Simple Liberties - Season 4

Title: Simple Liberties – Season 4
Author: Ky (venom69)
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating: Mature People
Summary: What if Chakotay had said no?
Character/Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay
Spoilers: None… the show’s ended!
Warnings: Language, sexual situations.
Prompt Number for fic101: 75 - Life
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Elton John. Part 5 of the Simple Liberties series.
Disclaimer: Usual guff. Not mine, promise to put them back where I found them.
Date: 13/02/07

***

There's a rhyme and reason
To the wild outdoors
When the heart of this star-crossed voyager
Beats in time with yours

***

"Kathryn Janeway's personal log Stardate 51082.4."

Sighing in contentment, Kathryn dropped her towel and eased her body into the hot water that filled her bath tub.

"One again, we've had a rather eventful month."

She snorted to herself.

Eventful was hardly the appropriate word.

"After our discovery that the safe haven we had found in the Northwest Passage was actually crawling with bio-ships belonging to Species 8472, we were forced to rethink our plan for getting through Borg space."

Kathryn sighed.

"Kes had established disturbingly regular telepathic communication with the aliens in fluidic space and she believed that they were the ones we needed to fear. After seeing what they did to Harry, I would have to agree."

She shuddered, thinking of the disfigured young man that had lay in sickbay for so long while the Doctor worked on a treatment.

"When the Doctor was finally able to produce a cure for Harry, he found a way to neutralize the aliens in the process, using, of all things, Borg nanoprobes. We all knew exactly what he had stumbled upon, but knowledge is power and we were faced with yet another decision; what should we do with that knowledge?"

The bubbles tickled at her skin a little as she wriggled to get comfortable, the water lapping at her shoulders.

"The crew was divided. We had the option of getting involved in the war between the Borg and Species 8472 - and, with the Doctor’s discovery, our involvement would have significantly altered the balance of power in that war - or we could have found a nice, quiet, habitable planet to settle down on and start a colony of humans in the Delta Quadrant."

Kathryn lifted a leg out of the water, watching the scented suds slide down her skin before the cool air forced her to shiver and lower her leg again.

"Chakotay and I have never really fought before, but we did that day. I want more than anything to get home, Chakotay didn't want to get involved in the conflict we'd stumbled into and we argued for hours about it."

She sighed, remembering their long-drawn out battle over what to do.

While they had both ultimately wanted the same thing - to keep the crew safe - they had butted heads over the best way to go about reaching their goals.

Chakotay had told her an interesting, but true, story about a Scorpion and how, ultimately, one couldn't fight one's nature. Kathryn had known that the Borg were the scorpions of his story.

In short, he didn't want to make an alliance with them for fear that they'd get screwed - or assimilated, as it were - either way and she hadn't wanted to see their journey end so abruptly.

"Despite his misgivings, Chakotay made the alliance with the Borg. I'm not sure if it was my argument or something else that finally convinced him, but in the end Cargo Bay 2 became hive central and we had six drones working on the ship."

Shuddering again, Kathryn frowned.

"Despite our initial agreement with the Borg - safe passage across their territory in exchange for our knowledge on a defense against Species 8472 - they didn't hold up their end of the bargain. Perhaps unsurprisingly, they demanded our information before Voyager reached the end of Borg Space.”

Rolling her eyes, Kathryn had to wonder why the optimist in her had expected that they would abide by their word.

She thought that she had been blinded by the horrifying idea of giving up on their journey hope, more than any desire to trust the Borg.

"Before we had a chance to refuse, the bio-ships started attacking and our Borg escort was destroyed protecting us, leaving our six guests stranded. One of our guests, Seven of Nine - who was human before her assimilation at a young age - announced that we must travel deeper into Borg space to link up with their nearest ship. Unwilling to travel in the wrong direction, Chakotay decided to drop off the Borg and the nanoprobes our Doctor created at the nearest uninhabited planet and continue through the Delta Quadrant."

Her bath wasn't as relaxing as Kathryn had hoped it would be and, sighing, she rose and pulled her towel around herself.

"Upon his refusal, Seven of Nine and the other drones seized control of Voyager and sent it through an interdimensional rift into fluidic space, the domain of Species 8472. The Borg have been there before. We learnt that they started the war with 8472, not expecting their resistance to assimilation. We were left with little choice but to work with the Borg and engage 8472."

Drying off quickly, she paused the recording and called for the computer to drain the bath before resuming her log as she dropped the towel from her head and brushed out her long hair.

"We launched the nanoprobe torpedoes, forcing 8472 to retreat but not before we lost half of Deck 12 and five of our Borg guests. Luckily a fear of Borg technology is so common that none of our crew were near that section when it blew. Seven of Nine, however, was on the Bridge at the time. A power surge in the console she was working on severed her link with the collective."

Pulling her leather pants on, Kathryn frowned at her reflection, eyeing the tired woman that stared back at her before dismissing the image with a shake of her head.

"Getting out of fluidic space was relatively easy, all things considered. We were lucky and we managed to get back into regular space while the collective cubes nearest to our position remained in their battles with 8472. While their war wont last the ten or so years it will take us to clear Borg territory, we’re confident that we will be able to find a defense against them."

Sitting on the edge of her bed, Kathryn worked at pulling her hair into a braid.

"Following that, we've spent the last three weeks making repairs. Our shields were badly damaged by Species 8472, we lost half of Deck 12, plus countless other things that now need fixing and we are left with a disorientated Borg on our hands who is lost without her connection to the hive mind."

Once her hair was done, she pulled a shirt on and went on a hunt for her missing shoes.

"Oddly enough, Kes has become a mentor to Seven of Nine. Our Borg is spending a lot of time in sickbay as the Doctor works to remove her implants and restore something of her humanity. We're not sure if it will work or not, but if it weren't for us, she wouldn't be in this position now so I think we owe it to her to try and help her. The strong abilities that Kes has developed with her telepathic genes are certainly going to be useful over the coming months. I suppose she's the only one that can really understand how Seven feels."

Kathryn wondered if Kes' mentoring of Seven would result in something like what Tuvok had experienced when mind melding with Lon Suder.

She knew, realistically, that telepathically connecting with someone was very different - and a lot less personal - to mind melds, but the fear for their young Ocampan crewmember gnawed at her.

"As for my relationship with Chakotay, we're on somewhat rocky terms at the moment. I think he's angry - or perhaps disappointed - that I opposed him so strongly when he suggested settling down on a planet. I don't know what he was hoping for, but clearly our difference in opinions surprised him."

She didn't normally like thinking about their relationship on any terms, it usually led to a headache or a sharp stab low in her belly and, to Kathryn, neither were particularly acceptable.

More than that, she rarely talked about him in a personal nature in her logs.

Realistically, she knew that personal logs were designed for just that - personal thoughts and feelings - but she couldn’t shake the idea that, eventually, someone was going to read through them. Be it Starfleet, the Maquis, people on Voyager when she died or some random alien, Kathryn didn’t want anyone pouring over her feelings, examining her words.

"He asked me to stop by the Ready Room later. I can only assume that he wants to talk now that repairs are underway and we’re not on constant alert, waiting for someone - 8472 or the Borg - to attack."

Thanks to her inability to relax, the bath hadn't taken up all that much time and now that her log had been made, Kathryn really didn't have an excuse to put off meeting him.

"Computer, end log."

Blowing out a long breath, she squared her shoulders and left her Quarters.

***

Stepping into the room, Kathryn sat. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes.” Chakotay switched off the terminal in front of him. “Let me get straight to the point, shall I?”

“Please.”

"We've never forced you to do anything that would make you go against your precious principles before."

“What do you mean?”

He raised an eyebrow. "Think about the incident on Sikaris for one."

Kathryn thought about it.

Tuvok had betrayed them by trading Voyager's library for technology that should have been able to get them home.

She had felt personally betrayed by his actions and her own almost-involvement with Gath had only deepened her hurt.

It hadn't helped that the Maquis and Starfleet sides of the crew were still trying to find a happy balance together and his actions had only made that tentative balance harder to maintain.

At the time, she had thought it some sort of Karma that the technology had turned out to be incompatible with Voyager’s systems.

Frowning, Kathryn folded her arms. "What about it?"

"Do you really think that Tuvok did that because he thought it seemed like a good opportunity?"

Chakotay watched her, his expression neutral as he waited.

It had, at the time, seemed odd to her, but her feeling of betrayal had outweighed her curiosity at her old friend's behavior.

Vulcan's were, by nature, honorable people. While they were certainly capable of lying about something, they only did so if it was the ‘logical’ choice or ordered by a superior officer...

It clicked and her eyes widened. "You..."

"Ordered him to do it?" Chakotay finished for her. "Yes."

Kathryn stared at him blankly. She hadn’t seen that one coming.

“And the power surge that severed Seven’s link to the collective?” He continued.

“What about it?” She wasn’t sure that she liked where this conversation was heading and she was even less sure about how she felt about the man in front of her at this moment.

“Do you think it was an accident?”

“You planned it?”

“Yes.” He shrugged. “Well, I can’t take all the credit. It was B’Elanna’s idea. Quite ingenious for a spur of the moment thing.”

“But… how?”

“With a little help from the Doctor, Kes was able to telepathically distract Seven long enough for us to set the surge and sever the link while she was by the engineering console on the Bridge. The rest you know.”

“Why?” Kathryn had a bad taste in her mouth. “You were opposed to the plan to help the Borg from the beginning. What could be gained from cutting Seven off from the hive?”

In her mind, he could have quite easily followed through with his initial plan and dropped Seven off on an uninhabited world.

With her link to the collective still active, she would have easily been able to call for a cube - whether or not they chose to rescue a single drone was another matter - and by the time they arrived, Voyager would have been well ahead of the cube and, hopefully, of no great interest to them in comparison with 8472.

“It was that or assimilation, Kathryn. Seven said as much herself. I might not like how things turned out, but this is the way that they are.”

“You didn’t tell me about this.”

“No.”

He’d never not included her in major ship decision before and, really, Kathryn thought that the potential of having a Borg among their midst permanently counted as a pretty major decision. "Why not?"

He shrugged. "You didn't want to get your hands dirty."

"So why are you telling me this now?" Was there a point to, effectively, rubbing salt in the wound?

"Because you may not want to, but you are going to get your hands dirty."

Kathryn was afraid to ask what that meant.

***

After their brief, but disturbing, talk in the Ready Room, he had dismissed her and said that they would talk more later.

Kathryn had sat for a moment, blinking stupidly at him before she forced her legs to work and left, ignoring the confused looks from the bridge officers as she made her way straight to the turbolift, ignoring the people that attempted to speak with her.

Her mind reeled as she rode the turbolift and she seethed with anger as she entered main engineering.

She hadn't even opened her mouth when B'Elanna pointed above. "Upper level."

The two women rode the small lift in silence and when they emerged on the upper level of engineering, Kathryn whirled around to face the other woman. "You didn't tell me."

"No, I didn't."

"I thought we were friends." Her tone was accusing and her gaze was hard.

B'Elanna didn't appear concerned about that. "We are. That doesn't mean I need your approval on every move I make."

"You separated Seven from the Borg collective and you didn't think to tell me?"

"Isn't this a conversation that you should be having with Chakotay?" She raised her eyebrow.

"Yes. And I will." As soon as she figured out what the hell was wrong with him, Kathryn planned to do just that. "But for now I'm asking you."

"Kathryn, we're Maquis."

The leather that she wore and the fact that B'Elanna had just called her Kathryn told her that. The last four years had told her that. "I know."

"Maybe it's time that you learnt what that really means."

"What are you implying?"

"You've been sheltered from a lot of the going-ons around here."

"Why?"

B'Elanna shrugged and moved back into the lift. "Ask Chakotay."

Kathryn frowned.

Just what the hell is going on here?

***

Stopping by Sickbay - of all the people on this ship, Kes was the least likely to be hiding something - before she headed back to her Quarters to battle her way into sleep, Kathryn stood back and watched quietly as Kes sat with the unconscious woman lying in the surgical bay.

"How's our patient?" She asked when the Doctor came out of his office to stand by her side.

"Her human physiology is already reasserting itself with little prompting on our part. However, Seven of Nine's immune system has begun rejecting her Borg implants, leaving us no choice but to remove them."

"Will she recover?"

"Physically, yes."

Kathryn knew what he wasn't saying. "And mentally?"

"Only time will tell."

“And Kes?”

“Her telepathic abilities have made her quite the counselor. She’s been able to contact Seven in her unconscious state.”

It was an impressive feat for a woman that hadn’t known much about her own abilities four years ago, but… “To what end?”

“Reassurance. At this point, Kes is getting Seven used to the idea of one voice in hear head instead of millions.”

Watching as Kes sat by the bed, a hand one Seven’s shoulder, Kathryn paused for a moment. “When will she be awake?”

“We’re hoping to finish removing the implants in the next few days. She’ll need a while for her body to heal whatever damage it can and then I see no reason why we can’t wake her.”

Nodded, Kathryn thanked him before leaving.

***

Groaning, Kathryn opened her eyes and sighed as the insistent voice of the computer demanded her attention.

Calling off the alarm, she slipped out of the comfortable bed, ordered a coffee and moved to the bathroom.

Bed hair. Huffing at the sight in the mirror, she slipped out of her nightgown and left her cup on the vanity.

Moving into the stall, she called for the computer to activate the sonic shower and lay back against the wall, sighing.

Part of her hoped that the past few weeks - her argument with Chakotay that appeared to be on-going, their battle with the Borg and 8472, B'Elanna's words - had all been some kind of crazy dream.

There was definitely something going on around here that people weren't telling her about and Kathryn didn't like feeling out of the loop like this.

While she had vowed to herself that she would seek Chakotay out and speak with him again - She'd had two cryptic conversations about activity on this Ship and she was going to get to the bottom of it - it simply hadn't happened in the wake of their repairs.

Most of the last two weeks had seen her crawling through Jeffries tubes as she set about helping the engineering tem with repair work.

The newest member of their crew had been released from Sickbay the day before. Cargo Bay 2 had been cleaned up and several Borg alcoves - though only one active one at this point - had been set up to act as her personal Quarters until a need arose for something more permanent.

Mentally scrolling through the list of things that she had to do today - And speaking to Chakotay was going to be put at the top if she had anything to say about it - Kathryn was surprised to recall that Seven had requested a meeting and that was first on her agenda.

She'd been intrigued when she'd received the proposed meeting time and Kathryn had to admit that it would make her day more interesting, if nothing else.

Calling for the computer to shut off the sonic shower, she stepped out and moved to get her clothes, just a little bit more interested in what lay ahead then she had been a moment ago.

***

Entering the Cargo Bay, Kathryn tried to suppress a small shudder when she looked at the Borg Implants that defaced the inside of Voyager. She understood the need for them, certainly, but like most people, the still presented her with a shudder of fear.

Seven of Nine was in her alcove, her eyes closed.

The Doctor had told them that he'd extracted eighty two percent of the Borg hardware. The remaining bio-implants were, apparently, stable and better than anything he could synthesize at such short notice.

He'd stimulated her hair growth and supplied her with a medical 'cat-suit' type garment that would help with the healing process. Someone had replicated her some more cause clothes to wear over it.

Kathryn hadn't been down to the Cargo Bay in over a week and, then, she had been with The Doctor, Kes and Chakotay at the time.

They'd told Seven of the medical miracles that had been performed and she had nodded her acceptance.

She and Kes had shared an odd exchange - 'The child you spoke of, the girl. Her favorite color was red.' Seven had said - and Kathryn could only assume that they'd found some kind of common ground to use as a basis for their friendship/working/counselor-patient relationship.

The computer beeped. "Regeneration Cycle complete."

Standing with her hands clasped behind her back, Kathryn watched as Seven stepped away from the alcove and turned to face her. "I understand you wanted to see me."

"I'm told you are the officer in charge of personnel. That you prepare the duty assignments. Is that the correct phrase?"

She nodded. "That's right."

"I am finding it difficult to spend so much time alone. I am unaccustomed to it. The hours do not pass quickly."

"I can understand that." After being linked to millions - and more - minds at any one time, Kathryn could only imagine what the adjustment period would be like. "How can we help?"

"I've been considering the matter carefully. I would like to request a duty assignment."

"Did you have something specific in mind?"

"Yes."

Kathryn shrugged. "Fill me in."

***

Walking into engineering, Kathryn waited until Tom and B'Elanna had finished their conversation before she approached the other woman. "Something interesting just happened."

"What's that?"

She and B'Elanna hadn't actually spoken beyond 'pass me the hypo spanner' since their cryptic conversation in the upper level two weeks ago and Kathryn felt the tension lingering between them.

Definitely need to talk to Chakotay.

"Seven of Nine requested a duty assignment."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes. "Fascinating."

"She wants to work in Engineering." Kathryn Continued. Wait for it...

"What!"

And there it is. "The Borg use transwarp conduits to travel through space faster than warp speed. If we could create one of them..." Kathryn raised her eyebrows.

B'Elanna knew what that could mean for Voyager.

"We don't know anything about transwarp technology. Playing around with it could be dangerous."

"That's where Seven of Nine comes in." Kathryn shrugged. "She's offered to work with you."

"What do you think her real motives are?"

Kathryn had wondered that herself, at first.

But really, Seven didn't have a way to contact the collective and screwing Voyager over would only mean screwing herself over too. She was going to take Seven's words at face value.

For now.

"She's having a tough time making the transition from the Collective. She wants something to do."

"I never thought of you as naive, Kathryn.” B’Elanna shrugged. “The bottom line is, I don't want her working in Engineering."

She was tempted to point out her words from their last conversation but thought better of it. "The bottom line is, I'm giving you an order and you're going to follow it."

Though she didn't strictly have a title, she was still in charge of personnel and she did have the authority to pick and choose where people worked and they were given little say in the matter.

In the past, she had consulted with B'Elanna on who she wanted in engineering but this one was non-negotiable.

B'Elanna obviously knew that too. "Whatever you say, sir."

Kathryn wondered how long it would be before Chakotay caught wind of her decision and had something to say about it.

***

"You gave her a duty shift?"

Kathryn kept her stance formal as she stood in front of his desk, waiting for the reprimand that she knew was coming. "Yes. I did."

"Doing what?"

"Helping B'Elanna to, hopefully, figure out a way to build Borg-style transwarp conduit that will get us home."

"Good call."

"I... what?"

He shrugged. "She has to do something."

Tuvok's voice over the comm. system halted any reply that Kathryn had been about to make.

"Please come to the Bridge. A ship is approaching. Damaged but functional. Energy emissions are so low it is probably not capable of warp speed. Several dozen life signs aboard."

Both Kathryn and Chakotay moved to the Bridge.

"We are being hailed, Captain."

Chakotay nodded. "Open a channel. I'm Captain Chakotay of the Starship Voyager."

An alien appeared on screen, surrounded by scattered debris. "I am Rahmin. My people are the Caatati. I apologize for our appearance and the condition of our ship. Most of our people were assimilated by the Borg over a year ago. We lost everything."

"How many of you escaped?"

"A few thousand on thirty ships. All that's left from a planet of millions. We are trying to flee their territory."

"We're doing the same thing. I'm sorry."

"Captain, I want to assure you, my people were once proud and accomplished."

There wasn't much that one could say to a people in Rahmin's position. "I understand."

"It pains me to have to ask this, but I have eighty eight people to care for on this vessel. We need food, medicines. Is there any way you could help us?"

For a brief moment, Kathryn thought that Chakotay might decline.

"Of course. Send us a list of your needs and we'll see what we can do."

"I'm deeply grateful. If it's not too much to ask, is there any way you might also spare us a small quantity of thorium isotopes? Without them, our systems can't function."

"I think we can arrange that. I'll speak to my engineer."

"You can't imagine what this means to us, Captain. Thank you."

"You're welcome. We'll bring you aboard to make the exchange." Chakotay nodded and cut the link before turning to Kathryn. "Bring him to the briefing room."

***

Kathryn sat at Chakotay's right and listened to Rahmin's story.

"There are over two hundred people on our three ships alone. Every one of them suffers from malnourishment. But it's been hardest on the children. Every parent sacrifices for their child, but even so, there's not enough food. If you could hear the crying of the babies, you would have as much trouble sleeping at night as I do."

"Have you considered relocation to a planet where you could grow your own food?"

"Of course, but we haven't been welcomed anywhere. Because we have no resources everyone treats us like vagrants, even criminals. We are hoping to get beyond the borders of the Borg where we will find a more sympathetic society."

"We're not unsympathetic," Chakotay could obviously feel the emotional blackmail for what it was. "but we have limited supplies. We can't possibly provide enough for all your people."

"Forgive me, but from my perspective you live in luxury. You don't suffer from debilitating diseases, you have many sources of energy, replicators. Your crew is very well fed. Apparently, keeping your bellies full is more important to you than helping those less fortunate."

"That's unfair." Neelix replied. "These are the most generous people you could hope to meet, but if we gave supplies to everyone who asked, we wouldn't have anything left."

"Neelix, how much food can we spare?" Kathryn spoke for the first time.

"We could provide each ship with several hundred kilograms."

Chakotay nodded. "Do it, and check with the Doctor to see if he can spare any medical supplies."

"Aye, Captain."

Rahmin nodded. "Thank you. May the gods smile on you and your crew."

"Tuvok, please escort our guest to the transporter room."

***

"Torres to Chakotay."

"Go ahead."

"We're ready to start, Captain."

"Go ahead. We'll monitor your progress from here."

Kathryn opened the console between their chairs.

They'd only been working on the transwarp conduit for a day but, apparently, Seven was very 'efficient' when it came to tasks.

"We'll need to be at warp speed to create a large enough subspace field. I'd like to reroute helm control to Engineering."

"Agreed." Chakotay nodded even though B'Elanna couldn't see it.

It was only a few moments later when the Ship shuddered beneath them and Chakotay tapped his comm. badge.

"Chakotay to Engineering."

"The tachyons are flooding the warp core, Captain." B'Elanna's voice was frantic. And then, a few beats later. "We've dumped the core. Welcome to the worst day of my life."

Chakotay shared a look with Kathryn.

***

When Kathryn entered engineering, B'Elanna was already working on their latest problem.

"Vorik, we have to get those impulse engines back online. You and Nicholetti get started."

Vorik nodded. "Yes, Lieutenant."

She waited until the Vulcan moved away. "Report."

"We're stopped dead. The warp core is millions of kilometers away by now and the impulse engines are seriously damaged. I can give you a few thrusters, but that's about it."

Kathryn nodded. "How long before we can have impulse power?"

"I can't give you an estimate on that. We're still assessing the damage. So much for opening a transwarp conduit. I sent the Borg back to her alcove. We won't be needing her in here any more."

"At least the core is still intact. Tom, take a shuttle and find it. See if you can tractor it back to Voyager."

Paris nodded.

"It'll be unstable. It should be repaired before he tries to put a tractor beam on it." B'Elanna told her.

"Well then, you go with him. Do whatever you have to; just get it back here in one piece."

Kathryn waited until the both nodded and moved back to the bridge.

***

"We're being approached by an armada of Caatati ships." Tuvok announced as she stepped off the turbolift.

"They're hailing us." Harry added.

Chakotay nodded. "On screen."

Rahmin appeared on the view screen. "Hello, Captain."

"You've brought some friends."

"Needy friends. We're hoping you'll offer us more supplies."

"I made it clear last time that we couldn't possibly you with enough for all your ships."

Kathryn didn't fault him for his words; they had given them all that they could spare, at least until they got out of Borg space.

"And I had to accept that because your ship is more powerful than ours. But the situation has changed, hasn't it? You seem to be at a disadvantage now. We have your warp core. You can't escape. I'm hoping that'll make you more generous."

"We've given you everything we can spare. Return the core and we'll be on our way."

"One of our ships might not seem threatening to you, but I assure you twenty seven can inflict considerable damage. We are desperate. Prepare to send us food, weapons, and your entire supply of thorium. And that Borg you're protecting. We want her too. There are many who'd enjoy a chance to repay one of them for what they did to us."

Tuvok had told them of the incident in the corridor when Rahmin had seen Seven.

Chakotay nodded to Tuvok to cut the link. "Kathryn, Read Room."

She followed behind him and, as soon as the door slid shut behind her, he turned around. "Options?"

"Rahmin is right. We can't fight back right now."

"Agreed." He nodded. "I trust you'll inform Seven of my decision?"

Kathryn blinked.

She had expected that he would come up with another option - or at least want to discuss the demands - before deciding to hand over Seven of Nine and their entire supply of food and medical supplies, not to mention the Thorium that they couldn't spare.

When Chakotay had said that she would have to get her hands dirty, he hadn't been kidding. "You can't trade one of the crew!"

"Why not?"

"It's unethical!"

"We're Maquis."

B'Elanna had said the same thing.

"Maquis doesn't mean heartless."

If anything, to her, Kathryn had always seen the Maquis as passionate people fighting for their cause. They weren't at war because they wanted to be or they had nothing better to do.

It might have been misguided to be at war at all, but they did what they thought they had to in order to protect their homes and families. A lot of other organizations - Starfleet included, at times - were simply fighting for political reasons or public relations.

Chakotay shrugged.

"Is this because of Roshan?" She asked quietly.

It hadn't escaped her attention that Roshan's first birthday would have been coming up and, despite their odd relationship of late, Kathryn had known that it would affect him.

She hadn't pictured it affecting him quite like this, though.

"No." Chakotay snapped harshly. "We can't hand over our thorium or our food and medical supplies, you know that. Maybe satisfying the Caatati refugees' thirst for revenge will be enough."

"You know that's not true." Kathryn snapped back.

She let the subject of Roshan drop, for now.

"Do you have a better idea?"

Kathryn didn't so she stayed silent and followed Chakotay back to the bridge.

He faced the bridge crew. "Thoughts, people."

"Our weapons are more powerful than theirs. I say we fight." Ayala offered.

Harry frowned. "Maybe if we give them something?"

"Like what?" Chakotay asked. "I can't imagine what would satisfy them now."

Seven stepped forward. "I will go. They asked for me. If I surrender myself perhaps they'll let you leave."

Kathryn blinked. "That's very generous."

"I was only offering to do what would be best for this group." Seven replied.

"It's time to stop talking about this. Tom and B'Elanna are in trouble and we have to find them. Tuvok, what's the status of our weapons array?" Chakotay asked, side-stepping Seven's offer and ignoring the look that Kathryn shot him.

"Weapons are at the ready, Captain, but our shield strength is extremely low."

Chakotay nodded. "We'll have to shut down non-essential systems. Reroute power to the shields. We're going to fight."

"That might not be necessary. Caatati technology is dependant on thorium isotopes. If they had enough they could become self-sustaining."

Harry frowned. "But we don't have that much thorium to give them."

"When the Borg assimilated the Caatati, the survivors lost their ability to replicate the isotopes, but I have retained that knowledge. I could design an energy matrix that would produce thorium in large quantities."

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn quickly. "If you've had this knowledge all along, why didn't you say so?"

"I am not accustomed to thinking that way." She admitted with a small frown. "Borg do not consider giving technology away, only assimilating it."

"And what do you suppose made you consider it now?" Kathryn asked.

"I am not certain."

"Maybe it was just an unexpected act of kindness." She smiled, thinking of the conversation she'd had with Seven to discover what had caused the transwarp conduit to fail.

Chakotay ignored her comment. "Work with Vorik to build the energy matrix while I convince the Caatati there's a better way out of this."

As they sat, Kathryn refused to look to her right.

***

Kathryn sighed as she pushed her food around the plate in front of her.

After the incident with the Caatati, which had only been resolved thanks to Seven's knowledge, she still hadn't found a chance to talk to Chakotay.

The conversation in the Ready Room had only worried her more and she needed to figure out what was going on with him and how they could work past it.

If he was willing to trade crewmembers whenever it was necessary, they were in for a world of trouble.

When a tray appeared on the other side of the table, Kathryn looked up and frowned to see B'Elanna standing there.

After their conversation in engineering, followed by Kathryn ordering B'Elanna to work with Seven, their friendship hadn't been a high priority and she hadn't seen the other woman outside of shift hours in weeks.

"I told Tom that I loved him."

Kathryn blinked. "Sit." She waited until B'Elanna was sitting across from her. "What made you take the plunge?"

"We were dying."

"And that seemed like a good time to tell him?" Kathryn had known that B'Elanna had feelings for the Ships helmsman for a while, but getting B'Elanna to admit it was like getting a Ferengi to part with his last strip of latinum.

"Better late than never, right?" B'Elanna shrugged. "I'm sorry about the other week."

"It's fine." It wasn't, but she would get over it. "So, what happens with you and Tom now?"

"Well, I think we're dating..."

Kathryn smiled as they fell into conversation about B'Elanna's love life, grateful for the distraction.

She wasn't even going to think about her own.

***

Kathryn rang the chime on his quarters.

"Come."

Entering, she stood just inside the door. "Can we talk?"

"What about?"

"You've been out of sorts lately. I'm worried." She admitted.

"Out of sorts?" Chakotay repeated from his position on the sofa.

"More ruthless." She hadn't wanted to call it that, but there was no other word for it.

"We've been out here a long time, Kathryn."

Didn't she know it! "I know."

"It's time that we got home. It's time that I got this crew home."

"Getting the crew home doesn't mean abandoning your principles." Kathryn returned.

"You're dismissed."

"Chakotay-"

"Dismissed.”

Kathryn frowned as she turned and left his quarters.

***

The ship rocked and Kathryn stumbled out of the Turbolift.

As she stepped onto the Bridge, the ship shuddered again and she lurched forward, gripping at the railing for support as she tried to keep upright.

“Tuvok, return fire.”

Struggling under the reign of blows that was keeping the ship off-balance, Kathryn finally made it to her chair. “Why are we being attacked?”

“No idea.” Chakotay shrugged and gripped his armrests to keep steady. “But we’re not going to sit here and take it.”

“They didn’t respond to hails?”

Chakotay didn’t answer, instead choosing to stare out the view screen as Tuvok returned fire.

“Did we even hail them?”

Again, no answer.

“Did they hail us?”

“Only after they started firing.”

“What did they say?’

“No idea.”

“This could be resolved peacefully.” Kathryn frowned. “It’s probably just a misunderstanding.”

Finally acknowledging her, he turned and glared. “Kathryn, they started firing on us without warning or explanation. I think we’re beyond diplomacy. It’s time to put up or shut up.”

He was getting more and more ruthless - not to mention more and more rude and arrogant to her - with each passing day. Kathryn couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be until he got himself, or all of them, killed.

***

“I’m worried.” Kathryn told B’Elanna a few hours later.

“Because Chakotay fired back?” The dark haired woman frowned. “How does that equate to you being worried?”

Kathryn followed her as she moved about the upper level in engineering, continuing to work as they talked. “Please do not tell me that you haven’t noticed the new attitude.”

“Don’t tell me that you haven’t noticed that his ‘new attitude’, as you put it, has only been directed towards you.” She raised an eyebrow. “Hand me that hypo spanner, please.”

Passing the tool over, Kathryn frowned. “What do you mean it’s only directed at me?”

Though Chakotay had been an ass of late, she had assumed that it was something everyone was concerned about.

Have I done something wrong?

B’Elanna shrugged as she bent down under the console. “We all assumed that you two were having a fight or something.”

Her frown deepened. “Not that I know of.”

“Maybe you should ask him, then.”

If she could get him to talk to her for more than a minute at a time, that would be good advice. “Yeah. Maybe.”

***

After searching for more than two days they had finally located what was left of Chakotay's shuttle.

Kathryn only hoped that the Captain had fared better than his vessel.

Despite the recent turbulence between them, her stomach was still clenched with worry and when Tuvok entered her office, she tried desperately to read the look on his face - not that she would get anywhere by doing so - in search of any clues to what he was about to tell her.

"Well?"

"According to the ambassador, Chakotay's shuttle was hit by enemy fire and crash-landed somewhere on the southernmost continent."

Kathryn sighed. "Right in the middle of the war zone."

"I'm afraid so."

Nodding, Kathryn rose and moved to the Bridge, standing in front of Ops. "Can we get a lock on him?"

Harry shook his head. "There's too much atmospheric radiation from weapons fire. We can't scan the surface."

"Which means we don't know if he's still alive." Tuvok added.

"Why don't we assume he still is?" Kathryn snapped hotly before turning to the other occupants of the Bridge. "Neelix, what do you know about this war?"

"It's vicious. Ambassador Treen's people have been defending themselves against a particularly savage aggressor for more than a decade."

"Is the Ambassador willing to help us find Chakotay?"

Neelix nodded. "He's willing, but he may not be able."

"His resources are extremely limited, and the situation on the surface is chaotic." Tuvok told her, unperturbed at her outburst.

"But he's assured me that if his troops do find Chakotay, he'll receive medical attention and be transported to the nearest command post and we will be notified immediately." Neelix finished.

"Let's hope he doesn't meet up with these savage aggressors first." B'Elanna visibly winced at the thought.

"Let me lead a team down there and bring him back." Tom offered.

Kathryn touched his arm and smiled softly at the gesture. "I understand how you feel, Tom, but let's take it one step at a time. Tuvok, re-contact Ambassador Treen. Ask for any tactical support he's willing to provide. Maps, weapons analysis, intelligence reports. Before I risk anyone else's life I want to know exactly what we're getting ourselves into."

“Acknowledged.” Tuvok replied.

Moving to her chair, Kathryn sat down with a sigh.

***

Reading from the PADD in her hand, Kathryn nodded. "No evidence of cellular residue on the shuttle wreckage, so there's a chance Chakotay survived the crash." She looked at the other occupants of the briefing room table - Chakotay's chair remaining empty to her right - and waited.

Tom sighed. "Unfortunately, the wreckage we have was found inside enemy territory,"

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "So there is also a chance he has been captured or killed by the nemesis."

"There you go looking on the bright side again, Tuvok."

While she echoed his sentiments, Kathryn ignored Tom's sarcasm. "What's this nemesis?"

"It is the term Ambassador Treen's people use to identify their enemy." Tuvok replied.

"Apparently, they're vicious. They shoot without warning, use biochemical weapons, routinely massacre civilians. If we run into them it's safe to say they won't be hanging out a welcome sign.”

Tom looked older than he should, Kathryn thought.

Despite his own turbulent history with their Captain, Voyagers pilot had really come to respect the other man.

Kathryn may have given Tom his get out of jail free card, but Chakotay was the one that made sure he had ample opportunities on Voyager.

"I want a team on the surface as soon as possible."

He nodded. "I was hoping you'd say that. Tuvok, let's get moving."

"I must caution you both my tactical analysis does not bode well for the success of such a mission. Given the situation in the battle zone, there is a very high probability that an away team will sustain heavy casualties."

"Are you saying we should just abandon Chakotay?"

Kathryn's throat contracted painfully at the thought.

"On the contrary."

"I suppose you've come up with an alternative plan?" Tuvok wouldn't object her plan without one of his own.

"Indeed. I have concluded that the least risky course of action is for a single crew member to make the infiltration, accompanied by a commando unit that Ambassador Treen has agreed to provide."

Tom nodded. "Fine with me. When do I leave?"

Kathryn suppressed a smile at the automatic offer, but she knew where her old friend was going with his suggestion. "Something tells me that's not what Tuvok has in mind."

"Naturally I am the logical person to carry out this mission."

Tom rolled his eyes at the Vulcan’s words. "Naturally."

***

She entered the transporter room no more than an hour later. "Are Ambassador Treen and his soldiers ready to beam aboard?"

The transporter chief nodded. "Aye ma'am."

"Energize." She watched as three forms materialized in front of her. "Welcome aboard, ambassador. Thank you for agreeing to help us find our crewman."

Treen nodded his head in greeting as he stepped off the transporter pad to stand before her. "Your thanks are unnecessary, Captain. Any victim of our bloodthirsty nemesis the Vori will always find friends among the Kradin people."

She hadn't told Treen that their missing 'crewman' was actually the Captain.

While he had been nothing but accommodating in their communications, they had only just met and a lot of races were likely to try and extort them when they discovered that they had the Captain of a powerful Starship.

Particularly one that was traveling alone through their space.

As much as she wanted Chakotay back, Kathryn wasn't going to take that risk and she knew that the entire crew agreed with that.

***

"My guess is the Vori used a combination of mind control techniques, including photometric projections, heightened emotional stimuli and highly sophisticated psychotropic manipulation." The Doctor explained. "From the condition of your hypothalamus, I'd say they had you so mixed up they could have convinced you your own mother was a turnip."

Chakotay blinked. "Everything I experienced was some sort of simulation?"

"Except for the battle you were fighting when Tuvok found you. Apparently, attacking the simulated Commandant marked your graduation from basic training."

"And the men I fought beside, none of them were real? Namon and Rafin weren't killed in front of me?"

Kathryn shrugged.

She wished that she had the answers for him. "As far as we can tell, they were part of the simulation. The idea was to make you bond with your fellow soldiers as well as the villagers, so their deaths would enrage you."

"Why me?"

"Luck of the draw. You happened to be passing through their space and were as promising a recruit as anyone else.” It made her wish that she hadn’t agreed to ‘mind the store’ while he went on a short survey mission to ‘stretch his legs’ after months without a break. “We've been told the Vori have dozens of these training facilities where they conscript their own people and any aliens they're able to capture."

"In short, Captain," The EMH interjected, "you've been subjected to a highly sophisticated form of propaganda."

Chakotay still looked confused. "Then the Kradin don't kill innocent civilians? They don't desecrate the Vori's dead?"

"I don't know," Kathryn replied. "but the Kradin accused the Vori of the same kinds of atrocities."

"I cared about the Vori, but I hated the Kradin.” He clenched his fist. “I wanted to kill every one of them."

The clenched fist relaxed and he looked so sad that she just wanted to hug him and make the world go away. "Evidently that was the point."

The doors to sickbay opened and Neelix entered, Treen beside him. "Captain. Ambassador Treen would like a word with the Commander."

Treen bowed slightly in Chakotay’s direction. "I wish to tell you how pleased my people are to hear of your recovery. I'm only sorry we weren't able to rescue you sooner from our nemesis."

Chakotay shot daggers at Treen with his eyes before he turned and left without a word.

"Have I said something wrong?"

Neelix frowned. "I don't know."

Kathryn's frown matched Neelix's. "If you'll excuse me, Ambassador."

Turning, she exited sickbay and hurried down the corridor, her eyes on Chakotay's back as he walked angrily in front of her, his steps hard against the floor.

The few crewmembers that saw him would, normally, welcome him back, but they could see the tension that radiated from his body and they all avoided him, trying to blend into the background and not draw the potential wrath towards them.

When she finally caught up with him, he stopped walking and turned to stare at her. Kathryn touched his hand lightly. "Chakotay?"

"I wish it were as easy to stop hating as it was to start." He said simply.

His quietly spoken words made her stomach flip. She didn’t know how to help him. The Doctor had undone the damage to his mind but, apparently, his soul was still in need of a little TLC.

"Would you like to get something to eat?"

After the recent weeks, she thought that he might refuse.

He appeared to consider saying no – though he probably would have been a lot less polite about it – before he shrugged and nodded. "OK."

It wasn't much, but it was a start.

***

He sat in silence while she served the mushroom soup - replicated, but the best that she could do on short notice - and Kathryn frowned when he didn't even smile at the heady aroma of his favorite dish.

Scooping a ladle full of the soup into her own bowl, Kathryn sat across from him and began eating.

Chakotay made no move to touch his spoon, or even look at the food in front of him. He stared at the glass of water she'd handed him.

“You food will get cold.” She prompted gently, frowning when he still didn’t appear to have any interest in the bowl of steaming soup on the table.

"It shouldn't have been that easy to hate." He said, his voice quiet.

"You were under the influence, as it were. You can't blame yourself." Kathryn smiled gently.

Ruthless though he may have been of late, Chakotay was still an inherently peaceful man and fighting someone else's war - regardless of the fact that he had only technically been in one 'real' battle - left him deeply disconcerted.

It only made her more determined to figure out what the hell was going on with him.

"Anyway," he sighed, finally picking up the spoon. "Tell me about what I've missed."

Through dinner, Kathryn kept a one-sided conversation going about Treen and their dealings with him. She noticed that Chakotay stiffened whenever she said the Ambassador’s name, but he didn't comment and she didn’t mention the tense set of his shoulders.

When the soup had been consumed - she was extremely pleased to note that it had been edible and Chakotay even had seconds - they shared a glass of wine and some ice cream.

"I was thinking," Kathryn told him. "That maybe we could enhance the Astrometrics lab. It hasn't been upgraded since Voyager left space dock."

"Who will we get to do it?"

"Harry, I suppose."

Chakotay nodded. "He'll need help."

Kathryn had already thought of that one. "Actually, this wasn't my idea."

"Oh?"

"Seven of Nine suggested it." She didn't give him time to consider what she'd said before continuing in a rush, "She's agreed to provide us with all the navigational data for this area that she acquired during her time with the Borg. If that works, then we’ll continue expanding the maps to other sectors."

"That will make for a very impressive map." He finally admitted.

Kathryn had hoped that he'd see it that way.

A map like the one that Seven could provide would go a long way towards getting them out of Borg territory quickly and, more importantly, alive.

While the majority of the Borg in this Quadrant were engaged in battle with Species 8472, they were bound to run into an errant Cube here and there and everyone would much rather avoid that if possible.

If Seven knew the routes that some of those errant cubes traveled... it could save them all a lot of drama.

"So I have permission to tell them to get started?"

"Do it."

***

Kathryn was trying extremely hard not to smirk as the Doctor sat opposite her, his expression serious.

"Exactly what seems to be the problem, Doctor?"

"The problem is that my nurse is attending to other duties instead of being in Sickbay with me."

He was positively pouting and Kathryn thought she might strain something if she held back her laughter much longer.

At least I'll be with the right person when I do! She thought, which only made the struggle that much more difficult.

Get serious, Kathryn. "Are you suggesting that I have Kes abandon her work with Seven?"

Their newest member had been with them for almost a month and, in that time, Kes had spent a lot of time counseling her.

The two women had found some kind of bond between them - though what could bind a Human-come-Borg and an Ocampan made Kathryn's mind boggle - and it seemed to be helping Seven integrate herself into the Voyager crew with relative ease.

"I am not denying the importance of Seven's treatment," The Doctor frowned. "But why Kes?"

"Kes is a telepath and after her experience with Species 8472," A memory that made Kathryn shudder. She couldn't imagine how Kes felt, "She is probably the most capable crewman to help Seven."

"And in the event of a medical emergency?"

"In that case, I have no doubts that Kes would be by your side when she is needed, Doctor."

The Doctor 'hmmphed' and frowned. "I don't think a part-time assistant is enough for a crew this size. I’m a hologram and certainly in possession of more stamina than the average human physician, but even I only have two hands."

Thought she expected he’d change that if he could program it successfully.

She swallowed a giggle at the mental image of their Doctor in his leathers with several arms that could extend when necessary.

"What about two part-time nurses?" Kathryn suggested. "Tom Paris was, originally, going to be our field medic before Kes showed an interest, perhaps he could resume his training and help to pick up the slack, as it were, when Kes is unable to be with you."

Clearly weighing up his options, the Doctor stared at her wall for a moment before nodding slowly. "I suppose it would be acceptable."

Kathryn wondered if Tom would be that easy to convince.

Somehow, she doubted it.

***

Blinking as she read the report, Kathryn looked up as Harry and Seven stood in front of her desk. "You found a wormhole?"

"Yes."

It was hard not to feel a stirring of hope, but the Wormhole could take them, literally, anywhere. Though at this point, ‘anywhere’ had to be preferable to Borg territory, surely.

"Is it stable?" She wasn't prepared to get anyone's hopes up if the wormhole was likely to collapse any time soon.

"It appears so." Seven told her.

"Where will it lead?"

Harry grinned. "It will take us ten years closer to home. Beyond the borders of Borg space."

Kathryn gasped, her eyes widening a bit. "You found a wormhole that will get us out of Borg territory?"

"Yes." Harry was beaming, there was no other way to describe it. "Actually, Seven found it."

"I hadn't realized that the new Astrometrics Lab was completed enough to start long-range scans." Kathryn was impressed, to say the least.

"It is not." Seven replied formally. "However, Mister Kim has encouraged me to 'think outside the square'. I have used my knowledge to locate a wormhole that will lead Voyager out of Borg space."

If Kathryn - or more accurately, Chakotay - had needed convincing that seven was adapting to life outside the collective, she thought that this was it.

Presenting them with a way to move beyond communications range with the Borg would go a long way for the young woman's credibility among the rest of the crew and, more importantly, the Captain.

While most people were adapting – no pun intended – to her presence on the Ship, there were still lingering undercurrents of tension that Kathryn thought might always be present.

The Borg instilled fear in everyone she had ever known; she wasn’t surprised that some of the crew was somewhat reluctant to form friendships or even comfortable working relationships with Seven. She hoped that the situation would change and this discovery would help that process.

"It's still three weeks away at warp eight." Kathryn mused. "And we have to veer off course."

Seven nodded. "It is likely that you will encounter a Borg Cube before that time has elapsed."

"We might just have to risk it."

***

"We are the Borg. Existence as you know it is over. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Resistance is futile."

"Maybe," Chakotay agreed calmly. "But us humans like a bit of a challenge."

Kathryn smirked.

They'd veered off course almost a week and a half ago, heading towards their wormhole, and this was the first sign of Borg activity that they'd come across in that time.

All in all, they'd been extremely lucky.

Watching Seven out of the corner of her eye, Kathryn noted with a certain amount of satisfaction that the other woman didn't appear to react to the familiar collection of voices as they resounded their threats across the Bridge, warning of Voyagers impending fate.

"Captain," Harry called, "The Borg cube heading for us appears to be... well, half-assimilated, I guess."

"Half-assimilated?" Kathryn repeated, confused.

The Borg were the ones that did the assimilating, how could they be half-assimilated?

And, more to the point, half-assimilated by what exactly?

"Several of their systems appear to have been compromised by bio-matter." Tuvok supplied.

Chakotay raised his eyebrows. "Species 8472?"

"It would appear so."

"Do we have any of our nanoprobe-enhanced torpedoes left?"

Tuvok checked his display. "We have three remaining."

"Fire one." Chakotay ordered. Adding quietly, "Let's see what happens."

Kathryn watched the torpedo leave their bay and sail across space to impact with the Borg Cube on screen.

It exploded on impact and, while the Cube wasn't destroyed, she could clearly see that it had suffered heavy damage.

"Direct hit." Tuvok announced after a moment. "The cube has been disabled."

"Well. I guess we aren't going to be assimilated today."

Keeping her voice low, Kathryn leant a little closer to him. "We can't assume that every Cube we encounter over the next few weeks is going to be 'half-assimilated.'" She told him. "This might not work next time."

"I know," Chakotay replied, his voice just as low. "But it worked this time; let's celebrate that before we worry about the next Cube."

***

Grabbing her tray and quickly thanking Neelix for whatever he put on it - which was probably a bad idea since, if it was disastrous, he was likely to make it again - Kathryn made her way over to the back corner of the mess hall where B'Elanna sat, reading from a PADD as she unenthusiastically ate her dinner.

Sliding into the empty seat across from her, Kathryn dropped her tray and raised her eyebrow. "So?"

When she looked up from her PADD, B'Elanna looked the picture of innocence. "So what?"

"Don't play games. I know you had your first real date with Tom last night."

"Oh yes, I did." Her voice was flat.

"It didn't go well?" Kathryn frowned.

They'd been dancing around each other for years - a bit like another couple she knew, really - and everyone had expected that it would be wondrous, but rocky, when they finally got together.

"The dinner was OK." B’Elanna admitted, her face slowly breaking into a grin. "Breakfast was better."

Kathryn grinned. "You did not!"

"We did." Her 'cat that got the canary' smile proved it.

Normally, she probably would have asked for details.

But she'd known Tom Paris for a long time - she'd even changed his diaper, once, when she was a teenager - and the mental images just weren't worth it.

Instead, Kathryn settled for, "Are you happy?"

"Very."

***

Sighing contentedly, Kathryn relaxed back on her sofa as she watched the passing stars.

They weren't friendly skies, but it was certainly better than being in Borg territory and expecting to see a cub out the window.

Part of her couldn't really believe that they'd actually managed to make it to the wormhole without encountering the Borg again.

Apparently the war with Species 8472 was still going strong, though she knew the balance of power would be tipped if the Borg on the Cube they'd disabled were able to analyze the remains of the photon torpedo and work out a way to duplicate the effects.

She was slightly less than thrilled at the prospect of helping the Borg win a war that they started, but Kathryn reasoned with herself that her - well, more Chakotay's - main priority had to be the safety of the crew.

Frowning when she noticed the time, Kathryn decided that she had to get some sleep.

She had promised to spend the morning with Seven in the Holodeck.

While Kes was acting as mentor for most aspects of Seven’s integration into a human society, Kathryn had been roped in on occasions to offer her own experiences up for the young woman.

They were covering recreational activities tomorrow and it would, no doubt, be nothing if not an interesting - and mentally draining - experience.

***

"It's not as difficult as it looks." Kathryn told her the next morning. "The first rule is, don't be afraid of the clay."

Seven looked at the lump of brown clay and half-finished sculpture before her - distastefully, Kathryn thought was the right term for her expression - and raised her eyebrow. "I fear nothing."

She wasn't going to touch on the subject of not taking everything quite so literally.

At least, not yet.

"I mean you can't concern yourself with making a mistake or whether the image you had in your mind is what's taking form in front of you. You just have to let your hands and the clay do the work. Here. Go ahead. I think the nose could be a little stronger." She watched as Seven placed a lump of clay on the nose. "Well, that's a start. Keep going."

Spreading the clay more evenly across the nose, Seven frowned. "This activity is truly unproductive. The end result has no use, no necessary task has been accomplished. Time has been expended - nothing more."

"That depends on how you look at it, doesn't it. I find sculpting helps me unwind, relax." She'd spent many hours - especially lately - in Da Vinci's studio, relaxing and enjoying the chance to be creative through art.

It didn't matter to Kathryn that she wasn't the artist of the family, what mattered was that it calmed her to try and, sometimes, the end result even managed to be something that she could be proud of for at least a few days before her critical eye took over and determined it unworthy to be in the presence of the Master's fine works.

"The concept of relaxation is difficult for me to understand." Seven admitted as she continued to work the clay. "As a Borg, my time was spent working at a specific task. When it was completed, I was assigned another. It was efficient."

"So is this. It helps my own efficiency to forget about Voyager for a while." And Chakotay's strange behaviors, she admitted to herself. "I'd be embarrassed to show Maestro Leonardo something like this but I get a great deal of pleasure in working the clay, in creating something."

"But why here? In this simulation? Among these archaic objects, in this disorganized environment."

"Frankly, it's refreshing to take myself out of the twenty-fourth century every now and then. And a little disorganization can be very encouraging to the imagination." She smiled softly as she looked around the studio, her eyes drinking in the half-finished projects that littered the large room fondly. "You might want to try it sometime."

"Are you suggesting that I create one of these holodeck programs?"

That hadn’t been the point, but programming a holodeck simulation might be more up Seven's technologically minded alley than working with clay and finger paintings.

Kathryn shrugged. "You might find it interesting. It's a way of exploring aspects of yourself that probably didn't fit into your life as a Borg. Imagination, creativity, fantasy."

"I am uncertain why those things are necessary."

"They aren't necessary, Seven, but they're an important part of one's life because imagination frees the mind. It inspires ideas and solutions, and it can provide a great deal of pleasure. Human progress, the human mind itself, couldn't exist without them. When I was a child, I studied these drawings. I even built some of these models." Though Phoebe had often done a much better job of it. "Da Vinci was always a great inspiration to me."

The clay forgotten, Seven moved around the room slowly as she observed - with a critical eye, no doubt - the work that surrounded her. "He was a very busy man."

"Oh yes, a prolific artist and a scientist as well. Far, far ahead of his time. That design, for example." Kathryn pointed to the large design high on the wall. "He conceived of a basic airplane, centuries before one was actually built for use. Seven?"

Seven was staring at the project, her eyes wide with nothing short of fear.

"Seven? What is it?" Kathryn touched her arm, almost startled to feel the clothes that she wore.

Frowning, Seven blinked and shook herself a little. "I don't know."

***

"Her hippocampus is in a state of agitation." The Doctor told Kathryn. "As her human physiology continues to reassert itself, psychological symptoms are bound to manifest in a variety of ways, through dreams, hallucinations, hypnogogic regression."

"Hypnogogic regression?" Kathryn repeated, frowning.

"Flashbacks. Seven could be experiencing some sort of post-traumatic stress disorder."

Kathryn had never dealt with a traumatized Borg before.

Come to think of it, she'd never dealt with a Borg that didn't want to add her distinctiveness to its own before.

"It makes sense." Kes said softly as she looked out the Doctor's office, frowning as Seven sat on the biobed. "She were assimilated by the Borg at a very young age. She's gone through an intense, prolonged trauma."

"Have you explained this to Seven?" Kathryn asked.

"We did." The Doctor frowned. "She claims that she was not traumatized. She was raised by the Borg; she doesn't see them as threatening in any way."

"She doesn't understand why she would be experiencing fear." Kes added, her frown matching the Doctor’s.

"I'll need to study her neural scans further." The Doctor added. "In the meantime, her digestive system is fully functional. Now is as good a time as any for her to begin taking solid and liquid nutrients."

"Her first meal." Kathryn almost smiled.

In many ways, Seven was much like a child starting from scratch; a blank canvas, as it were.

Though her canvas was clouded with the memories of billions.

"I've drawn up a list of nutritional requirements to be given to Mister Neelix." The Doctor continued. "I hesitate to inflict his cooking on her but I’m afraid it will have to do."

Kathryn took the PADD he offered and nodded her thanks before moving out of his office.

Walking over to the biobed, she smiled. "I hear you're ready for your first taste of Neelix's food."

Seven was clearly thrilled at the prospect. Obviously she’d heard the crew talking about the delicacies that were served up during meal times. "Oral consumption is inefficient."

"And unnecessary if you're lucky enough to be a hologram." The Doctor gloated as he moved to stand with them. "But your human physiology requires it."

"I do not enjoy this sensation." Seven admitted, clearly not referring to the meal she would need to ingest. "Something is happening to me and I don't know what it is. It's as though I'm being driven somehow."

Kathryn's comm. badge beeped before she could reply. "Chakotay to Kathryn."

"Go ahead."

"Our guests have arrived. They're being escorted to the Briefing Room. I'd like you to be there."

"On my way." She closed the link and smiled apologetically at Seven. "Representatives of the B'omar. I've been trying to negotiate passage through their space but so far they've been difficult to deal with during out long-range negotiations. I hope they've had a change of heart."

Seven nodded. "I'll stay here and wait for the Doctor's instructions."

Kathryn touched her arm. "We'll help you through this, Seven. You'll be all right. I'll come back when I've finished with the B'omar and we'll see about getting you some food. You're going to love coffee ice cream!"

***

"Have you had a chance to consider our request?" Kathryn looked at the man whose face she'd been seeing on her view screen for the past week, her expression open and hopeful.

"Congratulations.” He raised an eyebrow. “Against our better judgment the B'omar Sovereignty has agreed to grant your vessel passage through our territory." He was clearly happy about his government’s decision.

"On behalf of my crew, thank you." Chakotay bowed a little. "That will cut two years off our journey."

"However there are a few stipulations. Guidelines that you must adhere to." Gauman continued.

"You'll have our complete co-operation." He agreed.

"We expect nothing less. While in our space, your vessel will not exceed warp three and your weapons systems will remain off-line." Gauman read from a device in his hand, containing whatever list the Government had come up with. "You will avoid unnecessary scans and you will not conduct surveys of any kind. You will make no attempt to explore our space and you will avoid all communications with non-military crafts."

"We've also plotted the course your vessel is to follow." Dumah, Gauman's assistant, added, waiting for a nod from Chakotay before he brought the course up on the wall panel in the briefing room.

Tom frowned. "It'll take us weeks to follow that course."

"If not months." Chakotay agreed.

Dumah didn't look phased by their words. "We've designed this course so your ship would avoid our populated systems and industrial areas. Deviation is not recommended."

"There are a total of seventeen checkpoints where you will submit your vessel for inspection." Gauman added.

"Chancellor Gauman, if I may say something?" Chakotay interrupted politely. "I appreciate your efforts in plotting this flight plan, but if we could, I'd like to negotiate a course that's a little more direct." He nodded to Kathryn and she rose, moving over to the display.

Dumah watched her with a critical eye as she adjusted the course slightly, frowned, and then re-adjusted it before stepping back.

"What about this course? It's a marginal adjustment. The nearest populated system is more than three light years away."

Chakotay nodded his approval.

Gauman shook his head. "Definitely not. You'd pass directly through the Agrat-mot Nebula. A key resource in our trade negotiations with the Nassordin."

"I could chart the nebula," Tom offered, "Try to avoid any-"

Dumah cut him off. "No, no, no! Are your translators malfunctioning?"

"Captain Chakotay to the Bridge."

Tuvok's voice rang through the tense room and Chakotay almost looked relieved as he smiled gently at their guests. "If you'll excuse me."

Kathryn followed him as he stepped on the Bridge, Dumah and Gauman not far behind her.

"Report."

"I've received an alert from Security. Seven of Nine attacked Neelix in the Mess Hall and three other crewmen on deck two."

Kathryn's hand was half-way to her comm. badge when Chakotay shot her a pointed look. "Janeway to Seven of Nine. Seven, if you can hear me, respond."

Chakotay frowned when no response came through. "What's her location?"

"Deck six, section twenty eight alpha."

Gauman frowned as well. "Captain, what is happening here?"

"I wish I knew, Chancellor." Chakotay muttered quickly in reply. "Kathryn, seal off deck six."

***

"Maybe this was inevitable." Chakotay told her a few hours later. "Even if Seven did want to stay on Voyager, her Borg nature may have won out. We can remove implant after implant, but, maybe at her core, she'll always be part of the Collective."

Kathryn shook her head stubbornly. "No. I won't accept that."

"You might have to." He snapped, his eyes hard. "I don't know if you've noticed or not, but she is currently missing, we're being treated as hostiles by the B'omar - not that I blame them, I might add - our agreement with them to shave two years off our journey is shot to hell and they're going to find your pet Borg and destroy it."

"Her." Kathryn corrected.

"Whatever." Chakotay folded his arms. "I told you that you'd have to get your hands dirty, Kathryn. I wasn't kidding."

She had feared that he wasn't kidding and had spent a tense month wondering when his words would come back to bite her in the ass. Which was now, apparently. "What are you suggesting?"

"We leave Seven and get the hell out of this area."

She'd get to the leaving Seven part in a moment. "The B'omar want us to stay a minimum distance of at least five light years from their borders. Any deviation will be considered an act of aggression."

"Our weapons are more powerful."

"Gauman was right. We are only one vessel among many of theirs." Kathryn shot back.

Chakotay shrugged. "So we'd go down fighting."

"I don't want to go down at all." It would have been a comment laden with innuendo if they weren't both so angry and tense, she thought. "I say we find Seven, figure out what's happening to her and then try to salvage our relationship with the B'omar."

"You're not the Captain."

"I know. But I was." And could have been again if I'd taken you up on your impulsive offer!

"I make the decisions around here, Kathryn."

God, he was being an ass. "I know that, too."

"If I give you an order, I expect you to follow it."

She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him defiantly. "And if I don't? Will you leave me to fend off the B'omar alone?"

"Of course not."

"So why are you willing to leave Seven?"

"She's not you."

Kathryn thought, by the look on his face, that he probably hadn't meant to say that.

Too bad!

She was going to take any advantage that she could get at this point.

"So if it was any other crewman, you'd leave them too? Why am I so different? Why? Because you want to get into my pants?"

She knew that they'd been destined to have this argument – or one very similar, at the very least - since the first moment that she had felt a powerful spark between them.

So, basically, since the moment they met.

Chakotay rolled his eyes. "Wake up, sweetheart. Getting into your pants isn't the sole goal of my life."

"Then why am I always different?" She'd wondered since B'Elanna had mentioned it to her in engineering.

If she was honest with herself - which she rarely was when it came to Chakotay - then she'd been wondering about it for the previous four and a half years.

She wasn’t completely naive about it. She had always known that she was 'different' to Chakotay; she'd just never known exactly how much stock he put in that difference.

He raised his eyebrows. "You seem to think that I couldn't have you if that was what I wanted."

"You haven't had me."

Kathryn wanted to kick herself - but she wanted to kick him more - for getting into this now.

She may have wondered, she may have wanted answers, but it wasn't helping to solve their current problem.

Namely a missing Borg and a race that were going to shoot her - and Voyager - on sight with little prompting.

"Look," She finally sighed. "Can we have this argument later and focus on the important one?"

"You're a Maquis now, Kathryn."

Thank you, B'Elanna. She fought the urge to roll her eyes at the repeated words. "I know."

"You can't save everyone in the Maquis. It's horrid but it's the truth. I wont risk one hundred and twenty five lives to save one."

We're going in circles! "Is that because it's the logical thing to do?" Kathryn snapped. "Or because you don't like Seven?"

Chakotay remained silent and she knew that she had her answer.

***

Harry looked up from his console and frowned. "I'm detecting a fleet of B'omar vessels approaching. Sixty eight ships."

Chakotay nodded to the officer at the helm. "As soon as Mister Paris's shuttle has docked, take us out of B'omar space. Warp eight." He turned to Kathryn. "Looks like there won't be any shortcuts this time."

Kathryn didn't say anything.

After their argument in the Ready Room, there wasn't much left for her to say.

Despite his words, Chakotay had allowed Tom and Tuvok to take a Shuttle and find Seven.

They'd picked up the Shuttle she'd taken and located it on a nearby planet, damaged but salvageable.

He had authorized the rescue mission without looking at Kathryn and as soon as Tom had contacted them to say that Seven had been retrieved, Harry had announcing their impending company.

Chakotay sat in his chair and even with the small distance that separated them, she could feel the tension and anger radiating off his body.

And she knew that it was all pointed in her direction.

"I'll be in my office." Kathryn said quietly.

***

When the computer had announced that Seven was in Holodeck One, Kathryn had been surprised.

She’d been worried for Seven after her experience on the Raven. Kes had tried to talk to her but hadn’t had any luck in getting her to open up. She’d asked Kathryn to try and help her, since their recent bonding over relaxation exercises hadn’t been a complete disaster.

Walking into the active program, Kathryn was even more surprised to find Da Vinci's workshop around her.

"There you are." She smiled, walking over to stand by the young woman as she gazed upwards at the design that had started the whole debacle. "I wanted to tell you that the Doctor said he could adjust one of your implants so you won't receive any more homing signals."

Kathryn had felt horrified at the thought of Seven being 'recalled' to the place of her initial assimilation; on board her parents shuttle, ruined and laying in wreckage on the barren planet that she had been compelled to go to.

"Thank you. I hope you don't mind that I activated this program."

"Not at all."

"I've been thinking about what you said, that this was a place to encourage your imagination." Seven said idly, turning her attention from the airplane design to Kathryn.

"Is that appealing to you?"

"I'm not certain. I find myself constructing scenarios, considering alternative possibilities. What if my parents and I had not encountered the Borg, what would our lives have been? I would have been raised by them, learned from them. They would have influenced what I became, who and what I am." Seven’s forehead creased into a frown.

"And you would have done the same for them. If you'd like to know more about your parents, there's information in the Federation database."

Kathryn had looked not long after it became apparent that Seven would be staying with them.

"Information?"

"It seems they were fairly well known for being unconventional and for some rather unique scientific theories. You might like to read what's there." She smiled slightly. "It might encourage your imagination."

Seven nodded. "Perhaps I will, some day. Good night."

It wasn't much, but it was a start.

***

Moaning softly, Kathryn ordered the computer to negative viewing so that her Quarters were engulfed in total darkness. Not even the passing starlight could filter through.

The damn headache had been with her for almost two days now and there was nothing that she could do to ease the throbbing in her temples.

The Doctor had giver her an analgesic but it had worked for all of three seconds before she'd begged for something stronger.

Unable to administer any more drugs, he'd given her a series of relaxation exercises to use to alleviate the pain.

They made her frustrated and angry, mostly.

It didn't help that Chakotay's snide comments hadn't eased up.

Desperate, she tapped her comm. badge. "Janeway to Sickbay."

"Doctor here. Shall I assume that your headache has not eased?"

"No." She bit back the groan of pain at the sound of her own voice. "Can you give me anything stronger?"

"You've had the strongest medical treatment available."

Oh yes.

That would have been the fourth hypospray.

"I will come and see you first thing in the morning." The Doctor continued, "In the mean time, I suggest you try to get some sleep."

Sleep... if only.

***

"Your trapezius is hard as a rock. You haven't been following the relaxation regimen I prescribed for you."

Her trapezius - not to mention several other key areas - was screaming in protest under the Doctor's harsh ministrations. "I've been too busy."

She had.

Between Seven, Long range negotiations with several Alien species’ that they would be passing by in the near future, examining strange energy readings, Tom and B'Elanna's extra-curricular - and very public - activities, the minor problems around the Ship and avoiding Chakotay - while convincing herself that she wasn't avoiding him, which was really much more effort than it was worth - Kathryn had spent almost a week and a half working solidly.

She’d get up, go to her shift, work for several hours longer than required or recommended before returning to her Quarters, falling into bed and passing out until it was time to wake and start all over again.

"The usual story. Have you been getting enough sleep?"

"More or less. Mostly less."

Her voice vibrated a little as the Doctor dug his elbow - or something equally hard and painful, possibly a mallet - into a particularly sore point.

She could see the long strands of her hair rocking with the movement as they dangled over the side of the treatment table he'd set up in her living area.

Kathryn's mouth opened in silent protest.

"Mmm. And have your headaches been getting any worse?"

"No," She should have been thankful for small mercies, but the pain was too great for that. "But they're not getting any better, either. They're like hot needles driving into my skull."

"These symptoms are hardly surprising. You work absurdly long hours under constant stress, eating on the run, without sufficient exercise or rest. Your body is crying out for mercy."

"It certainly is right now, There must be some easier way to do this, Doctor. A hypospray, maybe?" She wondered if Chakotay got the same lecture as Captain.

Probably not! He relieved all of his tension, of late, by snapping at her and being a general ass.

"Always looking for the simple fix. Sometimes there's no substitute for intensive osteopathic pressure therapy. You're fortunate to have a masseur who can work all day without tiring."

She certainly didn't feel very fortunate right now.

"Bridge to Kathryn."

If the EMH felt her tense even more at the sound of his voice, he didn't say anything when he answered for her.

"Captain, unless this is an emergency, my patient is unavailable."

She sighed.

If she didn't answer and she wasn't dead, the Doctor's words, though well-intentioned that they were, would only cause more problems. "I'm here, Chakotay. What is it?"

"We've reached the source of those energy readings." He told her tersely.

Pulling the sheet around her body, Kathryn shrugged the Doctor's hands off and rose, moving to the door. "On my way."

"Kathryn!"

Turning, she frowned. "I know what you're going to say, Doctor, but I can't neglect my responsibilities."

"Actually I was going to suggest a change of outfit."

Looking down at herself clad only in a white sheet, Kathryn wondered for a moment what Chakotay would say if she walked onto the bridge like this and then dismissed the thought quickly.

He wouldn't care.

Ignoring the stab of pain she felt - though this time it was in her chest, not her head - Kathryn nodded her thanks to the Doctor and moved into her bedroom to pull on some clothes.

***

"Binary pulsars." Chakotay told her when she made it to the Bridge. "The gravitational forces between them are so intense that everything within fifty million kilometers is getting pulled in."

"Don't worry, we're well out of range." Tom added.

"Gamma radiation levels are high, but as long as we're careful I think we can collect some invaluable data." Chakotay glared. "Am I boring you?"

"I'm sorry." She did not have the energy to start another argument between them, especially not on the Bridge, in front of twenty sets of eyes belonging to people that could feel the tension between them. "I guess I'm a little too tired to concentrate on stellar phenomenon right now." Chakotay didn't say anything. "I'm sorry." She repeated.

"Crewmembers who aren't focused are no use to this ship."

"I know." Kathryn looked down, her voice quiet.

She felt like she was being yelled at by an Academy professor for not handing in an essay on time.

"If you're too tired, you're no use to me here. Go and get some sleep." His eyes were hard and unforgiving. "I expect that you'll be more awake for your next shift."

***

Chakotay sat at the head of the briefing room table. "Here's the plan. We'll circle the pulsars at a distance of eighty million kilometers."

Harry frowned. "That might not be far enough. We've been detecting some random proton bursts. A strong one could knock out our shields."

"Tom, go to ninety. Keep at a safe distance."

"Yes, sir."

"Tuvok, keep our shields at maximum strength. Divert auxiliary power if you need it. I want to take every precaution on this survey. Report any problems immediately, no matter how small." He waited for a nod of acknowledgement from Tuvok. "Dismissed. Lieutenants Paris and Torres, I'd like to speak with you for a moment."

Kathryn rose from her sear, but a harsh glare from Chakotay made her sit down again.

Or should that be another harsh glare?

She hadn't managed to get any sleep when she'd gone back to her Quarters, choosing instead to catch up on some reports that he would be angry about not receiving and she fought the urge to either yawn or rub at her temples.

"I don't usually pry into the personal lives of my crew, but in this case I have to question your recent conduct."

Tom frowned. "I guess Tuvok-"

"Tuvok? I haven't heard a word from Tuvok, but you two have been making enough of a public display that half the ship is gossiping about it."

Kathryn hadn't actually told him anything - not that they were really on speaking terms right now anyway - and she'd been trying to keep the Paris/Torres scandal to a minimum.

B'Elanna flushed. "Believe me, that wasn't our intention."

"You are senior officers and I expect you to maintain the standard for the rest of the crew but this adolescent behavior makes me question my faith in you both. If you choose to pursue a relationship, that's your business. You consider yourselves under orders to use better judgment about it.” His glare turned, specifically, to Tom. “We might not be a Starfleet Ship, but we’re also not on a pleasure cruise. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Yes, Captain."

"Dismissed." Chakotay nodded one and shot Kathryn another look, so she took it to mean that his dismissal included her.

***

When the Doctor called her to Sickbay, Kathryn could only assume that he had finally found something for her headache, for which she was prepared to offer to marry him and have his holographic children.

The pounding behind her eyes had been constant for two and a half days and she’d had just about as much as she could take at this point.

Walking through the doors, she stopped and blinked at shock, her head swiveling between Chakotay and Kes.

“What…?”

The Doctor launched into his explanation before she had a chance to ask any detailed questions.

She wasn’t sure which occupant to ask about first, anyway.

"Captain Chakotay is suffering bone decalcification, tissue necrosis, decreased visual acuity. All classic signs of aging, but they've developed within hours."

"Any theories?"

Kathryn frowned.

If that was what he looked like old... she was almost glad that she'd never allowed herself to pursue their relationship.

He doesn't want you, remember?

She ignored the traitorous little voice in her head and focused on the Doctor.

"There's a rare genetic disorder called progeria which causes children to age prematurely, but there's never been an adult case and it was supposedly eradicated two centuries ago. Even so, I took a close look at his DNA. These segments regulate his body's metabolism. My scans indicate that they've been hyper-stimulated somehow."

"What's the prognosis?" Kathryn asked quietly.

"I can't speculate on that until I've identified the cause. There's no sign of an infectious agent."

"We spent several hours near a binary pulsar that was emitting intense gamma radiation." She offered.

"So you were paying attention?" Chakotay snapped. "Our shields were operating. I don't see how I could have been exposed to it."

Apparently being old didn't make him any nicer. "At this point we can't rule out anything. I'm going to take a closer look at the data we collected and see if I can come up with anything."

"You should also run scans of my quarters as well as my Ready Room and the bridge. Everywhere I've been today."

I know that!

Kathryn opened her mouth to respond but the Doctor got in first.

She thought that might be a good thing with the plethora of profanity sitting on the tip of her tongue, just waiting to be launched at her Grumpy Old Captain.

"I'm not prepared to send you back on duty yet, Captain."

Chakotay protested instantly. "I may look pretty strange, but my mind is perfectly clear. I'd rather stay busy than just sit here."

"I have no idea how your symptoms will progress. You should remain in sickbay for observation." The Doctor shook his head before he turned to Kathryn again. "Whatever is affecting the Captain's DNA is working at a sub-molecular level. I'd like to set up an electron resonance scanner in the science lab to get a closer look and, hopefully, some answers."

"Ask B'Elanna to give you a hand." Kathryn offered, unable to stop her hand from migrating to her temple.

"Still having headaches?"

She waved away his concern and noted the startled look on Chakotay's face.

Obviously the Captain hadn't known about her headache.

You would have known if you weren't being such an ass. "I don't need any more lectures about working too hard, Doctor. Chakotay's the one who needs your attention right now."

"I'll get to work on the scanner right away." The Doctor moved away.

"Looks like you have the Captain's chair for a while." Chakotay told her. "Try to keep the Ship going."

Apparently his flash of concern was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

Kathryn nodded once, not really trusting herself to form a coherent and appropriate verbal reply and moved to the other side of the room. "Kes?"

"Kathryn." The young woman smiled. "Are you feeling any better?"

"No." She shook her head and that was a mistake of epic proportions. "What happened to you?"

"Apparently..." Kes frowned. "I'm pregnant."

While she and Kes didn't sit around discussing their romantic escapades - not that Kathryn had a escapades to discuss - she was pretty sure that the Ocampan girl wasn't seeing anybody at the moment and hadn’t really seen anyone since her breakup with Neelix.

Aside from that... "I thought you developed a mitral sac on your back during pregnancy?"

She remembered the incident with Kes' early Elogium.

Kes' left hand sat absently on her protruding stomach. "It does. The Doctor is running tests."

Kathryn would have guessed that she was four or five months pregnant in terms of the human gestational period. "Are you alright?"

"Confused." Kes admitted. "This shouldn't be happening to me. But my body is handling it."

"Can I do anything?"

"I'm fine." She smiled.

Kathryn sighed. There was something strange going on. "Let me know if anything happens, OK?"

***

"In the last hour three more patients have come in with genetic mutations. The effects are starting to become life threatening." Tom told her.

Kathryn frowned as she looked around the biobeds in sickbay.

She'd only been on the Bridge a few hours when Tom called and requested her presence in Sickbay.

"What happened to B'Elanna?"

"The alveoli in her lungs suddenly stopped processing oxygen. I've got her on respiratory support. She almost died."

She swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to think clearly. "What about the Doctor?"

Harry frowned as he looked at B'Elanna. "The computer logs in the science lab show that he was trying to transfer himself to Sickbay. Something must have gone wrong while he was in transit."

"Could the Doctor have returned to the mobile emitter?" Tom asked.

"We checked, but he never made it back there either." Harry shrugged. "We do have a backup of his program available."

Kathryn wondered if Tom knew that he was stroking back B'Elanna's hair absently as they talked. She didn't think he did. "We will only activate that as a last resort. I want to find out what happened to his program before we restore the backup. Any ideas?"

"Seven was checking it."

Kathryn looked to Seven, but her attention was elsewhere. "Seven? Seven!"

The young woman’s attention snapped back to them.

"About the Doctor's research." Harry prompted at her confused look.

"Yes. I examined the work area. There was no record of any findings. The electron resonance scanner appeared to be malfunctioning. I could return to the science lab and attempt to repair it."

"Agreed. Harry, check on the status of the Bridge, please, find out if any more crew members are affected by anything. We don’t know if anyone has been hit with something and is unable to contact anyone for help. Get a head count from every department.” Kathryn sighed and rubbed her temple. “Keep me informed of any progress."

Seven and Harry nodded as they exited sickbay.

Kathryn turned back to Tom. "How's Chakotay?" She asked quietly, eyeing the slumbering form of their Captain as he occupied one of the biobeds.

"He slipped into a coma about twenty minutes ago. He's stable, but I can't wake him."

She refused to let herself dwell. "And Kes?"

"In her eighth month of a very human pregnancy." Tom stumbled over the word. "She's in the science Lab now, trying to complete the Doctor's work but it's not going well. If Harry and Seven can get the resonance scanner working, she should be able to complete the Doctor’s research."

"Should she be moving around?"

"Probably not." Tom admitted. "But right now, we need all the help we can get."

Kathryn rubbed her temples. "Don't I know it."

***

Chakotay was in a coma, B'Elanna was near death, Neelix was the equivalent of an extremely old - and smelly - Talaxian, four other crewmembers were displaying odd genetic mutations and Kes was ready to give birth to a baby despite the fact that her body wasn't capable of a vaginal birth and she hadn't actually knowingly conceived a child.

Add to that the fact that Kathryn had been awake for three days straight now and it was turning out to be one hell of a week.

Not even coffee could help with this one.

Kathryn wanted to scream and that urge doubled in strength when the chime to her office rang.

"Yes." She said quietly. The door chimed again. "Yes!"

Tuvok entered. "Good morning, Kathryn."

"That's a matter of opinion." She snapped. "What is it?"

"Internal scans haven't revealed anything about the genetic mutations."

Kathryn sat in her chair, her hands continuously rubbing at her temples.

If she didn't get repetitive strain in jury, she was going to wear away the skin there if she wasn't careful.

Not that rubbing her temples helped anyway. "The Doctor?"

"Still off-line. We are investigating the possibility that his program has been permanently lost."

"Inform me of any progress."

"Understood."

She did not need this right now.

"There's one more thing. The incident with Tom and B'Elanna's started me thinking about ships protocol, or lack thereof." Which Chakotay would, no doubt, blame her for when he woke.

If he woke.

"Kathryn."

"It seems to me that people have been getting a little too comfortable around here lately. They're late for their duty shifts, taking mess hall privileges during non-designated hours, and a lot of people are spending more time on the holodeck than they are at their posts!" They were Maquis, not a ship of slobs. It was time they did something about this lapse in work ethic and Kathryn did not have the energy to deal with it. "You are security chief. Don't thirteen department heads report to you every day?"

"Yes."

"Well, straighten them out." She snapped.

Tuvok didn't even blink. "Shall I flog them as well?"

Kathryn sighed. His calm response, though loaded with sarcasm, hit her hard and she slumped down into the chair. "Maybe the Doctor was right. I think I do need a vacation."

"You do seem extremely unsettled." He agreed quietly as he moved to sit across from her.

"Crazed is more like it. I haven't felt this anxious since my first day of command." The chime sounded again. "Remind me to lower the volume on that door. Come in."

"I wish to speak with you about-" Seven faltered.

"What's wrong?"

She blinked. "My attempts to repair the resonance scanner have failed. I require assistance."

"Ask Harry to lend you a hand." He’d finished with the head count and they knew how many crewmembers were suffering some sort of medical ailment and she had made certain that they were all seeking some form of treatment from Tom and Kes.

"Yes, Kathryn." Seven didn't move.

"Is that all?" The other woman turned and left and Kathryn sighed again. "When this mutation crisis is over, I think I'll spend a few days in Renaissance Tuscany. There's a little inn outside Siena I've been wanting to try."

Reaching across the desk, Tuvok touched her hand in an unusual display of tactile affection. "I will join you for a glass of wine."

For the first time in days, Kathryn smiled, but it was tainted by her grimace of pain and exasperated look.

***

Collapsing into bed, Kathryn thought she was going to die.

More so, right at that moment she thought that she might actually want to die.

After four and a half days of the crew's random ailments, they found that they'd had several uninvited and cloaked 'guests' for weeks, examining them, experimenting on them.

Kathryn thought of the incident in the Brig with Alzen, the leader of the aliens that had been on board Voyager.

I would have easily killed her if Tuvok hadn't been there. She thought with dismay.

Once they'd established what the aliens were doing to them - thanks only to Seven and the Doctor who had been hiding out in the holodeck once he had realized that he had been sabotaged by the aliens when his research was making progress - they had been able to subdue the aliens.

What's more, they were able to reverse the effects of their 'experiments' just in time to avoid permanent damage to anyone.

Kes had gone into labor, experiencing contractions as any human female would - not that there had actually been anything inside of her womb to birth - and they'd managed to stop the process before any of her internal organs were damaged.

It would take a while, but the swelling in her stomach would go down.

B'Elanna was alive and breathing normally again, though she had confided in Kathryn that she was concerned about the foundation of her new-found relationship with Tom, given that their alien guests had been playing around with their hormones as well as other things.

And their Captain was back to his grumpy old self and on duty.

All of the crew was healthy again, including Kathryn, who was relishing her first pain free hour in days.

Sighing, she closed her eyes and let the sweet seduction of previously-eluded sleep claim her.

***

When she opened her eyes, Kathryn gasped, shocked to find Chakotay standing by her bed.

He knew the code to his door - and just a few months ago he was welcome to use it at any time, day or night - but they'd both been avoiding each other for almost seven weeks now and she was more than a little surprised to see him standing in her rooms.

"You may have been right." He admitted quietly.

Kathryn blinked sleepily at him as she pulled her body into a sitting position.

More than anything, she wanted to tell him to piss off and let her sleep a little longer as she caught up on what she'd missed, but he'd been standing there for God only knew how long and he hadn't yelled or snapped at her yet - even if she was asleep, Kathryn didn't think that he would let the opportunity to reprimand her for anything slip by him, not with the way he was lately - and she was intrigued. "About?"

"Roshan would have been one last week."

She wasn't surprised that she'd been right.

And it, mostly, explained his strange behavior over the past month and a half or so.

While it didn't lessen the hurt he'd caused - he had a lot of people to apologize to, thought she was probably at the top of the list - it explained it and there wasn't a soul on Voyager that wouldn't understand.

Kathryn bit her lip, unsure of what to say.

This was their first civil conversation in a long time and she was still not quite sure where she stood with him or how liberal she could be with her opinions without risking a snippy comeback. "Ah."

"I don't have anything left." Chakotay continued, his voice cracking just a little. "I recycled everything."

She remembered coming back to his Quarters just days after Roshan's death, only to find his living space devoid of the baby paraphernalia that had haunted him - though he'd secretly loved it, Kathryn thought - for months.

Moving back a little under the blankets, she made room for him to sit on the edge of her bed, offering a tentative hand of friendship in the only way she knew how right now. "Everything?"

"I returned the crib and the change table to Samantha. But, yes, everything else is gone." He sighed. "At the time, it felt like the right thing to do."

"You regret that now?"

"Yes." Chakotay's shoulders slumped. "I've got nothing left of him but my memories and, after our recent experience, I know that my memory wont last forever. There's nothing of him. Everything is gone."

When he had grown 'old', Chakotay had been completely in control of his faculties at first but, slowly, as the hours passed, he'd begun to loose parts of his memory before eventually forgetting everything and slipping into the coma.

"Not everything." Kathryn replied quietly.

Chakotay frowned. "What?"

"I have some things." She admitted.

"You do?"

"Yes."

She'd toyed with the idea of throwing them out but quickly dismissed that thought each time it entered her mind.

Even if Chakotay never wanted to think of his son again, or be faced with physical reminders of him, Kathryn knew that Roshan had stolen her heart in a short amount of time and she had kept some things - just the stuff that had been in her Quarters - for herself as much as for any desire to see them that Chakotay may have eventually had.

Pushing the sheet and blanket from her legs, Kathryn walked to the closet and pulled out a box from the bottom.

It was tucked away with the box that contained the painful memories - Mark's picture, things he'd given her over their years together that she no longer felt the need to see daily - of home.

Moving back to the bed, Kathryn placed the box between them and pulled the lid off.

"There's not much," She told him, pulling a few items out. "But I have a small holoalbum of pictures that I took and some that the Doctor had."

She'd never been more grateful for their EMH's affinity for photography than she was when Roshan died.

The Doctor had taken a lot - several dozen, in fact - of holoimages of the baby.

Some from his check-ups when one of them had been late to pick him up and the Doctor had needed a way to keep the baby entertained. Some were from the Doctor’s babysitting shift in Sickbay. Some with Kathryn. Some with Chakotay when he wasn't looking.

There was even one of the three of them in there; the two adults laughing about something, grinning at each other stupidly at a party in the mess hall with Roshan cradled in Kathryn's arms between them.

Chakotay flipped through the album, glancing over the pictures with a small smile on his face.

He didn't say anything when he saw the one of the three of them from the mess hall, but he looked at that one longer than he'd looked at the others and a small smile graced his lips.

Uncomfortable in the silence with him, Kathryn continued to rummage through the box, rattling off a list of the items she found. "I have a rattle of his. A pacifier. Some socks and a hat that I made for him." She pulled out a small outfit. "This blue jumpsuit."

He closed the album and put it aside before he looked up. "I was always looking for that."

"I kept meaning to return it." Kathryn admitted with a guilty smile. "But I kept forgetting and then..."

"He died." Bringing the material to his nose, Chakotay inhaled deeply. "It still smells like him."

When a single tear slipped down his cheek, Kathryn reached out and held his hand tightly.

***

"Happy birthday."

Kathryn looked up as Chakotay stood in front of her and blinked in surprise.

She hadn't seen him in days, apart from their time together on the Bridge, which he made as little as possible.

He'd come to her Quarters - he'd broken in, but she wasn't going to quibble over technicalities - and they'd talked, briefly.

She had given him the box of Roshan's things that she kept and he'd looked them over, shed one tear when he smelt the blue jumpsuit that Kathryn had always dressed the baby in, before thanking her and leaving, the box and its contents still on her bed.

Since then, he'd done everything he could to not be in the same room as her for any length of time, though he hadn't been anywhere near as nasty to her as the previous weeks.

Kathryn thought, perhaps, that he was embarrassed for crying in front of her, but he made certain to never be around her long enough to ask.

This was the first time she'd seen him when he didn't look like he was about to run away from her and he didn't look like a deer caught in headlights because she'd called his name.

She frowned. "Happy what?"

"Today is May 20th."

"Is it? I thought we were still in April." The Seven weeks of hell with Chakotay had felt like a lifetime. If they were over, which she wasn't really sure about. "Guess I've lost track of the time."

"Well this should help." Chakotay smiled and held out his hand.

Kathryn gasped when she looked at the old-fashioned silver pocket watch. "It's beautiful."

"Nineteenth century, mechanical movement. It's a replica of the chronometer worn by Captain Cray of the British Navy, His ship was hit by a typhoon in the Pacific. Everyone back in England thought they were killed but eight months later Cray sailed his ship into London harbour. There wasn't much left of it, a few planks, half a sail, but he got his crew home."

She mightn't have been the Captain anymore, but Kathryn understood the meaning. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled. "Would you like to have dinner, tonight?"

It was the first smile she'd seen directed at her in so long and Kathryn was momentarily stunned. "Yes."

"My Quarters. 1900 hours. Smart casual dress."

There’s a dress code? "OK." She blinked. "See you then."

"You will."

Kathryn watched him walk away from her table in the mess hall with a frown.

Is he whistling?

Several crewmembers were shooting him strange - but pleasantly surprised - looks and she thought he just might be.

***

At exactly 1900 hours she found herself standing just inside of his Quarters, her mouth slightly open in surprise.

As per his instructions, she had replicated a long blue dress with thin straps and a matching pair of shoes - it was her Birthday, she'd reasoned, her ration account could take the hit just one - and left her hair loose and hanging down her back with two small braids at the sides pinned back so she could eat comfortably.

And on the subject of eating…

Kathryn stared at the table.

He'd clearly gone to a lot of effort - candles, flowers, what looked like really expensive China, a large bottle of red wine, the works - and she wasn't quite sure what to say beyond, "Hello."

Chakotay grinned, apparently pleased with her reaction. "Happy Birthday."

He stood before her in dark slacks and a white pinstriped shirt that she recognized from New Earth.

"You did all of this for my birthday?" Did I turn 40 and not realize it?

This kind of effort, in Kathryn's mind, had always been relevant only to the '0' birthdays. The rest were, usually, celebrated with a nice meal in a restaurant or a home-cooked meal from her mother.

"Partly a birthday celebration and partly an apology for being an ass." He admitted with a shrug, handing her a glass of wine.

“An ass?”

“Yes.” He had the grace to blush. “I’ve been unfairly horrid to you for the last few months and I know it. I’m sorry.”

As much as she wanted to let it go, as much as she understood that what would have been Roshan’s first birth date had hit him hard, Kathryn knew she’d never let it go unless she had the answers that her heart craved.

Not moving from her position just out of reach of the door’s sensor, she frowned. “If you know you were being horrible, why do it?”

“I was taking my hurt out on you.”

“Why?”

“Because,” He took a deep breath. “I saw you as Roshan’s mother. And when he died, I took it badly, as you know, but you held it together. I was angry that you held it together. Though I know I should have been thanking you for keeping me sane, I couldn’t see it that way.”

Kathryn opened her mouth to reply - though she had no clue what to say to that - and frowned when his comm. badge beeped.

Chakotay tapped it with a sigh. "Chakotay here."

"Captain, we have approached the Mari home world. Nimira would like to speak with you."

For a moment, she thought that Chakotay might tell Tuvok to deal with it on his own.

Sighing, he nodded. "On my way." Closing the link, he smiled apologetically at her. "I'm sorry, Kathryn. Can we continue this after our trade negotiations?"

She understood.

She and B’Elanna were going to the planet’s surface to trade for items in their famed market and if they were in orbit already, she needed to go and get changed. "Yes, I'd like that."

Nodding, Chakotay blew out the candles while she contacted B’Elanna.

***

Kathryn turned the resonator coil over in her hand before smiling politely at the stall owner. "I'm sorry, Mister Guill, but that's my final offer."

"Actually, I sense you'd be willing to raise your price to three hundred renns." Guill grinned. "B'Elanna needs this resonator coil to upgrade Voyager's communications systems."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes good naturedly. "Telepaths."

"Wait a minute." Kathryn paused, a far away look in her eye, before she smiled. "I sense you'd be willing to settle for two fifty!"

Guill's smile matched hers. "You must have read my mind."

Opening her palm, Kathryn frowned as she tried to sort through the unfamiliar currency.

They hadn't had physical money on Earth in a very long time - though the Ferengi still prized their latinum bars above all else - and she was unaccustomed to having to hand coins over for a purchase.

If they had still been in the Alpha Quadrant and she had wanted to purchase something, she would simply have provided her thumb print and the credits would have been taken from her account without having to worry about keeping track of the different currencies in use or how much ‘cash’ she had on her.

"Ah! Ah! Hey!"

Kathryn turned at the sound of B'Elanna's voice.

She saw a man steady her and shake his head.

"I'm sorry."

Guill moved around to the front of the stall and touched B'Elanna's arm. "Are you hurt?"

"No, no, I'm fine." She glared after the man that had pushed her. "I just wish people would look where they're going."

"I'll finish up here." Kathryn said. "Why don't you go get Neelix."

Turning back to Guill, Kathryn let him help her with the unfamiliar coins.

“Is this the fifty?” She frowned as she inspected the coin, looking for any markings that would give away its value.

“No, the hundred.” Guill corrected.

Nodding, Kathryn resumed her counting as she fished out the ‘hundreds’ and tried to work out which one was actually the fifty.

It wasn't more than a minute later when she heard someone call for help.

"Help! Somebody help me, please! Stop him! Help me!"

The man that had knocked into B'Elanna was beating into another man, savagely hitting him in the face, reigning continuous blows against him. "This will teach you to watch where you're going, you idiot! You idiot!"

"Somebody get a doctor!" B'Elanna called as she and several other people pulled them apart.

Kathryn moved over to the man that had knocked B'Elanna. "Why? Why were you beating that man?"

He frowned, confused, his eyes dazed. "I don't know."

***

Kathryn wasn't surprised that Chakotay was in the transporter room when she returned from her meeting with Nimira.

The woman had asked her questions about the incident in the marketplace, reading her thoughts - both conscious and subconscious, which had to have been a treat - as they verbally ran over the incident.

Apparently, on the Mari world it was a crime to even think violent thoughts.

Chakotay frowned when she stepped down from the transporter pad. "Are you OK?"

"Fine."

"Where's B'Elanna?"

"She's been found guilty of having violent thoughts."

"Guilty of having violent thoughts?" Chakotay repeated. "What's the punishment."

"They want her to undergone the anagrammatic purge. Apparently, it's a medical procedure that will identify and remove the offending images from her mind. Once identified they can be purged from the other mans mind."

Apparently, when Frane, the man that had run into B'Elanna, made contact with her, he had absorbed the violent thought that she'd had at the time and that had forced him to beat the defenseless man in the marketplace, the whole ‘transaction’ of thoughts being exchanged telepathically with each person unaware of the exchange at the time.

"Nimira said that it would take about a day to reconfigure their instruments to suit the human brain," Kathryn continued. "And that's all the time we have to clear B'Elanna's name. They're holding her in a cell on her own at the moment. She’s safe for now, but we don’t have a lot of time."

Chakotay nodded once. "Let's move."

***

After B'Elanna had been imprisoned, awaiting her medical treatment, Tuvok had mind-melded with her to learn more of her brush with Frane. He learnt that when the Mari man that Kathryn had traded with, Guill, had rushed to her side to make certain that she wasn’t hurt, he had made a physical connection with her - the touch to her arm - and probed her mind.

When Tuvok questioned him, Guill telepathically sensed the Vulcan's dark impulses, suppressed with his years of training.

Guill offered to help Tuvok control them, but after Tuvok had witnessed Guill secretly accept money from another Mari, Tuvok realized that he had a business interest in violent thoughts.

After a long discussion with Chakotay, he approached Guill again, offering to telepathically exchange his disturbing images in an elaborate sting they set up to catch the real 'perpetrator' in this case.

Tuvok lured Guill into a mind-meld with the promise of transferring his violent thoughts, but instead he inflicted enough mental pain on Guill to render him defenseless and brought him to Voyager.

From there, they were able to, effectively, 'trade' with Nimira to get B'Elanna back before the medical treatment had done any damage.

"I don't think Nimira liked being out-logic’ed by Tuvok." Kathryn told Chakotay as they sat in his Quarters, finishing the birthday dinner that they hadn't really gotten to start.

She'd pulled out her blue dress again - it really was the most 'smart casual' thing that she had in her closet - and he'd brought out the candles and the flowers, trying to recreate their first attempt.

"I think you might be right there." He smiled softly. "B'Elanna is being released from Sickbay in the morning. The Doctor said that there's no permanent damage; they didn't get too far into their treatment."

Kathryn nodded.

At the very least, Tom - who had wanted to break her out of jail by any and all means necessary - would be relieved that she was back on the Ship and out of harms way.

In fact, she thought that the Doctor might have a suddenly enthusiastic 'nurse' on night shift with him tonight and the thought made Kathryn smile.

After the less then stellar start to their relationship - and the doubt caused from the hormone manipulation that they'd undergone during the weeks where the crew was being 'experimented' on - B'Elanna and Tom had come a long way in a very short time.

And, if nothing else, Kes would appreciate a night off.

"So..." Kathryn smiled uncomfortably.

Even though he had admitted that his pissy - for the way no other word for it - mood had largely been related to what should have been Roshan's first birthday, this was still the first time that they'd been alone since than and she really didn't know if making idle small talk would be welcomed or not.

Previously, they'd simply been content to sit, or eat as the case was, in silence, but she just wasn't comfortable with that right now.

Despite the fact that they had - briefly - touched on the real reason behind his moods, Kathryn couldn’t help but feel that the situation wasn’t completely resolved yet.

"I wanted to tell you again that I'm sorry." Chakotay, apparently, could feel the lingering tension between them too.

"I understand." And she did, she really did.

She understood even more since their first attempt at her birthday dinner and his words about how she handled the baby’s death.

It was just that, while some of what he had snapped at her had been the truth - or at least had an element of truth - a lot of it had just been mean and unnecessary and she couldn't find a way to move past that.

Chakotay watched her. "Kathryn?"

"You said some hurtful things." She admitted quietly.

"I know."

The scene in his Ready Room flashed through her mind and she remembered his arrogant statement of "You seem to think that I couldn't have you if that was what I wanted" and her own voice declaring that he hadn't had her.

It was with a tightness in her throat that she realized that, out of everything he’d said to her in those seven weeks of hell, it was those words that bothered her the most.

Clearly, he didn't want her.

Kathryn sighed as she pushed the salad around her plate.

"You can yell back at me, if that will make you feel better."

It wouldn't.

He sighed when she didn’t answer. "Kathryn, I can't take back the things I said to you, but I can apologize again."

She shrugged. "I don't expect you to spend the next fifty-five years saying that you're sorry to me."

Though a sadistic part of her had to admit that it could be nice.

"That's good to know." Chakotay smiled and took a sip of his wine. "Because I can think of much better ways to spend the rest of our lives."

She wasn't going to ask.

At least, not yet.

***

After their 'official reconsolidation' had been taken care of - and Kathryn had managed to convince herself that the only way their relationship would get back to what it was would be if she bit the bullet and trusted him not to hurt her again - the evening had flown by in a blur of smiles and good food.

It was exactly how she would have wanted to spend her Birthday - despite the fact that her actual birthday had been two days prior to when they finally got to sit down to dinner - and the only thing that could have made it any better would have been if they had been sharing their good food and good company in the presence of the familiar stars of the Alpha Quadrant.

Though, Kathryn supposed, if they hadn't been flung halfway across the galaxy in a rather spectacular fashion, she never would have met and gotten to know Chakotay or any of the other good friends she’d made out of the Maquis crew.

So, maybe it did have some perks.

At the end of the evening, he had chivalrously walked her back to her Quarters, whished her happy birthday again, kissed her cheek - just like old times she had thought with a soft smile and slightly glass eyes - and handed her a small box before ushering her inside and walking away.

She'd never gotten the chance to open the box he'd given her, though.

Voyager had come under attack by an unknown vessel and equipment and weapons had begun disappearing from the ship.

The newest enemy had been using a high-energy transporter beam to locate items of technological value and remove them, even through the shields.

While it had taken them several hours, they'd been able to track their stolen goods to an alien world that had appeared to be an active center of commerce for local traders and passing ships. Apparently, their version of the ‘black market’ was also highly sophisticated and technologically superior.

Kathryn and Tuvok had beamed down to search and immediately located an item with a Starfleet signature.

Leonardo da Vinci.

Somehow, the aliens had stolen the program when they took the ship's computer processor and Leonardo was downloaded into the Doctor's stolen mobile emitter, leaving the hologram free to roam.

Kathryn had spent her time on the planet trying to convince the Maestro to return with her and abandon all of the 'new' wonders that he'd discovered in ‘America’ while Tuvok went on a hunt for the rest of their stolen technology.

After an exhilarating - though equally petrifying - flight across a large canyon on a hand-made glider that the Maestro constructed as they tried to escape being shot at, they were beamed back to Voyager, glider and all.

Tuvok had been waiting for them, retrieved technology at his feet, and raised an eyebrow when he saw them.

"An interesting mode of transport." He had said.

Kathryn thought that it was the closest to sarcasm that she was ever going to get from a Vulcan.

After seeing the Maestro back to the holodeck and retuning the emitter to their fretting EMH, she had finally returned to her Quarters.

***

The box was sitting on her coffee table, exactly where she had left it when the first phaser strike had rocked the Ship the night before.

Kathryn sat and stared at it, trying to see through the red wrapping to what was inside.

Convincing herself that it wouldn't bite, she picked the box up and undid the wrapping.

Tossing the red paper to the side, she found a wooden box with intricate carvings across it.

There didn't appear to be any significant markings, just twists and turns, grooves cut into the wood, half-finished pictures that gave it a beautiful rustic quality.

Running her fingers over the top, she could feel from the rough texture that it was hand-made.

Opening the lid, she gasped at the beaded necklace that lay inside.

The beads were simple, different shades of blue strung onto a wire, but the overall effect was simple, elegant and understated.

Just like Chakotay.

Tears stung at her eyes as she opened the clasp and secured the necklace around her neck, pulling her braid out form underneath it.

Carefully fingering the beads across her throat, Kathryn smiled.

"Happy birthday to me."

***

Naomi squealed in delight as Kathryn's hands pushed at her back, demanding to go higher and higher.

As a third birthday gift for their youngest Voyager, Tom had programmed an old-fashioned park for the little girl to play in.

A lot of the rides weren't suitable for her yet - who put a rollercoaster in for a three-year-old? Tom Paris, of course - but Naomi loved the swings and Kathryn got a lot of joy out of hearing her childish glee.

And, after the last few days, they could all use a little glee.

Three days ago, Neelix was assigned to collect a sample of proto-matter from a nearby nebula.

However, he was struck by an energy discharge from the nebula and killed. While the Doctor had been able to revive him, their Talaxian Handy Man had been suffering some sever questions of faith.

While he had tried - and failed - to find his purpose in life again, it had led to an elaborate attempt at suicide in the very same nebula that had taken his life in the first place.

Neelix had only been back with them for a few hours when, after a fitful night's sleep, the crew realized that they had all had nightmares involving the same alien.

Several crewmembers couldn’t be awakened and, hoping to find out more about the alien, Chakotay had attempted a technique called lucid dreaming, which would allow him to control the events of his dream, which had allowed him to work out what was going on.

Over a hundred members of the crew were sharing the same dream while the rest were comatose.

It had taken a painfully long time for him, but Chakotay had managed to discover that the aliens were the ones that were controlling the crew's strange dreams.

When they found the physical location of their bodies, he had used a stimulant the Doctor gave him to wake one of the aliens and commanded it to deactivate the device that kept people asleep.

Once Chakotay had been able to wake the entire crew, he’d had to deal with a hundred insomniacs.

But then had come the Doctor's foray into the Alpha Quadrant via a relay station to send word to Starfleet - or anyone that would listen, really - whereupon he'd found himself on an abandoned Ship, fighting Romulans.

After the lows of the dream aliens and the high of knowing that their loved ones now knew that they were alive - though Kathryn had to wonder what they were saying at Headquarters when they found out that she was XO to a Maquis - most of the crew didn't know what to think.

In short, the emotional turmoil had hit them like a photon torpedo and they'd entered a rut.

And, with their trusted morale officer still at the center of that rut after his experience with death, no one seemed to have any ideas on how to get themselves out of it.

"Higher!"

The shrill demands made her smile, brining Kathryn out of the memories and into the present.

She wished that she could share Naomi’s delight with the entire crew and pull them out of the funk that they’d entered.

Naomi seemed determined that they try and make the swing do a full circle around the bar that held the chains secure.

Kathryn didn't have the heart to tell her that not only was the swing specifically designed not to do that, but the holodeck safeties were on and if her little body got too far off the ground, this particular program was designed to shut down and she'd find herself lying on the empty holodeck grid.

When the swing came back towards her, Kathryn pushed again and let the hearty cries of happiness wash over her.

***

The message came through before lunch.

Just a few seconds worth.

Enough to verify the origin and the sender without actually getting any real information.

Harry was trying to clear up the interference while Kathryn sat in her chair, her breath caught in her throat.

What if the message was from Headquarters?

What if it wasn't?

She didn’t know which to fear more.

After a few moment of tense silence, they could tell that it had a Starfleet signature and they knew that Headquarters would have people looking from them since the Doctor had transported through the relay station.

But... what would they have to say?

The strict Starfleet ship that had left Deep Space 9 well over four years ago with a clear mission to capture the Maquis was no more.

Now, on the surface at least, they looked like a rag-tag bunch of delinquents.

They worked together, they supported each other and they were family.

It had taken a hell of a long time and a hell of a lot of effort on everyone’s part for them to reach that point and Kathryn feared that Starfleet's communication might be enough to divide the crew once more.

"They said they wouldn't stop until they found a way to get us home." Tom reminded them of the Doctor’s words.

Tuvok, ever cautious, was the one to reply. "Nonetheless, we can't assume they've been able to devise a plan this quickly."

Chakotay nodded his agreement. "But they're communicating with us. That's a big step."

He was obviously as worried as she.

While it certainly wasn’t in Starfleet's nature to simply ignore their lost Ship because of a change in leadership, Kathryn knew that there would be certain individuals - though she preferred the term 'asshats' - that would be reluctant to deal with what bringing Voyager home could mean for the image of the Federation.

If she'd been in the Captain's chair, maybe they would have made her the poster girl for heroism, parading her around for the public.

Now that she had handed her Ship over and then worked diligently beside her former prey and even had the audacity to feel something more than political hatred for him... what would they think of her?

Never mind Starfleet, what would her mother think of her?

"Okay," Harry's voice stopped her musings and Kathryn was grateful. "I've reprocessed everything we've received. I've cleared out most of the interference. Here it is.”

Admiral Hayes appeared on the view screen. "This is Starfleet Command to the USS Voyager. If you are receiving this message please study it carefully. We have information that-"

Harry frowned. "That's all we got. It looks like the bulk of the transmission is lodged in one of the relay stations."

Chakotay turned to look at him. "Can you tell which one?"

"It's about three point eight light-years from us on a heading of two seven four mark one three."

He nodded, not hesitating before he responded. "Set a course, Tom."

"Last time we used one of those stations the people who build it weren't too happy." Kathryn said quietly.

Chakotay raised his eyebrows, surprised. "You want to leave it?"

She frowned. "No, of course not, I think that we should find out what the message says."

Even if it was Starfleet sending them a communication to tell her that she'd failed miserably and was officially out of a job, Kathryn wanted to hear it more than anything else.

"Set a course, Tom." Chakotay repeated.

The Bridge was silent as Tom guided them towards the relay station, hope stirring in everyone’s - with the exception of Tuvok - hearts.

"Maybe they've figured out a way to get us home." Harry said idly.

"How can the get us home from sixty thousand light years away?"

When Tom spoke, Kathryn couldn't help but think that he probably didn't want to get home, given that all that awaited him was a bitter, angry father and an ankle restraint.

It made her wonder about others in the crew, too.

Not everyone had something for them at home. Not everyone had loved ones, family, waiting for them. Not everyone had a spouse.

Do I?

The thought made her blink.

She hadn't thought about Mark in such a long time and now she was beginning to wonder what he was doing with his live. Had he moved on? Found someone else?

Or was he still pining for her, never giving up hope?

Glancing quickly to her right before looking away, Kathryn had to wonder which she'd prefer.

She listened with half an ear as Tuvok and Harry discussed the possibility of a way home having been found.

Technology had brought them to the Delta Quadrant and Kathryn thought it fairly likely - or logical, as Tuvok would say - that technology would be the thing to get them home again.

"Starfleet found a stable wormhole to the Gamma quadrant. Maybe they've discovered one that leads here." Harry said and they could all hear the excitement in his voice.

"This kind of speculation can be intriguing," Kathryn admitted. "But be careful about letting yourselves up to be disappointed. We don’t know what Starfleet will have to say."

"I'm just happy my folks know I'm alive." He replied.

"I imagine there were quite a few celebrations when people got the news." Kathryn admitted.

She could imagine one large celebration, with family and friends of the Voyagers shedding tears of happiness at the news.

Unless, of course, those people had moved on with their lives and found more comfort in assuming that they'd all be lost forever.

Chakotay stayed silent and Kathryn wondered if he was thinking of a left-behind lover or some other family member that he wanted to see again.

"At the very least, we know the relay stations extend almost all the way to the Alpha Quadrant." Chakotay finally chimed in. "We may be able to keep in regular contact with people at home."

As much as she wanted to speak to Phoebe and her mother again - and Mark, she added belatedly - Kathryn had to wonder what regular contact with the Alpha Quadrant would mean.

Any sort of communication on this kind of scale would have to go through Starfleet.

The question was, what would the Federation do now that they knew that the communications they could be facilitating were from a Maquis crew in a borrowed Ship?

The ship rocked beneath them.

"Report."

Harry's excitement was replaced with cool professionalism in a heartbeat. "We're encountering some kind of gravimetric forces."

Kathryn frowned at the readings on the console between the command chairs. "Source?"

"Looks like it's coming from the relay station we're heading for."

Blinking at the display, she shook her head. "That station is still two light years away. How could it project a gravimetric field this far?"

Chakotay leant closer to look too as the Ship continued to shudder beneath them. "It would have to have an incredibly powerful energy source."

"I've compensated for the disturbance." At Harry's words, the shuddering stopped. "We should be all right. At least until we get closer."

Tuvok spoke, "I'm detecting a ship, Captain. Eight hundred thousand kilometers off the port bow."

Chakotay turned to the view screen. "On screen."

"It's adrift, no propulsion systems, no weapons, no life support." He continued as the small vessel drifted slowly through space.

"I'm picking up one male humanoid aboard." Harry added. "He's dead."

"As soon as we're close enough, beam the body to sickbay. I want to know how he died."

***

Following Chakotay into the Ready Room, Kathryn waited until the doors slid shut behind her before she spoke. "Well?"

"According to the Doctor, he appears to have suffered a complete osteotomy."

She was a scientist, not a Doctor. "A what?"

"He's been gutted. Apparently some kind of surgical procedure was used to remove the entire skeleton, as well as the musculature, the ligaments and tendons and the internal organs."

A hand covered her mouth and her eyes widen. "Oh my."

"The Doctor estimates that it happened somewhere between a week and a month." He sighed. "Seven said she's seen this kind of thing before, but doesn't know who did it. I've told her that when we get closer to the station, we can use the data processors in Astrometrics to download the message from Starfleet."

Astrometrics was still not complete, but they were able to use some of their sensors and data processors.

"What do you think they'll have to say?" Kathryn asked quietly as she followed him to the sofa.

"Starfleet?" At her nod he continued. "I think that... actually, I don't know what I think."

"Me either." She admitted.

Chakotay frowned. "You look worried about it, Kathryn."

"We're not exactly following their orders. I suppose, technically, Voyager is a stolen ship."

"You did follow their orders, Kathryn. And you made the best of a bad situation." He touched her hand lightly and sighed. "Sometimes I wish I'd never demanded your Captaincy."

Kathryn blinked.

In all of the hours that they'd spent talking about everything from Ships business to their childhoods, they had never once discussed the way that the Command Team had come to be.

"You do?"

He nodded. "When I offered you the Captaincy back after Roshan..." He coughed. "After. It wasn't a spur of the moment decision. I'd been thinking about it for a while."

"I thought it was a reaction to..." She still didn’t like to say the word either. "Well. I thought it was spur of the moment thing."

"No."

"Oh." Kathryn couldn't imagine him not being in the Captain's chair, not after all of this time.

She couldn't imagine making all of the decisions, being responsible for the crew and the running of the Ship.

Part of her wasn't sure that she had it in her, or that she'd ever had it in her to begin with.

"It's going to take us two days at high warp to reach the relay station," Chakotay said. "Let's try not to worry about what Starfleet has to say until we actually hear it, OK?"

***

Kathryn stared at the PADD's in her hand.

After two days at high warp, an altercation with a brutal race of hunters called the Hirogen and a painstakingly long time, they'd managed to access the message that Starfleet had sent them.

There had been a recording for 'Captain Kathryn Janeway' - and it had taken Kathryn a moment to realize that, to Starfleet, that was still her, technically - from headquarters and the rest were personal messages for the crew from their loved ones.

Thanks to the Hirogen, they'd only managed to download a third of the messages in the DataStream, but it was enough for the lonely crew.

Some of the news had been good - Tuvok was now a Grandfather - and some of it had left the crew heartbroken. Chakotay had learnt that all of Maquis back home had either been killed in battle or imprisoned.

Picking up the first PADD, she downloaded its contents into her terminal and activated the message.

The picture was grainy from degrade, but Admiral Paris’ serious features stared at her for a moment before he began to speak.

"This is Admiral Owen Paris for Captain Kathryn Janeway." The image paused for a beat before a smile spread across his face. "Hello Kathryn. I must say, you gave us all quite a start when we heard what had happened. Your Doctor is quite an interesting man and he filled us in, as best as he could, on the goings-on aboard your ship. We know that the Maquis are in charge.”

Unconsciously, Kathryn sucked in a breath and waited. Realistically, she knew that they already knew what had happened, but she still wasn’t sure that she was ready to hear what they had to say about it.

“As you can imagine, some of the other Admirals here aren't too thrilled about that, but I know that you did what you felt was right."

He paused again and sighed.

"I wish I had better news for you. But I've been asked to send apologies from everyone at Starfleet Command. We've had our best people working around the clock, trying to find a wormhole, a new means of propulsion, anything to get you home. But despite our best efforts... I know it's not what you were hoping for, but we've sent you all the data we've collected on the Delta Quadrant. With any luck, you'll find at least some part of it useful. Maybe enough to shave a few years off your journey or help you know what areas to avoid. Safe journey. We hope to see you soon. Goodbye, Kathryn."

The message clicked off and she played it again, smiling at her old friend and mentor.

Tom's message from his father hadn't been completely downloaded. All they'd retrieved was "Hello, Son..." before they'd completely lost the link.

He hadn't said anything, but Kathryn knew that it had hit him hard. Later, she'd show this to him so he could at least see his father, if not hear the words that were meant for him.

Kathryn looked at the second PADD and toyed with the idea of reading it again, but dismissed that when a sharp stab to her chest reminded her of why it had made her cry the first time.

The chime on her door rang, saving her from having to make a decision on what to do next and she called out "Enter" almost gratefully.

Chakotay smiled when he entered. "Kathryn."

She nodded a greeting and moved around to her sofa - smaller than his - and coffee table. "Want some coffee?"

"Thanks."

Pouring, she picked up the cream bowl. "Cream and sugar, huh?"

"Two sugars."

"Oh, two sugars!" She winced.

Chakotay smiled his thanks when she handed him a cup and they sat together, side by side under her view port. "You know, you drink far too much of that stuff." He smiled playfully, though there was worry behind his words.

Here we go again. "Really?"

"If I'm not mistaken, that's your third cup this morning."

"Fourth. And on a day like today it won't be my last." She took a sip gratefully. "Coffee - the finest organic suspension ever devised. It's got me through the worst of the last four years." She waved away his worried look. "Oh, I'm sure Voyager will be fine, but I'm worried that the crew might be a different story. I think they were hoping mail call would become a regular part of their day."

He nodded. "Neelix is putting together an impromptu party. He thought it might cheer them up."

Only Neelix, she thought with a fond smile, glad that he was back to his old self. "Good idea. When will it be?"

"As soon as he can get people together."

"Leave it to Neelix to come up with the right idea at the right time."

They lapsed into silence for a moment and she could feel Chakotay's eyes on her as she held her coffee in one hand and fiddled absently with the end of her braid with the other.

"How are you doing?"

"Me?" She smiled a little, but she knew that it didn't really reach her tired eyes. "I'm fine."

"You'd say that if you'd just had your legs torn off by a Trakan Beast. Look what you've been through in the last few days. We finally make a connection with home and then it's ripped away from us. We manage to make another enemy who's going to try and hunt us down and destroy us and on top of that..." He trailed off, frowning.

"It's all right. You can say it. On top of all that, I got a Dear John letter." Her eyes flicked to the offending PADD as it lay on her desk. "It wasn't really a surprise. I guess I didn't really expect him to wait for me considering the circumstances. It made me realize that I was using him as a safety net, you know, as a way to avoid becoming involved with someone else."

"And now you don't have that safety net anymore." Chakotay's voice was quiet and gentle.

"That's right. Then again, my life is far from uneventful here in the Delta quadrant. It's not like I would have had a chance to pursue a relationship even if I had realized I was alone." She was lying through her teeth and was also very aware that he probably knew that.

"You're hardly alone and, to my way of thinking, there's still plenty of time."

"Plenty of time." She repeated quietly.

"Do you want to wait?"

Kathryn stared at him.

She knew what he was - and wasn't - asking and the best she could offer was honesty. "I don't know."

"The decision has always been yours, you know."

Kathryn did know and it made life just a little harder to know that he was holding back on her behalf.

He was waiting for the nod from her before he approached either her or another woman.

"I know." She shrugged. "My decision making skills aren't great in this area."

"What do you want?"

"Overall?"

"Yeah." Chakotay smiled. "When you're ninety and wrinkled and lying on your death bed, what do you want to have achieved in your life?"

"I want a husband and children." It was surprisingly easy to answer. "I'd like it to be in the Alpha Quadrant, but..."

But the possibility of living out her life in the Delta Quadrant didn't always seem like a bad thing.

"You can have that yet." He finished for her. “At least, not the part about being in the Alpha Quadrant.”

"I know."

Pulling her fingers from her braid, he laced them through his and squeezed. "I don't plan to stop chasing you. Just so you know."

Forcing herself, she met his calm but confident eyes. "OK."

"Neelix to the Captain. The party's about to begin and there are only two people missing."

He gave her fingers another squeeze. "We're on our way."

***

They walked into the party arm-in-arm.

Kathryn waited for the crew to stop and gasp and point and whistle and do all of the other nightmarish things that she had expected - Tom shouting out the winner of the betting pool would be pretty high up there on her list of expectations - but nothing happened.

A few people said hello, Neelix told them where to find the punch and where to find the food, Tom told them which food to avoid and which of the two bowls of punch was spiked - though she may have accidentally forgotten which he pointed out as the 'safe' one - Naomi waved, Samantha smiled softly at her child while Ayala smiled softly at Samantha.

It was almost, but not quite, like the crew had been waiting for something to happen and were accepting it with grace.

Not that anything had happened or that there was anything to accept.

Convincing some people of that, though…

She managed to hang on to his arm for almost twenty minutes before B'Elanna approached them with a determined look on her face.

"That's it." She held her hands out, palms up before pointing at Kathryn. "You're with me."

Kathryn smiled apologetically at him and followed B'Elanna to a vacant corner of the room. "What?"

"What's going on?"

"A party."

B'Elanna glared. "Kathryn."

"Nothing is going on." She shrugged, pausing for a moment and biting her lip. "Mark sent me a letter."

"What did it say?"

Mostly it had wished her well and given her an update on her family and Molly. The bit news, however, "That he'd gotten married not long ago."

B'Elanna searched her face carefully. "You look happy about that."

While she had cried when she read his letter, Kathryn thought that it was more tears of regret than anything else. Mark was – is – a good man, he didn’t deserve to be alone because she was in another Quadrant and she hoped his new wife appreciated that. "He deserves to be happy."

"And you?"

She couldn't help but search through the crowd until she could see a familiar head of dark hair. "I deserve to be happy too."

"So what now?"

"Now nothing. I'm not ready for anything."

And 'anything' ranged from the husband and children that she wanted to think of when she was ninety to letting Chakotay come in for a nightcap when the party ended.

"He wont give up."

"I know." Kathryn leant forward a little, her voice lowering. "And between you and me, I'm glad."

***

Kathryn had mingled at the party for several hours, dancing and talking with the crew.

She had laughed with some, congratulated others. She had offered her quiet condolences to every Maquis member that she spoke to and let them talk or re-filled their drinks, depending on their mood.

The general mood of the crew was subdued but happy.

Even those that had received bad news were just happy to know now, instead of spending their nights wondering and whispering hopes and prayers into the dark.

When Chakotay walked her home, he kissed her cheek and waited until she was inside her Quarters before leaving.

It was slightly more juvenile than she would have liked, but Kathryn went to bed with a smile on her face that night.

***

She faced her opponent as they circled each other, her mind focused. "Prepare to meet your ancestors! This battle is yours today, but the House of Mo'kai will never yield."

"KasKree! Move away, coward. I want to make this kill."

"You should have killed me when my back was turned."

"I want to see the fear in your eyes."

She snickered at her arrogant opponent. "Look closely and you'll see your own destruction!"

He lunged.

She blocked the move.

They circled again.

"You are resilient prey."

Raising her Bat'Leth high above her head, she mustered her strength and moved to strike. "I'm no one's prey!"

The knife pierced her stomach.

***

Katrine had been waiting for almost an hour and she was getting frustrated and a little cold.

Allied High Command was scheduled to send a coded message over the radio in a little more than an hour, during the evening news, and she was not going to be impressed if she missed it because her contact was late or, worse, wasn't going to show.

She was going out on a limb by meeting him, especially in the alley behind one of the other bars - her business competition, really - during the early evening hours while the sun was still fighting to stay in the sky. Though, these days, it was a risk to cross the street in broad daylight. The end of her cigarette glowed red as she puffed at it.

Willing her body to relax, she rested back against the wall.

A man stopped in front of her, eyeing her from top to bottom before raising an eyebrow. "Avez-vous le temps pour moi?"

Her contact was supposed to be English-speaking, so she smiled coyly at the would-be-customer and shook her head, looking sadly at the Francs in his outstretched hand. "Non, merci."

He shrugged - a gesture that, in any language, screamed 'your loss' - before turning and leaving to find a woman that was available, knowing that it wouldn't be hard. Even during the height of a war, Sainte Claire had its seedy underworld of prostitution and crime.

And I'm joining it in the name of my country!

Katrine felt stupid in the slinky, revealing dress and heels, her long hair brushed out and hanging down her back.

She was beginning to think that she should have sent Mademoiselle De Neuf in her place.

At least with her trim figure, long legs and blonde hair she would have been able to pass as a working and semi-successful whore instead of looking like an old hopeful clinging pathetically to some kind of troubled youth.

Katrine sighed.

"Available?"

Taking in the features of the man before her – though she didn’t know what her contact looked like - Katrine shrugged one shoulder casually and she sucked in a long draw of the cigarette in her hand. "Maybe."

He held out his hand, showing her a wad of Francs, folded over and held by a silver clip. "Sure?"

The money wasn't impressive. What was peeking out through the gap of the fold was. "Did you have a place of preference?"

He tilted his head. "My hotel room is this way."

As they walked toward one of the more seedy hotels in the area, Katrine took a moment to study the man beside her. He was the epitome of tall, dark and handsome.

How the hell he had ended up a weapons trader on the black market, she didn't know.

But, then, how had a once respectable business woman ended up running a bar that doubled as the Maquis headquarters of the French Resistance?

She passed him the cigarette and he took a drag before handing it back.

They didn't make idle conversation as they walked and the click-clack of her heels on the pavement echoed around them.

Her attire spelled out what she was - supposed to be - for everyone to see and, really, what could he say? 'Had a busy night?'

The hotel that he led them to rented rooms by the hour and the desk clerk didn't look up from his magazine as they passed.

They walked up the stairs in silence and finally made it to his room. He opened the door as she habitually looked down each end of the hall, pleased to note that they had no company.

When she followed him into the small, dirty room and closed the door behind her, she turned to face him. "You have a list?"

He pulled out the wad of Francs again and removed the paper from the fold that she'd spied in the alley, handing it to her before slipping the currency back into his pocket.

Katrine eyed the list. "I was told you had pistols."

"Not anymore."

"I specifically requested pistols." She was not going to be jerked around by anyone because she was a woman, though they often tried.

He snorted, rolling his eyes as he looked at her. "We're at war, sweetheart, everyone needs something."

She knew that and she didn't have time to quibble.

Right now, the resistance was focusing their efforts on stockpiling weapons for the Americans and she'd take what she could get.

If he didn’t have pistols, she’d have to focus her efforts on restocking what he did offer. "How much for three crates of ammunition?"

As he opened his mouth to reply, the sound of heavy footsteps in the hall made them both freeze.

Listening, Katrine recognized the German arrogance immediately as their leader gruffly ordered them to search the rooms. It could have been a random search – they did that sometimes – or they may know what was happening behind the doors of room 106.

Either way, Katrine didn’t really want to find out what they had to say if she could help it.

"Nazi's." She hissed.

He didn't bat an eyelid as he took the list from her hand, pushed it down her top and pressed her against the wall, his mouth and body covering hers as they fell into an expected pose of a man and his night's entertainment.

As she wound her arms around his neck, Katrine wasn't really surprised to feel herself respond.

She wasn't in a position to have relationships while they were fighting a war.

There had been a man, Marcus, before the Nazi’s invaded Sainte Claire. But he had been killed almost five years ago in on of the first attacks and she had been alone since then, focusing her energy on saving France from the Germans and their skewed ideas of purity.

With their bodies pressed tightly together – he was hard against her belly and Katrine took it for what it was; People who did what they did took their pleasure where they could, even if it was just to save themselves from the Nazi’s - the sweet taste of his mouth sent thrills through her as she wound her arms tighter around his neck and curled a leg around his waist.

When the door burst open, she didn't hear it over the pounding of blood through her body as she hummed in long-forgotten desire.

But when a shot was fired and her tall, dark and handsome contact slumped against her in death, the wind was knocked out of her and she couldn't help but gasp at the Nazi that stood in the middle of the room, holding a smoking rifle.

"Run." He sneered.

She did.

As she fled, she could hear the Nazi calling for 'the Captain to be beamed to sickbay' and she wondered if her contact had been one of the American troops coming to their aid – or, perhaps, some kind of Nazi trap - but didn't give it much thought as she ran towards the safety of her bar.

***

Her old friend nodded towards the Nazi's that entered the bar, talking amongst themselves. "That's him."

Katrine watched the man he pointed out as casually as she could. "Our new Commandant?"

"British intelligence believes that he has been sent to oversee the occupation of the city."

"What's his history?"

"He served with Rommel in North Africa and Schmidt in Poland. He is a formidable military strategist, notorious for his cruelty."

"Ah." Another charming personality to add to their list of guests, then. "Why don’t we make him feel at home. Hmm. Send him a bottle of Chateau LaTour. My compliments."

"The '29?"

"I hate to waste good wine. Give him the '36."

"As you wish." He nodded, reaching for the bottle and a glass that he quickly wiped with a rag. "You have not spoken of your meeting."

Her 'meeting' – or should that be encounter? - with Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome had happened several hours ago.

When she'd returned to Le Coeur de Lion, Katrine had put herself through the motions of changing from whore to charming proprietor without speaking of the incident in the hotel.

"It didn't end well." She replied, smiling at Jacque as he watched her from his table by the banister.

"I see."

"There are other means of getting our supplies, old friend." She patted his arm. "Mr. Neelix, I believe, is aware of a vegetable supplier in the next county that may be of some use."

He nodded, understanding what she wasn’t saying. "I shall enquire when next we next receive a delivery."

***

Katrine watched as Mademoiselle De Neuf counted out the night's Francs into piles on the bar top.

"How'd we do?"

"Insufficient for a Saturday night. Twelve hundred forty seven francs and eighty one Reich marks."

It was insufficient, but a lot of the regulars were choosing to stay in while the Nazi's strolled through Sainte Claire as if they already owned it and there was little that she could do about that.

"Well it should be enough to buy an oscillator to extend the range of our radio. First thing tomorrow morning I want you to take a little trip to the countryside. There's a Monsieur Goulot who has a cottage just past the third bridge. He's got a wine cellar full of vacuum tubes.” She counted out an appropriate number of francs for the run. “Tell him we need a high frequency oscillator. Offer him three hundred francs but don't go any higher than five hundred."

"We have more pressing needs."

Katrine raised her eyebrow. "Such as?"

"Explosives.” Sept replied quickly. “We need a launcher that can fire armour piercing grenades."

"Planning on blowing up a German tank?"

The blonde shrugged. "If necessary."

"We're not trying to build an army here."

"Well, maybe it's time that we did. Three more German battalions have occupied the city and a Panzer division is holding position eleven kilometers away.” Her voice hardened and rose in frustration. “When the American soldiers arrive and the fighting begins I do not intend to be standing next to a piano singing Moonlight Becomes You."

Katrine forced herself to remain firm but calm when she replied. "The Americans won't even be able to approach this city without our help, and if they can't liberate Sainte Claire, the assault into Germany could fail. Right now, we need to be gathering information about German troop movements and relaying it to Allied Command."

"I'm tired of lighting the Nazi's cigarettes and laughing at their jokes. We should be helping the Allies by assassinating these pigs."

After the day that she'd had, Katrine was in absolutely no mood to stand and argue over the movements of the resistance.

They were doing what Allied Command expected of them and that was enough to help her sleep at night.

"The moment we start shooting we expose ourselves. Right now, no one suspects us, and I am not about to risk our entire operation because you've suddenly developed a nervous trigger finger."

"That is your opinion, Madame."

"I'm the leader of the movement here and right now my opinion is the only one that counts, so get the oscillator.” She sighed. “I think that we're all feeling the strain. It's been a hard four and a half years, but believe me, the Third Reich is feeling it too. We just have to hang on a little while longer. Word from the Americans is going to come any day."

"Perhaps." She moved away.

"Again?"

Katrine looked up again as her old friend moved to stand in front of her and sighed, her forehead creasing into a frown. "Again. Why is she so adamant? What she's proposing would put us all at risk."

He raised an eyebrow. "Maybe that's her intention."

"If you have suspicions, my old friend, let's hear them."

"From the beginning, she's been argumentative, and on more than a few occasions she's disobeyed your direct orders."

"She's headstrong. We both know that’s typical of the underground." Five years ago, Katrine had thought of herself in the same light but bitterness and hardship had tainted that.

"Nevertheless, her behavior has threatened our identities."

"She's the only munitions expert we have, and she can carry a tune. We need her. Let's keep our eye on her. Have her followed for the next few days. If she is a Nazi infiltrator we'll have to eliminate her."

***

Kathryn crawled through the Jeffries tubes, Seven close behind her.

Her knees were aching a little against the grating but she ignored them and forced herself to move.

"Do we know how much damage the Hirogen have done?"

"The Doctor informs me that they have been trying to extend the holodecks." Seven's breathing was slightly ragged. "It is not going well."

She could only imagine. "The Captain?"

"He believes himself to be whatever the Hirogen programmed him to believe. I have not seen him yet."

After what she'd seen of the Nazi Headquarters that she'd 'woken' in, Kathryn shuddered to think. "Is he a Nazi?"

"I do not know. I Have no memory of my participation in the program."

Neither did Kathryn and it worried her.

She knew that she was meant to be the Leader of Resistance movement, but that was only because Seven had told her.

Beyond that, she could have had a sideline gig as a whore and she'd be none the wiser.

"Is anyone else aware of who they are?"

"Not to my knowledge. The Doctor's first priority was to disengage the Captain's neural interface but he was met with some resistance."

"So in other words, we're about to meet our friends in a setting we know very little about."

"The Doctor told me to think of it as a new social setting. He advised me to do my best to fit in."

Kathryn was struck with the image of a bull in a china shop but banished the thought before an inappropriate laugh bubbled up inside her. "And tell me, how did that go for you?"

"I believe you and Tuvok were preparing to shoot me."

And now I'm filled with confidence. "Let's hope he's changed his mind about that."

"He will, undoubtedly, still believe himself to be a member of the Resistance."

The hatch that led to the Holodeck was in front of her and Kathryn paused for a moment. "Don't worry, I'll do my best to fit in." She muttered. Pushing the hatch open, she found herself looking at the wrong end of several ancient firearms. "Hold your fire."

Tuvok was the first to lower his weapon, an eyebrow raised in surprise. "Katrine, you survived."

Kathryn crawled out of the Jeffries tube with as much grace as she could muster. "Are you surprised?"

"Very. Nazi headquarters was destroyed. We assumed you were killed in the explosion."

B'Elanna - a heavily pregnant B'Elanna - frowned as Seven exited the tube and she poked her head inside. "What is that? Some kind of an escape tunnel?"

Seven nodded. "That's precisely what it is."

Chakotay frowned at her. "You're the leader of the local Resistance."

He was wearing the military uniform of an American soldier and Kathryn guessed that he was the reinforcements that Seven had mentioned were on their way to Sainte Claire.

She really wanted to laugh at his outfit and, especially, at the bucket helmet on his head. "That's right."

"Captain Miller, Fifth Armoured Infantry." He held his hand out and she shook it firmly. "This is Lieutenant Davis. I take it you've seen the German bunker we uncovered."

"I just came from there."

"We suspect it's a munitions lab. Can you confirm that?"

It was as good as any lie she could possibly make up on the spot. "Yes. A munitions lab."

"Then this is it. We're calling in an air strike.” He turned to face Davis. “Contact the RAF."

Great, that was exactly what they needed - trigger-happy holographic reinforcements. "Hold on, Captain. There is an easier way to do this with a minimum number of casualties."

"Let's hear it."

"I've located the generator that powers the entire complex. It's heavily guarded but with your help I can get close enough to set off some explosives."

If they blew the power for all of the active neural interfaces, they might be able to fight the Hirogen on more even ground.

"My orders are to blow the entire compound before the Germans send in reinforcements."

"I saw technology in there you can't begin to imagine. Warheads powerful enough to destroy this entire valley if they're accidentally detonated. Call for an air strike, it may be the last call you make."

Chakotay paused and mulled over her words for a moment before he nodded slightly. "How can you get close enough?"

"This tunnel." She pointed to the open hatch behind the bar. "I've been watching this compound for several months, and I've got a man inside." Well, she had a resourceful EMH inside, but it was better than nothing.

"The place is crawling with Krauts." Paris - who appeared to be Chakotay right-hand man, Davis - protested.

Moving to point at the map that they had spread out on the bar top, Kathryn pointed. "And that is why I need your help. If your men can clear these two corridors, it will give us access to this entryway. Get me there, and I can take care of the rest."

Chakotay turned to Tom. "C Company. What's there status?"

"They're holding position about two hundred yards from here." He pointed to the map.

"Get them on the horn." Chakotay turned her attention back to her. "You'll lead us into the compound but I'm coming with you."

No Chance. "I work better alone."

"This isn't a request, it's an order."

It was almost comical to hear him say that.

He gave her orders on a daily basis but - with the exception of a few rare occasions - he was never so blunt and harsh about it. "Order? Do I look like I'm wearing one of your uniforms? I go alone."

"I thought you needed our help. I'll be right behind you."

They didn’t have time to argue. If the Hirogen discovered that she and Seven were ‘back to normal’ before they could get the rest of the crew back…

Nodding her defeat, Kathryn moved over to Seven and kept her voice low. "Even if I manage to disrupt the neural interfaces, we've still got a war to fight. We're going to need something a lot more effective than these old firearms."

"I believe I can enhance these weapons using Borg technology, but I'll have to access Cargo Bay two."

Kathryn nodded. "If something goes wrong and I don't succeed, you'll be the only one left who knows what's really going on."

"Understood." Seven moved away.

"Have our suspicions been confirmed?"

Turning at the sound of Tuvok's voice, Kathryn frowned as he looked at her expectantly. "Suspicions?"

"Is she a collaborator?"

"I think we can trust her."

"Are you certain? Three hours ago you were prepared to put a bullet in her head."

Kathryn nodded. "She's on our side."

"In your absence I may be forced to make that determination for myself."

She wasn't kidding when she said we were plotting to shoot her! "I've already made it. You're not to harm her. Is that understood?"

He nodded and they moved back to the group.

Kathryn couldn't help but smile a little to see Tom hovering over B'Elanna protectively.

She didn't imagine that he was the father of her child - Chakotay had greeted her as though they'd only just met - but it was nice to see that some love could survive even technology overriding memories.

"German forces are advancing on our position." Tuvok called as he looked out the window.

"Let's give them a warm welcome." Chakotay waved a hand towards the Jeffries tube. "Mademoiselle, after you."

***

He was staring at her ass.

She knew full well that he was staring at her ass and he probably knew that she knew.

Kathryn didn't blame him - there really wasn't anywhere else for him to look as she crawled in front of him - but it was disconcerting to know that he was doing it.

While she had no doubts that, at some point, Chakotay had looked before, she had never been so aware of it.

She wasn't sure if she should put a bit more of a swing in her hips or do everything she could not to move her lower body too much.

"You're a gung ho kind of gal, aren't ya?"

The voice floated forward to her and she smiled. "Does that bother you?"

"Nope. Just not used to it, that's all. The girls back home are a little different."

She remembered her history lessons and could picture the women of that - currently, his - time. "I guess when it comes to my people's safety; this girl tends to get a little gung ho."

"Nothing to apologize for, I'm the same way with my men.” He sighed. “There's not a day goes by when I don't think to myself, I'm going to get 'em back safely, even if I die trying."

Kathryn didn't respond, but she knew that Chakotay - when he actually knew he was Chakotay - felt the same.

She did too, to a lesser extent, but there was no way that she could explain that to the man behind her.

Gratefully, Kathryn grasped the handle of the hatch before turning to look at him over her shoulder, trying to smile reassuringly. "We're about to enter some caves that run under the town."

"Caves?"

"We're going to meet our contact there. I should warn you, there are eccentric people who live in the caves, but don't be alarmed."

She opened the hatch a crack and could see several Klingons - Neelix and Kes were there with a few Hirogen, but she couldn't make out who the others were - engaging in battle.

Quickly closing the hatch when a Bat'Leth swung a little too close for comfort, she swore softly under her breath.

Crap.

"What's wrong?"

"We're going to have to wait a moment." Or an hour. At least until they decide that getting drunk is better than fighting with each other. Or the Hirogen kill them.

She pushed away the image of Neelix and Kes lying on the dirt, dead.

Seven had told her that the Doctor had been patching the crew up for weeks, reviving crew members and repairing whatever damage the Hirogen did in their holodeck simulations.

Moving herself so that her back was pressed up against the side of the Jeffries Tube, Kathryn frowned.

Chakotay moved beside her. "Why are we waiting?"

"My contact isn't here yet and there are some Nazi soldiers out there that we don’t want to face right now."

"How many?"

She'd counted four Hirogen in the battle, but she didn't know if there were others. "Half a dozen or so."

Nodding, he pulled a pistol from its thigh holster. "I'll go first."

"That's not the answer."

"Sweetheart, I'm not going to sit around and wait for them to pass." He pulled the safety off the weapon. "This is my job."

"Sit down." She snapped, locking the hatch shut. "We're waiting."

"Apparently you're bossy as well as gung ho." He muttered.

Kathryn didn't respond, but he re-engaged the safety and re-holstered his weapon quietly.

They sat in silence for a few moments and the faint sounds of the battle could be heard, even through the closed hatch.

"So..."

She raised an eyebrow as she turned to face him. "So?"

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" He smiled - a real, full-blown, dimple loaded smile - at her.

Kathryn hadn't seen him smile like that, so open and honest and playful, in far too long and she was momentarily disarmed.

Blinking, she huffed her amusement. "Apparently, I'm bossing around trigger-happy American Soldiers."

"You're pretty, so you're forgiven."

Is he flirting with me?

Chakotay continued speaking. "Though I imagine your husband wouldn't approve of me saying that."

"I'm not married."

He blinked in surprise, cocking his head to the side. "You own the Le Coeur de Lion, don't you?"

Is that what the bar is called? "Yes."

Chakotay blinked again. "And you do that alone?"

Part of her wanted to ask if he thought that an unmarried woman wasn't capable of running a successful establishment, but she knew that to his characters way of thinking, they couldn't. "I have help."

"Even still, I'm impressed."

"Thank you."

"So no man, then?"

"No." Kathryn frowned. "Well, not really."

"Not really?" Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like there's a story behind that one."

Kathryn shrugged a little. "It's a long one."

"Apparently,” He spread his arms and gestured to the Jeffries tube they sat in. “I have time."

"It's complicated."

"Why?"

She frowned, uncomfortable. "He and I want different things."

It wasn't strictly the truth.

Chakotay wanted her - which he made obvious in more ways than one - and, most of the time, she wanted him too.

Their biggest problem, Kathryn often thought, was that she couldn't reconcile being with him, not in her mind.

Despite the fact that she hadn't warn a uniform in almost five years - and she thought of herself as Maquis more often than she thought of herself as a Starfleet Officer Gone Bad - there was still a large part of her that screamed out in protest to the breach in protocol whenever they got near each other.

She'd been raised by an Admiral - who was the son of an Admiral - and her whole childhood had been spent with one goal in mind: Starfleet.

Kathryn had wanted to be the Science Officer on a Starfleet vessel for as long as she could remember.

The switch to Command had come only after Owen Paris strongly suggested - well, he'd all but ordered - it and she'd not looked back since the first class where the words "You are the future leaders of the Federation" had been uttered to her and her peers.

Aside from her Starfleet history, there was the obvious problem: what if it doesn't work?

It wasn't like either of them could request a transfer if things turned sour. Not to mention the fact that bedding the Captain, while prestigious, could cause all sorts of problems for the crew.

There was no division between the former Maquis and the former Starfleet anymore, but Kathryn couldn't help but wonder how it would be seen by them if she and Chakotay were suddenly more than just the Command Team.

She knew that they’d accepted the comfort and familiarity that she and Chakotay displayed towards each other – the non issue of entering the last party arm-in-arm was a prime example – but affection and knowledge that they were sharing a bed were two very different things.

Aside from all of that, she had her own fears hand hang-ups to worry about.

Her last two long-term relationships had both ended rather badly – one in death and one in her being stranded 70,000 light years away, not really a good precedent - and she didn't think that Chakotay would be willing to accept anything short of long term from her.

Not to mention the fact that they both had a lot of their own emotional baggage to deal with.

Even so, Chakotay would accept all of that, if she told him. He would sit down with her and they would discuss it all until she was sure that they could make it work. She just needed to find the courage to be able to discuss it.

His voice pulled her from her thoughts. "Does he want you?"

"Yes." That was one thing she didn't often doubt.

"Do you want him?"

She could explain her thought process to him, but what was the point?

In his mind, Starfleet didn't exist, he knew nothing of the division that had been around between the Voyagers - hell, he didn't even know who the Voyagers were - and he had no idea that she'd been engaged twice.

Finally, she settled on the simple answer. "Yes."

"Then there's no problem." Chakotay told her earnestly, blatantly looking her up and down before meeting her eyes again with a slight grin. "And he's an idiot for not pushing the issue."

His wandering gaze didn't make her uncomfortable and that in itself bothered Kathryn.

She was not going to have this conversation while they stuck waiting for the Klingon/Hirogen battle to end and he had no idea who he really was.

It wasn't fair on her and it wasn't fair on him, even though he'd have no memory of it.

Ignoring his words, Kathryn opened the hatch a crack and was relieved when she couldn't see anyone.

"Stay low to the ground." She whispered to him as she crawled out.

Once they were both crouched down on the dirt, Kathryn closed the hatch and covered it with weeds to hide it.

"Where's your contact?"

Moving to her right, Kathryn pulled away some of the weeds that covered the holodeck controls. Tapping a few keys, the EMH shimmered into life behind Chakotay and Kathryn smiled as she nodded towards him.

"There."

***

Holding her leg as she tried to stem the heavy bleeding, Kathryn pressed herself back into the entrance to a Jeffries tube as she waited.

Once she'd transferred the Doctor to the Klingon scenario playing out in Holodeck 2, they'd been able to devise a plan to get back to sickbay and disengage the neuro interfaces.

While the EMH had stayed to keep the Klingons from killing each other, Kathryn and Chakotay had found themselves crawling through Jeffries tubes again, towards sickbay.

They had been able to neutralize all of the interfaces quickly. Unfortunately, that left them with more than a hundred members of the crew who, effectively, woke up to find themselves faced with Hirogen hunters.

The crew was resourceful, she knew, and Kathryn had no doubt that after they would shaken those first few seconds of hazy fog off and they would fight.

With the holodeck safeties off, it was fight or die for everyone.

Chakotay had come back to himself beside her, half way through a sentence as Captain Miller questioned the strange devices around him.

After she'd explained - briefly - what was going on, he had nodded and agreed that there only way out of this was to fight.

No sooner had he spoken than three Hirogen entered sickbay and fired on sight, hitting her in the leg.

Chakotay had drawn his ancient pistol and fired back, but it was quickly out of ammunition and they were still faced with two hunters that were sneering about what a hollow victory their deaths would be.

"Lousy prey." One of them had hissed, his eyes narrowing. "You have ten seconds. Run."

He had started counting as Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged curious glances.

They had both known that if they stayed where they were, they'd die. But at least if they ran, they had a fighting chance.

Turning, they ran - well, she hobbled - out of sickbay and down the corridor.

They had only made it about a hundred meters when they reached an intersection of corridors and she suggested they split up.

He had shaken his head. "You're hurt. I wont leave you."

"It's a flesh wound." Kathryn had lied. "Besides, you know that we'll be harder to track this way and standing here arguing is only taking up time."

It had taken another few heartbeats before she could stare him down but eventually he'd nodded, kissed her cheek, told her to be careful and turning to the left without looking back.

Kathryn had headed right and it had only been minutes later that she knew she was in real trouble.

Her leg was throbbing and blood was seeping through her pants and the hand that she held pressed against the wound. Red ran through her fingers and the black material of her pants was heavy with her blood.

When she started feeling her vision swim, she curled into the entrance to the Jeffries tube and silently prayed.

There was a Hirogen on her tail and she couldn't force her legs to keep her running anymore so she'd slipped back into the slightly hidden corner in the hopes of surprising him.

Assuming that she didn't pass out first.

***

Groggily, Kathryn opened her eyes.

She was lying on a floor with an inflatable bed under her and a blanket covering her, a pillow under her head and that was as much as she knew.

Frowning, she blinked herself into consciousness and groaned.

"You're awake." Turning her head to the side, she saw Chakotay's worried face as he looked down at her. "You had me worried there for a while."

He looks so tired, she thought dreamily. "What happened?"

"You passed out. Just a flesh wound, huh?"

Even still half-asleep, most of her body numb from whatever the Doctor was giving her, Kathryn still blushed.

"You had a bullet lodged in your thigh, Kathryn. You bled out all over the floor." His voice was tight with worry.

"Take it out of my pay." She joked lamely. "Who found me?"

"I did. I doubled back to loose the Hirogen after me and found you lying unconscious."

"Are they gone?" Kathryn was fighting against the desire to slip back into painless sleep.

"Yes. You've been out for almost two days." He stroked her forehead. "Go back to sleep. I'll fill you in later."

***

When the Doctor released her two days after she'd first woken, he gave her strict instructions to take it easy.

Apparently, the bullet had pierced her femoral vein and had caused major blood loss, which had seen her unconscious for almost two full days and disorientated for a further day.

After she'd been released, Chakotay had come to her Quarters to make her dinner and she sat on the sofa with a replicated tray on her lap and the contents of an incredibly nourishing meal.

"So," She said as she sipped at spoonfuls of vegetable soup. "Tell me what happened."

"After I found you, Ayala found me. I almost didn't recognize him as a Klingon." Chakotay shook the amusing image away and Kathryn decided that it was unfair she hadn't been able to see it for herself. "He and I managed to get you to sickbay without encountering any Hirogen. We transferred the Doctor from the holodeck back to sickbay and then headed to secure the Bridge." He paused, taking a sip of the iced tea in front of him. "Harry got the transporters working again and we were literally having people beamed to sickbay from all over the ship while he was beaming Hirogen out."

She didn't ask for more details beyond 'out.'

"We fought for almost the whole time you were out cold. Most of the crew was on stimulants just to stay awake. The Hirogen had only been gone a few hours when you woke up in sickbay."

"Did you talk to the Alpha?"

When he'd still been Captain Miller and she'd thought that ending the conflict might fall to her, Kathryn had hoped that she could come to some sort of arrangement with the Alpha Hirogen in order to end the fight.

She hadn't been sure what she could offer them - the thought of giving them holodeck technology to recreate their own prey had crossed her mind, but she knew that Chakotay would never have approved or sharing it with them - but she'd wanted to try anyway.

Chakotay shook his head. "The Alpha was killed early on in the battle and the only thing that the Beta, then new Alpha, wanted to discuss was how I wanted to die; slowly, painfully or both."

"Did we lose anyone?" Kathryn asked quietly.

"No, we were lucky."

"Injuries?"

"We had eight critically wounded, which is why you were on the temporary bed on the floor."

She hadn't been worried about that. "How is the crew holding up?"

"Most of them are doing OK. The Doctor tells me that he's been dispensing more sleep-aids than usual, but it's to be expected after the stimulants that we were all on."

"What about Naomi?" She had worried for their littlest crewmember ever since she stopped being Katrine.

Naomi, now nearing four years old, was in no way capable of fighting anything beyond flotter and Kathryn couldn't imagine that the Hirogen were concerned with that.

"She was in the World War II simulation with us, though no one remembers anything, neither does she. Apparently, her neuro interface went off at the same time as everyone else’s and she came back to herself in Samantha's arms. They stayed out of the way while the fighting was going on and, either way, the Hirogen wouldn't have hunted her down. Children are lousy prey, apparently. She's doing fine."

Kathryn nodded and slurped another spoonful of soup. "And the Captain?"

"Is glad to have his First Officer back." Chakotay smiled slightly. "You really did have us worried there for a while, you know."

Though there had been a hazy mist of pain medication clouding her vision at the time, Kathryn could have sworn that he said 'You really had me worried' when she'd woken in sickbay, not 'we.'

She let it go with a soft smile. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll try not to get shot again."

"I'd appreciate that." Chakotay smiled at her and Kathryn was reminded of an interesting conversation that she'd had with a rather blunt American Soldier not that long ago.

***

"Kathryn!"

"Hey." Smiling, she sat down across from B'Elanna, cradling a hot cup of heavenly coffee in her hands. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. No more back pain!"

Kathryn laughed. "Not itching to become a mother then, I take it?"

B'Elanna shook her head vehemently. "Not a chance. That holographic thing even kicked. What kind of sick game where the Hirogen playing?" It had been meant as a joke, but Kathryn watched the other woman frown. "I mean-"

Kathryn cut her off quickly. "I know."

"How are you feeling?"

"Glad to be up and about. The Doctor says that my leg is back to normal again." Though it tingled a little, every now and then, he expected that to pass in time as the tissue and muscles resumed normal working order and proper blood flow resumed.

"Good. Chakotay was really worried about you. We all were."

She smiled reassuringly. "I'm fine." Taking a sip of her coffee, Kathryn sighed happily.

They were all grateful for the slight lull in activity on board.

After the long battle with the Hirogen, they had begun to run dangerously low on fuel.

Seven had discovered a Class-Y planet containing a high concentration of deuterium. Despite the toxic atmosphere, they'd had no choice but to send an away team to collect some of the matter and had almost lost Harry and Tom to the harsh conditions on the planet.

Shaking the negative thoughts away, Kathryn turned her attention back to B'Elanna. "You have the day of today?"

"Yeah." B'Elanna nodded. "Tom and I were supposed to be having lunch, but he's busy."

"He has the day off today as well." It wasn't a question.

Kathryn did the duty roster and she always made sure to give the couples on board ship time off together at least once a fortnight, more if it could be managed and no crisis' jumped up at them.

"He's created a new program." B'Elanna shrugged. "I guess it's more interesting than I am right now."

Kathryn wasn't sure what to say to that.

***

Despite the crew's hopes for a quiet few weeks following the events of their horrific encounter with the Hirogen, the Demon planet and a month in stasis thanks to some sever reactions to a large nebula, an alien vessel in need of rescue appeared in Voyager's space not more than four days later.

It was attempting to use an experimental propulsion system powered by a coaxial warp drive, but it was destabilizing.

Recognizing the potential behind a coaxial warp drive, Chakotay transported the pilot, Steth, and his prototype to Voyager.

Tom, who had been restless and irritable lately and in need of a change in duty, volunteered to help him repair his ship. After her talk with B'Elanna in the mess hall just days previously, Kathryn had readily agreed.

While Tom used his knowledge of 20th-century cars to repair the ship, the pilot broke into Voyager's computer and downloads Tom's DNA information.

What had followed still confused her a little.

Steth had switched bodies with Tom and slotted himself into Toms life while the real Tom Paris had been unconscious on the repaired shuttle and on his way in the opposite direction to Voyager.

It had been a few days later that Steth - who was actually Tom - had caught up with Voyager, with Daelen - who was actually Steth - demanding his body back.

Daelen - actually Steth - explained that the alien has perfected selective DNA exchange and it put Steth into Daelen's body, and Tom into Steth's, though they had no way of knowing exactly how far the exchanges had gone beyond Daelen’s body.

Before she’d heard about the exchange, Kathryn had been on her way to see if Tom was feeling more settled after the break in routine when the world around her hand gone black.

She'd woken in sickbay with an extra appendage between her legs and two missing from her chest while the alien - formerly in Tom - used her body to try and escape custody.

They managed to get him back and then they'd all gone through the process of jumping from one body to the next - apparently a straight reversal wasn't possible - until they were all back where they belonged and the manipulative alien was in the female body that Steth had been inhabiting.

He'd planned to return to Bentha and find the real owner of the body, tracking back the trail of switched identities as best as possible.

After the whole confusing incident, Kathryn was looking forward to a relaxing evening with a book. She was even tempted to indulge in a glass of wine or two as well.

Stepping into her Quarters, she moved to the replicator and ordered a sandwich, something to fill her stomach before she got absorbed in the pages of her antique books.

The light on her computer terminal was flashing and she frowned before moving to sit behind her desk. The display told her that she'd received a video recording.

Activating the message, she blinked in surprise when her own face stared back at her.

She wondered if it was just her imagination or if the woman on the screen - her, really - looked sad?

"Hello Kathryn. You're surprised to see me. Well, you're surprised to see you. There's something I need to tell you." The woman on the screen waved her hand. "Don't bothering trying to remember when you made this recording, your memory of it is gone. As is your memory of the last week."

Pausing the message, Kathryn asked the computer for both the Stardate and Earth date.

When she thought over the last week, the events of Steth and then several days of blessed tedium that followed, she was surprised to find gaps there.

She remembered going to the mess hall yesterday to speak with Chakotay, but she had no idea what they'd talked about or even if she'd found him at all.

The day before last she remembered being in sickbay, but had no idea why or if anyone had been hurt.

Resuming the message, Kathryn waited.

"We had a visitor on Voyager for a while. Apparently, she was a repeat visitor, but I don't remember. No one remembers her because memories of her people cannot be held in the minds of others for more than a few hours. Her body produced a pheromone that blocks their long-term memory engrams. My memories of her will fade soon."

Kathryn had a sinking feeling in her stomach every time the woman on the screen said 'her.'

"Chakotay had a relationship with this woman, Kellin, and I'm sending you this recording to tell you that the doubts you, I, we have about a relationship with him are nothing compared to the feeling of watching him with another woman."

Tears pricked at her eyes and Kathryn blinked them away.

"You think he loves you? He does. But he wont wait forever, Kathryn, not when you're so guarded." She laughed. "Well, he wont wait when we are so guarded."

Kathryn felt like she was going to go cross-eyed just trying to think of the differences between her and the woman on the screen.

"Confusing, isn't it? Don't worry, we both know that thinking about this too much will give us a headache. I'm not going to dwell, that isn’t the point of this." The woman on the screen took a deep, shuddering breath. "I wanted you to know. You don't remember it, hell, he doesn't remember it, but you have this message to look at and know with absolute certainty that watching him with another woman is not something that you want to live through." She looked down for a moment and when she faced the screen again, she had tears in her eyes. "It hurts too much."

The message flickered to an end and the computer gave her the option to play again, save or delete.

Kathryn's hand reached for the delete button before she paused.

If she got rid of the message, would that erase the knowledge in her mind that it was possible - and, apparently, likely - that Chakotay would move on while she fought with her principles and her doubts?

Playing it again was out of the question. She couldn't watch that woman again, not right now.

By the same token, if she saved the message, would it do anything but cause her pain whenever she saw the filename in her personal directory?

Making a quick decision, Kathryn selected her option and tapped her comm. badge. "Kathryn to Chakotay. Would you mind stopping by my Quarters when you have a chance, please?"

***

End