She shrugged. "Well, fine, I am. I'm sorry that I did something wrong and lost the baby, I'm sorry that I didn't know I was pregnant to begin with. I'm sorry that I followed your orders and did my job by being Kashyk’s escort and I'm sorry that you regret giving me that order, but you have no one to blame but yourself for that one."

"Is it even about blame anymore, Kathryn?" His voice was soft.

She wondered if it ever really had been. Everything was more complicated than it seemed between them.

"I guess not." She shrugged. "So what now?"

Chakotay glanced to the left and his softened features hardened again. "I think your date is waiting for you."

Men! "Then let go of my arm, damnit, so I can go back to him."

Instead of letting go, his grip tightened, his right hand came back to her other shoulder and he lurched her upper body forward violently, his mouth coming down to cover hers roughly.

Chakotay sucked the breath out of her, forcing her - though it really didn't take all that much effort on his part, damnit - to open her mouth under his as she sucked in whatever air she could, which just happened to be tainted with his taste and his scent and, oh god, why didn't she make him angry enough to do this sooner?

Some time between his tongue pushing its way into her mouth and his crotch grinding against hers, Kathryn's arms became free and she wound them around his neck, stretching up to ease the height difference as they fought for dominance.

One of his hands moved to her ass while the other tangled in her loose hair as it hung down her back.

He pushed against her and she pushed right back, moaning under him.

It was noisy, wet, brutal and very, very public.

When the lack of oxygen finally forced him to pull back, he stared at her with hard - bad word, brain! - and dark eyes.

"Enjoy your date."

And he walked away, leaving her slumped back against the bar, heart racing and cheeks hot.

***

When she finally managed to pull herself together - and it took far longer then she was happy with - Kathryn ordered two drinks and a tequila shot, downing the contents of the little glass before she re-joined Kashyk.

He didn't say anything, but when Kathryn looked over to the end of the bar - the scene of the crime, as it were - she knew that he had probably had a clear, unobstructed view of where she had been.

Damnit.

At the very least, if Kashyk screwed Voyager because he thought that his chances of getting lucky were diminished - and they were, double damnit - Chakotay had no one to blame but himself.

Himself and her traitorous body, which was humming in pleasure.

During her 'vision' of bliss, when they had slept together, it had been perfect.

Blissfully perfect.

Which had been the point, really.

Afterwards, when she had been able to think about it without feeling too many emotions to count, Kathryn had spent just a little too much time wondering what it would really be like to be with Chakotay, without the aid of alien perfection tainting her perception of the experience.

There should have been awkward moment - first times usually had them - there should have, if nothing else, been pain from her abstinence.

It had been good - very good - but Kathryn had felt as though it hadn't really been them. Like she had been watching the event from the view of an onlooker as opposed to experiencing it herself.

Apparently, she'd just gotten a taste of what it could really be like.

"I believe I will retire for the evening."

Kathryn tried to smile - apologetically? Sympathetically? - at Kashyk as she nodded. "I'll see you in the morning for breakfast?"

He nodded and kissed her cheek before heading towards the exit.

Kathryn touched her cheek.

It hadn't felt right.

Sighing, she took a sip of the drink in front of her, watching the crew as they moved around the floor.

They were all laughing and enjoying themselves, relishing the chance to not think about the Devore for just a few hours. Alcohol flowed freely, music played loudly, laughter coated the room.

She smiled as she watched Tom trying to convince Harry into doing a - or should that be ‘another’? - shot.

Harry, for his part, looked ready to vomit and/or pass out.

"The kid will never learn." B'Elanna joked as she slid into the seat that Kashyk had vacated.

Kathryn huffed her amusement as she watched Harry finally give in. "They're having fun, though, that's good."

"Mmm. Where's Kashyk?" B'Elanna was nothing if not blunt.

"He went back to his Quarters."

"I can't say that I blame him."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow.

"I saw you and Chakotay."

Was it suddenly warm in here? "Oh."

"And I'm willing to bet that Kashyk saw it all too." B'Elanna frowned. "What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?” her eyebrows were creeping impressively high. “That little scene at the bar didn't look like nothing to me."

"Did anyone else see us?" She could only imagine what the crew would make of it.

While she had managed to find some civility with Chakotay on the Bridge, the crew wasn't stupid enough to miss the fact that the command team weren't socializing together.

If anyone had seen them at the bar... rumours would fly.

"No, I don't think so." B'Elanna shook her head. "Kathryn, what's going on? You've been acting strange for the last few months."

"I'm fine." She smiled and downed the last of her drink. She was fine and she was going to keep telling people that until they believed her. Or until she believe it herself, whichever happened to come first. "I'm going to go home now. Night."

Rising, she moved past the dancing people and left the holodeck without looking back.

***

The powerful sounds of Mahler Symphony #1 rang through Kashyk's Quarters.

Kathryn sat on the sofa, watching the expressions play across his face as he processed what he was hearing, experiencing the music as much as he was listening to it.

Despite the interesting - for there really was no other word for it - evening on the holodeck the week before, Kashyk hadn't mentioned whatever he may or may not have seen and Kathryn was content to let herself believe that he'd missed the moments she'd spent with Chakotay.

Chakotay.

Now there was cause for a headache if ever she'd found one.

After the incident in the Holodeck, he hadn't actually made an effort to talk with her - or do anything else for that matter - beyond the tentative truce that they'd forged just before the end of the Void.

He was still civil on the Bridge, perhaps even a little kind at times as well, but as nice as their civility was, Kathryn didn't want to spend the next umpteen years in limbo, not with him.

One the other hand, Kashyk was only going to be with them for another few months and, maybe, that was just enough time for her to quell the longing for the familiarity of a relationship.

Which brought her right back to the base question: Did she want a relationship with Kashyk or did she just not want to sleep alone for a night or two?

"Interesting composition." Kashyk finally said as the music drew to a close.

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Yes, I did."

"Try Tchaikovsky or Beethoven."

He scrolled through the musical database on the computer in front of him, nodding as he read.

Looking up and catching her eye, he smiled. "You have an eclectic collection here, Kathryn. I'm impressed."

She blushed and was reminded, yet again, of why she enjoyed Kashyk's company so much.

Kathryn couldn't think of any woman - or man, for that matter - that she knew who didn't like being complimented.

Holding his gaze for a moment, Kathryn smiled. "Thank you."

***

Another collaborative effort on the part of Tom and Neelix had seen Holodeck two decked out in red and pink hearts.

Streamers fell from the ceiling and the appetizers were in the shape of little love hearts, the rest of the food coming in disturbing shades of pink and red to match the festivities and the decorations.

The bright colours were marginally sickening, but Kathryn could see the happy couples dancing and relishing in the ancient tradition of Valentine's Day and she couldn't bring herself to scorn the event.

While it sucked to be single in general, today of all days was really driving the point home.

Forcing herself to smile, she was grateful to see that she wasn't the only one that had showed up stag for the first - apparently, soon-to-be annual, though she hoped not - Voyager Valentine's day.

Kathryn stood at the drinks table that Neelix had lain out - complete with one spiked punch, one safe punch and a plethora of marked alcohol - and used the ladle to pour herself a glass of red 'safe' liquid.

"What, no date?"

Looking up, Kathryn frowned at the tone. "He'll be here later."

She didn't actually consider her impending evening with Kashyk a 'date.' She was his escort and he wanted to come to the party so it was her job to be there with him.

As ordered by their Captain, no less.

Kathryn was reluctant to think of her evening with Kashyk as anything else, especially given their last evening among the crew...

Chakotay nodded as he poured a drink for himself. "Nice that you get to spend the evening together, then."

"I'm his escort." Kathryn replied with a shrug.

"I know."

"I didn't ask for this job, you know. Kashyk wanted me." She was pointedly aware of the sexual connotations behind her words, but didn't bother to elaborate.

"We're all aware of that." Chakotay snapped back. "And we're all blatantly aware that you want him too."

"Well you can't blame the lady for having taste."

The answer came from behind her and Kathryn turned to see Kashyk leaning casually against one of the large poles that had been erected as part of the decorations, a smug smile on his face.

It took Kathryn all of thirty seconds of looking from one man to the other to realise that, once again, she and Chakotay were involved in a pissing contest.

Only now they had another contender to add to the mix.

She knew, without a single doubt, that this conversation could never end well.

Kathryn had, initially, come to the party with the good intention of socializing with friends. Being single sucked, yes, but people like B’Elanna and Tom wanted to spend their evening with friends before they went off alone for a private celebration and she had been determined to be there for them. Sam and Ayala were also making their first public appearance with Naomi and Sam had asked Kathryn to be there for her goddaughter, just in case.

Now all she wanted was a stiff drink.

Chakotay raised an eyebrow and snorted. "I don't think good is the word I would use."

And on that note, she thought that now would be a really good time to stop this before it went any further.

Kathryn turned to usher Kashyk away from the drinks table and away from what was quickly becoming a scene, but he had opened his mouth and started speaking before she had a chance.

"At least I'm prepared to treat her like a person."

Chakotay’s gaze hardened and he put his drink down on the table, folding his arms defensively across his chest. "What are you implying?"

"Nothing." Kashyk shrugged casually. "I am simply responding to what I just saw."

"And what do you think you just saw?"

Kathryn had a really bad image in her head of their 'status quo' with the Devore disappearing under a haze of jealousy from their Captain.

If Chakotay was an ass to her, it was one thing. If he was an ass to the only person keeping Voyager alive as they travelled through Devore Space, it was a completely different thing.

"Gentlemen, need I remind you that we're at a party?" She raised her eyebrows, looking back and forth between them, trying to smile cheerfully. "Why don't we all try and enjoy the evening."

"A perfect idea, Kathryn." Kashyk smiled and he moved to her side, a hand moving to the small of her back. "Since I didn't break your toes last time, why don't we dance?"

She let him lead her to the dance floor and easily fell into a slow, comfortable rhythm.

Kathryn was aware that Chakotay was watching them - and probably shooting daggers out of his eyes at the same time - but she was going to studiously avoid thinking about it until he realized exactly how juvenile he was being.

"Is he always like that?" Kashyk asked quietly.

"No," She replied honestly. "Just having a bad night."

He was having a string of bad nights, lately.

"It hurt you."

"What did?"

"The way he looked at you." Kashyk raised an eyebrow. "It hurt you."

Kathryn could say one thing for their Devore Inspector; he was certainly astute.

Ignoring his words, Kathryn laid her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, letting her feet move while her mind wandered.

***

Chakotay looked up as she entered.

Moving to stand in front of the desk, Kathryn handed him a PADD and took a step back, her hands behind her back as she stood formally. It was the first time since the first party on the Holodeck that she had actually been alone with him for any period of time longer than a turbolift ride.

She wasn't going to count their encounter at the Voyager Valentine's Day bash.

While she had hoped that their conversation - and the truth about the miscarriage - would have bettered his attitude towards her, the days she'd spent with him on the Bridge had proven that to be a futile hope and the events of the night before only proved that.

Kathryn was determined that this visit would be as short as humanly possible.

Chakotay quickly scanned the PADD before he looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. "Is this his final list?"

"Yes." She nodded. "But he reserved the right to change it before we get to the checkpoint."

"Of course he did." Chakotay rolled his eyes.

Kashyk had given her a list of 'demands' earlier in the day.

It seemed that he was quite taken with her musical database and that had been one of the items - which included the designs for the large Compression Phaser Rifles and transporter technology - that he wanted to present at the next inspection.

"I don't like the idea of giving the Devore the transporter technology or phaser rifles."

"I know." Kathryn agreed. "But we don't really have a choice."

"Sure we do."

Kathryn frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we can give them the technology... but it doesn’t necessarily have to work, does it?"

She frowned. "If we do that, they'll discover it before we get out of the sector." They still had over six weeks of travel through Devore space. "They'll kill us and they'll kill Kashyk."

"And which concerns you more, Kathryn?" Chakotay raised his eyebrow again as he dropped the PADD loudly down onto the desk. "The fact that they'd kill your friends or the fact that they'd kill your lover?"

"That's unfair."

"Is it?"

It bothered her that he was so openly hostile towards Kashyk.

Well, openly hostile in regards to her affiliation with Kashyk, more than the man himself.

He had, after all, been the one to order her to act as his escort.

Forcing down the urge to argue - she thought it was clear that arguing got them no where - Kathryn kept her posture formal and her gaze hard.

Taking a deep breath, she forced her anger not to show. "Is there anything else?"

"No." He shook his head. "You're dismissed."

***

Silently fuming, Kathryn forced her body to relax as she walked through the halls.

Nodding to the crewmembers that she passed, she wondered if they could see the anger that radiated from her.

Does he have to be such an ass?

She growled as she stepped into the turbolift.

Chakotay had ordered her to keep their guest entertained and then he'd proceeded to act like a scorned lover when she did what he asked.

There's no winning with that damn man.

Kathryn had to admit that, a large part of her had assumed that their conversation on the holodeck would have changed his attitude. Maybe even given him the desire to apologize for jumping to conclusions.

Now that he knew the truth, knew that she hadn't known about the baby, he had no excuse for his less than stellar behaviour towards her.

Apparently not.

While it wasn't strictly professional, or even particularly intelligent, Kathryn found herself heading in the general direction of the guest Quarters.

She hadn't planned to seek Kashyk out, but when she found herself at his door, she rang the chime anyway.

***

"Kathryn."

Kathryn looked up from the PADD in her hand and frowned at the look on B'Elanna's face. "What's wrong?"

"It's all over the ship." B'Elanna replied as she sat across in the chair across from her.

Kathryn's frown turned from concern to confusion. "What is?"

"That you spent the night in Kashyk's Quarters." B'Elanna raised her eyebrows pointedly.

"I didn't spend the night."

She hadn't; she had been walking back to her Quartes when half of beta shift were going to their 'lunch'.

So, sometime around oh three hundred.

Still.

Not the whole night.

"Well, whatever you did, everyone is talking about it."

It amused her - more in an 'I have no privacy' kind of way than any other - that the crew were suddenly so interested in what she did with Kashyk again, especially since she had been his escort for months.

They were slow on the uptake, it seemed.

Her interactions with the Devore Inspector had been the hot topic of conversation for the first few months, but it had - ironically, just after the party on the holodeck - eventually quietened down.

"Why are they talking about it?" She could speculate on the crew's sudden re-interest until she was blue in the face, but Kathryn knew that it would bother her until she had an answer. "Kashyk has been here for months and I've been his escort the entire time."

"True," B'Elanna acknowledged with a slight nod. "But Chakotay hasn't been walking around like a bear with a sore head the whole time."

"And why would he be doing that?"

"Because, apparently, sometime during beta shift, we were hailed by one of the Devore patrols and Harry called him to the Bridge."

Which meant that, timing being their strong suit and all, Chakotay had probably seen her going back into her Quarters.

Great.

Something else for him to throw in her face at a later date. Kathryn had no doubts that he would use it, too.

"Has he said anything to you?"

"I haven't seen him," B'Elanna admitted. "And from what I've heard, I'm going to avoid him for a while."

Kathryn couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Surely he can't be that bad."

"The woman he loves is spending all of her time with another man, is clearly attracted to him and she just spent the night with him... how do you expect Chakotay to be?"

She shook her head. "He doesn't love me."

"And that," B'Elanna told her, "Is where you have it completely wrong. You're one of the smartest people on this ship, but you really don't see what's right in front of you."

With that, she stood and walked away.

Kathryn stared at her retreating back and decided that she was going to do her best to make herself believe that Chakotay was simply cranky from the disruption in sleep, regardless of the fact that she knew B'Elanna was probably right.

***

"You're attracted to me."

Men had a nice knack for stating the obvious, she thought, shooting him an amused smile. "You already know the answer to that, I don't think conformation is necessary or required."

"Point." He grinned. "Since we both know it, tell me why you refuse to listen to my proposal."

Kathryn raised her eyebrows. "What proposal?"

"Voyager will be at the edge of Devore space in a few weeks."

She nodded; they all knew that. "Yes."

"You don't have to leave."

"I can't walk away from my friends." It was the first time she had actually given him an answer.

Kashyk had been asking her since almost the beginning, offering her a place at his side in the Devore Imperium.

"You mean you wont walk away from the Captain."

Kathryn didn't feel the need to respond to that one either and she knew that Kashyk knew the answer anyway.

***

It bothered her, but Kashyk had been right, she thought as she rang the chime on Chakotay's Quarters.

For as much as she loved her friends and her job on Voyager, it was more about the Captain than anything else.

There was too much - Roshan, the baby, everything that they had been through, both good and bad - still tying them together and she couldn't fathom the idea of him not being there beside her.

Even if he was being an ass.

When the door opened and she entered, Chakotay was at his desk, reading on the potable computer there.

He looked up and blinked a few times, clearly surprised to see her. "Kathryn. What can I do for you?"

"Can we talk?"

"What about?"

It was tempting to reply that she wanted to talk about the fact that he was being an ass, but Kathryn didn't think it would go over very well. "About what's going on with you."

"Me?"

"Apparently you weren't very happy today."

He sat back in the chair and folded his arms defensively. "I'm not allowed to have a bad day?"

"Apparently I'm the cause of that." She continued evenly, ignoring his comment and the urge to snap.

"You flatter yourself."

"Chakotay..."

"What?"

"Kashyk asked me to stay in Devore space with him."

She watched his eyes widen, followed quickly by his jaw tensing, and wondered what he was thinking.

Before she could put much thought into it, his face became blank, completely unreadable. "I see."

Silence reigned between them and Kathryn took a step closer to his desk.

Chakotay barely looked at her as she stood before him. His gaze was focussed on a point over her shoulder.

"Do you not even care?" Kathryn frowned

While, typically, she had never been the type of woman who needed a man to notice her, the fact that the man before her didn't appear to care about the prospect of her leaving Voyager sent a sharp pain to her chest. Surely all that they had been through together had affected him too?

Or was he really so heartless that the idea of her leaving didn't bother him?

"Does my opinion matter?" He asked.

She frowned again, her brow furrowing, her voice quiet in the otherwise silent Quarters. "You know it does."

"Really?" He raised an eyebrow sceptically. "My opinion hasn't seemed to matter all that much over the last five and a half months while you've been off with Kashyk."

"You ordered me to stay with him." She reminded him again. "I've pointed that out to you before."

Several times she had reminded him of that fact.

It seemed that, of late, every time they discussed Kashyk, they went around in circles. Chakotay found it convenient to forget that he had issued the order in the beginning. Kathryn found it hard to defend her position.

"Why are you really here, Kathryn?"

Why was she here?

Because B'Elanna had said that he loved her? Chakotay had never told her that before and, really, his behaviour very rarely supported that fact.

Had the thought that he might actually fight for her sent her running here? Or was she looking for permission to leave and try to have a ‘normal’ life with Kashyk?

For that matter, did she even want to?

Kathryn sighed, a headache forming.

Pain started from behind hey closed eyes and quickly spread across her head, making her try to hide the wince that sprung forth.

She had been confused the entire time that they'd been in Devore space and as they approached the final inspection she was no closer to an answer.

"I'm tired." She said suddenly. "Tired of not knowing how you feel or what you want from me. We've been dancing around this for almost six years and you once asked me if I was tired of fighting this. Well, I am. Isn't it time to either move forward or cut all ties?"

Chakotay laughed, but it was a humourless laugh and it worried her. "We've been dancing around this because of your indecisiveness."

She couldn't argue the point.

Wasn't her ‘indecisiveness’ what had brought her here in the first place?

"And what's more," He continued, "You've never wanted to know how I felt, otherwise I would have told you."

"Then tell me now." She snapped.

"Why? Because if you don't get the answer you want, you know you have a backup waiting for you? Thanks, but no thanks."

Kathryn opened her mouth to retort, but a thought made her pause. Was there any truth to his words?

Was Kashyk her backup if Chakotay really didn't love her? She didn't like the idea that she could be heartless enough to do that, to either of them.

Kathryn had never been dependant on a man and the idea that she might be now - regardless of who that man was - sent a wave of self-loathing through her.

"Make the decision yourself, Kathryn." He waved a hand in the general direction of the door. "And let me know if I have to adjust the roster."

So that was it, then?

Five and a half years of friendship, Roshan, the blissful week, the baby, it all amounted to nothing.

It didn't matter about everything that they had seen and done together. It didn't matter that, for years, they had been lovers in every single sense of the word bar one.

Nodding numbly, Kathryn turned and left.

***

"I don't know what to do." She admitted later that evening as she sat with Kes in the mostly empty mess hall. "He wont talk to me and he wont tell me what he's thinking. Just about anything beyond the energy consumption of the crew is off limits with him right now."

"He loves you."

B'Elanna had said the same thing, but Kathryn wasn't sure how much she believed that after speaking with him.

"And he is probably ashamed."

"Of what?"

"Of how he treated you."

Kathryn snorted. "And by continuing to be an ass, that's makes it OK?"

"Of course it doesn't." Kes soothed, her small smile that of sympathy. "But he jumped to conclusions when you miscarried and he's probably upset that he didn't stop to think about it."

"And, what, I'm supposed to be OK with how he reacted?"

While she, generally, tried not to think about it, Kathryn couldn't help the swell of bitterness and anger that rose from inside of her when she thought about the day she had gone to speak to Chakotay after the miscarriage.

He had been an ass then, yes, but she had known that it was ignorance, not anger, fuelling his words. She had been content to forgive him for what he said under the assumption that he would apologise when he pulled his head out of his ass and realized the truth.

That hadn't happen though and the memory of the night on the holodeck made her sigh. It might not have been the optimum time to tell him - or the optimum way for that matter - but he knew now and he'd still made no effort to apologize.

Aside from her general hurt over Chakotay's actions, there was also Kashyk to consider.

Kathryn knew that he wasn't really the type of man that she could - or should - settle down with.

If she went with Kashyk, her life would either involve travelling back and forth on passing ships, or waiting around at his home while he travelled back and forth on passing ships.

Come to think of it, did he even have a home? Or did he just jump ships every six months? Did he have a family somewhere? Did his offer include the expectation that she would be happy to sit around waiting for him? Or did he expect that she would want to spend the rest of her life blackmailing passing Ships for technology?

There were too many unknowns for her to seriously consider leaving Voyager.

And yet, she was.

"Of course you're not meant to be OK with it." Kes smiled gently. "He's a man, he leaps before he thinks."

Kathryn nodded her agreement, pushing her turbulent thoughts to the back of her mind for later consideration. "He's done a whole lot of leaping lately and not much thinking."

"If it means anything, I don't want you to go."

She has told Kes about Kashyk’s offer for lack of anyone that would listen without judgement.

Smiling, Kathryn touched her hand. "It means more than you know, Kes."

***

No closer to a decision, Kathryn sighed as she waited on the Bridge once more while Voyager was inspected.

It was their last official inspection before they were to submit to a final inspection - and final bribery, no doubt - before they cleared Devore Space and continued on.

With or without the First Officer.

Kashyk hadn't mentioned her staying with him again, but when he'd transported to the Devore ship to report to the Imperium, he had kissed her cheek and told her that he'd see her soon.

It was almost too easy to believe that life with the Devore Inspector would be the typically sought after life; husband, home, children. A wife saying goodbye to her husband as he goes to work.

If only...

She knew that she would have to make a decision within the next three days, but when Kathryn looked to her right and saw Chakotay staring straight ahead and thought over his general refusal to protest to the idea of leaving, she didn't know if she wanted to go because of some connection to Kashyk or if she simply wanted to get away from Chakotay to prove that she could.

And, if that was the case, it was hardly the right grounds on which to start a relationship with Kashyk.

Prax was on the Bridge, scanning Harry and the console behind him.

Kathryn could hear him behind her and she kept still as they waited.

"Remove the console." Prax's voice floated over to them and Kathryn turned her head a little, exchanging an exasperated glance with Chakotay.

It was all a show for the Devore Imperium and they all knew that Prax wouldn't find anything noteworthy unless he walked to the other side of the Bridge and scanned Tuvok, which he wouldn't do for fear of the Imperium losing their only bargaining tool.

Chakotay held her gaze as Prax moved to helm.

"I don't want you to go."

Kathryn opened her mouth to reply, but before she could say anything, Prax was in front of her, scanning her as she stared at Chakotay.

She smiled.

***

"I guess this is goodbye."

Kathryn nodded. "I guess so."

"My offer to come with me was genuine."

"I know."

"Not going to change your mind?"

She smiled a little and shook her head. "No."

Gripping her cheeks, Kashyk's mouth found hers in a sweet, soft kiss goodbye before he pulled back and walked onto his shuttle.

Kathryn watched him begin the pre-ignition sequence before she turned and left the cargo bay.

***

"Kathryn?"

Looking up from the report in front of her, Kathryn raised an eyebrow in surprise as she looked up at the Captain.

They had left Devore Space three days ago and she hadn't actually spoken to Chakotay - save for acknowledging when she had command of the Bridge or a slight nod of a forced civil greeting for the benefit of the crew - in the time since then.

Finding him in front of her desk - she had to stop getting so absorbed in reports that she didn’t hear the door open - Kathryn blinked a few times to ensure that she wasn't dreaming.

"Is something wrong?"

He shook his head. "No."

So...? "Can I do something for you?"

"No."

"OK." Kathryn blinked again, confused.

Chakotay watched her for a moment, silent, before he nodded to himself. "I'm glad you stayed."

He nodded again and turned.

Kathryn stared at the door with a confused frown.

If that was the only kind of apology he was going to give her... well.

She'd take it.

***

They had only been out of Devore Space for a few days when they came across the Markonian outpost.

After Kathryn had spent a few hours in trade negotiations, it was agreed that Voyager would be allowed to Dock and an exchange of personnel would be possible.

What she hadn't anticipated, however, was the plethora of gifts that people were sending her.

Chakotay had, apparently, received an equal amount of gifts - rumour had it that his Ready Room was covered in weird and wonderful items from the multicultural space station - but it seemed that, since Kathryn had been the one negotiating Voyager's stay, she was on par with the Captain.

Growling as she tried to free herself from the large plant that dominated her desk, Kathryn grunted as its grip tightened on her arm.

"Kathryn!"

"I'll be right with you." She poked her head out from behind the vines and smiled, her frustration showing. "The station manager didn't tell me the vines were prehensile. I went to put some water in the pot and it grabbed me."

Chakotay returned her smile as he struggled to carry a large... thing. "This is a gift from the Kinbori delegation. I don't know its name, only that it's used in one of their sacred games and it's very heavy."

"Put it down anywhere. I'll thank the Kinbori and give them a token of our esteem." She made a mental note to add them to the list of people she needed to thank.

"I already gave them a Voyager medallion.” Chakotay told her as he found a free place on the floor for the game… thing. “They seemed appreciative."

Kathryn nodded, finally pulling her arm from the plant's grasp as the door chimed.

"Come in." She smiled at Tuvok. "Doesn't it look like Christmas morning in here, Tuvok?"

He raised an eyebrow.

Chakotay shared an amused look with her. "You have to admit the generosity of our guests is very impressive."

"As is their proclivity for criminal behaviour.” Tuvok replied dryly. “This morning's security report."

He handed a PADD to Chakotay and Kathryn moved to his side to read it. "A broken ODN line, some missing personal items, a damaged scanner relay. All in all, not that bad."

Tuvok stood formally. "There is a second page to the report."

Kathryn frowned a little before she read over the second page of his report.

Chakotay held the PADD in his hand and nodded to himself. "Some of these incidents are a little more serious but, on balance, I still think we did the right thing."

"There is a third page."

Tuvok wasn't looking at them and Kathryn thought that he might be taking some kind of strange joy out of this.

"Come on, Tuvok." She said, ignoring the third page for fear that it might read something along the lines of murder, which they couldn’t chalk up to experience with a new species. "After all the xenophobic races we've run into, and our time with the charming Devore, don't you find it just a little refreshing to meet some people who value openness and freedom?"

Tuvok raised an eyebrow and nodded slightly to the PADD in Chakotay’s hand, his response clear.

"Well as far as I'm concerned, opening the ship has been a fascinating experience and an unqualified success. I'm very pleased."

Kathryn nodded. "Me too."

Despite the fact that she couldn't actually leave her office without having to run a gauntlet of aliens in the halls, it was certainly making for an interesting few days for the crew.

"I am pleased that you are pleased." Tuvok nodded. "However, if you'll excuse me."

"Tuvok. Please accept this token of our esteem." Chakotay held out a Voyager medallion.

Holding her laughter, Kathryn moved back around to stand behind her desk and managed to keep the smile from her face until Tuvok turned and left. It was the first time in a long, long time - far too long, she thought - that Chakotay had done something as simple as make a joke.

Though as the doors closed behind Tuvok, it only took a few seconds for her to realize that the plant had attached itself to the long braid that hung down her back; the long braid that it was quickly undoing.

When it started pulling, she yelped. "Ooh, ow! It's got me by the hair!"

Chakotay laughed as he moved forward to untangle her and Kathryn, despite the tugging on her hair, realized exactly how much she had missed the sound of his laughter.

It took them a good five minutes of pulling this way and that before the plant finally released its hold on her hair.

Wincing, Kathryn touched the back of her head gently and glared at the once-again benign plant on her desk.

"I am never watering that thing ever again." She vowed.

***

It was only after Seven and her mini-collective had disconnected their link that Kathryn actually took a moment for herself.

She had spent six month baby sitting - or should that be 'she had spent six months being seduced by'? - Kashyk and then they’d had to deal with multitude of aliens trolling through Voyager, three of whom had included Seven’s mini-collective.

After all of that, the first thing on her to do list was a nice, long, hot, uninterrupted bath.

Her plans for the evening didn't extend beyond turning her extremities into prunes and letting her eyes slip closed while she indulged in the bliss of the hot water that surrounded her as it worked its familiar magic and washed the tension from her body.

After their most recent encounter with the Borg mini-collective, she was well and truly ready for a few stress-free hours.

"Kathryn!"

Crap.

Turning, she plastered a smile on her face.

So close.

She had been literally inches from keying in her code and escaping any potential distractions on the ship.

"I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner?

While, at any other time, Kathryn would have taken his tentative offer and run with it - and thus probably helping to re-establish their friendship - she just wasn't sure that she could handle that kind of effort right now.

She'd been on duty for six and a half months; it was definitely time for a little shore leave.

"Actually," She replied hesitantly.

His face fell.

Sigh.

"I'd love to."

***

When she passed him the salad bowl and their hands touched, she didn't feel anything.

It bothered her. There had always - always, even when they were arguing. Or maybe especially when they were arguing - been a spark between them.

But now… nothing.

What, exactly, was that supposed to mean?

She wondered.

Had her affiliation with Kashyk - and affiliation that Chakotay had initiated on her behalf - made something die between them?

Chakotay, for his part, didn't seem to notice the lack of spark. Or maybe he did and just didn’t care.

Kathryn didn’t know which worried her more.

Though, spark or not, it was the first time they’d been able to sit down together without one of them - usually him - getting nasty and she was going to try and focus on that.

"I saw Marika Willkarah earlier." He told her.

While the young woman only had a month or so to live, the former Borg had requested permission to spend her final days on Voyager.

Kathryn hadn't actually spoken to her yet, but she had placed a note in her schedule to stop by sickbay before she was released and ensure that she would be comfortable in the temporary Quarters she'd been assigned.

"How is she?"

"Strangely calm for a woman that can mark the rest of her life off on a calendar."

"I don't think she expected to survive the disconnection of the link," Kathryn replied. "I don't think any of them did."

"Can you imagine it?" He asked, shuddering. "Being linked to another mind - let alone three! - all of the time? Never being able to have a thought or a feeling to yourself?"

"It's no way to live." Kathryn agreed.

Chakotay nodded. "It has got me thinking, though."

"Oh?" Kathryn raised her eyebrow as she ate her salad. It was the first time that she had actually been hungry in a while and she wasn't going to let the opportunity pass. "About?"

He sat back in the chair, resting his fork on the edge of his plate as he watched her. "How short life can be. How precious it is."

Where was he going with his...?

"And how we shouldn't spend our lives in limbo."

....oh.

Right.

Should have seen that one coming.

So apparently he hadn’t noticed the lack of spark.

Kathryn sighed quietly as she looked down at her plate. "Sometimes limbo is the only place you can be."

"I think you could get yourself out of it. If you tried." He raised an eyebrow. "If you wanted to."

Kathryn knew exactly what he was - or rather wasn't - asking.

Did she want to?

They'd been in limbo in one form or another for years.

Add to that the fact that, not two weeks ago, she had been seriously considering packing up and leaving the ship and the complications that he added to her life and it was hard to think of a good reason to change anything between them at this point.

While they weren't always bad complications that he added to her life - the time she'd spent with Roshan was something that she wouldn't trade for the world, regardless of how confused she had been about Chakotay during the baby's short life - they were still complications nonetheless.

Though she'd never believed that life with the Devore would have been complication free - Kashyk had all but told her that, eventually, one of the passing ships was probably going to try and blow them all out of the sky - it had, for a time, seemed like a much more attractive package compared to her life on Voyager.

"What are you suggesting?" She asked carefully.

"You know what I want, Kathryn."

"Well… no… I really don't." She would probably never have thought of leaving Voyager if she did know. "Maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's why we're in limbo."

"Because we've never come out and said it?"

She shrugged. "Seems reasonable to me."

"Well..." He waved his hand invitingly.

Kathryn frowned. "Well what?"

"Go for it."

Was he serious?

No way in hell!

"I don't think now is the right time." She replied tactfully.

"Why not?"

She had a list of reasons why not that would take up half the databanks in the ship.

Failing the inclination to provide him with an itemized list, Kathryn decided to settle for the most prominent reason that she could think of on short notice. "Because you hurt me."

"You hurt me too."

"How?"

He raised his eyebrow. "Kashyk?"

What about him?

She waited for him to continue, but he seemed to think that just the man's name would explain everything. "I can't read your mind, Chakotay."

"I know you spent the night with him."

"No, I didn't."

"Kathryn, I saw you leaving his Quarters at oh three hundred." Chakotay raised his eyebrow.

"Yes," She agreed. "I was in his Quarters."

"Well... that hurt."

"I didn't sleep with him."

"Kathryn, I saw you leaving his Quarters at three in the morning."

"So you assumed I'd spent the evening having sex?"

Men!

"What else was I supposed to assume?"

Kathryn nodded, more to herself than to him. "And right there is another good reason why we should stay in limbo, or whatever you want to call it."

"What reason?"

"You don't trust me." She refused to let any tears show in her eyes. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have an early night.”

***

Kathryn stood back quietly as Marika Willkarah listened to the Doctor's instructions, nodding and smiling softly.

When their conversation ended, Marika moved to Kathryn's side and smiled in greeting as they both turned and headed towards the mess hall for their pre-arranged lunch date.

Though Marika had only been with them for a few relatively short weeks - and was unlikely to see the next sector - Kathryn had found her to be an enlightening young woman with a fiery personality.

They had spent many hours talking and reminiscing about life as a Starfleet officer.

Kathryn had, in a way, expected those conversations to be hard to handle, but she had found that, regardless of whether or not she was on good terms with Chakotay, it was easy to think of Starfleet as the life she'd had, not who she was.

Good terms.

She huffed quietly to herself.

It had been almost two weeks since their disastrous dinner and Kathryn had been avoiding Chakotay ever since.

Unfortunately for her, being in the Maquis didn't seem to make the inter-personal relationships on the ship any easier to manage and avoiding someone that you worked next to on a daily basis was even harder.

"Voyager to Kathryn."

Smiling at her companion as they walked, Kathryn shook her head. "Sorry, I was light-years away."

"So I see." Marika smiled. "Somewhere more interesting?"

"Not really."

"Nothing to do with the Captain, by any chance?"

Kathryn could say one thing for Marika; she was certainly astute.

It had been sometime during their third or fourth meeting together that Marika has flat out asked her what was going on between her and Chakotay - apparently, having an extremely short lifespan ahead of you made you blunt - and though Kathryn had evaded the question, she knew that the other woman wasn't stupid.

Frowning uncomfortably, she shrugged a little.

Nodding, Marika let the subject drop. "So, do you know what Neelix is serving for lunch today?"

***

Even thought she'd only been with them a short time, Kathryn still found herself quietly grieving when Marika died.

They held a small, very Starfleet, memorial as they jettisoned her body into the blackness of space.

Seven didn't attend - and when Kathryn thought about it, the two ex-Borg had avoided each other for the entire month that Marika was with them - but many of the crew who had gotten to know her did, each saying a quiet goodbye.

Though they had known from the beginning that her time was extremely limited, no one had really let that step in the way of building a friendship with her and her death hit them all.

As much as Kathryn hoped that they'd have a quiet part of space to sail through as they dealt with yet another loss - expected or not, the loss was hard to take - it was only a few short days later when the Doctor began having problems with his program.

Kathryn didn't know exactly what was going on with him, but his attention span had shortened to that of... well, something with a very short attention span.

It took them almost three days of dealing with a Distracted Chief Medical Officer before they learned that he had someone caught himself in a loop of his own daydreams.

The Doctor had finally admitted to Seven and B'Elanna that he was having cognitive projections after he’d tried to add a new function to his program. However, because his algorithms were malfunctioning, he was daydreaming whether he wanted to or not.

As a result, he was randomly jumping from one daydream to the next.

As they walked to the Holodeck, B'Elanna fumed over the Doctor tampering with his program before talking to her and Kathryn tried to suppress a smile.

"One of these days he's going to decompile himself." She muttered.

"Or you'll do it for him." Kathryn added.

The situation wasn't funny, not in the slightest, but B'Elanna's reaction certainly was.

Turning, they entered the Holodeck and stopped short.

The Doctor stood with a paint brush in one hand, pallet in the other, wearing some kind of art smock as he set about capturing the scene in front of him on the easel.

Kathryn coughed.

B’Elanna cocked her head and took a quick look at the two nude female holograms that posed for the Doctor before she shot an amused glance towards Kathryn, who was stuck staring at the 'model' version of herself. "He does the hands well."

***

Kathryn stepped into the Ready Room when the doors opened and moved to sit across from Chakotay.

Briefly, her eyes - and her thoughts - flicked down to the top of the desk and she wondered if she would ever be able to be in this room and not think about what happened.

If Chakotay noticed her small sigh, he didn't say anything. "Is the Doctor back to normal?"

Kathryn nodded. "B'Elanna was able to get rid of the problem subroutines. He shouldn't have any more daydreams for a while."

"Good." He paused for a moment. "I hear that he was imagining you naked."

He made it sound a lot dirtier than it actually had been. "I was one of the models, yes."

"Interesting."

Kathryn sighed. "Say it."

"Say what?"

"Whatever it is that you're thinking."

"I'm not thinking anything." He shrugged. "Just pointing out that it's interesting that the Doctor chose you to be one of the models."

There was a slight temptation from the particularly vain part of her to ask why exactly he thought it 'interesting', but Kathryn bit her tongue.

"Was there anything else?" She asked quietly.

"No, you're dismissed."

***

As she sat on the Bridge, Kathryn couldn't help but wonder how long it would take them to find some sort of permanent truce.

It felt like they were never stable in their friendship-cum-relationship; there always seemed to be something hanging between them and, apparently, the Doctor's choice in models was his latest gripe, though she couldn't understand why.

Despite their conversation at the dinner, Kathryn had tried to remain civil to him but he hadn’t reciprocated and they were, once again, butting heads at every turn.

He had been with Neelix on an away mission for the previous two days and, regardless of the fact that she was, if nothing else, given a little peace for a change, she really did miss him.

Despite the fact that his moods had been up and down constantly for well over a year and a half, Kathryn looked to her right and found that she missed seeing him sitting next to her, even if he was scowling at her.

For as much as she wanted them to sort out whatever was between them, Kathryn mostly thought that she wanted her friend back.

While the pull of attraction had – if she were honest with herself – been there from the beginning, friendship with Chakotay had always been a constant and she wasn’t willing to give that up without a fight.

They had both made mistakes – Riley, Kellin, Kashyk, - but she thought that they would be able to work past them if they could manage to talk about everything without one, or both, of them getting on the defensive.

Tom frowned at his console and looked up, his voice pulling her from her thoughts. “We’re receiving a distress signal.”

Pushing the thoughts of Chakotay firmly from her mind, Kathryn sat up straighter in her chair and raised her eyebrow. “Origin?”

“It’s from Neelix.”

“Play the message.” She silently listened to Neelix’s frantic calls for help, saying that the Captain had been injured, and her heart jumped straight to her throat. “Set a course.”

***

The thirty minutes that it had taken them at high warp to reach the shuttle had stretched on to be the equivalent of three years for Kathryn and when she burst through the doors of Sickbay, she thought that she might actually be having a heart attack.

Forcing her body to move, Kathryn walked to the surgical bay and focussed on the Doctor as opposed to the still form on the bio bed. “What’s going on?”

“He's in neuraleptic shock.” The Doctor didn’t look up as he responded. “I'll need another twenty milligrams of synaptizine.”

Kes nodded and passed across the hypospray.

“It's not working. I'll need to try direct cortical stimulation.” He attached a cortical monitor to Chakotay as Kes moved to the control panel. “Initiate a neurostatic pulse on my mark.”

“Right.”

Kathryn watched as his back bent under the force of the pulse before he slumped back down onto the bed, his eyes still closed.

“Again.” The Doctor checked the readings again and nodded. “His vital signs have stabilised, for the moment anyway.” Moving away from the bio bed, he turned to face Kathryn. “But he suffered severe neurological trauma.”

“Do you know what caused it?”

“Some kind of alien weapon.”

“By the time I reached the Captain, whoever had attacked him was gone.” Neelix offered with a small shake of his head.

“What about the surrounding space? Any indication of cloaked vessels?”

“Between trying to tend to the Captain and piloting the Flyer, I had my hands full. I, I didn't think to scan for cloaked ships.” He wrung his hands, his face twisted in distress. “I'm sorry.”

“You saved Chakotay's life, Neelix. You have nothing to be sorry about.” She patted his arm reassuringly before turning her attention back to the Doctor. “How do you plan to treat him?”

The Doctor shook his head sadly. “I won't know until I've run a series of neurological scans, but it would certainly help to know something about the weapon.”

“Neelix, these Kesat you were negotiating with. Any reason to believe they might know something about this?”

“It couldn't hurt to ask.”

Kathryn nodded. “Time to reopen diplomatic channels.”

***

As she paced the briefing room, Kathryn frowned as she thought of Chakotay lying in sickbay.

A knot of worry – an all too familiar knot at that – had settled itself in the pit of her stomach and she didn’t like the chances of it dissipating until Chakotay was up and about and being an ass again.

When the briefing room doors opened, Kathryn automatically looked up and expected to see their Captain at the threshold.

She smiled softly at Kes.

The other woman moved into the room. “He’ll be OK.”

Nodding, Kathryn smiled and moved to the head of the table as Tuvok and their Kesat contact moved into the room.

“Deputy investigator Naroq, Kesat security. Kathryn Janeway, Kes, Tuvok, Ambassador Neelix.” He nodded to each of them in turn.

Kathryn smiled, impressed, and gestured for everyone to sit. “You've done your homework.”

“I've familiarised myself with the facts on the way here.”

“We're hoping you can help us shed some light on what happened to our Captain.” Kathryn explained.

“I believe I can.” She immediately let out a breath of relief as he spoke. “Based on the information you provided, it is my opinion that he was a victim of the Ba'Neth.”

Voyager had been in this sector for several weeks and they had negotiated with several cultures, but it wasn’t ringing any bells for her. “I've never heard of them.”

“I'm not surprised. In my language, their name means shadow people. They're a species obsessed with concealing their identity. Extremely paranoid and xenophobic.”

Tuvok cocked his head to the side. “That would explain their cloaking technology.”

Naroq nodded. “It's my belief they've been responsible for several unexplained attacks similar to this one.”

“Why wasn't I warned about them during my negotiations with your government?” Neelix frowned.

“Because my government's official position is that the Ba'Neth do not exist. Most people think they're a myth.”

“There's nothing mythical about what happened to Chakotay.” Kathryn snapped automatically, trying to hold her tongue. When she was sure that her voice wouldn’t come out a harsh accusation, she continued, “Why is your government so sceptical?”

“Because there've been so few encounters with the Ba'Neth and, well…” he looked uncomfortable for a moment before he sighed. “No one has ever actually seen one.”

Kathryn narrowed her eyes. “How many encounters are we talking about, exactly?”

“Before this incident? Twelve.”

“I guess we're lucky thirteen.” She muttered.

“You're lucky I gave my supervisor two bottles of Kesatian ale to get this assignment.” Naroq replied, unconcerned about the venom in her voice. “Any other inspector would have simply attributed Captain Chakotay's injuries to unexplained phenomenon.”

His words were nice and all, but… “No offence, Mister Naroq, but what makes you so sure the Ba'Neth aren't just a myth?”

“This incident fits the pattern. All of the alleged encounters have occurred aboard vessels foreign to this sector. I believe they've been attempts by the Ba'Neth to assess the technology of new arrivals.”

“They were trying to download tactical data.” Neelix agreed warily.

“And Captain Chakotay suffered severe neural damage. That's also consistent with previous attacks. The Ba'Neth were making sure he would not tell anyone what he saw.”

“Maybe that's why Chakotay's tricorder was destroyed. They didn't want us to see the cloaking frequency he'd found.” She offered.

“He found a cloaking frequency?”

Kathryn shrugged. “Apparently.”

Naroq looked positively gleeful at the prospect. “I don't blame you for finding my theories a bit eccentric. I'm used to it. It's why I'm still a deputy investigator, but I've brought equipment to help your investigation. Let me examine Captain Chakotay and run scans on the vessel where he was attacked. I may finally be able to prove my theories.”

While the scientific part of her could understand his desire to prove his theory, that wasn’t her priority. “With all due respect, we're more interested in saving Chakotay’s life.”

Naroq nodded, his enthusiasm not diminished in the slightest. “If we work together, maybe we can do both.”

***

“His cognitive, memory and logic centres have all been severely damaged.” The Doctor explained after the briefing room party had filed into sickbay.

Naroq nodded. “But he still has brain activity, which is more than I can say for any of the previous victims.”

Kathryn shot a panicked glance to the still form on the biobed and Kes smiled reassuringly and gave a little shake of her head.

She got the hint; he hadn’t worsened.

Naroq moved into her line of site and bent down closer to Chakotay. “If you could only tell us what you saw.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow at his whispered words. “I don't think we'll be hearing from him any time soon.”

While part of her wanted nothing more than to stay in sickbay and sit by his side, the practical side of her knew that they had work to do.

“Keep working. I'll let you know if we find anything that might help.” Nodding to the Doctor, she turned her attention back to their alien guest. “I'll take you to see where the attack occurred.”

***

She led Naroq to the Delta Flyer and couldn’t stop herself from returning to sickbay.

As she sat by his bedside and sighed, she watched the slight rise and fall of his chest with each breath.

He looked pale and lifeless; his normally dark skin was lacklustre and clammy to the touch, but both Kes and the Doctor had told her that he wasn’t getting any worse - or any better, for that matter - so she was going to force herself to have a little faith.

Kathryn bent and kissed his forehead before moving her mouth to his ear.

“You’re an ass, you know that?” She told his still form, sniffling discretely. “And I would really appreciate it if you could wake up now so I can tell you that to your face.”

When she pulled back to frown at him, big brown eyes stared back at her.

“Doctor.” She called, not taking her eyes from the confused ones that stared at her from the biobed. Kathryn tried to smile. “Chakotay, you’ve had an accident. You're in Sickbay.”

Chakotay looked around the room, frowning as the Doctor approached them, tricorder in hand.

As soon as the EMH raised the medical instrument in his direction, Chakotay flinched and tried to move his body away from the device.

The Doctor frowned. “Relax, Captain, I only want to scan you.”

Kathryn put a hand on his arm and smiled. “Don't worry; he's trying to help you. It's only a tricorder.” She took the device and ran it over her torso, showing Chakotay the readout as he continued to frown at them. “See? It won't hurt you.” She handed the tricorder back to the Doctor and kept her eyes locked with Chakotay as she spoke to him. “Now try it.”

His dark eyes were frightened as the tricorder beeped, but Chakotay didn’t move as the Doctor scanned him.

Kathryn kept eye contact with him until she heard the tricorder snap shut and he visibly relaxed.

“I’d like to run a few more tests.” The Doctor said.

Keeping her attention on Chakotay, she nodded. “Would that be OK? The Doctor wont hurt you.”

Reluctantly, Chakotay nodded and almost jumped out of his skin when her comm. badge beeped.

“Don’t worry I feel like that too when it goes off sometimes.” She smiled and tapped the link open. “Kathryn here.”

“Kathryn, we have found something that may be of assistance to Captain Chakotay.” Tuvok responded.

“I’m on my way.” Tapping the link closed, she smiled apologetically at Chakotay as he continued to watch her. “I have to go, but I promise to come back soon, OK?”

She watched him frown at her but he didn’t make a move to stop her so Kathryn turned and left, a cold shiver running through her.

***

Kathryn stepped into the aft section of the Delta Flyer and nodded to Seven before turning to Naroq. “Tuvok says you've found something.”

“That, Kathryn, is an understatement. Listen.”

Tapping a few keys on the equipment that they’d set up, a garbled – but apparently important – sound rang out.

Kathryn frowned, getting the distinct impression that she was supposed to be excited about the noise pollution. “What is it?”

“The sound of history being made.”

A nicely epic response, but that wouldn’t help Chakotay. “Less poetry, Mister Naroq, more facts.”

Naroq nodded. “The sound you're hearing indicates the presence of veridium isotopes.”

“Residual particles from the Ba'Neth's cloaking field.” Seven elaborated automatically.

“You've detected these isotopes before?”

“Yes,” He nodded excitedly, “but only after they've decayed. You see, veridium has a very brief half-life, less than seventy hours. The previous sites I've studied have been months, sometimes years, old.”

“But these isotopes are still active.” Kathryn guessed, raising her eyebrow and he nodded again.

“We can use Mister Naroq's photolytic converter to illuminate them.” Seven told her.

“So you see why this is an historic moment? We may finally learn what the Ba'Neth look like.”

Naroq looked ready to bounce out of his skin.

“Well, let's see what we've got.” Kathryn took a deep breath and waited, not sure what she was expecting.

A fuzzy image appeared before them; bent over in mid-action – hurting Chakotay, perhaps? – and the image slowly gained more and more substance until they had what looked like the fuzzy holoimage of an alien form.

“You don't know how long I've waited to meet you.” Naroq whispered in awe, moving closer to the form.

“So the Ba'Neth aren't a myth after all.” Kathryn muttered, more than a little surprised.

“This is the clearest image ever captured.”

“Perhaps.” Seven frowned at the grainy image. “I believe I can adjust our internal sensors to improve it.”

She moved back to the equipment and began tapping away at the keys, looking up at the image before tapping a few more keys.

Kathryn thought that, thanks to her Borg ocular implants, the image was probably already a lot clearer for Seven than it was for them.

Never compete with the eye of Borg perfection, she mused with a slight chuckle.

“Tentacles.” Naroq gasped as the image cleared even more. “I always suspected they were multipeds!”

“Doctor to Kathryn. Please report to Sickbay.”

“I'm on my way.” Fear gripped her heard as she acknowledged the hail. “Seven, if we can integrate Mister Naroq's photolytic technology into the deflector array, we might be able to de-cloak a Ba'Neth ship.”

Naroq shook his head sadly. “The technology only works at close range. We have to find the ship before we can expose it. To do that, we still need that cloaking frequency that the Captain saw.”

She was going o cross that Bridge when they came to it and not a second before. “One step at a time.”

***

Kathryn sat in the Doctor’s office and frowned at the image of a human brain that circulated on his monitor.

“Chakotay’s neural pathways have begun to bypass the damaged tissue. They're forming new synaptic connections. In effect, his brain is rewiring itself. Whether this is due to my neurostatic therapy, or your talking to him, or some combination of the two, I can't be certain.”

It was kind of selfish, but she really hoped that his sudden waking wasn’t because she had finally called him an ass to his face. “Is there any chance he'll make a full recovery?”

“It's much too soon to say, but he's alert and he's already regained his basic motor skills.”

“But still no speech?” She asked quietly.

“It's only a matter of time, Kathryn.” Kes told her reassuringly. “Look how far he's come already.”

“I really hope you're right, Kes.” Kathryn sighed and rubbed her aching forehead. “If he could talk, he might be able to tell us something about that cloaking frequency.”

She knew that it was the key to finding a treatment for whatever the Ba’Neth weapon had done to him.

“We're not sure how much he recalls. For that matter, we're not certain he recognises any of us, or even knows who he is.” The Doctor’s voice was quiet and he watched her carefully. “Familiar sights and sounds might get the old synaptic juices flowing.”

“Suggestions?”

“A tour of the Ship, perhaps?” The Doctor offered with a slight shrug. “His Quarters. Your Quartes.”

The last suggestion was made somewhat hesitantly, but Kathryn didn’t feel like discussing the frequency of Chakotay’s previous visits to her Quarters and if it helped him, she’d let the crew think what they wanted.

Nodding, she moved out into the surgical bay and smiled gently at Chakotay as he sat on the edge of the biobed, feet swinging back and forth slightly. “The Doctor says you’re up to taking a walk.”

He stared at her, silent.

“Would that be OK? I thought maybe we could go and see your Ready Room first.”

Nodding, Chakotay let her lead him with a hand on his arm as they exited sickbay, Kathryn returning Kes’ small smile as they left.

As they walked slowly through the halls and Kathryn nodded to the passing crew, they nodded back but none of them approached the Captain.

They were all well aware of his current state and the far-away look in his eyes as he glanced around Voyager, wide-eyed like a child, told the crew that it was better to leave him be.

For now.

***

As they walked into his Ready Room, Chakotay didn’t react to any of the surroundings.

He moved completely into the room from the side entrance and walked around, offering no visual reactions.

Kathryn’s own eyes and thoughts flicked to the top of his desk – and she imagined that it would be a long time before that didn’t happen – but she stayed silent for a moment and let him absorb what he was seeing.

“You spend a lot of time in here.” She said quietly, silently adding that she did, too.

Chakotay turned in a slow circle as he surveyed the room, eyeing it dispassionately.

It didn’t bother Kathryn so much that he wasn’t speaking – in fact, if it weren’t caused by potentially permanent brain damage, it might actually be a nice change – but the lack of recognition towards anything scared her.

“Astrometrics to Kathryn.” Chakotay didn’t jump at the sound of Seven’s voice but Kathryn smiled reassuringly anyway as she tapped the link open. “Mister Naroq and I have completed our deflector modifications. We're ready to test the array.”

Nodding, Kathryn took a deep breath. “Stand by.” She closed the link and turned back to Chakotay, who simply stared at her, expressionless. "We have to go to the Bridge now. Do you remember the Bridge?"

He cocked his head to the side and she wondered if that meant that he understood or if he was simply studying her from this new angle.

Smiling gently, Kathryn gestured to the door. "It'll be OK. I'll be with you the whole time."

Letting her lead him again, they moved onto the Bridge.

Kathryn directed him to the Captain's chair and moved to her own, smiling again when he hesitated. "Reduce speed to one quarter impulse. Harry, full power to the deflector array."

"Aye." Harry acknowledged.

Kathryn tapped her comm. badge again. "All right, Seven, do it."

"Activating the deflector." Came the response.

Everyone on the Bridge - except Chakotay - held their breath as they watched the view screen.

After just a few seconds, a Ship appeared on-screen, fuzzy as the Ba'Neth form had been in the Delta Flyer.

More than that, after a few seconds, multiple ships slowly came into focus and Kathryn gasped.

Tom whistled softly. "I'd call that a pretty successful test."

"They have been observing us all along." Tuvok offered.

"Hail them." Kathryn ordered as she frowned at the image.

"Which one?" Harry snorted as he looked at the view screen. "There's practically a fleet out there."

Despite his indignant snort, she heard the beep of the computer as it confirmed that a link had been established.

Unconsciously straightening herself into a formal pose in her chair, Kathryn cleared her throat. "This is Kathryn Janeway of the Starship Voyager. We intend you no harm."

"They're charging weapons." Harry called.

The Ship rocked under a blast from one of the multiple ships.

"Shields." She called as the Ship shuddered again.

It took her a moment to realize that as the first blast had hit them Chakotay had dived to the floor and brought his knees up around his ears, burying his face in them, his arms covering his head as he rocked back and forth slightly.

As another blast hit their shields, Kathryn slid out of her chair and wrapped her hand firmly around Chakotay's wrist, her voice low. "It's OK, you're safe, I wont let them hurt you."

They were hit twice more before Tom called out, "They're scrambling in all directions."

"Follow the lead vessel." Kathryn ordered as she kept her attention on Chakotay. "I'm here with you." She murmured, as she had once done with Roshan when the baby was unsettled.

Chakotay's hand latched onto hers and their fingers twined together.

She squeezed his hand and smiled reassuringly when he turned his face to look at her with wide eyes.

"Still no response to our hails." Harry called.

"I hate to ruin a good chase," And they all knew how much Tom loved a chance to do some fancy flying, "but the Ba'Neth ship is moving out of the deflector's range."

Kathryn tapped her comm. badge with the hand not holding Chakotay’s. "Seven, can you get their cloaking frequency?"

"They're blocking our scans." Seven replied after a moment.

"We've lost them." Harry called.

Kathryn nodded, though he couldn't see her as she sat in front of the command chairs, and she kept her attention focussed on Chakotay, knowing that the Bridge crew were already calling all departments for reports of damages or casualties. "They're gone now, Chakotay. I told you you'd be safe."

He nodded. "Yes, you did."

He spoke! "Chakotay? What? Tell me, what did I do?"

“You told me I wouldn't be hurt.”

His speech was a little slower than normal, his voice conveying less emotion, but she couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across her face.

“Do you know who I am?” She held her breath.

"You're Kathryn." He replied, holding her hand firmly. "I'm safe with you."

***

She could hear Chakotay humming softly in her living room as she changed out of her leathers.

After the encounter with the Ba’Neth earlier in the day, there was little that they could do at this point and Kathryn was reluctant to push Chakotay after he’d only just started speaking.

The Doctor had recommended that he be allowed back into his Quarters for the night - hoping that the familiar surroundings would help with his memory - but he wasn’t to be left alone.

Once the Doctor had confirmed that the development in his speech patters hadn’t done any more damage, they had left sickbay and come back to her Quarters so that she could change and grab her sleepwear - with the prospect of an uncomfortable night on the sofa awaiting her - before Neelix was to deliver something to eat.

As she grabbed a small bag and her toiletries as well as a uniform for the next day, Kathryn moved back out into the living room and stopped to watch him for a moment.

Aside from the far-away look that she’d seen in his eyes a few times over the last few hours, the only real difference that she could see in him was his slightly unruly hair and more relaxed features.

He looked exactly as he had when she’d last seen him pre-mission. Though he had been commenting on the Doctor’s choice in models - in a less than pleased tone - at the time, Kathryn couldn’t help but feel both comforted and saddened by the memory.

Since his verbal breakthrough on the Bridge, he’d hardly stopped talking. He was constantly asking questions and commenting on the things around him and his silence for the last few moments worried her.

She dropped the bag by the door.

"What are you reading?" Moving to sit by his side on the sofa, Kathryn pulled her legs up under her body and turned herself to face him, one elbow on the back of the sofa as she rested her chin in her palm.

"Logs." Chakotay answered.

"Yours?"

"Yes.”

“That’s good.” She smiled.

The Doctor thought that reading his life in his own words would help spark a little more recognition than their tour of the Ship had brought about.

“I was very sad." He frowned as he glanced down at the PADD in his hand. "Why was I so sad?"

"When?"

"When we were in a place called the Void."

Kathryn hadn't thought that Chakotay had made any logs when they were in the void and she wasn't quite sure what to tell him now. "I'm not sure."

Honesty was about all she could offer him at this point.

"I was mad at you after that."

Now that one she remembered. "I know."

"Was I mean to you?"

"You were hurt." She wasn't prepared to have to explain to this Chakotay that he had been an ass.

It wasn't fair on him, not when he couldn't remember why.

“I don’t know the man who wrote these.” He told her, boyish honesty clouding his adult features.

“You will again.” She promised.

He nodded. “I trust you. I’m safe with you.”

“Yes you are.” She sighed quietly to herself. “Come on, Neelix will be sending dinner to your Quarters soon.”

“I don’t like his food.” Chakotay told her as he stood.

A spark of hope flared violently in her belly and she gasped. “You remember Neelix’s cooking?”

It was a hell of a first memory to get back, but she’d take it.

Chakotay held up the PADD in his hand and shook his head sadly. “It’s in here. A lot.”

“Oh.” She smiled to cover the disappointment, but she knew that he could see it on her face. “Well, you never know. We all keeping hoping that he will miraculously get better one day and today might be that day.”

She grabbed her bag and they left her Quarters, turning to walk down the hall to his.

As Kes approached them, Chakotay gripped her hand but smiled at the Ocampan anyway. “Hello.”

“Hello Chakotay. Kathryn.” Kes nodded. “How are you both?”

He looked to her questioningly and Kathryn nodded.

“We are going to have dinner. We are hoping that Neelix’s cooking will be miraculously better tonight.”

While he stumbled over ‘miraculously’, his sentence still made both women laugh.

“I promise not to tell Neelix that!” Kes nodded and continued down the corridor while Chakotay turned back to her, frowning.

“Why did she laugh?”

“We don’t tell Neelix that his food is bad.”

“Why not?”

“Because it would hurt his feelings.”

Chakotay nodded and thought for a moment before he squeezed her hand a little. “Like I hurt yours.”

It was a very simple way to look at it but, really, he was right in a way. “Yes, like that.”

Frowning, Chakotay got the far away look in his eye for a few seconds before he nodded. “Is your food bad too?”

Kathryn laughed. “Yes, but don’t tell anyone!”

***

While she didn’t actually know what time it was - and there was no chance that she could read a chronometer right now - Kathryn was very well aware that it was far too early to be awake.

Frowning, sleep still clinging to her, she opened one eye and found Chakotay sitting on the floor beside the sofa, watching her intently.

The look on his face immediately woke her. “What’s wrong?”

“Someone was trying to hurt me.”

“When?”

“Before.” He struggled as he tried to form the sentence. “When I was still the man that made those logs.”

“You were attacked, yes.” She sat up, shaking the last tinges of sleep from her foggy mind. “Do you remember the accident?”

“No, but i know that someone wanted to hurt me.”

“OK.” She nodded. There was no point pushing him, especially not when they were both living on - quick glance to the chronometer now that her eyes weren’t blurry - just three hours of sleep. “Why don’t you go back to bed and get some more sleep? You’ll feel better in the morning.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I’ll be right here.” She told him, moving a hand to his arm. “You’re safe with me, remember?”

He nodded. “You come too.”

“What?”

“You can share the bed. I’m safe with you.”

She couldn’t refuse him and in his current mental state and she seriously doubted that his mindset would consider anything beyond sleep anyway.

Though she refused to consider what he would think when this was over and he was back to his normal self again.

“OK.”

She’d deal with the ‘real’ Chakotay when the time came.

He will get back to that she promised herself as she followed him back into the bedroom.

***

Naroq frowned at her across the desk in her office. "We need Captain Chakotay to tell us anything he can remember about the attack."

I know that! “He may be talking again, but that doesn't mean he's ready to be interrogated. He's beginning to experience emotions, volatile ones. During this last encounter with the Ba'Neth, he was terrified.”

“I understand.” Naroq tried to project his sympathy - and she was relatively certain that he felt some - but all she could feel from him was frustration at the ‘lack’ of progress.

“We will tread lightly,” She told him sternly and Noraq nodded before she raised her voice a little to be heard through the door. “All right, you can come in now.”

Chakotay entered her office, Tuvok standing at his side.

As soon as he saw her, Chakotay smiled. “Kathryn.”

“This is Mister Naroq. Please sit down.” She smiled gently at him before taking a deep breath. “Two days ago, you were aboard a shuttle with Mister Neelix. You detected a cloaked intruder.”

“He attacked you.” Noraq supplied.

“Yes.” Chakotay nodded. “That's why I'm having difficulty now.”

“Yes and, in order to help you, we have to find the people who hurt you.” Kathryn replied softly.

“Before the intruder injured you, you managed to scan him with this.” Naroq held up the tricorder and showed it to Chakotay. “You recorded his cloaking frequency, but the tricorder was damaged and the information was lost. Can you tell us anything about that frequency?”

“Try to remember.” Kathryn implored gently.

Chakotay frowned as he looked at the tricorder in Naroq’s hand, his expression serious. “I was scanning.”

“That's right.” She smiled proudly. “What did you see?”

“I, I don't remember.”

Noraq sighed, his frustration evident. “Try!”

Chakotay shot her a desperate look.

“All right, that's enough. We're done for now.”

“But-“

“Join Seven of Nine in Astrometrics.” She cut off the protests that she had expected from Noraq before he could voice them. “See if she's made any progress with the Ba'Neth.”

“I will escort you.” Tuvok offered and, with a sigh from their ambassador, they left.

Kathryn turned her attention back to Chakotay as he sat studying his folded hand in his lap.

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” She telld him, moving to rest against the edge of her desk. “It will come back to you.”

“What if it doesn’t?” He sighed. “I’m not good like this, am I?”

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged, still refusing to meet her eyes. “I’m not good to the Ship, the crew, you.”

Kathryn waved the comment away with her hand. “There is a lot that you can offer everyone on this Ship, Chakotay.”

“And you?”

“You’re my best friend.” She told him honestly.

Finally, Chakotay looked up and met her eyes. “Is that all?”

Kathryn nodded hesitantly.

It was the same situation that she’d been faced with last night; how much could - should - she tell him when he was like this?

“That’s it.”

Chakotay seemed to accept her answer at face value. “What do I have to do now? Do I need to speak to Naroq again? I didn’t like him.”

Kathryn didn’t blame him for that. “I thought we might go and spend some time on the holodeck with Naomi.”

***

The little girl stood up straighter the second they stepped into the running program. “Captain.”

He smiled gently. “Just Chakotay will do.”

Naomi frowned but Samantha had obviously told her something because she shrugged a second later and pointed to the large holocharacters beside her. “Chakotay, this is Patchy.”

“Patchy?” Kathryn repeated, raising her eyebrow when she examined the tattered clothes that the character wore.

“He’s a pirate.” Naomi explained. “But he doesn’t speak and the computer has no name for him so I decided to call him patchy.”

“Because of the eye patch?” Chakotay asked.

Naomi grinned. “Exactly.”

Kathryn huffed her amusement as she looked over the pirate character. “So what do we have to do?”

After the meeting with Naroq, she thought that Chakotay would probably benefit from being around someone that didn’t expect anything more from him than simple involvement.

Naomi was incredibly kind and patient and Kathryn knew that the little girl would simply take their Captain’s condition for what it was without judging or expecting him to recover in leaps and bounds.

“We’re trying to capture the wet celery from the evil Bowser.” The little girl explained. She pointed over her shoulder. “We have a supply of flying helmets to help us.”

“Wet celery?” Kathryn repeated.

“Tom designed the program. He said it was too violent for me so he changed some of the things in it.”

Kathryn wondered what ‘wet celery’ and ‘flying helmet’ had originally been but nodded anyway.

She smiled at Chakotay. “Shall we?”

***

As Kathryn walked toward sickbay to pick up Chakotay after his check-up, she couldn’t help the small smile that played on her lips.

Since he had started speaking again, his emotions had been volatile and unpredictable but, as she had hoped, a few hours on the holodeck with Naomi had helped to calm him.

After the trio had battled with Patchy against the evil Bowser, Kathryn had taken Chakotay to sickbay and left to speak with Naroq and, once again, promise to talk to their Captain and try to prompt his memory of the accident.

When she entered sickbay, Chakotay was standing in front of the computer terminal, studying the display intently.

The Doctor nodded to her from his office and Kathryn smiled in return.

As she approached, he turned and smiled at her, like a guilty child having been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “The Doctor helped me access my personnel file.”

She nodded to the screen and smiled. “Nice picture. You should see mine, it's awful.”

“I was an instructor at Starfleet Academy. I left to join the Maquis when my family was slaughtered. I have a son.”

Kathryn paled. “What?”

“It says here that I have a son, Roshan. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Her first thought was ‘oh crap’ and it didn’t get any better from there. “Chakotay, he…”

“Died?”

She nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Is that why I was so sad when we were in the void?”

“Partly, yes.”

“My logs said I didn’t leave my Quarters for months.”

“But you got past that.” She told him, trying to smile encouragingly. “You're an extraordinary fellow, Chakotay.”

“I was an extraordinary fellow.” He corrected quietly.

“You're still the same person.”

“Then why do I no longer run the Bridge? You said I’m the Captain but you wont let me do anything!”

“We talked about that. You had an accident.”

“And now I'm not smart enough.”

Kathryn sighed. “Chakotay, you've just got to be patient. Look how much progress you've made already.”

He pointed to the picture on the screen. “He could fly anything that was space-worthy. And some things that weren’t. He knew lots of things! I can’t even go on a vision Quest.”

After his release in sickbay, Kathryn had hoped that a Vision Quest would help settle his understandable frayed nerves.

Unfortunately for both of them, she didn’t remember enough about the procedure to get him there and Chakotay hadn’t understood the purpose of the medicine bundle so that idea had been quickly pushed aside in favour of something that they could do.

“It's going to take time, but you'll relearn all those things.” She had been telling him that for days.

“How do you know that?”

“Well, because the Doctor-”

“The Doctor?” Chakotay huffed, “The Doctor doesn't know how to make me better, does he?”

“Well, not yet, but-”

“I'll never be him again.” Chakotay said simply, his eyes flicking back to the display.

“You don't know that.”

His body was clearly agitated as he paced back and forth, muttering to himself, hands against his temples.

The Doctor stepped out of his office. “What's going on?”

“It's okay Doctor, I can handle this.” Kathryn stepped closer to him and laid a hand on his arm, stopping his steps. “Please, Chakotay, try to relax. Everything's going to be fine.”

“No!” He snapped angrily. “Nothing's fine! Get away from me!”

Kathryn blinked away the sting in her eyes.

“You'd better go.” The Doctor told her quietly. “I'll take it from here.”

***

As Kathryn entered the mess hall, she kept her head down and went straight for the pot of coffee that Neelix held in his hand, using the pot to gesture wildly as he talked to no one in particular about the day’s food.

When he noticed her approach, he immediately began pouring her a large cup and had it ready for her when she reached him.

“Thank you.” Kathryn took a large sip of the hot liquid gratefully, waiting for it to hit her system and make her feel slightly better.

“You’re welcome.” Neelix smiled. “How’s the Captain?”

Her first response was ‘frustrated and angry’ but Kathryn couldn’t help the part of her that wanted to save face for the crew.

While they all knew what had happened, and what the result had been for the Captain, she didn’t want them all worrying about his emotional instability. She had, in a way, grow accustom to defending him to the crew while they were in the Void and she found that it had become a hard habit to break.

“He’s making progress.” She replied evenly.

“And you?”

She winked. “I like to think I’m making progress too.”

Neelix chuckled. “Is there anything that we can do to help either or you? The crew is worried about you both.”

“They’re worried about me?” Kathryn blinked, surprised, as he nodded. “Oh, I’m fine.”

It was an automatic dismissal and absolute crap, which Neelix knew very well.

He let her off the hook. “Well, just know, if there is anything we can do for either of you, we want to help.”

“I know, Neelix.” She touched his arm. “And both the Captain and I appreciate that.”

Her comm. Badge beeped. “Doctor to Kathryn.”

“Kathryn here.”

“Chakotay would like to see you.”

She sculled the last of the coffee and smiled apologetically to Neelix. “Thank you Doctor, I’m on my way.”

***

Chakotay sat on one of the biobeds, working with a brightly coloured square of paper as he folded it into some sort of shape.

Kathryn stepped closer to the bed and watched his fingers move for a moment before she spoke. “What are you making?

“A flower.” He told her, showing her the petals as he folded them into the centre and sealed them with a drop of hot wax. He worked silently for a moment, his complete focus on the paper in his hands, before he held out the finished product. “I made it for you.”

“Thank you.” Kathryn took the flower and smiled gently. “I'm not sure I deserve a gift.”

“I shouldn't have shouted at you. I was angry. I'm sorry.

“You were frustrated.” She corrected. “I don't blame you. I'm the one who should be apologising.”

“Why?”

She flushed. “Because I was pushing you too hard. I was trying to mould you into something you weren't.”

Though she had, intellectually, known that he wasn’t what he had been before the accident, a lot of the activities – the vision quest, to start with – had been her way of trying to push him back into the life that he’d had.

Kathryn thought that on some subconscious level, she had hoped that she could push his body into the Captain’s chair and his mind would simply follow and adapt. Now she was making a concise effort to remember that it may not work that way; he may not ever be who he was.

It was a bitter pill to swallow.

“You were disappointed in me because I can't do anything as well as I did before.” Chakotay said with a frown.

“Maybe there are things that you can do better.”

He snorted. “What can I do better?”

“Well, like this, for example.” She held the paper flower in the palm of her hand and smiled. “You wouldn’t have had time for something like this before.”

He eyed the creation distastefully. “It's not good.”

“No, it's wonderful. It's creative. It's a symbol of friendship. Before your accident you never would have considered that my feelings might have been hurt. You… you would have certainly never have made me a gift.”

Well, before the accident he probably would have considered that her feelings had been hurt but he would have been too much of an ass to do anything about it.

Either that, or he would have pinned her to a bar top and kissed the hell out of her again.

Chakotay frowned. “I thought you said that we were friends?”

“We are friends, Chakotay, but it’s complicated.” Everything between them had always been complicated, right from the start, and they were even more so now that he couldn’t remember any of it.

His frown stayed firmly in place, but he didn’t press for anymore information. “What do we do now, then?”

“Well, what would you like to do?”

“Teach me something you like to do.”

Something she liked to do?

Kathryn didn’t think he was up to reviewing old quantum mechanics journals and, beyond spending time with the rest of the crew, she couldn’t really think of anything else.

When she considered what she did with her free time, she was left with only one option. “Let’s go.”

***

“The Holodeck?” Chakotay asked. “Are we fighting Bowser with Patchy again?”

“No, not that program.” Kathryn tapped in a few commands to bring up the right program and stepped into the door’s sensors. “You’ll like it.”

He followed her in and they walked the few feet down the old street before she opened a set of antique doors and smiled encouragingly at him.

When they entered Sandrine’s, Kathryn stopped and let him look around for a moment. “What do you think?”

“What is it?”

“It’s a bar from Marseille, France. Tom Paris created this program for the crew to enjoy.” She explained as they moved further into the room. “I like to come here and play pool.”

“Pool?” He repeated.

She moved over to the green felt table and patted it. “A game. I’ll teach you, if you like.”

Kathryn wasn’t really sure if she was pleased or annoyed that Chakotay had lied to her when, just an hour later, she discovered how good he really was at the game.

Either this ‘new’ Chakotay picked up on the skill quickly or the old Chakotay had been a pool shark in disguise and had been letting her win for years.

“You’re far too good at this.” She told him as he sunk the black ball for the fifth straight game.

Though she had been the one to break each game, he’d won them all quickly.

Chakotay almost blushed, but his smile matched hers. “You taught me everything I know.”

That might be technically true, but…

“And I’m beginning to regret it!” She grinned.

It was a relief to see him smile, but she could see that there was something – the spark of lost intelligence, perhaps? – missing.

“Do you want to play again?”

“So I can make it six straight losses? No thanks!” She smiled good-naturedly. “My reputation will take enough of a beating for this as it is.”

“Sorry.”

“You are not.” He shrugged. “Why don’t we try sand paintings?”

“What are they?”

“Something you like to do.”

Chakotay shrugged at laid his cue on the pool table. “OK.”

She called for a change in setting, bringing up Da Vinci’s studio, ordering the computer to delete any other characters.

When Roshan had been with them, Kathryn had extended the Maestro’s studio slightly to include a small workspace for Chakotay’s sand paintings. While someone else watched the baby, he’d had the opportunity to spend an hour alone if he wanted.

To her knowledge, he had only used the program once, but even when they weren’t on the best of terms, she’d never quite been able to bring herself to delete that part of the workshop and it shimmered into existence with the rest of the studio.

“Is this your program?”

“Yes.” She nodded and moved to the bench she’d added. “But this is where all of your things are.”

Bottles of sand and specially made canvas’ littered the desk, along with a sketch pad and a few charcoal pieces.

Kathryn pointed to the seat. “Why don’t you try it?”

“What about you?”

She shrugged and pointed to a nearby bench that had one of her many half-finished clay sculptures waiting for her. “I have plenty to do.”

Hesitantly, Chakotay moved to the bench and sat down, frowning at the tools in front of him.

Kathryn pulled out on of the blank canvas’ and laid it in front of him. Picking up one of the sand bottles, she began to spread it around as Chakotay had once shown her.

“Like this.” She explained.

Chakotay took the bottle and sprinkled some over her haphazard design. “What am I supposed to be making?”

She patted his shoulder and smiled. “Whatever you want.”

While Chakotay worked on his sand painting, a frown of concentration on his face, Kathryn moved over to her bench and began working on the clay head that she’d been trying to finish.

Admittedly, she had moulded the features after Chakotay and she was going to enjoy the chance to use him as her live model. Maybe that would be the key to getting it ‘just right.’

They worked in silence for a while, each lost in their art and their thoughts.

The beep of her comm. badge pierced the silence. “Seven to Kathryn.”

“Kathryn here.”

“Our… guest is wondering if you have made any progress.”

Kathryn suppressed a growl of frustration.

Naroq wanted to find the Ba’Neth for his own reasons and she wanted Chakotay back to normal, but at least she understood the virtue of patience.

“I’ll contact you shortly.” Kathryn replied, closing the link before she looked across to Chakotay as he continued to work, oblivious to the conversation that had just taken place. “Chakotay, have you remembered anything more about what happened on the Flyer?”

“I detected a cloaking frequency.” He didn’t look up from his work.

“Yes, that's right. Can you describe it?”

“I don't know, I…”

“Did it have a symmetric modulation? Was the amplitude constant?”

“I don't understand.”

She could see the troubled frown on his face even though he was looking down and Kathryn mentally kicked herself. “It's all right. I don't mean to push you again.”

“This.” He said, looking up and nodding to the canvas in front of him. “This is what I saw.”

Wiping her dirty hands o a rag, Kathryn moved to his side and looked down at what he had spent the previous hour working on.

She gasped. “A cloaking frequency.”

***

Kathryn sighed as she made her way back to Chakotay’s Quarters.

After he’d created the Ba’Neth cloaking frequency in a sand painting, they were able to track the Ship and engage in negotiations.

It had taken the better part of a day, but the Doctor now had a way to cure Chakotay and return him to the way he was with no ill effects.

She rang the chime.

“Enter.”

She walked in and smiled at the smooth sounds that played through his Quarters as he sat on the sofa, reading from a PADD. “What are you listening to?”

“A selection from Tom's jazz database. It really swings. Computer, pause the music. I've been reviewing the holodeck files. I would like to visit the Risa water recreation park.” He held up the PADD in his hand. “Will you come with me, please?”

“Maybe after your Doctor's appointment.”

Chakotay frowned. “Appointment?”

“The Doctor's analysed the Ba'Neth weapon and he's devised a procedure to treat you. You should be proud of yourself. If you hadn't done that sand painting we may never have found a treatment.”

He sighed. “I wish I never made that picture.”

Kathryn moved to sit next to him. “Why?”

“Because I don't wish to undergo the procedure.”

“You're having pre-operative jitters, that's all.” She smiled gently and patted his knee. “Don't worry, everyone gets them. Just think about it. In a few hours, you'll be yourself again.”

“I am myself.” He protested.

“But you'll be able to do all the things that you used to do. Work on the bridge as Captain again.”

“I want to be able to have fun, with you. I won't be able to, will I?” He looked at her intently. “We wont go to the holodeck or the mess hall or have sleep overs, will we?”

As much as she wished…

Too much had happened between them for them to continue with the innocent friendship that she had developed with the ‘new’ Chakotay. “I'd be lying if I told you that things between us will stay the same.”

“Well, why?” He demanded. “Why do you want me to go back to the way I was then?”

“Because this crew needs its Captain on the Bridge and I wouldn't be a very good friend if I ignored that just so you'd be nicer to me.” She replied honestly.

“Why is he not nice to you?” Chakotay frowned. “I read his logs.”

“Your logs.” She corrected automatically.

“Mine, his, whatever. I read them. He loves you. Why wouldn’t he be nice to you if he loves you?”

Kathryn shook her head. “He doesn’t…”

“He does! I read it!” Chakotay picked up one of the PADD’s from the coffee table and handed it to her. “See! It’s all in there.”

She shook her head again and put the PADD back onto the table. “I can’t read this.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not fair on you.”

“But I’m telling you to read it.”

“No.” Her voice was firm. “If you still want to discuss this after the operation, then we will. But it isn’t fair to have this conversation while you can’t remember everything that’s happened between us.”

Chakotay stared at her for a tense minute before he nodded. “If I have the operation, do you promise that we can talk about it?”

It was hard to reconcile making a promise to this Chakotay that she would talk to him when he was that Chakotay again.

She was getting a headache.

“I promise.”

***

“Chakotay.” The Doctor greeted as they entered. “I was beginning to think you weren't coming.”

“I was experiencing some pre-operative jitters.” He smiled down at her as she nodded her agreement, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “Kathryn helped me overcome them.”

“Glad to hear it. Now please, lie down.”

Chakotay bent and kissed her cheek lightly, dropping her hand. “I will see you after the procedure?”

“Of course.” She smiled as he moved to the bio bed.

He lay down and turned his head to face her. “Thank you for everything, Kathryn.”

Smiling in response, she turned to the Doctor and couldn’t help but sigh. “I'm going to miss him.”

The Doctor nodded. “Me, too.”

***

Kathryn moved about her Quarters, emptying the bag that she had packed when she’d been spending the nights with Chakotay.

Sighing, she opened the drawer in her bedroom to put her brush away when she noticed the picture frame lying upside down.

Pulling the image out, she ran her finger over Roshan’s little face and couldn’t help but smile, before the pad of her index finger moved over Chakotay’s smiling face.

He had been released from sickbay after a few hours rest the day before and he was due back on the Bridge the next day.

Despite – or perhaps because of – her promise to him when he had been ‘that’ Chakotay, Kathryn had stayed out of sickbay.

He would, no doubt, need time to regain his strength, both mentally and physically, and if she was honest with herself, she needed time to digest what the ‘other’ Chakotay had told her before she could think about speaking to him.

Though it wasn’t really a startling revelation that Chakotay loved her – B’Elanna and Kes had been telling her from months and she thought that the rest of the crew would agree if she asked – it was still hard to hear it from him when she knew that he wasn’t saying it.

She sighed again.

Sooner or later they were going to have to – as Tom put it – piss or get off the pot.

Kathryn knew full well that she didn’t want to see him with another woman and, after his reactions to Kashyk’s presence, she knew that the reverse was true for him.

Despite that, they didn’t seem to be able to get it together enough to do something about that.

There was always something that kept them apart, something that kept them at odds with each other, something that stopped them moving forward.

Two steps forward, three steps back.

It had been like that, for them, since the very beginning and she knew that they were well past being due to finally take four steps forward or get on another track.

Kathryn looked back at the picture again and noted her own happy expression.

Nodding to herself, she pulled the stand out and set it on the top of the bedside table where it belonged.

***

When she finally saw him the next morning, Kathryn had to swallow the lump in her throat as she entered the turbolift.

“How are you feeling?” She asked quietly as he called for the lift to take them to the Bridge.

“Better, thank you.”

She nodded and an uncomfortable silence fell over them.

“Thanks for convincing well, me, to go through with the operation.”

Kathryn shrugged. “No problem.”

“I imagine I was easier to deal with when I was like that.”

Is he actually making a joke? With me? She turned to look at him and could see by the look on his face that, yes, he was making a joke with her.

Miracles did happen, after all.

“You were certainly better at pool.”

Chakotay folded his arms across his chest. “What makes you so sure I’m not now?”

“Please. You hadn’t beaten me in six and a half years.”

“Maybe I was holding back.”

“I doubt that.”

“Put your rations where your mouth is. Sandrine’s. After shift tonight.”

Was it really this simple?

A few jokes, a shared smile and an invitation to the holodeck and they were suddenly back to where they had been before their relationship went sour?

If it was that easy, Kathryn wasn’t going to complain. “You’re on.”

***

Though she wasn’t planning on admitting or even acknowledging it, Kathryn knew that she took a little more care with her appearance when she got off-shift. She had put a little more make-up on than normal and brushed her long hair out to hang loose down her back, a few strands tied together to keep it from falling in her face.

When she’d entered the holodeck, Tom had whistled and B’Elanna had slapped his arm, which Kathryn had taken as a compliment - on both counts.

She had spent the evening alternating between playing pool with Chakotay and laughing with the senior staff, who had taken up residence in a corner and spread themselves over two tables.

The night had been long, but definitely worth the sleep deprivation.

Even though they were still on slightly rocky ground with each other, she and Chakotay had managed to have a few laughs - and even flirted a little - as they played game after game of pool.

They had spent almost two hours solid playing and, in the end, had simply agreed that neither was better before they’d spent the rest of the evening laughing and drinking.

For the first time in months - more than a year, really - Kathryn went to sleep with a smile on her face.

***

Groggily forcing her eyes open, Kathryn frowned at Chakotay.

She opened her mouth to ask him what he was doing sitting on the edge of her bed in the middle of the night - they may have been almost friends again, but they weren't that friendly - but the best she could form was an incoherent moan.

"Today was your due date."

Apparently, the universal translators could understand 'sleep speak.'

His words forced the tendrils of sleep to loosen their hold on her and Kathryn blinked a few times to get the sleep out of her eyes as she stared at him, unable to think of anything intelligent or appropriate - something that went beyond ‘let me sleep’ - to respond.

"Did you know that?"

Know what?

She wasn’t sure of her name right now, let alone whatever the hell he was talking about.

Kathryn squinted at him and opened her mouth to ask for clarification but, once again, all she could manage was a moan.

Apparently, he understood. “Today was your due date.”

She was completely awake now.

Kathryn hadn't known that; she hadn't let herself think much beyond 'I lost the baby.'

She stared at him.

"I wonder what he or she would have looked like."

Kathryn had to admit to herself that she had considered what their children would have looked like - when Roshan had first come into their lives - before everything had gone so wrong.

Golden-skinned, their father's dark hair and their mother's blue eyes. Their child would have been a knock-out.

Kathryn continued to stare quietly at him.

"Traditionally, men are supposed to want boys. But a little girl that looked just like you would have been perfect."

She bit her lip, moisture pooling in her eyes.

"A girl first. A boy second, I think." He nodded, more to himself than to her. "Yeah, a girl first."

Curling her hands tighter around her pillow, she didn't avert her eyes when the first tear fell, or the second, or the third.

Kathryn had no idea why she was crying, but she didn’t fight it. What the hell was happening to her?

"We would have had to get B'Elanna to open the bulkhead between our Quarters. More living space. Children need living space."

Children.

Plural.

God…

Part of her wanted to tell him to shut up, to stop torturing her like this, but she knew that talking was doing something for him and, apparently - if the tears were anything to go by - it was working miracles on her.

Chakotay fell silent, watching her, waiting for her to say or do something.

"I didn't feel like I had the right to grieve." She said quietly, when he made no move to speak again.

"You lost a baby."

"But I didn't know about it." Kathryn shrugged. "I feel like loosing it was punishment for not noticing the signs."

"Kathryn..."

"I know it's stupid," She continued, trying to sniffle as quietly as possible. "But it's how I felt."

Stretching out a hand, Chakotay wiped an errant tear that slipped past her eyelid. "You're allowed to grieve."

"That wasn't how you felt when you found out."

He sighed again. "I was an idiot. I should have let you speak."

Kathryn didn't ask why he hadn't.

She knew, from her own experiences as well as what she'd watched Chakotay go through, that the depression had been fuelling his anger.

Well, depression and pigheadedness.

As they fell into silence, Kathryn frowned.

Knowing why he had reacted the way he had didn't actually make it any easier to swallow.

“Why are you brining this up now?”

“Did the Doctor tell you that I remember what happened after the accident? That I remember my time as, well, the ‘other’ Chakotay?”

Kathryn shook her head; she hadn’t asked and the Doctor hadn’t volunteered any information, but after his comment in the turbolift, she had assumed. If he hadn’t remembered the new friendship that they’d shared, the crew was unlikely to bring it up and she sure as hell hadn’t planned on it.

“I remember what you said to him… me. When I asked you why I’d been so mean to you.”

It had been a very simple way to look at the complexities of their relationship, but Kathryn had found it enlightening, in a strange way. “I didn’t lie to him… you.”

“I know.” Chakotay tugged his earlobe. “I’ve been a really big ass to you, haven’t I?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t even want a moment to think about that?”

Kathryn huffed. “No.”

He nodded but didn’t respond.

"What do we do now, then?" She asked quietly, another errant tear making its way down the side of her head.

Chakotay shrugged. "I don't know."

Moving away from him, Kathryn pulled the blankets back and looked between Chakotay and the empty side of the bed, still warm from her body heat.

He didn’t say anything, but he smiled slightly as he turned and moved in under the blankets.

Kathryn waited until he was settled and comfortable before she closed her eyes and let the sound of his breathing lull her back to sleep.

***

When she opened her eyes again, Kathryn was relatively unsurprised to find her arms and legs tangled with Chakotay’s.

After he'd crawled into her bed the night before, it had been mutually - and silently - decided that any more emotionally trying conversations could wait for the light of day.

Well, could wait until they both felt more human, at least.

Though they had started their respective slumbers on opposite sides of the bed, at some point during what had been left of the night, she'd curled her body into his, one leg thrown over his hips. Chakotay had shifted to hold her to him and that was how they'd woken.

He was already awake and when she tilted her head up to look at him and he smiled. "Morning."

"Morning."

"You OK?"

There was a sharp pain in her head and her eyes were dry; a testament to the several bouts of crying that had taken place during their conversation.

She felt like death. "I'm fine."

With the arm that wasn't holding her to him, Chakotay ran his index finger back and forth across her temple. "Really?"

Kathryn hummed as his finger pushed the pain aside.

He chuckled. "As much as I would love to stay here, we need to get up."

"Has the alarm gone off yet?" She hadn't heard it.

"No, I turned it off." Chakotay tapped her nose when she frowned. "I was going to wake you."

She sighed when she looked at the chronometer. "We do need to get up."

"And yet neither of us is moving." Chakotay pulled her closer to him. "What happens now, Kathryn?"

She had asked him that same question the night - morning? - before and wasn't any closer to an answer now than she had been.

What she did know, though, was that, after listening to him speak about the baby, she would have to let herself think about it now.

It had been easy to accept what had happened but Kathryn knew that it was only 'easy' because she'd pushed the thoughts from her mind and refused to acknowledge that she might actually feel something akin to grief.

Now that Chakotay was less likely to snap at her or simply ignore the situation altogether, she was going to have to face it.

Beyond that, what of her relationship with Chakotay?

Kathryn didn't know where they stood, what he wanted or, hell, even what she wanted.

They're skirted around their attraction for years and so much had happened in that time that would support her initial belief that the two of them getting involved was a really bad idea.

But, on the other hand, was she ever going to meet someone that made her feel like he did?

"I don't know." She finally admitted.

"OK." Chakotay nodded, apparently not offended by her indecisiveness. "Why don't we start with dinner?"

"In the mess hall?" Kathryn wasn't sure that she was comfortable with that, especially since she didn't know what was happening, so the chances of explaining anything to the crew - who would ask - were null and void.

"Here?"

She nodded against his side. "I'll cook."

He kissed the top of her head but slipped out of the bed before he spoke. "I'll alert the Doctor."

***

"I think I have a date."

B'Elanna's arm paused mid-way towards console in front of her and her head turned to frown at Kathryn. "With who?"

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "Who do you think?"

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure that we're having dinner? Yes. Sure that it's a date? No."

It had felt like the offer of a date.

Her hesitation of doing it in public had been conducive to how she'd feel if they were going to date.

B'Elanna stared at her for a moment. "Do you want it to be a date?"

"Well..." Did she really want to 'date' Chakotay? After everything that had happened between them - and was date even the appropriate word, given their history together? - did she really want to open that potential can of worms? "...yes."

"So," B'Elanna grinned. "What are you going to wear?"

Kathryn groaned.

***

The replicator beeped to let her know that the entree was ready and Kathryn reached for the plate and cursed as it burned her fingertips.

"Warning. Plate is hot."

"Now you tell me." She glared at the replicator that was determined to make her look stupid and grabbed a cloth. "You go for authenticity and what do you get? Second-degree burns. I've been slaving over that damn replicator program for hours."

"It's important to put effort into hospitalizing your guests, I take it?"

She put the plate on the table and flicked his arm with the towel. "Watch it or you're eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"I think that might be safer."

Kathryn rolled her eyes and sat, dishing up their entrees, leaving his comment alone - especially since there may have been an element of truth to it. "What was this bizarre rumour I heard about half the crew on deck five getting pregnant?"

"Oh, that." Chakotay shook his head. "The Doctor was running generational projections on the Sickbay computer. Tom Paris happened to glance at the monitor and jumped to conclusions. Wasn't long before Neelix was asking me if he could turn Cargo Bay one into a nursery."

Which explained why three different people had come to congratulate her on the ‘impending arrival of the twins.’ "Word travels fast on this ship, hmm?"

"Warp ten." He nodded.

"Oh, by the way, I meant to tell you." But I got distracted being a total girl and trying to figure out what to wear tonight. "There's a Class K nebula twenty five light years off starboard. We should take a look."

"A major detour for a minor nebula." He huffed and shrugged. "We are explorers, I suppose."

"So they tell me."

He nodded. "Permission granted; alter course."

The replicator chimed again and Kathryn looked up.

"Main course." Rising, she moved to stand beside him, a hand on his shoulder and her mouth close to his ear. "It's a recipe I've never tried, but we are explorers, remember."

Chakotay laughed and poured them some more wine as she went to collect their main - with the towel - and served the food.

He watched her as she served the vegetable stir fry that her Grandmother had used to make, a small smile playing on his lips. Kathryn could feel his eyes on her but she forced herself to focus on their food.

When they both had full bowls in front of them and she'd sat back down at the table, she had no choice but to meet his eyes - slightly tinted gold from the light of the two candles in the flower centrepiece - and hold his gaze.

"Hello." He said softly.

"Hi."

"I'm Chakotay. I like you."

"I'm Kathryn." She couldn't help the grin. "I like you too."

Using the chopsticks that she had laid out for him, Chakotay picked up some of the vegetables and lifted them to his mouth, sighed, and deposited them back into the bowl. "Is this weird?"

Kathryn frowned defensively as she looked down at her food. "It's not poisonous."

"That's not what I meant," He chuckled.

"I assume you meant this, then." She waved a hand over the table.

Flowers, candles, wine and water glasses, her good china, soft music playing in the background, her in a dark blue dress, he in dress slacks and the white shirt with pin stripes that she loved so much.

There was no mistaking what they were doing.

"Yes." He nodded. "I think I expected it to be harder."

Kathryn coughed and bit her lip to stop a smile or an inappropriate response from escaping.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do." She had expected it to be harder, too.

It felt like they shouldn’t just be able to sit down and have a meal as a pre-curser to a relationship, even though that was what most other couples did.

By the same token, she felt like they deserved that it be easy.

"I guess we shouldn't question it." She said with a shrug, sipping her wine and wondering why her stomach was so knotted that she didn't want to eat.

He nodded, agreeing, and once again began the process of picking up food with his chopsticks.

This time, the vegetables actually made it to his mouth and he nodded again, obviously convinced that whatever poison she had used would be slow-acting and tasteless.

Kathryn watched him eat - and was aware of exactly how strange that was - as she gripped her wine glass tightly in one hand and left the other lying limp in her lap. For as much as she tried to kick her brain into gear, she couldn't stop herself from just sitting there, staring at him like an idiot.

When Chakotay looked up and saw her frowning, his chopsticks paused mid-way to his mouth and he cocked his head to the side. "What's wrong?"

"It's really weird." She sighed.

This was Chakotay for god's sake, not some random man that she was having dinner with and playing the 'getting to know you' game.

And, yet, she couldn’t shake the nerves that she had always associated with a first date.

Questions popped into her mind and made her frown: What if he doesn’t like me? – he did – what if I eat to much? – not possible with him – do I look OK? - he’d whistled when he entered her Quarters to find her in a dress, that couldn’t be bad. Doubts crawled into her mind and settled into her thoughts like a dark, oppressive cloud.

She wasn’t supposed to be nervous.

He was, if nothing else, the closest friend she had.

“It will get easier.” He promised, smiling in understanding and, perhaps, just a little amusement.

Kathryn arched an eyebrow. “So we have to practise?”

“Until we’re perfect.”

Well, she could probably live with that.

***

Kathryn sat on the Bridge, reading on the console between their chairs and trying desperately not to look up and catch his eye.

After their initial period of nervousness, she thought that they’d managed to put that aside somewhat easily and enjoy their meal. Dessert had been consumed on her sofa, long after she’d kicked the uncomfortable heels off when he had admitted that it was strange for her to be that tall against him. If the man didn’t expect her to ruin her feet for the sake of beauty, she thought that she probably couldn’t ask for much more than that.

After dessert - coffee ice cream for her, chocolate for him - Chakotay had, once again, slept in her bed, but it had been just that – sleeping.

Regardless of the tendrils of desire that clutched at her, Kathryn just wasn’t prepared to put herself in a vulnerable position with him again.

At least, not yet.

Not until she knew that he wasn’t going to turn into an ass when he next had a bad day or a passing alien looked twice at her.

Their newly mended friendship was too tentative for her to risk ruining with something as trivial – in the grand scheme of things – as sex.

“I'm picking up some interesting graviton fluctuations about ten light years away.”

Chakotay leant closer to her – God, he smelt good – and read the display. “Can you be more specific?

“Not at this distance.” She shook her head and lowered her voice. “I want to take a closer look.”

He nodded and turned to face the helm. “Tom, alter course.”

Kathryn heard the turbolift doors open and glanced up as Seven and B’Elanna stepped onto the Bridge and moved to stand in front of Chakotay.

“Captain, I need permission to shut down the sensor grid. Seven thinks a couple of insects are disrupting the power flow.”

“A mating pair of photonic fleas, to be more accurate, and possibly their offspring.” Seven elaborated.

Chakotay raised his eyebrow. “And how did you arrive at this theory?”

“Last night, I downloaded six months of ship status reports into my new cortical subunit while I was regenerating.”

“Learn while you sleep.” Tom nodded, then winced. “I tried that once, gave me a headache.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes and nodded to Seven. “Go on.”

“Eight weeks ago, an away team encountered a Kartelan freighter carrying supplies from sector four nine two, a territory that included a former Talaxian colony. Mister Neelix used the opportunity to acquire twelve kilograms of amber spice, a delicacy among his people.”

B’Elanna frowned, clearly unconvinced by Seven’s explanation. “What does that have to do with the sensor grid?”

“On the same day Mister Kim was repairing a replicator in the Mess hall.”

“I remember that.” Harry nodded. “Neelix told me to stick around and try something he was cooking.”

“No doubt made with the amber spice which contained the larvae of the photonic fleas.”

“How could you possibly know that?” B’Elanna wrinkled her nose at the thought and Kathryn mirrored the expression.

“Because I also downloaded data regarding their life cycles. The larvae flew out of the spice jar in search of their primary source of nourishment; plasma particles. The conduits within the nearby sensor grid contain an unlimited supply of these particles. Mister Kim had unwittingly given the creatures access by exposing the grid. The now mature creatures periodically tap into the conduit for nourishment. When they do, the sensor emitters momentarily lose their resolution.”

Tuvok looked up from tactical. “A logical, though highly speculative, analysis.”

Chakotay nodded, acknowledging everyone’s words. “Kathryn, go with Seven and see what you can find. Permission to shut down sensor grid granted.”

***

As they crawled through the Jeffries tubes, Kathryn shot a quick glance at the woman crawling beside her. “Everything OK?”

“Are you enquiring as to my health?”

“Well, yes. Your health, your mentality, you in general.”

“Lesson three. Small talk.” Seven muttered, nodding to herself. “I am fully functioning, thank you, and yourself?”

Kathryn resisted the urge to laugh. Seven may have been blunt, but she was certainly honest. “This isn’t a lesson in social settings, Seven. I’m just asking how you are.”

“I am well.”

That took way too much effort. “I’m glad to hear that. Are you still seeing Mister Chapman?”

“No. I have terminated our affiliation.”

Kathryn wasn’t going to comment.

Reaching the area that Seven’s theory had pinpointed as the location of the photonic fleas, Seven pulled the casing off to reveal the infected gel pack.

Kathryn couldn’t help but think that, while annoying, they were also kind of cute. “Let's find a more suitable home for them.”

***

After dealing with their minor infestation, Kathryn had only been back on the Bridge for a few moments when Harry called out, “I'm picking up graviton fluctuations.”

“Take us out of warp.” Chakotay ordered. “On screen.”

Kathryn squinted when some…thing appeared on the view screen, trying to name what she was seeing but finding the word(s) eluding her.

“Anybody want to hazard a guess?” Tom cocked his head to the side as he studied the object from a new angle.

“They are hailing us.” Tuvok called.

Chakotay nodded. “Let’s hear what they have to say.”

An alien not entirely dissimilar from humans appeared on the screen. “I recommend maximum shielding. There are a few technical issues I haven't worked out yet.”

“There's a massive graviton surge coming from that thing.” Harry called, supporting the statement.

Tuvok signalled his acknowledgement. “Shields to full.”

“Your apparatus appears to be destabilising.” Chakotay told the man on the view screen.

“If I don't find a way to repair this power core they'll be able to see the explosion all the way to, er, where did you say you were from?”

“I didn't, but we're from a planet called Earth.”

He nodded. “All the way to Earth.”

Kathryn frowned. “Can we ask you what it's supposed to do?”

“Catapult a vessel across space, in the time it takes to say ‘catapult a vessel across space.’ It'll make warp drive look like a wooden sled.”

Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged glances, their thoughts running in the same direction before Chakotay turned back to the alien on screen.

“Maybe we can help you with that power core.”

“You want to help me?”

Kathryn shrugged one shoulder. “If we can.”

“We could bring you to our Ship in order to discuss the matter further.” Chakotay offered.

The alien paused for a moment, considering the offer, before he nodded. “Very well.”

***

They all filed into the briefing room to listen to the alien – who had introduced himself as Tash in the transporter room – explained exactly what his catapult was designed to do.

“The core sends a graviton surge through the projectors which locks onto a ship and sends it hurtling into null space, to emerge a few hours later hundreds, if not thousands, of light years away.”

While his hand gestures were grand and his speech elaborate, they could all see the potential behind such technology.

Chakotay leant forward in his seat a little. “I'm curious why you built this catapult.”

“Simple.” Tash shrugged. “I've been looking for a way to get home.”

“We know the feeling.” Harry sighed.

Tash shot him a sympathetic glance before he continued, gesturing wildly as he spoke. “I'd been exploring an unstable wormhole. Before I knew it, I was here and my home planet was there. I was facing a journey of at least ten years. Instead, I decided to build a catapult.”

“Have you tested it yet?” B’Elanna asked.

Kathryn could practically see her desire to get inside the catapult and pull it apart as she tried to understand the mechanics of it.

For that matter, Kathryn herself wouldn’t mind having a few hours to poke around in there.

“Two weeks ago I sent a probe nearly six hundred light years, but it destabilised the core. I've been trying to fix it ever since.”

“We can send an Engineering team over to help you.” Chakotay offered without hesitation.

Tash shook his head. “No, no, it's too dangerous. I wouldn't send my own crew in there.”

Harry didn’t look deterred. “Then we could find a way to adjust the core reaction from here.”

“A few well timed graviton pulses from our deflector dish might do it.” B’Elanna nodded.

“That's generous, but I have nothing to give in return.”

“We're not asking for anything in return.” Kathryn replied quietly.

Tash looked down for a moment before his features lit up. “You could use the catapult after I've made my jump! It should still be functional. A few thousand light years won't exactly get you back to Earth…”

“But it would cut a few years off our trip.” Harry finished for him.

“If you're successful, and if I'm satisfied a jump would be safe for Voyager, then we'll take you up on that offer. Thank you.” Chakotay nodded and looked around the briefing room table. “Let's get started.”

Kathryn didn’t move as everyone filed out of the room.

“What do you think?” Chakotay asked as soon as the doors closed behind Tash and B’Elanna’s, cutting off what they could hear of their animated and heated discussion.

“I think he’s right; a few thousand light years isn’t much.” Kathryn sighed. “But Harry is right, too. That’s a few years that we wont have to spend out here and that can’t be a bad thing, can it?”

“That’s what I was thinking.” He nodded. “I was also thinking about dinner.”

She huffed a little in amusement. “I think it’s your turn to cook.”

Chakotay grinned. “Works for me.”

***

Kathryn thought it highly unfair – though beneficial to her, she admitted – that Chakotay could cook real food while the best she could do was replicate something and hope that it didn’t come out charcoaled or liquefied or poisonous… or all three, on one really bad day.

She sat on the bench top and watched him dice and slice – though how he had gotten Neelix’s permission to use the kitchen, she didn’t want to know – and silently grumbled to herself.

“So…” She asked, for lack of anything to do – she was under strict instructions not to get in the way – until he was finished. “Are we eating in the mess hall tonight?”

“Nope.” Chakotay didn’t look up from chopping something that resembled an onion but may very well not have been. “We’re taking the soup back to your Quarters.”

Kathryn frowned. “Why not just program it in the replicator?”

After all, he didn’t have to support a coffee addiction; he could afford to buy them dinner.

“You need a good home cooked meal, Kathryn.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You sound like my mother.”

“Then your mother is a very smart woman.”

“She’ll love you for saying that.”

“I hope she’ll love me anyway.” Chakotay replied quickly. “But if flattery is what it will take…”

Kathryn snorted. “You should know that flattery will get you no where with a Janeway woman.”

Turning to smile at her, Chakotay kissed her cheek. “I don’t love you because you’re easy.”

She let a soft smile play on her lips as he continued chopping the vegetables.

***

For the second morning in a row, Kathryn found herself smiling as she set about getting ready for her shift.

Chakotay had already left for the Bridge – something about an engineering report that was destined to make his brain bleed – and she was enjoying the relative peace as she moved unhurriedly about the bedroom.

Since, of late, Chakotay was on the Bridge at least an hour before her, waking up with him for the second morning in a row meant that she had a little time to potter around until she had to put in an appearance for Alpha shift.

As she went about making the bed, she couldn’t help but grin – and she was well aware that she looked ridiculous – as she folded his boxer shorts and placed them under the pillow that he’d been using.

Though they had shared a bed three nights straight, nothing had actually happened between them beyond a chaste goodnight kiss – waking in his arms didn’t count – and Kathryn was determined that nothing would until she felt like she could trust him with her heart.

Pushing the thoughts away before she got too distracted, Kathryn folded her own nightgown and mentally ran through her to do list for the day.

Aside from helping Tash with his catapult, she had an appointment with Kes scheduled for mid-morning and B’Elanna had mentioned wanting to have lunch at some point this week, which Kathryn made a mental note to schedule at some point.

The chime on her door rang and she pulled her leather vest on and called for entry, smiling at Seven as she stepped into the living room.

“Good morning.”

Seven frowned – was it that odd to see her smiling? – and shook her head a little. “Perhaps not. The alien, Mister Tash is trying to deceive us. His catapult is the same type of technology that was used to trap Voyager in the Delta quadrant five years ago.”

“I scanned the catapult myself. Sensors didn't pick up anything unusual.” Kathryn frowned; she had spent hours yesterday pouring over the scans. Something clicked. “You spent the night in your new alcove.”

Seven nodded in conformation, her hands behind her back. “Processing the same sensor information and cross-referencing it with Voyager's database. When the catapult destabilised yesterday, Astrometric sensors recorded a momentary burst of epsilon radiation.”

“Unusual, but not unheard of.” Kathryn relented warily.

“Epsilon radiation is one the by-products of a tetryon reactor. According to your own entries in the database, your only encounter with that kind of technology occurred more than six years ago in the Alpha quadrant. A coherent tetryon beam locked onto Voyager, and you were hit by a massive displacement wave, which pulled you across seventy thousand light years in a matter of minutes. The source of that tetryon beam was the Caretaker's array. Mister Tash claims that his catapult will be able to do something very similar.”

Kathryn had a really, really bad feeling about where she was heading with her recap of how they’d ended up in the Delta Quadrant. “He didn't want us to send over a repair team.”

“Out of concern for our safety.” Seven repeated Tash’s earlier explanation. “It's obvious he was trying to hide his tetryon reactor.”

“The first time we met a Caretaker we were pulled halfway across the galaxy. The second time we were almost killed. I'm not eager for a third round.” Kathryn was already halfway out the door before Seven finished speaking and she called her response over her shoulder, jogging her way to the turbolift and breathlessly calling for the Bridge.

***

Kathryn stood in engineering and watched as the Doctor scanned Tash.

After Seven had announced her findings, Kathryn had run to the Bridge and informed Chakotay, who had promptly ordered that the Doctor don his mobile emitter and meet them in engineering, where Tash and B’Elanna were working on the catapult.

Tash scowled as the Doctor scanned him again. “Is this any way to treat a colleague?”

No one responded.

“Not so much as a molecule of Caretaker DNA in him.” The Doctor finally announced.

“Thank you, Doctor.” Chakotay nodded to the Doctor and turned his attention to Tash as the other man continued to scowl at them. “There's a tetryon reactor powering your catapult. You didn't want us to find it, did you?” Tash didn’t respond. “Unless you answer my questions, I'll resume course and you can ask somebody else for help.”

He sighed. “I acquired the tetryon reactor at great cost. This territory is full of species who would do anything for such advanced technology, including steal it. I apologise for the deception, but you do understand.”

Chakotay paused for a moment as he considered the response, before he shrugged. “We made an agreement to co-operate. I see no reason not to continue.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

“Keep me informed on your progress.”

B’Elanna nodded. She understood the silent request to keep an eye on their ‘friend.’

Kathryn pulled Seven to the side. “That reactor had to come from somewhere. We can't just ignore the possibility of a Caretaker nearby. Keep scanning. See what you can find.”

She had already spoken to Chakotay and they both agreed that it wasn’t a possibility that Voyager could afford to ignore.

“There is another possibility.” Seven replied, her voice low as she eyed Tash and B’Elanna as they worked, Chakotay hovering nearby. “The reactor may have come from the same array that originally brought Voyager to the Delta Quadrant.”

“That's a long shot, Seven.”

“Maybe not. Again, according to your own reports you believed the only way to keep the array from falling into the wrong hands was to destroy it. It's possible the destruction was incomplete.”

“And one of the reactors survived? We scanned for debris. There was nothing left but some fused pieces of metal alloy.” Kathryn shook her head.

They had scanned the remains of the caretaker’s space station extensively – before the sudden change in command structure – half hoping that everything had been obliterated and half hoping that there was something salvageable that could have gotten them home.

“I wish to re-examine the sensor records from that event.”

“In case we were mistaken.” Kathryn summarized.

Seven nodded. “Yes.”

It couldn’t do any harm. “Go ahead.”

Nodding again, Seven exited engineering and Kathryn followed her, keeping her steps slow until Chakotay was beside her.

“B’Elanna’s keeping an eye on Tash?” Kathryn asked quietly as they headed towards the turbolift.

“Yes,” Chakotay replied. “What’s Seven up to?”

“She’s re-checking the sensor logs from the day Voyager was brought into the Delta Quadrant.” As they rode the lift, Kathryn quickly filled him in on her conversation with Seven.

“Let me know if she finds anything.” He told her as they moved to their respective chairs. “Until then, we play the waiting game.”

***

The waiting game, as it had turned out, hadn’t lasted more than a few hours.

B’Elanna and Tash had finished working on the catapult a lot quicker than expected - though with half-Klingon stubbornness and diligence working for them, they should have expected it - and they were now ready for Tash’s ship to test it out.

“The tetryon reaction is stable.” Harry called. “Graviton field is set for a one hundred light year jump.”

“The catapult's locking onto him.” Kathryn added as she read the display between their chairs.

“We're being hailed.”

Chakotay nodded at Tuvok’s words. “On screen.”

Tash’s face appeared on the view screen, a slightly smile of triumph – or trepidation? – on his face. “I'll contact you the moment I re-enter normal space. Thank you, Captain.”

“Our pleasure.”

“Goodbye to you all.”

The link closed and silence reigned for a few moments, until Harry’s voice called out again.

“Catapult is at full power.”

“Final launch sequence has been initiated.” Tuvok confirmed.

They watched the catapult on the view screen and Kathryn audibly gasped when Tash’s ship disappeared in a bright flash of light.

“He's gone.” Harry said, but they had all seen that for themselves.

“How long before we can expect to hear from him?” Chakotay asked, sharing a small smile with her.

“If his vessel survived, one or two hours.” Tuvok replied.

“Seven of Nine to Captain Chakotay.”

Chakotay tapped his comm. badge. “Go ahead.”

“I require your assistance in the Astrometrics lab.”

He shot Kathryn a puzzled look and she shrugged. “On my way.”

***

It was just over an hour and a half later when Tuvok called out, “I'm picking up a transmission, heavily distorted.”

Harry read the sensor data on his console and couldn’t help but grin. “He made it.”

A heavily distorted noise and fuzzy image appeared on the view screen.

Kathryn frowned. “Can you clear it up?”

“It was a complete success.” Tash’s grinning face announced. “Five thousand light-years.”

“Are you all right?”

Getting that much closer to home was great, but Kathryn – and she knew that Chakotay would agree with her – wasn’t interested if the crew was going to be hurt in the process.

“A few systems overloaded but nothing serious. I had to readjust my shields during mid-flight. Almost lost my outer hull. I'm sending you the modifications.” He tapped a few commands into the console in front of him and then looks back up as Chakotay entered the visual rang of the view screen. Tash smiled. “My catapult is yours, Captain. Good luck.”

Kathryn turned when the link closed and smiled at Chakotay. “We should get that data down to B'Elanna. Tell her to enhance our shields.”

Chakotay eyed her warily. “So, you think that we should go ahead with the jump?”

“Well, we should run a few more tests, launch some probes, but if it all checks out I see no reason not to.”

“I've received the telemetry.” Harry confirmed.

Chakotay nodded. “I'll take it to Engineering.”

Kathryn was about to offer to go with him when her comm. badge chirped. He moved away before she could stop him.

“Seven of Nine to Kathryn Janeway.”

Seven only used her full name in a hail when something was wrong. Kathryn frowned. “Go ahead.”

“I need to speak with you in the Astrometrics lab.”

“I'm on my way.”

Her frown deepening, she made her way to Astrometrics, unable to quell the knot of worry in her stomach.

When she entered the lab, Seven turned and nodded her greeting.

“Computer, seal the door and deactivate internal sensors to this room.”

The computer beeped. “Acknowledged.”

Kathryn’s frown grew even deeper. “Seven?”

“I believe Chakotay and other members of the crew are involved in a conspiracy to resurrect the Maquis rebellion.”

She laughed; she couldn’t help it. “Did Chakotay put you up to this?”

It would be just like him to plan something as elaborate as getting Seven’s serious tone to say something like that in order to make her smile.

“Voyager and the Federation itself are in grave danger.”

Kathryn frowned. “Seven, the Maquis have all been killed. And, really, I am Maquis now. I hardly think our friends are a danger.” Not to mention the man that she was currently sharing her bed with.

It was completely ludicrous.

“I've concluded that Chakotay intends to use the catapult to launch attacks against Cardassian and Federation Starships.”

Now Kathryn was worried.

Even though Voyager was, technically, a Maquis ship now, there was still a part of her that would fight Chakotay to the death if he ever wanted to fire on another Federation Ship.

While she understood – and to an extent, agreed – with the Maquis’ view of Cardassians – having been a ‘guest’ of them herself had helped to cement that view long before she met Chakotay – Voyager had never been designed to fight the war against them.

Chakotay may have been a Maquis, but he wasn’t stupid.

When they got back to Earth, the fact that he had effectively stolen a Starfleet vessel and blackmailed a Starfleet Captain was going to hurt his chances of a pardon. He might not care about what Starfleet did to him upon their return, but there was no way that he would let his crew - and more importantly, his friends -suffer if he could avoid it.

Though they hadn’t actually discussed it, Kathryn had no doubt that, when they reached the Alpha Quadrant, Voyager would be heading to Earth, not some backwater Maquis outpost to drop off the original members of the Liberty so they could avoid whatever punishment Starfleet was going serve them.

With that in mind, Kathryn shook her head at Seven. “What you're saying makes no sense.”

“Improbable as it may sound,” At least she acknowledged that, Kathryn thought. “I found compelling evidence to support my theory.” Seven brought up some of the readings on the main view screen. “In the months before Voyager's arrival, Mister Neelix recorded the sudden appearance of fifty two vessels… including this one.”

Kathryn gasped at the Ship on screen.

Every Starfleet officer knew what one of those ships were and what it was capable of. “A Cardassian warship.”

“I've analysed the hull geometry and warp signature. It was one of the same ships that were pursuing Chakotay and his crew in the region known as the Badlands.” Seven raised a pointed eyebrow before she continued. “It was pulled into the Delta quadrant by the Caretaker during that engagement. According to Federation records, that same Cardassian warship was found destroyed in the Badlands several days later. The investigation revealed that it was attacked by the Maquis. I believe that, for some unknown reason, the Caretaker had sent this ship back to the Alpha quadrant and that Chakotay attacked the vessel before it could reach its destination. He downloaded its computer core and discovered the presence of the Caretaker's array. He realised that the array could be used by the Maquis as a weapon, to launch surprise attacks against Cardassian and Starfleet vessels.”

When Seven finished stating her case, Kathryn still felt the urge to laugh.

Her evidence was compelling, certainly, but there was one thing that she seemed to have forgotten.

“Well, I highly commend you for your imagination, but Tuvok was a spy on Chakotay's ship. If your theory were true, Tuvok would have known about it and reported the information to me.”

Seven nodded. “He does. Tuvok has been collaborating with the Maquis resistance all along.”

With all the trouble that Tuvok had had just calling Chakotay ‘Captain’ – despite the fact that he’d done it on the Maquis ship for months – Kathryn couldn’t believe it. “That's not possible, Seven.”

“With Tuvok's assistance, Chakotay plotted a course toward the next likely appearance of the Caretaker's displacement wave, offering his vessel as bait.” She continued, ignoring Kathryn’s protests. “His ploy almost succeeded, but the Caretaker was more powerful than he anticipated. His crew was taken captive. A few days later, Voyager arrived and facilitated their escape. Chakotay seized that opportunity to make one last attempt to gain control of the Array, but then you gave the order to destroy it.”

“Circumstantial evidence, not proof.” Kathryn shook her head.

“Who carried out your order to destroy the array?”

Damnit. “Tuvok.”

“Using what type of technology?”

Kathryn sighed when she realized that just by answering truthfully, she was making Seven’s case for her. “Tricobalt devices.”

“He set the yield to twenty thousand teracochrans. It was enough to tear an opening in subspace.” Seven brought up another display, this one of the wreckage that had been left from the explosion of the Caretaker’s array. “A cloaked ship locked on to one of the reactors before the blast, protecting it from the blast and hiding it from Voyager's sensors. The reactor was retrieved and carried by a series of vessels until it was delivered to Mister Tash, who was well-compensated by Chakotay to build the catapult. He was waiting here for Voyager so Chakotay could complete the mission he was forced to abandon six and a half years ago.”

“I'd be willing to consider this theory of yours if I didn't know Chakotay as well as I do. There is no one on this ship I trust more.” Regardless of their ups and downs over the years, she knew that was true. “What you've done here is build what we call a house of cards.”

Seven raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Stardate 48439.7 Chakotay forces you to relinquish control of Voyager, thereby making it easier for him to decide the fate of the crew and their mission. Stardate 48658, Seska is revealed to be a Cardassian spy. She defects to the Kazon and impregnates herself with Chakotay's DNA. Was he unaware of the procedure, as he claims, or were they working together, to create a new Kazon sect to capture Voyager? Or perhaps Chakotay planned to use the child to lure you into a more trusting state and blind you to his true agenda. Stardate 49522, Chakotay orders that we establish trade relations with the Kolhari. Their technology uses tetryon power cells. A simple diplomatic overture, or was he seeking a source of energy for the catapult? Stardate 49571…”

“Stop.” Kathryn had heard more than enough. “Tell no one about what you’ve found.”

Turning, she called for the computer to remove the lockdown and exited Astrometrics, her heart somewhere in the vicinity of her throat as she made her way towards the armoury.

***

Kathryn scanned the Alcove, running her tricorder up and down the outer most panels in the hopes of picking up something, anything, that would prove Seven wrong.

“I picked up a power surge coming from the Cargo Cay.”

She tried not to jump when she heard Chakotay’s voice behind her, but Kathryn thought that he saw her reaction anyway.

“I detected the same thing.” She hadn’t until the tricorder had registered the residual energy. “You think it's the enhanced alcove.”

He shrugged one shoulder, his expression carefully guarded as he looked at her. “Could be.”

“Let's take a look.” She moved to the side so that he could step up with his own tricorder and repeat her scans. Kathryn eyed his waist pointedly. “Are phasers standard equipment on board now?”

Chakotay looked down at her waist with the same pointed gaze. “I guess they must be.”

Ignoring his comment, she focussed on the alcove in front of them.

“The data buffer's been activated.” Chakotay said.

Kathryn didn’t miss a beat. “I wanted to make sure it wasn't malfunctioning.”

“Well, you should be careful.” Chakotay raised his eyebrows. “Somebody might think you were trying to delete a few files.”

Stepping back, Kathryn folded her arms across her chest. “Why would they think that?”

“Some of those files could contain sensitive information.”

She nodded. “If that's true, somebody might think you were trying to do the same thing.”

“Is that so?”

Kathryn took a deep breath before she jumped straight to the matter at hand. “That catapult out there, it's a powerful piece of technology. If the Maquis ever had access to something like it they might have been successful.”

“And if we had, your mission to the Delta quadrant never would have gotten off the drawing board.”

She frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“The mission you've been on for the last six years.”

Kathryn frowned. Has he finally lost it? “Mission? Chakotay, you run this ship.”

“Was that part of your initial mission too?”

“What mission?”

“Seven showed me the sensor records.” He told her. “I saw the tractor beam. I know that your mission was to get close to the Maquis. Gain our trust, so you can secretly set up a Starfleet presence in the Delta Quadrant.”

“She showed me the same thing, but she implicated you in some kind of Maquis plot.”

A plot that, at the time, had seemed far too believable for Kathryn’s liking.

“Same evidence, two different theories.”

She sighed. “It all started with those damn photonic fleas. She was downloading Voyager's database.”

“And we bit like hungry fish.” Chakotay’s skin flushed and he echoed her sigh. “I guess you were right.”

“Right about what?”

He shrugged. “You said I don’t trust you enough.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t exactly leap to your defence when Seven was sprouting evidence.”

Well, she had, but she hadn’t protested very long.

“So… what now?”

Kathryn held out her hand. “Friends?”

Taking her hand, Chakotay pulled her into his arms. “Slightly more than that, I’d say.”

Sighing into his neck, she breathed in the familiar scent and held her body close to his. “I agree.”

“Bridge to Captain Chakotay.”

Chakotay didn’t let her go when his comm. badge beeped and Kathryn couldn’t say that she was sorry about that in the slightest. “Go ahead, Harry.

“I just picked up an unauthorised launch of the Delta Flyer. Seven's at
the helm.”

Then Chakotay did let her go.

“Set a pursuit course.”

“Acknowledged.”

He closed the link with Harry and tapped his comm. badge again. “Chakotay to the Doctor.”

“Sickbay here.”

“Get down to Cargo Bay two. Run a diagnostic on Seven's alcove.” Kathryn nodded when he spoke.

“On my way.”

“I'm glad we got that settled.” Kathryn smiled when he’d closed the link to sickbay.

Chakotay leant forward and kissed her cheek. “Likewise.”

“Chakotay, let's keep this one out of our logs, huh?”

“Gladly.”

Turning, his hand moved to the small of her back, little more than a light caress, as they exited the cargo bay together.

***

“She's altering course, heading for the catapult.”

They had only just stepped onto the Bridge when Tuvok spoke.

“Maintain pursuit.” Chakotay ordered. “Open a channel.”

“No response.”

“Try to beam her out.” Kathryn offered.

Harry shook his head. “She's done something to alter her bio-signature. I can't get a lock.”

“Target her propulsion and weapons.” Chakotay ordered. “Fire.”

“Our targeting scanners are out of alignment.”

Too smart for her own damn good. Kathryn sighed. “She must have done it before she took off.”

“She's charging weapons.” Harry called.

“Keep trying.” Chakotay ordered.

“Doctor to the Captain.”

Chakotay tapped his comm. badge. “Any luck, Doctor?”

“I’ve analysed her alcove.” He replied. “Seven downloaded too much data into her cortical implant. She's trying to make sense of more information than she can process.”

“Understood.”

Kathryn kept her voice low - though Tuvok’s superior hearing would have ensured that he heard her anyway - and held Chakotay’s eyes. “Beam Kes and I onto the Delta Flyer.”

“I'm going with you.”

“No.” She shook her head. “Kes and I have a better chance of getting through to her alone.”

Kes had been her mentor since Seven had first come onboard and, despite their slightly rocky relationship, Kathryn had managed to find something akin to friendship with the former Borg.

“This isn't part of your mission, is it?” Chakotay’s tone was teasing, but his eyes still showed some residual concern.

Kathryn didn’t blame him.

“Is it part of yours?” She returned evenly.

He held her eyes for a moment and, apparently, saw whatever he was looking for. “Good luck.”

***

When they materialized in the back of the flyer, Kathryn was unsurprised to find a force field keeping them at bay.

“You came here hoping to stop me.” Seven said as she kept her focus on the console in front of her. “You will fail.”

“Turn this ship around, that's an order.”

Kes frowned at that, but Kathryn knew that she at least had to try the easy way first.

“Your orders are irrelevant. I'm no longer under the command of Voyager.”

“There is no conspiracy. There is no grand Maquis plan. The Federation aren’t planning to invade the Delta quadrant.”

“I realise that, because I finally uncovered your true objective.”

“What is Kathryn’s true objective, Seven?” Kes asked softly.

“Me.”

“You?” Kathryn repeated, frowning.

“Stardate 32611, the Federation sends my parents to study the Borg Collective. They know my family will be assimilated. That was their intention. Stardate 48317, Voyager is sent to the Delta quadrant with orders to retrieve me. When they reach Borg space Captain Chakotay, under pressure from Kathryn Janeway, negotiates an alliance with the Collective in exchange for information regarding species 8472. They agree to give her Seven of Nine. Stardate 51030, The Doctor extracts the implants from my body to remove any knowledge I have of her agreement with the Borg. Stardate 53329, Chakotay and Janeway finalize plans to use the catapult to deliver Seven of Nine to the Alpha quadrant, where Starfleet will dissect and analyse the drone to gather tactical data to fight the Borg. I won't allow you to complete your mission. If necessary I'll destroy the catapult, and myself.”

Kathryn didn’t think she’d ever heard Seven speak with quite that much emotion in her voice before, or that many different tenses and pronouns in her sentences, for that matter.

“You're right, Seven, there is a conspiracy here, but I believe it's a conspiracy of one. I've got a theory of my own.” Kathryn didn’t expect her to turn around, but she noted that Seven raised her head slightly to listen. “Your modified alcove threw your synaptic patterns into chaos and your mind can't make sense of all the information, so you're generating theory after theory in an attempt to bring order to that chaos.”

“Your reasoning is flawed. My alcove is functioning perfectly.”

“What about you?” Kes asked. “You're not a drone anymore; you can't always predict how Borg technology will affect you. You should be in Sickbay, not behind that force field. Let us help you, Seven.”

She could see Seven’s hand hover over the controls to the force field for a moment before she snapped her hand back to ‘joystick’ that Tom had installed in an indulgence of adolescent fantasies.

“No. I don't believe you.”

“Of course you don't. Anything we say gets woven into your paranoid conspiracies. But you should believe us, Seven, because we've never lied to you, and I'm not lying to you now.”

“You have to put your doubts aside and trust us.” Kes added. “We’re your friends.”

“No.” Seven shook her head vehemently. “I do not believe you!”

“Stardate 51030, Seven of Nine is severed from the hive mind. Kathryn tells her not to resist, that she'll learn to accept her humanity. Seven complies and slowly begins to embrace her individuality. Does she regret that decision?” Kathryn paused and, when no answer came, continued. “Stardate 51652, Kes encourages Seven to develop her social skills. Seven insists it's a waste of time, but after further requests she pursues it and begins to develop her first human friendships. Did Kes lead her astray?” Again, no answer. “Stardate 52840, Kathryn tells Seven to study her parents' journals. Seven claims they're irrelevant, but eventually she reads them and rediscovers part of her own past. Stardate 52841, for the first time, Seven says thank you to Kathryn.”

There was silence in the small craft and Kes smiled at her, trying to let her know without words that she agreed with everything Kathryn had said.

No one spoke for almost a minute and the flyer didn’t change course.

“It was Stardate 52842, oh six hundred hours in the Mess hall. We had just finished breakfast.” Seven corrected.

“My mistake.” She smiled. “Stardate today, Kathryn and Kes beam aboard the Delta Flyer. They remind Seven of the bond that's grown between them. Seven lowers the force field and she decides to come home.” Kathryn took a deep breath.

“All we’re asking is that you trust us again.” Kes finished for her.

The force field shimmered out of existence and both Kes and Kathryn smiled in relief as Kathryn tapped her comm. badge.

“Delta Flyer to Voyager. Three to beam out.”

***

After further testing, they had managed to reactivate the catapult and were hurtled across ninety sectors of space.

In less than just three hours, they managed to cut nine years off their long journey, bringing their remaining time to the edge of the Delta Quadrant down to thirty-five years. It wasn’t ideal, but it was still half of what they had initially been facing and she’d take that.

As she sipped at her coffee, Kathryn sighed in contentment.

Despite the incident on the Delta Flyer and the large amount of knowledge that she had downloaded, the Doctor had been able to repair Seven of Nine's cortical processor and she had returned to duty before they’d exited the path of the catapult.

All in all, it had been a relatively successful day.

“I heard the strangest rumour today.” She said, playing idly with the rim of her cup as the remains of dinner sat on the table between them. “Apparently, the Captain and First Officer almost came to blows.”

“Mutiny on Voyager?” Chakotay mocked gasped. “Again?”

“Mmm… the Captain walked the plank.” Kathryn shrugged and casually sipped her coffee. “So I heard.”

“I don't believe a word of it.” He smiled.

Her smiled matched his. “Me neither.”

“Seven was malfunctioning.” He said quietly, their humour and their smiles gone. “We don't have that excuse.”

“You're right.” Kathryn sighed. “We've been through too much to stop trusting each other.”

Chakotay nodded and raised his cup to his lips, pausing to frown at her. “You didn't poison the coffee did you?”

“Not any more than I usually do.” Kathryn grinned.

He took a sip of the coffee but grimaced - no cream or sugar - and put it back down on the table.

“Chakotay?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Kathryn?”

“I’m sorry.”

He nodded. “Me too.”

“It’s been a really long day.” She sighed. “Perhaps we should make it an early night?”

“Oh. Yes, of course.”

“Good.” Kathryn nodded and rose, blowing out the candles on the table quickly before she turned and headed to the bedroom. When she reached the threshold, she turned and cocked an eyebrow at him. “Coming?”

***

When the hail came, Chakotay tapped his comm. badge. “Go ahead, Seven.”

“I've detected what appears to be a micro-wormhole at co-ordinates one nine four point six by three five.”

“A micro-wormhole.” Kathryn repeated, her eyes slightly wider than normal.

“I believe a message is being transmitted through it, on a Starfleet emergency channel.”

Chakotay shot her a look and they both frowned.

Though, when they had first been able to receive the communication from Starfleet, Kathryn had received a letter from Admiral Paris - a letter that she had later let Chakotay read - there was still some concern over what Starfleet would say if they were ever given the chance to talk face-to-face, as it were.

Though Kathryn didn’t doubt that they would allow communication between the Voyagers and their families, there would no doubt be some - And Necheyev came to mind - that would object to the Federation funding any sort of contact between what they believed were terrorists and people that could potentially be terrorist contacts.

“Let's hear it, Harry.”

“Starfleet Command to USS Voyager. Come in, Voyager.”

The voice - male - that came through was distorted, the message cutting in and out.

“Try applying a narrowband filter to the signal processor.” Kathryn called, unconsciously holding her breath.

“Do you hear me? This is Lieutenant Reginald Barclay.”

“That's it.” Harry frowned as he looked down at the console in front of him. “Whoever this Barclay is, he stopped transmitting.”

“The micro-wormhole is collapsing at a rate of point two percent per second.” Tuvok called.

Kathryn frowned and looked to Chakotay.

“That doesn't give us much time.” He told her.

“To do what?”

“To send a message back through and hope Mister Barclay is listening.” He replied calmly. He nodded to the view screen and raised an eyebrow at her, waiting.

“Me?”

“I don’t think they have much to say to me, do you?” His voice was light but there was a slight sadness in his gaze.

She looked to Harry and he nodded that the signal was transmitting and the link was open. “Starfleet Command, come in. This is Kathryn Janeway. Do you read me?”

There was a few tense seconds of silence as they waited.

“This is Lieutenant Reginald Barclay at Starfleet Command.”

Unconsciously, Kathryn stood up straighter and felt the habitual voice of command come over her for the first time in years. “It's very good to hear your voice, Lieutenant. We've been waiting a long time for this moment.”

“The feeling is mutual. Unfortunately, the micro-wormhole is collapsing. We have only a few moments.”

“Understood.” What the hell was she supposed to do? Make small talk until they were cut off?

Chakotay jumped to his feet and nodded to Harry. “We’re transmitting our ship's logs, crew reports, and navigational records to you now.”

“Who is this?”

“That’s the Captain.” Kathryn replied automatically.

Barclay didn’t miss a beat. “Acknowledged. And we're sending you data on some new hyper-subspace technology. We're hoping eventually to use it to keep in regular contact, and we're including some recommended modifications for your comm. system.”

“We'll implement them as soon as possible.” Chakotay nodded to her to take over again.

“There's someone else here who would also like to say something.”

Kathryn could only imagine Neychev standing there with her snide little face, just waiting for her chance to ream her out.

It would be the first trans-Quadrant dressing down.

“This is Admiral Paris.”

Or not. “Hello, sir.”

“How are your people holding up?”

Chakotay didn’t move to speak so she took the hint. “Very well. They're an exemplary crew, your son included.”

“Tell him… tell him I miss him.” She could hear the emotion in his voice. “And I'm proud of him.”

Kathryn moved forward to the con and put her hand on Tom’s shoulder, squeezing it softly. She could feel the slight tremble there but didn’t comment. “He heard you, Admiral.”

“The wormhole is collapsing.”

She heard Barclay’s voice beginning to distort and thought that she might sell most of her organs to the Vidiian’s if she could just let the crew have a few moments with their family.

Hell, most of the crew would probably settle for talking to Admiral Paris - former Starfleet and Maquis members alike.

“I want you all to know we're doing everything we can to bring you home.”

“We appreciate it, sir. Keep a docking bay open for us. We hope to see you very soon.”

No response came and Kathryn turned and faced the Bridge crew, frowning.

“They’re gone.” Harry told her quietly.

***

They had gathered in the mess hall to celebrate.

At the end of the day, regardless of who they were and what organization they reported to - or didn’t report to, as the case was - everyone was just happy to have made contact.

Starfleet might have been unimpressed by the state of Voyager’s command, but Kathryn didn’t doubt for a second - and she thought it likely that Chakotay would agree - that they would contact their families.

“Anyone know this Barclay?” B’Elanna asked, nursing her glass of champagne as the available crew mingled.

Kathryn had a feeling that even the people still on duty were probably doing more celebrating than working and she didn’t blame them for a second.

The Doctor, glass in hand for some unknown reason, nodded. “I took the liberty of reviewing his personnel file. He's had a rather colourful career, not to mention an unusual medical history. He's recovered from a variety of maladies, including transporter phobia and holoaddiction.”

“Well, whatever his problems, he certainly came through for us.” Kathryn raised her glass a little in silent salute.

Chakotay sat at her side, one hand resting lightly on her thigh under the table that the senior staff had claimed as their own. “Starfleet should give him a promotion. Or we could make him an honorary Maquis.”

“I've finished analysing the data Mister Barclay sent.” Seven told them. “The hyper-subspace technology is promising. I believe we can look forward to future communications with Earth.”

“Well, that calls for a toast.”

Kathryn smiled. Typical Neelix.

“Care to do the honours, Tom?”

“To my Dad. It's nice to know he's still there. And to the newest honorary member of the Voyager crew, Reginald Barclay.” He paused with his glass mid-air, frowning a little. “Whoever you are.”

“To Mister Barclay.” They chorused.

Sipping her drink, Kathryn excused herself and moved into the galley in search of a pot of coffee.

As nice as it was to celebrate, one glass was her limit of the potent concoction that Neelix had made as a substitute for the real thing.

Aside from that fact, with all the excitement of the communication and the hours that had followed which had seen them analysing the data Starfleet had sent through, she hadn’t had a chance to have her afternoon coffee and she was likely to get a headache at some point if she didn’t indulge her addiction.

Frowning as she looked around the galley, Kathryn looked in the cupboards and the refrigeration unit - hell, she’d settle for his ‘better than coffee substitute’ at this point - and her frown deepened when she couldn’t find anything resembling black ambrosia.

“You’re an addict.”

Looking up from where she was, crouched down and peering into the storage containers, Kathryn grinned. “I admit it though, so I’m already on the road to recovery.”

A hand held out a silver mug that looked extremely promising. “I hate to see a grown woman looking so pathetic.”

“I’ll get you back for that remark.”

B’Elanna raised her eyebrow as she relinquished her hold on the cup. “After you’ve had your caffeine hit, right?”

“Naturally.” Inhaling the sharp scent, Kathryn sighed happily as she took a long gulp. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” B’Elanna leant against the counter. “Want to tell me what’s going on now?”

“Going on with what?”

“We’re not playing this game again.” B’Elanna told her sternly. “With you and Chakotay.”

“What do you mean?” Neither of them had announced the subtle change in their relationship.

As far as Kathryn was aware, no one actually knew at all.

“I’ve had at least three people independently tell me that they’ve seen him leaving your Quarters of a morning to go to the Bridge.” B’Elanna raised an eyebrow and, when no answer came, shrugged and continued, “Not to mention the fact that you haven’t been around much after shift in the last week, so I can only assume that there’s something better waiting for you at home.”

“Let me ask you something,” Kathryn said, cradling the coffee. “Do you actually work down there in engineering or just get reports on my activity?”

B’Elanna laughed. “Some days I do wonder.”

“You and me both.”

“So… what’s going on? You look happy.”

“I am happy.” It was strange to admit that. “As for what’s going on, things have… developed.”

“And?”

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean ‘and’? And what?”

“You’ve been waiting a really long time for this…”

Didn’t she know it! “Yes…”

“Is it everything you hoped it would be?”

“Technically, we’ve only been seeing each other for a week.” She shrugged one shoulder, not really offering an answer.

Yes, she was happy.

Yes, it was everything that she had wanted for a long time.

But, in reality, they had only recently changed the nature of their relationship and Kathryn thought it far too soon to form a concrete opinion about that. Yet.

“How much time do you need?” B’Elanna frowned. “If it’s good, it’s good. If it’s bad, you beat him over the head until he gets it right.”

“Until he gets what right?”

“Until he gets…” B’Elanna shot her a confused look. “What do you think we’re talking about here?”

“My relationship with Chakotay.” Kathryn’s own look of confusion easily matched hers.

“None of us every doubted that your relationship would work itself out eventually, when you both stopped being so stubborn and pigheaded. But that’s not what I’m asking about.”

Kathryn planned to let the ‘stubborn’ and ‘pigheaded’ comment slide, particularly since they were true. “Then what are you asking about?”

She shook her head. “Sex, Kathryn.”

Oh!

Oh!

Oh…

“We haven’t… I mean…” She could feel her skin flush as the words caught in her throat but, try as she might, the ability to form a coherent sentence seemed to escape her.

“Isn’t he staying in your Quarters?”

“Yes.”

“And you haven’t…? At all? Ever?”

B’Elanna didn’t know about what had happened during their week of ‘bliss’ and Kathryn wasn’t sure that she was prepared to explain it right now.

Regardless, she’d didn’t have the ability to lie to her friend.

“We have. Once. A long time ago.” Kathryn frowned as she kept her eyes focussed on the countertop.

Whatever reply B’Elanna had been working on - and Kathryn could imagine - it was abandoned when Chakotay moved to lean on the counter beside her, smiling at them.

“Got your fix yet?”

“Yes.” She forced a smile onto her face. “I’m good.”

“Yes,” He agreed. “You are.”

While it bothered her that they weren’t together in that respect, what bothered Kathryn more was the fact that she hadn’t even thought about it until B’Elanna brought it up.

Forcing a smile, Kathryn nodded to the table that they had commandeered. “We should rejoin the others.”

***

When she entered the bar - pub, she mentally reminded herself - Kathryn looked around the crowded room and frowned.

It took only a moment or two for her to realize that her chances of finding Tom or Harry amongst the throng of people was slim to none and she made her way through the crammed bodies to the bar, waiting until the bartender noticed and approached her.

“What'll it be?”

“I'm looking for some friends of mine.”

He smiled charmingly. “Well, we're all friends here.”

“Well then, have you seen Tom Paris?”

He pointed to the centre of the room. “He's right over there, with young Harry. Poor sod. I'm afraid no one's whipped Liam in three years.”

When a small gap appeared in the group surrounding the table - someone fetching another round, no doubt - she could see Harry engaging in an arm wrestle with a large local. No chance in hell, Harry. “There's a first time for everything.”

“An optimist, are you?” The bartender asked, an eyebrow raised and the smile still firmly in place.

“A realist.” She countered easily. “Thanks for the help.”

Nodding, he smiled again before moving to serve a paying customer.

Turning, Kathryn pushed her way through the multitude of bodies in time to see Harry press his opponents arm down onto the table.

Well I’ll be damned.

Harry, while clearly exhausted, jumped up out of his chair. “Yes! Yes!”

“I knew you could do it.” The Doctor - what on earth is he wearing? - beamed.

“So this is the program that I've been hearing so much about.” She said, catching the attention of the Voyager crewmembers around the table, as well as a few locals.

“Welcome, weary traveller.” Tom greeted.

“You have outdone yourself this time.” She praised. “Everything is authentic, except for one tiny detail.”

“Oh?”

“The harp on the sign. It's backwards.”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, everybody's a critic.”

“As I recall, Kathryn is quite an aficionado of Irish history.” The Doctor replied quickly.

“As much as I hate to break up the party,” She smiled and shrugged a little “we have some business to attend to. There's a neutronic wavefront approaching. Class nine.”

Though she could have hailed them, Kathryn had wanted to see what all of the fuss was about over the latest program that Tom had designed. The crew were fairly buzzing about it.

From what she had seen of Fair Haven thus far, she was impressed.

While they made their excuses to the locals - and Tom said something about bad weather to explain away her strange language - Kathryn turned and moved to the exit.

When she looked around the room, the bartender caught her eye and smiled again, nodding his head slightly.

***

“Borg classification three four seven nine two. Particle density anomaly.” Seven explained.

They stood in Astrometrics, a visual from the sensor scan on the screen in front of them, Tom and Harry still in their ‘Old Irish’ clothes.

“Where'd it come from?” Tom asked.

“I believe it was formed by the collision of two neutron stars.” Seven replied. “The wavefront is travelling at a velocity of two hundred thousand kilometres per second, and it extends for three point six light years.”

Chakotay frowned as he watched her recording of the wavefront’s activities. “How long before it hits?”

“Approximately fifteen hours.”

“We're already feeling its effects.” B’Elanna told them. “The neutron radiation is disrupting plasma flow. We can't jump to warp.”

Tom cocked his head to the side as he watched the display. “Impulse power won't be enough to outrun that thing.”

“Then we'll have to ride it out.” Chakotay replied.

“If we generate an inverse warp field and drop anchor, that should protect us from the turbulence.” Kathryn offered.

“What about the radiation?” Chakotay asked. “It'll only get worse.”

“We can have the doctor prepare inoculations for the crew.”

Chakotay nodded. “Go to yellow alert. Tom, B'Elanna, get started on converting the warp core.”

“Aye sir.”

“Let's batten down the hatches.” Kathryn grinned while Chakotay shook his head good-naturedly at her.

***

“Kathryn.”

She looked up at the sound of Chakotay’s voice as he startled her out of her thoughts.

”Just burning the midnight oil.” She explained guiltily.

“Midnight's come and gone.” He told her, gently scolding as he slid into the seat across from her.

Kathryn felt her cheeks flush as she nodded and dropped her PADD to the table. “Then it's time for a break. I could use some company.”

“Why are you still up?”

“This approaching wavefront, it's bringing back some unpleasant memories.” She admitted.

“How so?”

“You know I grew up on a farm in Indiana.” He nodded. “We used to have some terrible thunderstorms during the summer months. At the first bolt of lightning I'd bolt under the bed.”

“We had some pretty nasty weather on Trebus, too. I always enjoyed a good ion storm.”

She shuddered from the memory of huddling under her bed. “Give me clear skies any day.”

“I can’t believe that you’re afraid of thunderstorms.”

“Not afraid, per se,” She protested. “More overly cautious, I’d say.”

He nodded and she knew he didn’t buy it for a second. “Now that you bring it up, I am concerned about keeping up morale over the next few days. We all know what happens when the crew is forced to sit still.”

Memories of the void flashed through her mind, but she pushed them away forcefully. “Suggestions?”

He tugged at his earlobe. “Everyone seems to love Fair Haven. I was thinking we might initiate an open door protocol on the Holodeck, keep the program running twenty four hours a day. Let people come and go as they please. What do you think?”

“Fair Haven's just become our port in the storm.”

“Good.” He nodded, satisfied. “Now, why don’t you come to bed?”

“I just need to-”

He raised an eyebrow and gave her a pointed look that told her that it hadn’t been a suggestion.

She nodded. “Let’s go.”

***

Ordering the computer to turn the lights in the bathroom off, Kathryn moved into the bedroom, tying her long hair back into a loose pony tail as she went.

Chakotay was already in bed, the sheet resting lightly over him as the light from the stars gently illuminated the room.

When she slipped into bed beside him, he automatically rolled to his side and reached for her, pulling her into his arms as she sighed happily and made herself comfortable.

As she settled, Kathryn sighed again, though this time her sigh wasn’t a reflection of happiness.

“Going stir crazy already?” Chakotay murmured, a hand running the length of her spine, tickling her through the silk of her gown.

“I know it’s only been a day.” She replied. “But I can’t help it.”

The memories of inactivity from the Void lingered in her mind and she couldn’t stop the small shudder of fear that they could face a repeat performance at any point.

She knew that three days of boredom was extremely different to a year of nothingness, but she couldn’t help it.

Kathryn remembered her own depression and remembered how easy it had been to slip back into that hazy fog. Though she had never given into the temptation, she could imagine what would have happened if she had.

“Why don’t you spend some time in Fair Haven?” He suggested quietly. “Keep yourself busy.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about.” She admitted quietly.

“I’m fine, Kathryn.”

He leant down - to prove his point or, perhaps simply because he wanted to - and brought their lips together.

The kiss was slow, leisurely. A simple pressure against her mouth. His tongue poked out, licking at her bottom lip as his teeth nipped at her until she opened her mouth for him.

Chakotay swallowed the moan that left her and Kathryn threw a leg over his thigh, pressing herself closer to him as desire started a steady thrum through her body.

He pulled back and she shuddered, keenly aware of the loss and even more aware of the hardness that throbbed against her belly before he separated their lower bodies.

With her leg still lying over his thigh, she struggled to force her breathing back into a regular rhythm as he watched her, pupils darkened with his own desire, mirroring the look that she imagined was on her face.

Her eyes slipped closed as she sighed again.

“Why aren’t we having sex?” She blurted.

It was easy to whisper her concerns to the dark. She could keep her eyes closed and not look at the expression on his face.

“I didn’t want to push you.”

She opened her eyes then and raised her eyebrow. “It’s hardly pushing when I’m not saying no.”

“You want to have sex?”

“You don’t?”

He pressed their lower bodies together again and raised an eyebrow.

Kathryn didn’t say anything, but then he bent forward to kiss her again and she knew that she hadn’t needed to.

Like the first, this kiss was slow and languid as well. She ground herself against his erection and whimpered her protest when he pulled back far too soon for her liking.

She opened her mouth to offer a verbal protest but then his hand landed on her thigh and started a slow path upwards while he held her eyes, watching her reactions.

Kathryn didn’t move or let herself show any kind of expression, but she kept her eyes on his and let him set his own pace.

When his hand touched the wetness between her thighs, she couldn’t stop a moan of appreciation.

Encouraged, Chakotay moved slowly, letting his fingers dance through her moisture, spreading it, making her shiver. He traced the lips of her vagina, tickling and arousing all at once.

His thumb found her clit, pressing lightly against her.

Even if she had tried, Kathryn knew she couldn’t stop her hips from pushing back against him, her body screaming for more as her heart pounded and blood rushed loudly through her.

His forefinger teased her, tantalizingly circling her opening before slipping past. Finally, the head of his finger pushed into her and she couldn’t stop the memory of him - more of him - inside of her.

She froze.

All at once, the demeanour of her body changed.

Panting from fear instead of desire, she pulled herself away from his hands, his body, him, and slid quickly out of bed.

“Kathryn-”

“No.” She was shaking as she stripped her nightgown and struggled into the first set of clothes that she found, uncaring whether or not they were clean or dirty, a thousand thoughts and feelings that she couldn’t understand running through her. “Don’t.”

Turning, she fled the bedroom.

“Kathryn! Come back!”

She could hear him calling to her as she left her Quarters and jogged quickly to the nearest turbolift.

When the doors opened, she stepped in and turned, desperately trying not to look at Chakotay as he came running towards the closing doors, still clad in his boxer shorts.

Closing her eyes and running a hand through her hair, she called for the lift to take her somewhere - anywhere - and sunk back against the wall, panting and shaking and trying to understand where the irrational fear had suddenly come from.

***

She hadn’t intended to go to the Holodeck, but the open door policy had already been implemented and Kathryn knew that, while she didn’t want to be alone, she also didn’t have any desire to try and explain something that she didn’t understand to someone that would ask questions.

When she walked into the local Fair Haven pub, she wasn’t surprised to find it empty. Despite the ever-changing rotation of the shifts, most people still avoided the holodecks during what their body knew was ‘night.’

The bartender, Michael Sullivan, Tom had told her his name was, looked up from drying glasses when he heard her entrance. “What'll it be?

She was tempted to order a whiskey. “A cup of tea would be nice.”

“I just made one.” He nodded to one of the tables that had a teapot and several cups on it. “Cream?”

Though she didn’t like cream in her tea, normally, maybe the sugar rush would do her some good. “Please.”

He nodded, pouring her a cup as he gestured for her to sit. “So, what brings you to Fair Haven, Miss?”

“Kathryn.” She supplied. “I'm just passing through on my way home.”

“How long have you been on the road?” Michael asked, passing her the tea as he sat opposite her.

“Six years.” God, had it really been that long? “Almost seven.”

“You must be homesick.”

“Sometimes.” Mostly she tried not to think about it. Sipping the tea, she nodded and raised her cup slightly. “Thank you.”

“Cead mile failte.”

Kathryn raised her eyebrow. “Translation?”

“A hundred thousand welcomes. It's an old Irish saying.” He smiled shyly. “We're all friends here.”

“I had an aunt who used to have a saying like that; A stranger is a friend you just haven't met yet.”

“Definitely Irish.” He grinned.

“She had an Irish temper, too.” She couldn’t help but grin back. “She and my uncle had a place not far from here, in County Clare.”

Michael nodded. “Ah. Then you are, in fact, closer to home than you think, Katie O'Clare.”

She sighed.

Michael was wrong; she knew how close home was… just a few decks below her, to be exact.

Running away from Chakotay - and her fear - wasn’t going to do any good.

Kathryn knew that she needed to go back to her Quarters, hope he was still there, and talk her irrational reaction over until she understood the nature of the beast and could fight it off.

Full of confidence, she drained the last of her tea. “You know, it's later than I thought and I've kept you long enough.”

“No, stay awhile. Didn't your aunt teach you that it's impolite to leave without playing a game of rings?”

She shook her hand and rose from her seat. “I really can't, but thanks for the tea.”

Turning, she moved towards the door.

“Afraid you'd lose?”

She stopped mid-step.

Kathryn knew a challenge when she heard one and, like someone of true Irish descent, she wasn’t sure that she could walk away.

Turning, she grinned and shook her head. “I rarely lose.”

“Prove it.”

Clucking her tongue, she shook her finger at him. “One game.”

Michael grinned. “I'll set them up.”

***

During their fourth game, Kathryn became pointedly aware of the fact that rings were not her strong suit.

Michael made his throw and the ring landed smoothly over the post. “Another ringer.”

“And I'm not surprised.” Kathryn rolled her eyes. “You stepped over the beer stain.”

“Did not.”

She put her hands on her hips. “You did too, by half a boot, and then you moved back, hoping I wouldn't notice.”

He looked down. “These boots are half a size too large, so in reality my toes never crossed the line. Your turn.”

Shaking her head good-naturedly, Kathryn moved to stand behind the beer stain and kissed the ring in her hand. Michael raised an eyebrow and she shrugged, slightly.

“For luck.” Which I apparently need.

“Getting sweet with the rings isn't going to help you.”

“We'll see.” She tossed the ring and it clinked against the post before falling to the floor. “Damn.”

“Devil won't help you, either.”

Moving back to the bar, she sipped at her shot glad - second or third? - and shrugged again. “Well, maybe rings aren't my forte after all. Would you care to arm wrestle?”

“That's not a woman's game, Katie. You could get hurt.”

“I'm stronger than I look.” Rolling her eyes, Kathryn propped her hand up, elbow resting on the bar top.

Mirroring her position, Michael gripped her hand and they began to push against each other.

“Ah! That's quite a grip you have.”

“Not bad yourself.” She returned through gritted teeth, her voice more strained than his had been.

“I couldn't help but notice that you have your leg braced against the bar.” He said idly.

“Well, how else do you expect me to win?” Bringing her other hand up, Kathryn pulled with all of her weight.

“Will we call it a draw?” he offered.

Thank God! “Sounds good to me.”

Pulling away, Kathryn downed the last of her shot as she tried to catch her breath.

“Shall we run a foot race down to the station and back?” He offered with a mischievous grin. “It's good to make a new friend. You have a nice way about you.”

“Flattery's the food of fools.” She grinned.

“Another pearl of wisdom from your auntie?”

“No, Jonathan Swift”

“Swift?” Michael shook his head as he poured them both another shot. “Never heard of him.”

His words startled her for a moment before she shook it off and forced her voice to remain neutral. “He was an author.”

“I was never one for reading.”

“That's too bad. Some of the greatest writers in the world are Irish.”

“Well, they say that Doctor Gilroy has a library of books and, well, next time I see him I'll ask him can I borrow one or two.”

“Good morning.” A female voice called, stopping whatever reply Kathryn had been going to make.

Michael turned. “Good morning. Oh, my God, will you look at the time? Frannie, come here. There's someone I want you to meet. Katie O'Clare, this is my wife, Francis.”

Kathryn held her arm out and shook the other woman’s hand, smiling. “Pleased to meet you.”

“I hope Michael hasn't been bending your ear all night long.”

She shrugged and grinned. “My ear, my elbow.”

“We were arm wrestling.”

At Michael’s explanation, it finally hit Kathryn that it probably looked like she had been flirting with him.

Had she?

She didn’t know.

Spending the evening with someone who didn’t know her, drinking and playing rings and arm wrestling, had been a wonderful distraction from everything that she didn’t want to think about.

But as Frannie looked at her and quite obviously had an air of caution about her, Kathryn had to wonder if it actually had been that a good idea.

If she worried about what a holographic wife though… what would Chakotay think?

Suddenly sober despite the synthonol still in her system, Kathryn composed herself and moved towards the door. “Thank you very much for your hospitality and now I really must be leaving.”

“Drop in again before you leave town.” Michael smiled.

“I’ll try.”

***

By the time she made it to her Quarters, Chakotay had already left - if he’d even stayed the night after she had fled, that was - and Kathryn decided that she had enough time to treat herself to a quick water shower before she pulled on a fresh pair of leathers and attempted to face the day on no sleep.

There was a message on her portable terminal that the Doctor wanted to see her and Kathryn was grateful that the effects of the synthonol had left her system as soon as she’d left the holodeck.

Promising herself that she would find Chakotay as soon as she had been to sickbay, Kathryn hurried out the door.

She passed several crewmembers on her way but the best she could do was nod to them.

When she entered sickbay, Tom and the Doctor were involved in some kind of verbal sparring match, while Kes stood back and shook her head in amusement, a soft smile of familiarity on her face.

Waiting until they were finished - for now - Kathryn smiled. “Good morning, gentlemen.”

“I believe it's afternoon.” The Doctor replied. “Oversleep?”

Kathryn flushed. “Holodeck.”

“Fair Haven?”

She smiled at Tom. “Welcome, weary traveller.”

“Even I have to admit that Mister Paris' latest literary effort is quite a tour de force.”

“Ooh, high praise from a hologram.”

Tom ignored her comment. “I was thinking, now that we've got this open door policy, maybe I could expand Fair Haven into Holodeck two. It would give me some room to create the seacoast.”

She nodded. “I’ll talk to the Captain.”

“Speaking of revisions,” The Doctor added with a raised eyebrow, “I was hoping I could give my character a more active role. In the period you've created, the village priest was the most prominent member of the community, held in the highest regard.”

“That's a great idea, Doc. We could send Father Mulligan on a retreat to a nearby monastery where he takes a vow of silence and never ever speaks again.”

The Doctor didn’t even blink. “Try it, and you'll be saying Hail Mary's till St. Patrick's Day.”

Tom rolled his eyes. “If you’ll excuse me, I have Bridge duty.”

Kathryn waited until he’d left before she turned back to the Doctor. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes. Please come into my office.”

She followed him with a frown and sat across from him as he took a seat behind his desk. “What’s wrong?”

“We’re drawing up a schedule for the yearly physicals.”

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. “And you’re giving me advanced warning so I can have a good excuse ready?”

“Actually,” if it was possible, the Doctor looked extremely uncomfortable. “You never renewed your booster.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve heard that you and the Captain are… well.” He coughed. “Perhaps there’s not truth to the rumours, but-”

“They’re true.” She confirmed.

It was easier than explaining what was really happening - not that Kathryn was certain that she knew what was happening.

“I see.” He nodded, his face professionally impassive again. “Well, would you like to update your booster or-”

“Can I get back to you?” He raised an eyebrow and she could almost hear the argument he was prepared to make. “I promise I’ll come back before the end of the day. I’ll even volunteer to have my physical first.”

“By the end of the day?” He confirmed.

“I promise.”

“Very well.”

If she promised the Doctor that she’d have an answer for him, she would have no choice but to talk to Chakotay.

Kathryn hated that she had to force herself to speak with him about what had happened, but she knew her own powers of avoidance well enough to know that she could easily leave it and simply ignore the issue completely.

With that in mind, she nodded goodbye to the Doctor and Kes and left sickbay.

***

As she stepped onto the Bridge and quietly moved to her chair, nodding a greeting to those that looked up from their stations, no one said anything about her late appearance.

Thankfully, even Tom chose to stay silent.

Chakotay - and she noted with a sigh that he refused to make eye contact with her, but she didn’t really blame him - turned and raised an eyebrow at Tuvok. “Time?”

“Thirty seconds.”

“Let's see it.” He brought the wavefront up on the view screen and Chakotay tapped his comm. badge. “All hands, this is the Captain. Secure your stations and brace for impact.”

Beneath them, the ship shuddered and shook under the force for several long moments before stilling again.

“We've cleared the leading edge.” Tuvok confirmed. “Turbulence is decreasing. Shields are holding.”

“Damage?”

“We've got a ruptured plasma conduit, deck nine.” Harry called.

“Send a repair team. Maintain yellow alert.”

Kathryn looked at Chakotay and raised her eyebrow. “Let's hope that was the worst of it.”

“We’ll see.” He replied quietly.

“Can we talk?”

He nodded. “Ready Room.”

She followed him, listening with half an ear as he turned the Bridge over to Tuvok.

“Coffee?” He asked politely when the doors closed behind them.

Yeah, like I need a buzz right now… “No, thank you.”

He shrugged and ordered a tea for herself before he moved to sit at the desk and gestured to the chair across from him.

Moving to sit, Kathryn felt more like she was having a meeting with the Captain as opposed to a discussion with her lover.

Well, would-be-lover.

Chakotay stared at her expectantly, sipping his tea patiently.

“I spent the night on the holodeck.” She said.

It wasn’t the opening that she would have liked, but at this point Kathryn was going to run with whatever she could.

“I know.”

Of course he’d known; she hadn’t doubted that he would ask the computer for her location at some point when she didn’t return.

“Tom wants to expand Fair Haven into Holodeck 2.” She nodded, if only for something to do. “I said I’d ask you.”

“Permission granted.”

“The crew will be pleased.”

“And you?”

“It’s a nice program.” She admitted.

“Yes.” He agreed. “It is.”

“Chakotay…” She sighed. There was a defence for her behaviour on the tip of her tongue, but she just couldn’t make herself say the words. She settled for, “I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“Last night. I shouldn’t have run out.”

“Why did you?” He tone wasn’t accusing, simply curious and concerned.

“Because we were… well, you were… and I…” Her skin flushed and she sighed, wondering if she would have the power of coherent thought at any point in the near future. “I don’t know.”

“I didn’t want to push you.” He said quietly.

“You didn’t. If anything, I pushed you!” Her realization in the mess hall had startled and shocked her. They had danced around each other for years, the air around them charged with tension. “I wanted to.”

Sex should have been one of the first things on their mind, not some kind of afterthought.

Chakotay raised his eyebrow. “Do you know what changed?”

“No.” Now she felt stupid and miserable. “I just panicked. I don’t know why.”

“Think about it.”

She blinked. “What?”

“Think about when you panicked.”

When she thought about it, she could almost feel his skin against hers, his eyes watching her intently, full of patient promise.

His hand had been between her thighs and, when a finger had entered her, she hadn’t been able to stop the memory of their only previous encounter from entering her mind.

Unconsciously, her eyes flicked down to the desk and she frowned.

“OK… I don’t think I understand.”

“What happened the last time you and I had sex?”

As soon as he said it, she froze.

“Have you considered that it was probably your own body’s survival instinct to flee?”

How the hell did he know that?

Kathryn looked down at herself and wondered how he could be so insightful in regards to the inner workings of her brain when, right now, she was having a hard enough time trying to deciding between crossing her legs at the knee or the ankle, never mind psychoanalysing herself.

“No, I hadn’t considered that.” She admitted quietly, her eyes remaining downcast. “But, I’ve dealt with that.”

“Have you? Really?”

Well, when she had first miscarried, she had spent three days off duty trying to come to terms with what had happened and, when Voyager had landed for shore leave, she had found a local hotel room and tried to grieve in complete solitude.

And then, of course, there was his late night visit three weeks ago that had actually sparked their sleeping together.

Kathryn couldn’t help the knot in her stomach when she remembered what he had said and how she had reacted.

How much more ‘dealing’ with it did she have to do?

Apparently, more than she had.

“I guess not.” She finally conceded.

Kathryn hadn’t actually noticed the tear slip past her eyelid until he stood and moved around the desk to kneel in front of her, a thumb wiping the moisture away.

“Don’t cry.”

“Why are you so damn patient with me?” She sniffed.

“You know why.”

Kathryn shook her head and snorted angrily. “Apparently I don’t know all that much right now.”

He pulled her down onto his lap as he fell back into a sitting position on the floor, holding her while she sniffled against his shoulder.

“We’ll cross that bridge later.” He told her, kissing the top of her hair.

Nodding, she let a few more tears escape before she took a deep, shuddering breath and decided that now was as good a time as any. “The Doctor called me to see him this morning.”

“What did he want to see you for?” Though his voice was even, she felt him tense beneath her.

“I never updated my boosters.” She replied quietly. “And he’d hear rumours about you and I, so…”

“So you had it done this morning?”

“No, I said I’d talk to you first.” She shrugged at his surprised look. “I have to give him an answer today, though. And I had to volunteer to be the first in line for the annual physicals.”

He sat silently for a moment, just holding her, thinking, before he finally replied. “I think it’s fair to say that now is not the time for us to risk it.”

“Because of outside influences, or…?”

“Or.”

They both knew that ‘or’ meant her apparent inability to really deal with the miscarriage.

Kathryn knew that she couldn’t argue the point.

Nodding her understanding against his chest, she sighed. “I’ll see the Doctor this afternoon.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

The procedure itself would be over in a matter of minutes and the only side effect was a slight feeling of pressure in her belly after the Doctor inserted the implant, which she would get used to. “No, I’ll be fine.”

“Yes,” He agreed, finding her hand with his and squeezing it reassuringly. “You will be.”

***

When she entered sickbay, she was more than a little surprised to find Tuvok lying on a biobed as Kes scanned him.

“Kathryn.” The Doctor blinked and clearly tried to mask his surprise. “You’re here.”

“I did promise, Doctor.”

“So you did.” He nodded. “Shall I also expect you here at the beginning of shift on Wednesday for your physical, too?”

“Yes, I’ll be here.”

“Excellent.” He grinned, clearly pleased that one of his most troublesome patients was agreeing to come for her annual physical without the aid of a security detail and/or chloroform. “Did you consider what we discussed earlier?”

Kathryn nodded. “Yes. I’m here to have my update.”

“I see.” His face was impassive but Kathryn couldn’t help but wonder what he thought. “Lie on the biobed and raise your shirt.”

Moving to one of the vacant beds, Kathryn did as she was asked and smiled in greeting to Kes before frowning at Tuvok. “What happened?”

“Space sickness.” Kes replied, patting his hand. “That hypospray should take effect soon, Tuvok.”

He nodded as he pulled his body into a sitting position. “Thank you.”

Kathryn shot him a small smile as he rose and moved towards the doors.

As she waited for the Doctor, she couldn’t help but wondering if doing this would actually solve anything or not.

Did knowing that there was no chance that she would have to live through a miscarriage again automatically mean that the idea of sex wouldn’t make her freeze in blind terror?

Or did the guaranteed preventative simply mean that she would be able to continue to ignore that it had affected her?

Beyond that, was it sex that had terrified her, or was it just sex with Chakotay?

While she wasn’t particularly keen on the idea of finding another partner to test that theory out on - and thinking of the look on Chakotay’s face if she ever asked him made her snort in almost amusement - she couldn’t help but wonder.

She had known for years that she would, eventually, like to have children. With Justin they had been too young and both too busy to ever really talk about it; with Mark she had been too focussed on her career to consider that she could balance both motherhood and Starfleet.

With Chakotay, though…

She wasn’t a Captain anymore; the Ship wouldn’t stop functioning if she were waddling around with a protruding stomach. None of the crew would object if she carried and birthed his son or daughter. In fact, Kathryn rather thought that they would probably celebrate if she ever announced that a baby Janeway was on his/her way.

Sighing, she decided that she needed to fix her relationship with Chakotay before she could let her thoughts continue down this road. Being on boosters would make both of their lives easier, if only for the time being.

Closing her eyes, she nodded to herself as she heard the Doctor move back into the room.

***

It had been ten hours since the storm hit.

They had estimated that it would be roughly another three days before Voyager would be completely clear of it.

The crew were in good spirits, and many of them had taken the opportunity to visit Fair Haven, while Tom continued to work at expanding the program into holodeck 2 and his latest project had the hidden benefit of keeping Voyager’s ‘three musketeers’ occupied as they helped him add the coastline.

Kathryn sat in her chair and took the time to read a few mind-numbing reports, banishing any thoughts that didn’t have to do with the warp core or the sensors from her mind.

“Looks like the worst is yet to come.” Chakotay announced as he stepped onto the Bridge.

“Chakotay?”

“I just came from Astrometrics. Seven's found an increase in the neutronic gradient at the trailing edge of the wavefront. It's going to be a rough ride when it hits.”

“We've still got two days.” Kathryn replied.

“Thankfully.” He nodded and turned to Harry. “Start working on a new shield modulation.”

“Yes, sir.”

“That could explain my recent space sickness. Vulcan physiology is highly sensitive to neutronic gradients.” Tuvok added.

Tom snorted but didn’t turn around. “You'd make a good barometer, Tuvok. Every time you get queasy, we go to red alert.”

Kathryn coughed to cover her amusement.

If she had learnt one thing about Tom Paris over the years, it was that he certainly knew how to lighten the mood. Though she would admit that it was usually at the most inappropriate times.

Chakotay’s own eyes twinkled in amusement as he sat in the Captains chair, turning his head to smile at her.

Smiling back, she couldn’t help but believe that they would figure it out - ‘it’ being them, Voyager, life, the universe, whatever - sooner or later.

***

As she finished getting ready for bed, Kathryn couldn’t stop the slight swell of nervousness that rose within her.

She knew that, if she didn’t say anything, Chakotay would simply be content to hold her as they drifted off to sleep, but she also knew that she needed to confront this irrational fear and she needed to do it before she lost her nerve completely.

Squaring her shoulders and telling herself that being nervous with him was ridiculous - the last few weeks alone had proven that he wouldn’t press the issue until she made some kind of sign that it would be welcomed - Kathryn entered the bedroom and crawled into bed beside him.

In a strange repeat of the previous night, he rolled over onto his side and smiled gently.

Biting her lip, she looked him in the eye, read his expression and knew in an instant that she would have to be the one to make the first move before anything would happen between them.

Unfortunately, that also meant that she had ample opportunity to simply ignore what was - or rather, wasn’t - going on between them and Kathryn was under no illusions that she wasn’t capable of that.

No, she told herself firmly, you will not do that.

Leaning forward, she kissed him lightly, pressing her lips against his quickly before pulling back to watch the expression on his face. As chaste as her kiss was, she knew that he didn’t miss the implication.

“This doesn’t have to happen now.” He told her quietly.

“Actually, I think it does.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Her voice took on an uncertain tone and she bit her bottom lip. “But… what if I run?”

Issues or not, Kathryn had no doubts that she wanted this - wanted him - but she knew that there was a pretty good chance that, if the urge took her as it had done the night before, she would run before she could stop herself.

She didn’t know what had prompted her reaction the night before, so she didn’t like her chances of predicting her reaction now.

“You don’t have to run, Kathryn.” A hand moved to rest on her hip, fingers lightly stroking. “You just have to say stop.”

She lay still as his hand lightly ran over her right side, his touch tickling her even through the nightgown.

His hand moved slowly, down her torso and back up, smoothing the gown over her. A light, teasing, touch that didn’t have any hints of more in it, down again and, this time, when he came back up, her gown came with him.

When the silk was bunched up around her waist on one side, he stopped and raised an eyebrow at her. “Your call.”

“I know.”

“We’ll go slow.”

“I don’t want slow, I want you.” Kathryn’s voice was firm and determined and she wondered if she was trying to convince him or herself. Or even if it really mattered all that much.

Regardless of her thoughts, she didn’t let herself hesitate as she raised her body and pulled the nightgown off in one quick motion, before lying back down on her side, facing him.

Chakotay’s eyes flicked down quickly before returning to her face. Two dark eye focussed on her and refused to go below her shoulders.

“You can look, you know.” Though he’d seen it before, he was obviously trying to keep her comfortable. She loved him for it, but he couldn’t treat her like she was going to break.

“You’re beautiful.” His voice was honest and, perhaps, a little awe-struck as he freely let his eyes and hands roam over her.

Kathryn closed her eyes and sighed as he stroked her, cupping her breast, tickling the underside, dancing quickly across her nipple as she arched towards the touch. His hand was never still for long and she didn’t have to look to know that his eyes weren’t either.

“Roll over.” He murmured.

Keeping her eyes closed, she followed the urging of his hands until she was, once again, lying on her side, this time facing away from him.

He pulled her back against him, arms holding her against his chest. Chakotay bent his knees forward a little and hers followed suit, moulding to the shape that he chose.

Holding her securely - so I can’t run? she wondered - one hand returned to her breast, his touch lingering as he traced nonsensical patterns across her skin. When his other hand moved to brush the inside of her thigh quickly before moving continuing its journey, Kathryn automatically lifted her leg until it was resting back over his, opening her to his hands.

“Slow.” He reminded her.

She nodded, trying to keep her breathing even as he continued his languid exploration of her skin. He touched her everywhere that he could reach - and with his long arms and her fairly short body, that meant pretty much everywhere but her little toe - and he dropped a kiss to her shoulder.

When his hand finally moved to stroke the skin of her inner thighs, he sighed quietly. “You’re soft all over.”

“Lotion from the Doctor.” She sighed in reply.

“You.” He countered quickly.

“I hardly think that after everything my body has been through it’s-” His hand met the wet flesh between her thighs. “-oh.”

The hand didn’t move as it rested against her. “Good ‘oh’ or bad ‘oh’?”

“Good.” She murmured. “Definitely good.”

He dropped another kiss to her shoulder. “Good.”

Though he didn’t move that hand for several long moments, his other hand continued to take inventory of her skin; running across her belly, dipping into her navel, tracing the freckles on her shoulders, flicking her nipples, tickling her arms.

It wasn’t until she was panting in his arms that the hand between her legs began to move.

Slowly, at first, he traced the lips of her vagina. Light, teasing touches that increased in pressure with every pass. Her moisture stubbornly clung to his fingers and he spread the pungent dampness. The unruly curls between her legs tickled her as his touched moved them.

“Please.” She panted.

“Slow, Kathryn.”

Any thoughts of fleeing that she may have had were long gone by the time he finally slid first one, and then two, fingers into her tight heat. Immediately, her body clamped down around the foreign intruder and she audibly gasped in unexpected pleasure.

He held still, letting her get used to the feeling. It had, after all, been almost a year since she had been this close to anyone but her own hand and if her vibrator had been sparingly used before, the charge was now long-gone from neglect as it lay in one of her drawers, forgotten.

When her internal muscles had stopped trying to grip his fingers in some kind of vice, Chakotay pulled them out of her, flicked her clit twice and thrusting back into her.

Kathryn moaned and pressed herself into his hand.

“Stop trying to push yourself.” He warned.

Chakotay found a steady rhythm, alternating between slowly thrusting into her and flicking her clit.

“How the hell can you be so patient?” She demanded, unable to stop the movement of her hips as she pushed against his hand again and again, willing him to move faster.

Though she had asked him the same question earlier in the day, there hadn’t been the promise of an orgasm dangling just out of her reach and she couldn’t help but let the frustration creep into her voice.

“Because patience is what your mind needs; regardless of what your body is telling you.”

She was so aroused that she was going to scream - in the bad way - if he didn’t finish her off. “Right now my body is telling me that unless you make me come, you’re going to die.”

“And that is all well and good,” He agreed, not once losing step in the maddeningly slow pace that he had set. “But what happens when the urge to run grips you?”

“You don’t know that it will.” She didn’t care that it had been her concern to begin with. Her main priority, now, was falling apart in his arms. “I’m back on boosters now.”

“And was it just the fear of the ramifications that scared you or was it something more?”

Damn psychic. “I don’t know.” She admitted, the words coming out mingled with a moan as he flicked her clit again.

“Exactly. So stop pushing yourself.”

“Chakotay.” She was whining, but she didn’t care.

She’d been in his arms for god only knew how long while he teased and tormented her as he’d re-learnt her flesh. Kathryn thought that she was well and truly deserving of an orgasm right about now.

Steadily, his methodically set paced quickened until every indrawn breath that she took was punctuated with a gasp or whimper or a strangely distorted mixture of both.

He withdrew his fingers and gripped his cock, running the head between her folds, lubricating himself and teasing her entrance, pushing against the delicate tissue before moving away when her hips pressed back against him.

“I want you.” She repeated, the words coming out on a sob.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, damnit.”

Any last thoughts of running that she had dissipated when he finally - finally - pushed into her, inch by agonizing inch. He rocked against her as he slowly - again with the slowness! - moved until he was encompassed in wet heat.

When he was finally buried to the hilt, she couldn’t help but visibly wince.

It didn’t matter how aroused she was; he was a big man and she was a relatively small woman by comparison, not to mention how long it had been since she’d been with a man.

Kathryn couldn’t help but think that the first time they had done this - during their ‘blissful’ week - she hadn’t felt anything but bursting passion. She wondered what other part’s of that experience had been tainted by the alien manipulation.

Chakotay held himself still as her internal muscles fluttered around him, his hands holding her hips tightly. “You OK?”

The sharp sting of pain that she had felt as her muscles stretched to accommodate him slowly faded away and she was left a feeling of fullness.

Unsatisfied, but full.

Awkwardly, Kathryn tried to move her hips enough to gain some semblance of satisfaction, but the position they were in wouldn’t allow it and she whimpered again. “Please.”

With one hand holding her and the other manipulating her clit, he began to thrust. Slow, controlled, measured thrusts that pulled at her flesh as much as they pulled at her mind. Coherent thought fled under the echo of blood rushing loudly through her body and her pulse quickened.

Kathryn knew that it wouldn’t take her long; her body was loudly screaming for release and the tight ball of tension in her stomach confirmed that. A fine sheen of sweat covered her, a few errant beads forming on her forehead, and every indrawn thrust send her that much closer to the edge.

When it came, Chakotay held her through her orgasm, letting her cry out and shudder in his arms, her words unrecognizable as they got caught in the back of her throat before forcing their way out of her mouth as nothing more than distorted sounds of pleasure.

Kathryn panted, fighting to catch her breath as her internal muscles clamped down on the hardness within her. She clenched rhythmically around him as he held still, holding her unselfishly despite whatever he was feeling.

When she could breathe again, she sighed. “Chakotay.”

He dropped another kiss onto her shoulder in response, before his thrusts slowly picked up again.

She moaned continuously, overstimulated, as he used her body in search of his own release, his movements no longer tightly controlled as he took from her what he needed.

As she felt him swell and felt the hot bursts of come, Kathryn had to force herself to push down the urge to run and she wondered how long it would be before that didn’t happen.

Chakotay groaned loudly as he found his pleasure, his lips pressed against her shoulder to muffle the sounds.

They lay together, still joined, for a long moment, each trying to still the racing of their hearts and the rush of endorphins that ran through their bodies.

“I need to move.” Kathryn finally told him.

“You OK?”

“Fine,” She nodded and decided on the spot that unless it happened again, she wasn’t going to mention the urge to run that she’d felt as he came. “But I need to use the bathroom.”

She was not going to sleep in the wet spot.

Chakotay pulled out of her carefully and Kathryn couldn’t stop a whimper of disappointment when she was left feeling empty.

Turning her head, she kissed him lightly before smiling and turning to slide out of the bed, satisfaction humming through her body.

***

The next morning, as she sat on the Bridge, Kathryn couldn’t help the smile that was plastered on her face.

She had been trying all morning to convince herself to concentrate of the PADD in her hand, but it just didn’t seem to be working.

Her mind kept flashing back to the previous night, which made her smile - though it was probably more of a ‘shit-eating grin’ than a smile - which made Chakotay smile at her and that, in turn, made a blush creep up her neck.

Focus.

“The neutronic gradient is rising. Thirty million terajoules. Forty million.” Harry called, breaking her thoughts.

Kathryn firmly pulled her thoughts away from the previous night and frowned at the display between the command chairs. “Shields?”

“Holding.” Tuvok confirmed.

“Sixty million.”

“Torres to Bridge. The inverse warp field is destabilising. We're losing our anchor.”

“Acknowledged.” Chakotay closed the link and frowned. “How long before we're clear?”

Tom shook his head. “At least another five minutes.”

“That's about four minutes too long.” Harry replied quickly. “The gradient's rising fast. Ninety million.”

“Stabilisers are offline.”

“Thrusters.” Chakotay ordered.

“No effect.”

“Shields are failing.” Tuvok announced.

“How close are we to the perimeter?” Kathryn asked.

“A thousand kilometres,” Tom replied, “but we're being pulled along with the storm.”

Chakotay frowned as he looked at her. “What have you got in mind?”

“The deflector beam.” She replied. “We might be able to cut a path through the wavefront.”

“It's possible,” Tuvok confirmed, “but we'd have to route all available power to the emitters.”

Harry shook his head and frowned at the display in front of him. “That won't be enough. Primary systems are down.”

“Then transfer all secondary power sources.” Chakotay ordered. “Transporters, replicators, holodecks.”

“Captain, there's not enough time to go through the hologrid shutdown sequence. We'd lose most of Fair Haven.” Harry looked up from his console and waited for conformation.

While most of the crew were attached to Fair Haven and its characters, that place could be reprogrammed; Voyager couldn’t.

Chakotay didn’t hesitate. “Do it.

“Hull fractures, deck six and seven.” Kathryn reported.

Harry tapped at the console in front of him. “You've got all the secondary power, Tuvok. Is that enough?”

“Negative.”

Kathryn heard Chakotay sigh. “Siphon energy from the plasma network. Every last deciwatt.”

Silence, then…

“Deflector beam active.”

“We're approaching the perimeter. Five hundred kilometres. Four hundred.” Tom continued his countdown.

“Deflector output is dropping.” Tuvok called.

“Give him everything we've got. Life support, environmental controls. Scrape the damn residual ions off the sonic showers if you have to.” Kathryn returned quickly.

Unconsciously, she held her breath as the wavefront approached ominously on the view screen. When it was right on top of them, she sucked in a breath and waited.

“We’re clear.” Harry announced a few seconds later, breathing out a sigh of relief that was echoed across the Bridge.

“Here’s hoping we don’t have to do that again any time soon.” Tom commented from the helm.

“Here’s hoping we can have some peace and quiet for a while.” Chakotay corrected.

Silently, Kathryn wholeheartedly seconded his statement.

***

After everything that had happened and everything that had gone wrong over the last few months - or, hell, the last few years - they were all eager for just a few weeks of relative normalcy.

Though no one was eager to experience the boredom of the Void or, to a lesser extend, Devore Space again, they didn’t want to have to be constantly fighting to make it through each day without any casualties.

Kathryn entered her - though she supposed that after almost two months, she should think of them as ‘their’ - Quarters and sighed, pulling her vest off and kicking her shoes into a corner to be thought about tomorrow.

She could hear the shower running and considered joining its occupant for a moment before choosing instead to flop down onto the sofa, lying back with her eyes closed.

Despite their sincerest hopes, it had been just a few short days after their run-in with the wavefront that Voyager had approached a planet with extremely high revolutions.

When they had slowed to investigate the unnatural phenomenon, they had been caught in a gravometric gradient, pulling the ship into orbit. After an hour of scanning, they had been able to ascertain that a tachyon core has created a space-time differential.

That differential had meant that one second on Voyager was a full day on the planet.

After only a few hours - several thousand years for the formerly rudimentary civilization on the planet - Seven had received a transmission from the planet. The message, by that stage centuries old, had told the crew that they had insinuated themselves into the planet's mythology.

For centuries, the pre-warp society had endured ground-shaking brought about by this "sky ship." Though the Maquis didn’t have a Prime Directive as such, Chakotay had still been unwilling to throw the civilization's belief system into chaos by making contact.

Instead, Kes had suggested sending the Doctor - whose appearance could be easily altered to suit the local population - to the planet’s surface on something akin to an undercover mission, hoping that he would be able to gather clues that would have helped Voyager break orbit.

Though they had only planned to beam the Doctor down for three seconds - the equivalent of three days on the planet’s surface - they had lost his signal just after the transport.

By the time they had managed to recover the Doctor, three years had passed on the planet.

On one hand, Kathryn thought that it had probably been beneficial for the Doctor to be given the opportunity to live like a local.

He’d been trying to improve himself since he was first activated and having to do it the “old fashioned” way - meaning that he couldn’t simply add a subroutine or change his program - had probably given him more of an understanding of the nature of humanity than downloading a database of information ever could.

When he had returned, he had reported that Voyager had encouraged much invention through the centuries on the planet. The inhabitants had found themselves in a space race to make contact.

Kathryn wasn’t quite sure how she felt about knowing that Voyager had had a hand - good or bad, as it were - in their evolutionary process.

Using the Doctor's data to realign thrusters, they had attempted to break orbit, but were forced to stop when it increases seismic activity.

Though she still wasn’t exactly certain of what had happened, not long after their failed attempt to break orbit, one moment Neelix had been pouring her a cup of coffee as she slouched in her chair on the Bridge, and the next there had been two people from the planet on the floor at her feet.

The female of the species hadn’t survived, but they had managed to revive the male. He had explained that he had grown up in awe of the "sky ship," even praying to it as a child.

Although any time that he spent on Voyager meant losing years of his life at home, he had quickly agreed to help them interpret the Doctor's data and find a way to break out of orbit.

Unfortunately, during the time when had been attempting to help them break orbit, Seven had scanned the planet's surface and detected that the local people were, by that point, experimenting with warp technology.

Following that discovery, it hadn’t been long until Voyager was under attack from antimatter torpedoes.

Chakotay had agreed to send the pilot back to his planet with Voyager's specifications, hoping that he would be able to convince his people to find a way to help them break orbit.

After several more attacks, but more than a year since the pilot had returned to his planet, two ships had materialized next to Voyager and used a tractor beam to pull it out of orbit.

Using a temporal compensator his planet has devised since his first visit, the pilot had returned to Voyager one more time to say goodbye before the "sky ship" was gone forever.

For as much as she wished that the Doctor’s experience with being a ‘local’ would be enough ‘fun’ to sustain him for a while, it had only been a few days later that he had been thrust to stardom with the Qomari.

Voyager had been helping a small Qomari ship make repairs, most of the crew residing in temporary Quarters.

Despite whatever expertise they had offered on the repairing of their Ship, the Qomar on board had done nothing but thumb their noses at the crew's apparent inferiority.

While the Doctor had been tending to their medical needs, he had begun to hum a tune as he often did, piquing the interest of the Qomari.

They were from a closed society and had never heard of signing or music before - Kathryn thought that they’d never heard of being polite, either, but that was another matter - and word of the Doctor’s ‘strange talent’ had quickly spread through the ranks of their Ship.

Regardless of the fact that they had initially been told in no uncertain terms that negotiations weren’t possibly, once the Qomari had heard the Doctor’s voice and had become quickly enthralled, they had invited the Voyagers to visit their nearby planetary alliance.

Despite his amusement at the cause of their change of heart, as a goodwill gesture, Chakotay had arranged a musical concert starring the Doctor and the various other gifted crewmembers onboard.

After the recital, the Doctor had been invited to perform on the Qomar planet and introduce the concept of music to all of its inhabitants.

He had - naturally - excitedly agreed and happily planned a dazzling operatic performance, complete with costumes and an elaborate set, with Kes acting as his ‘manager.’

As he had stepped onto the stage, he had received a standing ovation from the packed stadium. Kathryn had been surprised that Tom hadn’t spent more time complaining about the Doctor’s straining ego by that point.

Though Kathryn understood how much the performance had meant to him - he was, after all, unlikely to find crewmembers that passionate about his opera recitals - she hadn’t been impressed when Voyager's communication system had been inundated with transmissions to the maestro.

A hologram getting fan mail.

The thought still brought a huff of amusement forth.

The formerly closed society of the Qomari had suddenly morphed and Qomari visitors had flooded the ship for a chance to see him. Unsurprisingly, the Doctor had basked in the attention.

It hadn’t taken long for Chakotay to become annoyed at his neglect of his sickbay duties - two medics or not, Voyager had a Chief Medical Officer for a reason - and he had ordered him to prioritize.

So the Doctor, in a truly human fashion, had tended his resignation.

He had insisted that he should have the right to self-determination and he wanted to make a life - and a career, apparently - on the Qomari world.

Unfortunately for him, before he’d had the chance to say goodbye, one of the Qomari had contacted Voyager to inform him that she has created a superior holomatrix that could hit the high notes that the Doctor couldn’t reach. She had quickly explained that, with her creation, the Doctor was no longer needed on their planet.

Though Voyager had left Qomari space not long after the ‘rejection’, Kathryn knew that the Doctor was still feeling the loss of potential keenly.

She hadn’t seen it at the time, but one of the women - ironically, the one who had been the one to create the ‘superior’ holomatrix - had captured the Doctor’s interest.

While not his first foray into the world of romance, it had been the Doctor’s first time at being ‘dumped for another man’ as it were.

Kathryn had tried to talk to him, but he had simply excused himself under the guise of having work to do. Kes had mentioned that she was concerned about him on more than one occasion since they’d left Qomari space.

A short week later, Kathryn had been touring a planet with some local officials - another example of a race that would negotiate with one person and one person only - with Tuvok escorting her. The population had been advanced and perfectly capable of warp, but they had still continued to follow ‘the ways of old’ out of respect for their ancestors.

Though her tour had been short, she had been able to successfully secure a large supply of dilithum in exchange for, of all things, Leola root that they could cultivate in their fields.

When she and Tuvok had returned to Voyager, they had learnt that Seven and Kes had been kidnapped and forced into fighting matches of the violent sport of Tsunkatse.

Though Kes hadn’t been forced into the ring thanks - in a strange way - to injuries that she had sustained during their capture, Seven had quickly become a favourite among the Tsunkatse followers.

Chakotay and B’Elanna had attended a Tsunkatse match, which had been how they had discovered her unwilling participation in the games.

When Seven had come out in the ‘ring’ as the challenger, every single person in the crowd from Voyager had been on their feet, tapping their comm. badges and frantically calling out to her as she’d circled her opponent.

Though they hadn’t been able to get a lock on Seven’s co-ordinates, they had quickly realized that the ‘fight’ wasn’t happening from where the crew had first seen her.

Several hours later, they had discovered that the transmissions were emanating from a ship that was protected from neutronic weaponry.

Chakotay had attempted to negotiate with the ‘minister of relations’ on the ship, but it hadn’t worked.

Voyager and the Tsunkatse Vessel had exchanged fire, allowing the crew to beam out Kes and Seven and the ‘defender’ that she had been fighting - a Hirogen Hunter.

They had immediately found a Hirogen vessel in a nearby system and agreed to rendezvous with them. The Hunter had disclosed his gratefulness to the crew and told them that he planned to look for his son who had, apparently, managed to escape being captured and thrown into the Tsunkatse ring.

When Kathryn had spoken to Seven about the experience, trying to make sure that she was OK - or as ‘OK’ as she ever was - the former Borg has simply replied that she had fought only because Kes required medical attention and her participation in the violent sport was simply the exchange that had been agreed on.

Kathryn knew that, over the years, Seven and Kes had formed a very special, very unique, bond; one that reminded her of a mother/daughter relationship in a way. If anything had happened to the Ocampan, Seven would have blamed herself.

Those three big events in quick succession had seen over a month pass by and Kathryn didn’t feel like she had slept at all in that time.

On the bright side, though, having so much to think about while on duty meant that she hadn’t been left with the opportunity of over-analyse her relationship with Chakotay.

Which, she conceded, was probably the reason that ‘they’ had survived as a couple thus far.

While she had no doubts as to how she felt about him, Kathryn hadn’t quite been able to bring herself to say it.

She had used that word in reference to two other men in her life and neither of those scenarios had ended particularly well - though getting thrown into the Delta Quadrant with the Maquis was often as much a good thing as it was a bad.

Either way, at this stage she was quite content to let ‘them’ progress at the rate they were.

“Are you asleep?” Chakotay’s soft voice startled her into opening her eyes; she hadn’t heard the shower stop. “Obviously not.”

“Just thinking.” She smiled, looking up at him.

Chakotay knelt down next to her, one hand stroking back the loose strands of hair around her face. “About?”

“The last few months.”

“We’ve had quite a rough ride.” He agreed.

“Mmm,” She sighed when the hand moving her hair began to run along her temples, easing away the tension there. “Not all bad though.”

“No,” He chuckled. “I can name several high points.”

“This morning, for example?” She had joined him in the shower and proceeded to let her mouth bid him a proper good morning.

“Definitely a high point.”

“I’m going to miss you.” She sighed.

Chakotay, Neelix, Harry and Tom were leaving in the morning for a quick - and hopefully fruitful - negotiation with a small colony just outside the sector.

Though Voyager could easily have gone, the Captain had deemed a ‘boys field trip’ necessary.

Something about poker, pizza and porn, Kathryn thought.

Probably in that order, too.

Warm lips touched her forehead before his fingers resumed their dance across her skin. “I’ll miss you too.”

“You’re the one that is choosing to go; you don’t get to miss me.”

“Is that female logic?”

“At it’s best.” She agreed, biting her lip to stop the smile spreading across her face.

“Come to bed, love.”

She wasn’t going to hear him say that for two whole nights and she sighed. “I think you owe me a proper goodbye.”

Chakotay helped her to her feet, his hands already caressing her through the leathers. “No arguments here.”

***

Though he’d only been gone for a day, Kathryn had found herself frowning as she woke with the other side of the bed cold and empty and the general silence made her uneasy. It amazed her how comfortable she had become with him there in such a relatively short amount of time.

He had never actually moved in, per se, but most of his things were in her Quarters and, after months of disuse, the furniture in his had a thin layer of dust covering everything.

Making her way into the mess hall for her breakfast with Kes, she nodded and greeted several people along the way before she finally made it to the table where the young woman sat.

“Morning.”

“Kathryn.” Kes smiled and gestured to the two trays on the table. “I took the liberty of getting breakfast.”

“Thank you, it looks delicious.” They both knew it was a blatant lie - nothing that shade of brown could be delicious - but the compliment would keep Neelix happy.

Even though he had gone on the away mission, he had pre-cooked six meals and left strict instructions on how they were to be reheated.

Kathryn was nothing if not grateful and she knew that the rest of the crew felt the same way.

Really.

“So, how are you?”

Kathryn moved some of the food around her plate, making a show of eating while not actually eating. It was an art that the entire crew had mastered over the years. “Well. Really well. You?”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“Tell me what’s new.” Kathryn eyed the green thing - green foods were usually safer and good for you, right? - on her plate.

“I went on a date the other night.” Despite her age, Kes’ skin flushed at the admission.

Kathryn raised an eyebrow and tried to convince herself not to look too surprised. “Oh? With who?”

“Harry.”

“Harry? Harry Harry?” Kes nodded. “Wow. I had no idea that you guys were… well, I’m surprised.”

Despite the blush, Kes smiled. “We were too.”

“Tuvok to Kathryn.”

Kathryn frowned and shot Kes an apologetic smile as she tapped her comm. badge. She knew that tone and it had yet to mean anything good in her experience. “Kathryn here.”

“A Borg cube is approaching.”

Kathryn was on her feet the second the word ‘Borg’ came through. “On my way.”

***

One the view screen, the Borg cube loomed.

“They are targeting our warp core.” Tuvok announced, fingers dancing over the tactical station. “Shields are holding.”

“Return fire. Aim for their weapons array.” Kathryn crossed one leg over the other and tried to remain calm

When the cube had first been detected, they had been able to scan and knew that the Delta Flyer and - hopefully - their away team were on the cube.

“Now they're going after our impulse engines.” B’Elanna gripped the engineering console as the ship rocked. “That one was meant for our sensors. They can't seem to make up their minds.”

“Their attack strategy is erratic, inefficient.” Seven acknowledge from the upper level.

“And finished.” Tuvok added smoothly. “We have disabled their weapons.”

B’Elanna shook her head. “That was too easy.”

Beggars can’t be choosers!

Kathryn frowned and offered a small shrug. “Maybe they're in worse shape than we thought.”

“I'm picking up non-Borg life signs.” Tuvok paused before nodding slightly. “One of them is definitely Talaxian. It looks as though they haven't been assimilated yet.”

Thank god! “Try to get a transporter lock.”

B’Elanna shook her head. “Their shields are interfering.”

“Target their shield generator and fire.”

“Kathryn, I believe I can explain the unusual behaviour of these Borg.”

“Well?” She cocked an eyebrow, nodding for Seven to continue.

“There should be thousands of drones manning the vessel, but I'm picking up only five signatures.”

Before she could respond, a voice resounded through the bridge. “We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.”

B’Elanna rolled her eyes. “It doesn't sound like the lack of numbers has made them lose their confidence.”

“Their shield generators are too deep inside the vessel. Our weapons can't reach them.” Tuvok told her.

“Open a channel.” He nodded and Kathryn rose to stand in a formal post as she kept her voice steady. “Borg vessel, this is the Starship Voyager. You're holding our crewmen. We're willing to cease firing if you return them.”

“Negotiation is irrelevant. You will be assimilated.”

“Not today, and not by you.” At least, she certainly hoped not. “Agree, or I'll resume firing.”

“They are scanning us.” Tuvok told her.

It was only a beat later when the voice came through again. “We will return your crew members in exchange for specific technology.”

“Talk about unusual behaviour.” B’Elanna frowned, her voice low. “The Borg negotiating?”

Kathryn didn’t bother to respond but she thought it curious as well. “What technology?”

“Your navigational deflector. Disengage it from your secondary hull.”

She turned to Tuvok. “Mute audio.”

“If we surrender our deflector, we'll be dead in space. We won't be able to go to warp.” He reminded her.

Kathryn frowned. “What would they want with it?”

“When their communications array was damaged, it severed their link to the Collective. They intend to adapt our deflector to regain it.” Seven offered as she read over the scans they had initially done.

“And call for reinforcements? That's the last thing we need.” Kathryn rolled her eyes. Did the Borg honestly think they were that stupid? “We'll have to stall them until we can find another way out of this.” She nodded to Tuvok to resume the audio. “I'll consider the exchange, but first I want to be certain my crewmen are unharmed and alive.”

“You have scanned our vessel.”

“Our scans were inconclusive. We want to see them for ourselves.”

“You may transport one individual.”

As tempted as she was to run to the nearest transporter PADD, Kathryn knew that it would be stupid of her to do so and Chakotay would probably yell at her for it. “Seven.”

***

After she’d spoken with Seven, Kathryn moved back onto the Bridge and over to stand by Tuvok. “Seven says there’s no sign of Harry yet, but there are parts of the cube that we still can't scan. The other members of the away team are all accounted for.”

Accounted for and being held hostage by Borg children with a leader that hadn’t made it past puberty.

Life in the Delta Quadrant was nothing if not unpredictable.

“Could the drones be holding him in another location?”

“Unlikely.” Kathryn shook her head. “Seven said they didn't seem to be aware of his presence. She’s beamed back to Voyager.”

“If he ejected in an escape pod we would have detected his rescue beacon by now.”

“Try to activate his comm. badge. Match the carrier wave to a Borg interlink frequency. They shouldn't detect it.”

“Very well.” He nodded. “The Doctor wishes to see you.”

***

When she, Seven and Tuvok entered sickbay, she could see the mature drone lying in the surgical bay as Kes continued to examine him while the Doctor moved to greet her.

“What have we learned from our friend here?” She asked, nodding to the drone that they had beamed over from the multitude of bodies littering the cube’s corridors.

According to Seven, the children were all that remained of the five thousand drones that had been on board. She had told them that they needed to examine the adult drone to ascertain what had gone wrong with the cube.

“That the bigger they come, the harder they fall.” The Doctor tapped the display console in front of him and nodded to the rotating strands of colour. “Behold the David that slew our Goliath.”

Kathryn recognized the display immediately. “A pathogen.”

“A space-borne virus that adapted to Borg physiology.” The Doctor nodded. “It's inert now, but in its virulent state, it attacked the drones and killed them all quickly.”

“Why weren't the juveniles infected?” Tuvok asked.

“The maturation chamber is designed to protect developing drones.” Seven explained. “Malfunctions caused by the deaths of the adults led several of the chambers to open prematurely.”

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. “Does this pathogen only target the Borg?”

“The Borg, and other cybernetic organisms it encounters.” The Doctor frowned and shook his head a little. “You're not thinking of using it as a biological weapon?”

“If we can revive the pathogen and reintroduce it, we could neutralise the drones without harming the away team.”

“Neutralise? You mean murder, don't you?” He snapped before turning his attention back to her. “Kathryn, they're children.”

“Need I remind you that these children have committed murder themselves in their futile attempts to assimilate others?” Tuvok’s reply was smooth.

After Roshan and the baby… Kathryn didn’t want to think about his suggestion just yet.

“Seven, tell me something. You saw them, talked to them. Do you think they'll kill the hostages if we don't give them what they want?”

“Yes.”

Time to bite the bullet, Kathryn. “I want that pathogen as an option, Doctor, but I won't consider using it until I've seen these drones for myself.” She turned to Seven. “Think you can arrange that?”

***

The apparent leader stood in front of her, looking her up and down. “Why are you here?”

“I wanted to make a new proposal.” Kathryn replied smoothly, swallowing the urge to run and rescue Chakotay and the others.

“We've already negotiated.” He nodded to Seven. “You've seen the hostages. Now give us the deflector as agreed.”

Yes, Seven had seen them for all of a minute.

Long enough to know that they were alive; not enough time to know that they weren’t really hurt.

Seven hadn’t mentioned anything about any of them requiring medical attention, despite the brief look, so Kathryn was going to believe that they were all healthy until she had reason to think otherwise.

“Maybe it's hard for you to accept, but you don't have to rejoin the
Hive. Our Doctor can remove your implants. You can come with us. You were individuals yourselves not long ago. Children with families. You were abducted and assimilated.” She frowned at the drones standing behind their Leader, listening to her but unsure of their instructions for interacting with her. “I recognise your species. You're Brenari, and you're Norcadian. Do you remember your world?”

The little girl - Seven had called her Mezoti - stepped forward a little. “A theta class planetoid. population two and sixty million. Binary suns.”

“And what did it look like when those suns set each night? Can you remember that?”

“Irrelevant!” The leader snapped. “The deflector, now!”

Kathryn shook her head. “We need more time. That deflector array is essential to our-“

“No! Give it to us.”

They did, if nothing else, have the art of being petulant children down pat, despite the mechanical implants that littered their bodies.

“Or what? You'll assimilate me? That won't solve your problem.” Chakotay would kill her if he knew that she was negotiating with them like she had a death wish. “I can't give you Voyager's deflector… but maybe we can help repair your technology.”

The leader paused for a moment. “Clarify.”

“Seven knows a good deal about Borg systems.”

He nodded once. “You have two hours.”

“I do not know the extent of the damage.” Seven protested. “It could take longer.”

The leader shook his head. “Two hours or your hostages die. Don't come back here, Janeway.”

***

“I bought us another two hours.” Kathryn called as she stepped onto the Bridge again. She raised an eyebrow at Tuvok. “The pathogen?

“It should be ready by then.”

B’Elanna moved over to them, the worry clear on her face. “Did you see the away team?”

“I'm afraid not, but Seven assured me our people haven't been harmed.” And Kathryn knew that was the best they were going to get.

“I can't believe we're negotiating with adolescent drones.” B’Elanna growled, her fists clenched into tight, angry balls.

Kathryn silently echoed her frustration. “They're not exactly drones. Mature Borg are predictable. They'll ignore you or assimilate you, but these juveniles… they're unstable.”

"They are contemptuous of authority, convinced that they are superior.” Tuvok raised an eyebrow. “Typical adolescent behaviour for any species.”

“Except most adolescent species’ wont assimilate you.” Kathryn returned.

A beep sounded and Tuvok immediately looked down. “It's a transmission From the Cube.”

“Seven?” Kathryn asked.

B’Elanna moved to ops and frowned. “No, it's Harry.” A fuzzy image appeared on the view screen. “I'm clearing it up now.”

“Delta Flyer to Voyager, respond.”

“We're receiving you, Harry. Where are you?”

“Still in the Flyer. It's locked up in some kind of hanger bay, along with two alien ships.”

“I've isolated his co-ordinates.” Tuvok told her.

“How close is he to their shield generator?”

“Roughly eight hundred metres.”

An idea had sprung forth in her mind. “Harry, are there any plasma charges aboard the Flyer?

“Yes.”

“In that case, how do you feel about going for a little walk?”

“I could use the exercise.”

She would give him points for courage, if nothing else. “Tuvok will guide you to the Borg shield generator. If you destroy it, you won't have to make the trip back.”

“Understood.”

Nodding to Tuvok to take over, Kathryn moved to her office and waited for Seven to call with a progress report.

***

“I found some unsettling information.” Seven told her as she stood with her hands behind her back. “I examined their communication records. The Collective did receive the drones' initial distress call.”

Crap. That was the last thing they needed. “How long before they arrive?

“The vessel was not dispatched. The Collective declared the neonatal drones irrelevant and severed their link to the hive permanently.”

“They see them as damaged, unworthy of re-assimilation.”

“Precisely.”

Borg children or not, Kathryn couldn’t fathom just abandoning them. “Are the drones aware of this?”

“No. They don't have the ability to decrypt the message.”

“Once they learn they've been rejected by the Hive, they won't need
our deflector. They might be willing to release the hostages.”

“Normally, when drones learn they're irrelevant, they deactivate themselves, but these neonatal drones are unpredictable.” Seven raised an eyebrow. “They may not adhere to Borg protocols.”

“There is another option. We could invite them to Voyager when they realise they have no place else to go.” She didn’t like making the offer without talking to Chakotay, but since the children wouldn’t allow that, there was little that she could do.

If it came to that, he could yell at her later; she had ways of making him forgive her now.

“If you're suggesting transforming them into individuals… that would be extremely difficult.” She looked positively sickened by the thought.

“You turned out pretty well, Seven.” Kathryn reminded her. “I’m sure that Kes wouldn’t mind helping you.”

“It is different.”

Wasn’t it always? “Why?”

“Because I was prepared before you encountered me.”

“What do you mean?” Was it even possible for a Borg to prepare for being separated from the collective and reintegrated into a human culture? Wasn’t the point of assimilation to have the individuality - and the desire for individuality - stamped out of them?

“When I was first captured by the Borg, I was young and frightened. I watched as my parents were assimilated. Then I was placed in a maturation chamber, and the hive mind began to restructure my synaptic pathways, purge my individuality. When I emerged five years later, the turmoil of my forced assimilation had been replaced with order. You may not be aware of this, Kathryn, but that order continues to be a source of strength for me. I could not have regained my humanity without it.”

“I appreciate your insights, but just because they didn't have the benefit of your Borg upbringing doesn't mean we're going to turn our backs on them.” Kathryn shook her head a little. “There has to be another way.”

“Not all drones can be saved.”

Perhaps not, but that didn’t mean that they just had to walk away without at least trying, “Continue the repairs aboard the Borg cube. We'll hold onto this information for now.”

“Understood.”

“They do have one thing going for them.” Seven raised an eyebrow disbelievingly. “You. If there's anyone who can reach them, it's you and Kes.”

***

After Seven had left, she’d had just enough time to replicate a cup of coffee when Tuvok called her to the Bridge.

”What’s wrong?” She asked as she stepped onto the Bridge.

“We have lost contact with Mister Kim.”

“How long has it been since you lost contact?” She asked.

“Four or five minutes.”

“His bio-signs?”

Her comm. badge beeped. “Doctor to the Kathryn. Please report to Sickbay immediately.”

“On my way.” She acknowledged, closing the link and nodding to Tuvok. “Keep looking for him.”

***

“What's the emergency?”

The Doctor turned around as she entered sickbay and nodded to the standard issue incubation crib.

“I thought you should see for yourself. Somebody left a bundle on our doorstep. I turned around and there she was, lying on a bio-bed.”

Kathryn looked at the bundle in the sickbay blanket, wailing softly as she worked her way up to what would, no doubt, be an impressive tantrum. “Seven must have beamed her here.”

“Good thing, too. A few more minutes and I wouldn't have been able to do anything for her. It's hard to believe she could grow up to be a drone. I’m trying to make sure there’s nothing wrong with her. Hold her for a moment while I take some readings.”

As the full-blown crying began, Kathryn picked the baby up and held her close, cradling her head protectively with one hand while her arm supported the little body.

The baby quietened immediately.

“Ah, I guess she just wanted to be held.” He flipped the tricorder shut again and smiled slightly. “Oh. The pathogen. I finished synthesizing it.”

Kathryn didn’t take her eyes from the baby as she spoke. “Start working with Tuvok on a way to deploy the virus.”

“You don't seriously plan to use it?”

“If I have to.” She was not about to lose the Captain or three valuable crewmembers to five Borg rejects, children or not. “Let's just hope your brothers and sisters don't force my hand.”

Watching as the baby sighed through a yawn, Kathryn felt an unfamiliar pain in her chest.

***

“Comply.”

Kathryn sighed, they were going in circles. “Return Harry Kim and then we will talk.”

The leader had already confirmed that they had captured Harry, though he wouldn’t say what sort of condition he was in.

“We've talked enough.” The leader snapped. “Your requests are irrelevant. Comply or we'll assimilate the others.”

“It'll take us at least an hour to dismantle the deflector and transfer the components.”

It wasn’t strictly a lie; it would have taken them an hour if she was planning to do that.

“Now.”

Kathryn shook her head. “I can't give it to you now. It's complex technology that's part of our ship. We can't simply remove it and no amount of threats from you is going to change that.”

“They've locked a tractor beam onto the deflector.” Tuvok announced and the ship shuddering beneath their feet confirmed that a moment later.

“They're trying to tear it off.” B’Elanna called from ops. “Hull stress is increasing. Breaches on decks ten and eleven.”

Kathryn gripped the arms of her chair. “Increase shield strength and randomize the harmonics.”

The shuddering slowed for a moment but then seemed to regain its strength.

“They're adapting.” Tuvok called.

“Hull stress is reaching critical levels.” B’Elanna added,

“Reroute all emergency power to structural integrity.”

“That'll buy us another minute at most.”

“I have found a fluctuation in their shield grid near a plasma duct. It's too intermittent to beam out the hostages, but we could use it to deploy the pathogen.”

Kathryn bit her lip.

“Kathryn?” Tuvok insisted.

“Not yet.” She couldn’t do it; not after she’d spent fifteen minutes in sickbay comforting the Borg baby.

“There is no alternative.”

“There's always an alternative. We just need to find it.” She tapped the arms of her chair, willing her brain to create some kind of eleventh hour miracle. “Their tractor beam draws power from the same grid as their shield matrix. If we use the deflector to send a feedback pulse along the beam, it could disrupt their shields. Do it.”

“Rerouting warp plasma. If this doesn't work, it'll do more damage to us than the cube.” B’Elanna’s voice was firm and Kathryn could hear the warning.

“It'll work.” She nodded confidently. “Prepare to fire.”

She could hear both B’Elanna and Tuvok’s hands flying madly over their consoles as they worked.

“Their tractor beam is fluctuating. Their shields are dropping.” Tuvok finally said.

“I've got a partial lock on the away team.” B’Elanna cursed quietly under her breath. “It’s not enough… Boosting the confinement beam. I've got three of them.”

“Confirmed.” Tuvok added. “The Captain, Mister Paris and Neelix are in Transporter room two.”

Kathryn couldn’t help but sigh in relief. “What about Seven and Harry?”

Tuvok frowned as he read the display in front of him. “They must be in a section that's still shielded.”

“Amplify the feedback pulse.”

Kathryn closed her eyes and silently prayed.

***

“So?” Chakotay asked as he leaned back on the sofa in his Ready room.

“Harry's recovering in Sickbay and the rest of the away team is safe and sound, as you know.” She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “As for the drones, the Doctor's removed most of their implants… leaving us with four very troubled children.”

Though she knew very well how Chakotay - and his people - viewed children, Kathryn bit her lip as she waited for him to comment on her decision to bring the children aboard.

After they had been able to beam Chakotay, Tom and Neelix out, they hadn’t been able to boost the feedback pulse enough to reach Harry or Seven.

It had only been Seven’s bond with the children that has saved them.

While Kathryn had been trying to beam them out, Seven had been talking to the children about the benefits of humanity and the true nature of the Borg.

On the Bridge, they had quickly realized that they couldn’t do enough right before Seven had hailed them and requested permission for her, Harry and four of the children - the leader had, apparently, shut down - to beam aboard.

Chakotay squeezed her hand. “I would have done the same thing.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Borg or not, they’re children.”

Kathryn opened her mouth to reply, but the Ready Room doors swished open - they really did need to teach Seven to knock before she walked in on something more than hand-holding - and she stood before them.

“You wished to see me, Captain?”

“Yes.” Chakotay nodded. “I wanted to let you know that we've sent out calls to any Brenari and Norcadian ships that might be in the vicinity, but we haven't gotten any responses so far and we're still trying to figure out where the twins came from. It may take a while.”

“They could use the time. They have a great deal to learn.”

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. “It might help if they had someone around who knew what they're up against.”

“I've never been responsible for children.” Seven protested automatically. “Kes or Mister Neelix would be a wiser choice.”

“From what I've seen, you're the one they've established the bond with.” Kathryn countered.

“They'll be looking to you for guidance.” Chakotay added.

Seven frowned for a moment before nodding slowly. “Perhaps I could help them avoid some of the obstacles I've encountered.”

***

Though it was well past the end of her duty shift and she knew that Chakotay would be waiting for her, Kathryn hadn’t been able to walk past the doors to sickbay.

A pull of something - maternal instinct/desire, perhaps - had pulled her into the room and over to the incubator.

According to the Doctor, removing the baby’s implants would prove to be delicate and possibly fatal. The alternative, without a maturation chamber, was certain death and he had left the decision with the Captain.

Aside from the three visible implants on her face and neck, the baby looked like any other child.

Though they didn’t yet know the species she had originated from, they did know that it was a species that had a resemblance to humans and the Doctor had predicted that, if she lived, she would grow up as any normal human baby would.

The Doctor had even told her that he could add a little human DNA to the baby’s - which would help her survive without the implants as well as be aesthetically pleasing to the Ship full of mostly humans - if or when he attempted to removed her Borg technology.

Kathryn held the baby carefully, watching as she fought off the tentacles of sleep that tried to claim her.

She sighed. “We can’t let you die, can we, little one?”

The baby sighed as well, offering up one last ditch attempt at staying awake before she lost her battle and let herself settle, her little eyelids slipping closed slowly.

Smiling, Kathryn looked up as she heard footsteps approaching.

“I was worried when you didn’t come home.” He admitted.

“Sorry, I…” Kathryn shrugged, careful not to wake the baby, and found that she didn’t actually have an excuse anyway. “Sorry.”

“She asleep?” Chakotay asked quietly.

Nodding, Kathryn returned her eyes to the soft features of the baby. “Yeah, only just, though.”

When his arms slipped around her waist to hold her against his chest, Kathryn leant back and sighed happily.

They stood together in silence for a moment, his chin resting on her shoulder as they both watched the sleeping baby.

“Chakotay?”

“Kathryn?”

She looked down at the bundle in her arms, her voice low. “I want to keep her.”

***

End