Title: Simple Liberties – Season 1
Author: Ky (venom69)
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating: Teens & Up
Summary: What if Chakotay had said no?
Character/Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay
Spoilers: None… the show’s ended!
Warnings: None, really.
Prompt Number for fic101: 88 - Purple
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Elton John. Part 2 of the Simple Liberties series.
Disclaimer: Usual guff. Not mine, promise to put them back where I found them.
Date: 22/01/07

***

There's a rhyme and reason
To the wild outdoors
When the heart of this star-crossed voyager
Beats in time with yours

***

Kathryn huffed, entering her Quarters as she instructed the computer to begin recording.

"Kathryn Janeway's personal log. Stardate 48439.7. It's been just short of a week since we were pulled into the Delta Quadrant and, so far, we've yet to have anyone come to blows."

Though I was tempted the first time Chakotay gave me an order.

"Serving as First Officer, something that I've not done in years, has been an... interesting change. One that I'm still trying to adjust to. Chakotay, despite his reputation, seems to be taking his new role seriously and it's making the transition easier for us all."

Pulling off her vest, Kathryn tossed it onto the bed.

"One of the biggest surprises so far has been that, despite a lack of uniform or rank insignia, people still respect the position that I, and others, hold. The Maquis may not be interested in the ranks or the uniforms of Starfleet, but they have been addressing me with the appropriate level of respect for someone with the job of XO."

Moving into the bathroom, she pulled her hair from its braid and began to brush the knots out as she continued.

"Of all the crew, the person that I am concerned most about is Harry Kim. This is his first assignment. And, on top of being stranded, he now has to deal with the fact that he is working on a ship run by Maquis. Fresh out of the Academy, he was still trying to adjust to the rules and regulations of a Starfleet Ship and now we're asking him to un-learn the last several years of lectures. I have no doubts that he will adjust but, like with everyone, it is going to take time. He still hasn't managed to call me by name, but I think 'Ka... er... I... hey' is better than 'Captain' at this point."

She sighed, watching her reflection in the mirror as she blew out the breath.

"I haven't decided exactly how I feel about not being the Captain anymore. I know it's for the good of the Ship and I know that I have a new job to attend to but... it's a big change. I've been getting more sleep in the previous week though, so I suppose that counts towards the plus."

Brushing out the end of her waist-length hair, she picked up her toothbrush.

"Yesterday, I offered Chakotay these Quarters and he said I should keep them. I'm led to believe that the First Officer's quarters are without a bathtub. I should send him a thank you fruit basket for that alone."

Kathryn raised her eyebrows, watching the movement with a small smile.

"It seems my initial thoughts about this arrangement were correct. It's going to be an interesting ride."

Squirting some toothpaste on to her brush, she her smile widened a little.

Interesting was definitely the appropriate word.

"Computer, end log."

***

Waking before the alarm, Kathryn rose and pulled out her new 'uniform.'

The leather wasn't that bad - a modest vest and some pants - and she'd got the specifications from the replicator database. One thing was for sure, she was glad to be out of the Starfleet Issue boots.

Those three inch heels hadn't been conducive to having a healthy spine at the end of ones career and Kathryn had often found herself wincing as she had to run in them.

Stepping in for a quick sonic shower, she dressed, pulled her hair into a long braid and exited her Quarters.

She made an effort to greet everyone that she passed, though a few people were less than friendly back, and did her best to ignore the slightly startled looks that the Starfleet crew shot her way. If she was asking them to throw their uniforms to the back of their closets, then she had to be prepared to do the same.

Taking a deep breath, she entered the Bridge.

"Morning Kathryn."

She nodded to Tom as he moved to his place at the Conn. "Tom."

Ignoring the twinge she felt at seeing Chakotay sitting in her place, Kathryn moved to the First Officer's chair. "Chakotay,"

"Kathryn." He greeted with a nod. Holding out a few PADD's, he turned to face her. "These are for you."

She scanned them quickly - a duty roster template and two reports - before nodding. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He nodded and turned back towards the view screen.

Kathryn followed his gaze and stared at the passing stars. First official day on the job and she had no idea what to do with herself next. Though they'd been in the Delta Quaadrant for a week, most of that time had been spent on repairs and assigning crew duties. Today was the first 'normal' day.

It had been almost six years since she'd had to think about duty rosters and reports that weren't considered - By the XO, no less - as essential for the Captain.

Sighing, Kathryn stood and waved the PADD's. "I think I might go and get started on these now."

Turning, she headed towards the office that was now hers.

Yes, interesting certainly sums it up.

***

When her console beeped, Kathryn was horribly grateful for something to do.

Duty rosters, though not strictly necessary in the Maquis, weren't any more difficult than she remembered and she'd had a week's worth done in an hour. Beyond that, she'd read the two reports and signed her thumbprint to them, acknowledging that she'd read and actioned them.

Opening the new message that had come through to her, Kathryn was surprised to find it had originated from Sickbay.

A report on Joe Carey.

She scanned the words quickly and downloaded the report to a PADD before making her way to crew Quarters.

As First Officer, the joy of personnel problems automatically fell to her.

If the problem was serious enough - or she felt that she couldn't handle the issue and was prepared to admit to that - then the Captain got involved.

Kathryn didn't mind that so much - she already knew the Voyager crew and getting to know the Maquis was a slow, but important, process - but when she was faced with an irate Klingon throwing random objects at her, it made life a little more 'interesting' than she would have liked.

Dodging the flying object, Kathryn held out a PADD. "Here."

Torres didn't really like her and she'd made no secret of that fact. As such, her voice was cold and hard. "What's this?"

Kathryn was hoping that handling this situation right could change the other woman's opinion of her. "The medical report on Joe Carey" She explained.

"Joe Carey is an idiot! When I tell you what ha-"

Kathryn cut her off. "I don't want to hear it. Though you might be interested to know that the impact fractures along his cranium were pretty severe. If you'd hit him just a little harder, you could have driven some of those bones into his cerebellum."

Her first instinct was to yell and sprout protocol at her in an appropriately Starfleet reprimand and Kathryn had to forcibly remind herself that they didn’t do things that way anymore.

The other woman snorted. "I didn't even come close to hitting him that hard."

Frowning, Kathryn moved to a vacant chair and sat down.

As much as she wanted to tell the other woman what an idiot she was being, there was still the fact that they were a newly bound crew to consider.

Something like this - particularly since it involved one from each 'side' and it was the first altercation to arise - could easily fracture the tentative bond that people were beginning to establish.

They’d only been together for a short time and she wasn’t going to be responsible for screwing it up already.

"B'Elanna, you can't solve your differences by swinging fists." Kathryn smirked. "You'll bruise your hand."

Eyeing her - no doubt questioning her motives behind the niceties - B'Elanna sat opposite her. "I have a temper." She admitted reluctantly, after a pause.

"Chakotay told me." Kathryn nodded. Chakotay had also said that, temper or not, B'Elanna was quite often right in her assessment of people. "But you have to control that temper if you're going to be Chief Engineer of this ship."

"Ha. Right."

"I'm not kidding."

B'Elanna met her gaze, looking for some sort of deception hidden in her eyes.

Kathryn tugged at her leather vest self-consciously; very much aware that her handling of this situation was probably going to dictate how the rest of the Maquis viewed her. If she threw her in the brig and lost the code to the force field, the Maquis wouldn't even talk to her again, let alone work with her.

If she let B'Elanna off with a slap on the wrist - which was very much her intention - then the Starfleet crew would see it for what it was; tentative steps in the right direction.

Seventy-five years worth of possible resentment was a lot to take in.

"I know that I don't know you very well, but I've seen you work and you're the best engineer that we've got."

"Carey is next in line for the job."

"If this were a Starfleet vessel, he would be," It made her uncomfortable thinking of Voyager as anything other than a Starfleet Vessel. Kathryn tried to reason with herself that they had only been working under the new command structure for a week and she had to give it time. And that was one thing that they were not short on. "But this isn't."

"What does the Captain say about this?"

"I haven't told him yet."

B'Elanna raised an eyebrow, surprised. "I assume you will?"

"No. Personnel issues are my problem."

"And am I a problem?"

"No," Kathryn shook her head and rose from her seat. "And I think that if you have the Chief Engineer job, it might stay that way."

***

If dealing with a personnel problem had been strange, then sitting through the first official briefing was even stranger.

"Engine efficiency's down another fourteen percent. If we don't get more power to the warp drive, we're all going to have to get out and push." Tom made a joke of it, but they all understood how serious it could get.


Chakotay nodded. "What about alternative energy sources? Harry, have you had any luck getting power from the holodeck reactors?"

"Not yet." Harry sighed. "We tried hooking them to the power grid and we ended up blowing out half the relays. The holodeck's energy matrix... it just isn't compatible with the other power systems."

Thinking for a moment, Chakotay finally nodded again. "If we relocate all security personnel to deck seven, we can shut down power on deck nine and reroute it to propulsion."

Tuvok cocked his head to the side. "That would be inconvenient, but acceptable."

"Moving on. How can we conserve energy in other ways?" Chakotay looked to each person around the table, waiting for a reply.

Kes' soft voice was the only one to ring out. "I've been thinking that you might be able to convert one of you lower decks into a hydroponics bay to grow your own food. I understand that the replicators are down and that the emergency rations won't hold out much longer."

Harry nodded. "What about Cargo Bay two? It was designed for organic storage and it already has adjustable environmental controls."

"When can you start?"

Blinking in surprise, Kes stared at Chakotay with her mouth open. "Me?"

He shrugged. "It's your idea. It's your project."

The young woman smiled shyly. "Right away."

Kathryn kept silent as Chakotay enquired about the Engine efficiency's issues and she nodded when he assigned Kes to start an airponics bay.

It was a good call but she didn’t feel the need to voice her opinion about it.

The Starfleet Officers - former, she reminded herself - in the room watched her uneasily.

While most people seemed to be handling the changes aboard well, they also seemed to be waiting for a reaction from her.

Kathryn knew that, with the options she'd had available, this had certainly been the best. She might be uncomfortable for a while, but Voyager was going to have a fighting chance at getting home and, as far as she was concerned, that was the most important thing.

Besides, even if the deal she’d struck with Chakotay had been a mistake, there was little that she could do now except sit back and try to help the transition as best as she could.

Finally finding her voice in the meeting, she raised the issue of their non-existent Medical Staff.

While they had the EMH, he was limited to sickbay and they needed a field medic, especially with the re-supplying runs that they’d need to go on.

Kathryn listened to Tuvok explaining to Neelix about the EMH’s limited capabilities and turned to Tom. “I understand you studied biochemistry at the Academy.”

Tom look flustered. “Only two semesters.”

Chakotay nodded, agreeing with the direction that her thoughts were obviously heading. “Close enough. You just volunteered for the job.”

When the briefing finished and everyone left, Kathryn hung back and waiting for Chakotay to finish the PADD that he was reading.

"I had a thought about Chief Engineer." She said once she had his attention.

She'd been reluctant to mention it in the meeting until she had his approval.

If he shot her idea down, there was likely to be a good reason and airing that to the senior staff wasn't the best way to establish B'Elanna's reputation.

Though hitting Joe Carey probably didn't go a very long way towards that either.

"Oh?"

"B'Elanna Torres."

"Really?" He was clearly surprised at her suggestion of a Maquis crewmember for the job.

Former Maquis.

"She's the best we've got."

"She is." Chakotay stared at her for a moment. "I'm surprised that you suggested it, though."

Kathryn shrugged. "Captain or not, I can recognize talent."

"She has the job then."

"Good." Nodding, Kathryn rose from her seat.

Since they didn't actually worry about rank so much on the Ship, being 'dismissed' by the Captain was also something that was simply ignored.

It worked well for her; she hadn't been 'dismissed' by a Captain in years.

"Kathryn?"

She stopped, turning to face him. "Yes?"

"Thank you."

The Ship shook before she had a chance to ask 'what for?' and they both hastily made their way to the Bridge.

“We're running into some kind of spatial distortion.” Seska explained as they entered the Bridge.

Chakotay nodded at her and turned to tactical. “Tuvok?”

“The distortions are emanating from a highly localized disturbance in the space-time continuum. Distance, twenty thousand kilometres off the port bow.”

”All stop. On screen.”

As he called for an all stop, Kathryn sat and looked at the readings on the console between their chairs. “Gravimetric flux density is over two thousand percent. If I'm not mistaken, we're looking at a type four quantum singularity.”

"Captain, I am receiving an audio transmission from within the singularity.”

Blinking, Chakotay nodded. “On speakers.“

Sounds came through, but no one could work out what was actually being said through the distortion.

"I think I've found the source of the transmission.” Harry called, his fingers dancing across the console in front of him.

"Does it look like any ship you're familiar with?” Kathryn raised her eyebrow as she looked at Neelix.

The Talaxian shook his head and frowned at the view screen. “No. Nothing I recognize. But then it's, it's so hard to make out.”

"They may be trapped in the event horizon.” Kathryn said quietly.

"Open a channel.” Chakotay nodded and turned to the view screen, squinting at the fuzzy image. “This is Captain Chakotay of Voyager to the vessel near the quantum singularity. Do you need help?”

***

Getting out of the Singularity had proven to be an interesting experience.

Something good had come out of it though; she'd had a chance to actually talk with B'Elanna.

Telling the younger woman what her Academy professors had written about her had warmed Kathryn and she thought that it may have gone a long way towards forming some kind of friendship between them. Or, if not friendship, tolerance.

She’d take what she could get at this point.

The chime on her door rang and she sat up from her relaxed position on the couch and called, "Enter." Chakotay came into the room and she was habitually on her feet. "Captain."

"Chakotay." He corrected.

"Chakotay." She acknowledged with a small smile. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you had a moment to go over some of the crew assignments?" He asked. "Some of the former Maquis aren't happy and I get the feeling that the former Starfleet Officers might need a friendly word from you."

Gesturing to the couch, Kathryn sat back down.

She couldn't help but notice that he didn't seem to having trouble thinking of the crew as 'former' Maquis/Starfleet. "I'll do what I can, but it's an adjustment period for us all."

"I understand that." He nodded and looked around. "Your Quarters aren't much bigger than mine." He commented absently.

Though she had offered, Chakotay had allowed her to keep the Captain's Quarters while he moved in next door, simply changing the room assignments on the Ships schematics.

After only having been on board for a few days before the changeover, she hadn't really had any attachments to the rooms that she called 'hers' but she had appreciated the gesture nevertheless.

It had more to do with the large bathtub that she got to enjoy on a weekly basis than anything else, but still...

Ignoring the comment, Kathryn scanned the PADD that he handed her, looking through a list of names. "I'll make appointments to talk to them."

"Thank you."

"B'Elanna's first day tomorrow. Officially." She said.

"I know. Regretting putting her name forward?"

"No. Though I imagine that you would have made her Chief Engineer with or without my suggestion."

Chakotay grinned. "Yes."

Kathryn thought for a moment, cocking her head to the side, before she met his gaze. "Do mind if I ask you something?"

He nodded. "Sure."

"How are you adjusting?"

He seemed surprised by the question and Kathryn smiled.

Two surprised Maquis in one day. My new record.

"It's strange commanding a ship and crew of this size, but I haven't had any problems so far. You?"

"Strange not having to make as many decisions." She admitted.

Kathryn hadn't yet decided if she thought that was a good thing or a bad thing at this point.

***

Walking with B’Elanna into engineering, Kathryn glanced quickly over the other officers. “There they are. Your staff.”

”I'll try not to break any of their noses.”

Kathryn smiled. ”First order of the day. The Captain wants the warp drive back on-line by thirteen hundred hours.”

Maybe my nose will be the first victim, she thought as she saw the disbelief cross the other woman’s face.

”Thirteen hundred? That's impossible.”

Raising an eyebrow, Kathryn smiled. “Then maybe you need to go break a few noses, or at least bend a few.”

Patting her arm, Kathryn moved out of the way.

”All right. Get that isolinear bank up and running. And lock down those plasma relays. Please.” The crew scattered as they set to work and Kathryn watched as she approached Joe Carey, who watched her hesitantly. “I'm going to be counting on you, Joe. I'm not up to date on the latest Starfleet technologies and I know that you're probably more familiar with the quirks of this warp engine than I am right now. I hope that I can depend on you.”

”I assure you, you'll never get less than my best. B’Elanna, congratulations. Welcome aboard.”

Kathryn smiled softly when she heard his response and moved to the lift.

She stood back and watched for a moment as Chakotay stood on the upper railing, looking down on the activity.

Approaching him, she smiled and followed his gaze downwards. “Are you checking up on your new Chief Engineer?”

“Observing.” He corrected.

“And?”

”You made a good call.” He acknowledged. “Having her as Chief Engineer is a fine addition to this crew. Our crew.”

Smiling, Kathryn fell into step with him as they left the main upper level and headed down stairs. ”Can I ask you a question, off the record?”

He nodded.

“If things had happened differently and we were on the Maquis ship now instead of Voyager, would you have served under me if I’d demanded it?”

Chakotay grinned, obviously impressed with the question. ”One of the nice things about being Captain is that you can keep some things to yourself.”

His answer only made her wonder more.

***

Walking next to Tom, Kathryn surveyed her surroundings.

The planet was bustling with people and, after their small altercation with the child, they had changed into some less conspicuous clothes.

Apparently, they didn't have leather here.

Kathryn wasn't sure how they'd managed to get themselves lost in one of the sub-space fractures, but she knew that they had to try and do as little damage as possible while they waited for Voyager to find them.

"We can assume that Voyager will be looking for a way to reach us. I’ll set my comm. badge to emit a sub-space beacon. If they get close, maybe they’ll pick it up. I know." She fiddled with the back of the badge, setting it to emit a frequency that Voyager would be able to pick up and - hopefully - no one on this planet would.

"Maybe there's some way that-"

She cut him off automatically. "Don't even think about it Tom. The Prime Directive is... Oh." Closing her mouth quickly, Kathryn wondered exactly what she should do.

The Prime Directive for Starfleet Officers was very clear about not interfering with the development of technologically inferior planets.

It was a directive that had been in place and had worked for years. Command School had drilled the importance of following it into her and no Admiral ever missed and chance to remind Captains.

But she wasn’t a Captain anymore and she didn't have to follow those rules, did she?

"I'm sorry." Tom said quietly.

"For what?"

"You lost your Captaincy."

She shook her head, dismissing his words. "Voyager has a chance at getting home. That’s what is important, not my job title." Patting his arm, she smiled, trying to convince them both that she actually believed that. “Let’s just focus on finding a way out of here, shall we? Preferably without doing too much damage.”

***

Kathryn sat in her chair on the Bridge, reading a report on the console between hers and Chakotay’s chairs.

In the background, she could hear Tom taunting Harry about a date with the Delaney sisters - which the young man seemed very reluctant to attend - and she listened with half an ear as she scrolled through the words on the screen.

Her display beeped and she tapped her comm. badge. "Kathryn to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"We've identified an M-class planet in the red dwarf system we're approaching. Do you want to change course to investigate?"

Chakotay entered the Bridge, looking to Neelix. "Are you familiar with any intelligent life forms in this system?"

When the turbolift doors opened, Kathryn turned her attention from the two men to Kes as she walked towards the railing on the upper level, her gaze focussed and her voice softer than normal. "I had to know."

Neelix was by her side in an instant. "Know? Know what?"

She shuddered. "The planet. Everyone was killed. There was this terrible explosion."

Shaking his head, Neelix patted her arm. "You had a bad dream."

"No, it was more than a dream."

Chakotay looked to the security station. "Tuvok, any indications of trouble on that M-class planet?"

"Negative, Captain." Tuvok - and Vorik - were the only people on board that refused to abide by the first name basis standard that the Maquis way of life set.

Apparently, Tuvok hadn’t been willing to do it on the Liberty either, so no one seemed to press the issue.

"Is it populated?" Kathryn asked.

"Sensors do show humanoid life.” Tuvok raised and eyebrow. “There is no satellite system and no indications of space craft in the vicinity. It appears to be a pre-warp civilisation."

She looked to Chakotay, wondering what he would do.

Starfleet policy was to not to involve themselves in their affairs, but he was running a very different ship to the one that she had been taught to captain.

Chakotay nodded once. “Let’s leave them be, shall we?”

Kathryn blew out a breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

***

"You’re on the Starship Voyager. I’m Captain Chakotay."

"I’m Dereth, of the Vidiian Sodality."

"You attacked one of our crewmembers and you have lured us into this asteroid." Chakotay folded his arms across his chest. "Why?"

"We are gathering replacement organs and suitable bio-matter. It is the only way we have to fight the Phage."

"The Phage?" Kathryn frowned. "A virus? Some kind of disease?"

The alien nodded. "Yes, it attacked our people over two millennia ago. It consumes our bodies, destroys our genetic codes and cellular structures."

"So you harvest the bodies of other beings to replace your own tissues as they’re consumed by this Phage?" Chakotay was doing his best not to grimace and Kathryn followed his lead.

"Our immuno-technology cannot keep up. The Phage adapts. It resists all attempts to destroy it. Our society has been ravaged. Thousands die each day. There is no other way for us to survive."

Chakotay sighed. "I have a great... sympathy for what your race has endured, but I cannot allow you to keep the organs you removed from one of our crew members. We need them back immediately."

While the older of the two aliens hadn't spoken, the smaller of them - the assistant? - shook his head. "I’m afraid that isn’t possible. I have already bio-chemically altered the air-breathing organs and grafted them into Motora’s body. They are a part of him now."

"He is my hunata, his task is to find the organs I need for survival. We, we try to extract them from the dead." The elder explained.

"But sometimes, when the need is immediate, more aggressive actions are required." Dereth continued.

"So now I’m left with the same choice you made. Whether to commit murder to save a life, or to allow my own crewman to die while you breathe air through his lungs."

Kathryn immediately thought of Neelix, in the isotropic restraint unable to move more than two microns in any direction and her eyes welled.

"It must be impossible for you to understand how any civilised people could come to this. Before the phage began, we were known as educators and explorers. A people whose greatest achievements were artistic. I myself am a sculptor of note on my world. All I can say is that when your entire existence is at stake..."

"You don’t have to explain yourself, Motora."

The elder - Motora - shook his head, a few flakes of dry skin falling off. "If the consequence of this act is a death sentence, so be it. At least it will put an end to my suffering."

Chakotay's eyes hardened. “I can’t begin to understand what your people have gone through. They may have found a way to ignore the moral implications of what you are doing, but I have no such luxury. I don’t have the freedom to kill you to save another. My culture finds that to be a reprehensible and entirely unacceptable act. If we were closer to home I would lock you up and turn you over to my authorities for trial, but I don’t even have that ability here. And I am not prepared to carry you forever in our brig. So I see no other alternative but to let you go. Take a message to your people. If I ever encounter your kind again I will do whatever is necessary to protect my people from this harvesting of yours. Any aggressive actions against this ship or its crew will be met by the deadliest force. Is that clear?”

Kathryn didn't think that she would ever forget those words.

***

Piling her plate with food from Neelix's assortment, Kathryn made her way to one of the vacant tables in their new mess hall.

While it was originally her private dining room - Chakotay's dining room, she mentally corrected - Kathryn had to concede that the mess hall seemed to be a surprising success, if the full tables and happily chatting crewmembers - Maquis and Starfleet alike - were anything to judge by.

Aside from the troubles over the previous few days with Neelix loosing a lung and gaining a donor one from Kes, the crew all seemed to be in good spirits. That, in turn, made her life a little easier and she was never going to argue with that.

Of everything that she had learnt of the Maquis, the display between Chakotay and the Vidiian was one thing that was going to stay with her for a long time to come.

He hadn't exposed the differentiation that still flowed between the two crews; he had simply been defending his people.

Kathryn had never been so sure of her decision to agree to his demands to captain Voyager until she heard him speaking to those monsters.

Neelix seemed to have bounced back, though, which was all that mattered at the end of the day. He had even invited her to partake in one of the first dishes served, which was how she'd found herself sitting in the busy room.

Poking at something purple on her plate, she frowned.

This would be great... if only it were edible.

"Trying to find some courage?" She looked up and smiled in amusement as Chakotay laid a tray on the other side of the table and gestured to the chair. "Mind if I sit?"

"Not at all."

Mustering the will, she raised a mouthful of the purple stuff to her lips and swallowed.

"Well?"

"It's as bad as it looks." She confirmed with a nod.

Chakotay nodded and turned his tray so that the purple goop - for there was no other word for it - was facing away from him. "Quite a few days we've had." He commented, using his fork to pick up something that looked vaguely like pasta.

"Yes," Kathryn agreed "But everyone seems to be doing well."

"Does that assessment include the First Officer?"

She nodded. "It does."

It had taken almost a month before she realized that, despite the lingering tension in the air between some of the crew, she was actually reasonably content with the way that things had turned out.

She missed her mother like crazy. Mark and Molly, her sister, her friends... she missed them all, but she wasn't about to put her life on hold.

While she had no doubt that they would make it home eventually under his lead - and Chakotay was a competent Captain, the display with the Vidiian had erased any doubt of that, regardless of what the Admiral's had initially told her when they had briefed her to 'capture' him - Kathryn was preparing herself for just how long the journey may be.

The crew seemed fairly happy at this point, but she knew that mass depression could easily set in once all of the excitement of recent events - the Caretaker, her and Tom getting stranded, Neelix's brush with death - wore off and she wanted to be emotionally prepared to put everyone else before her own needs.

"Tell me," Chakotay said, poking at the pasta-Esq food. "Why did I agree to let him keep the kitchen?"

"He's saving us replicator power." She reminded him, shaking her head when he rolled his eyes and took another bite, grimacing.

***

Stumbling into the galley, Kathryn tried to force herself awake but it just wasn't happening.

I need coffee.

"Kathryn!" Neelix was way too cheerful for this hour of the morning, if you asked her. "May I say, you look beautiful this morning. Is that a new colour lipstick?"

Huh? Stop flattering me and get to the important things in life. "No... do we have any coffee?"

He smiled jubilantly and Kathryn though she may need to hug him.

But then he spoke.

"No, but we do have something even better."

"I don't want something better. I want coffee." And I'm prepared to kill in order to get it.

Either Neelix wasn't getting her telepathic death threats - Note to self: Work on that with Tuvok - or he was ignoring them.

Turning, he pulled a container out of one of the multitude of cabinets that he'd set up. "Really, it's made from a proteinaceous seed I discovered on an expedition."

Picking up a cup - possibly the smallest coffee cup she’d ever seen in her life - he held it in that palm of his hand.

She was about to tell him that she'd use one of her replicator rations for a grown-up sized coffee - though it wouldn't have come out quite that politely - when he started pouring.

The liquid didn't run out, it came out in globs.

Her mouth fell open in nothing short of horror and Kathryn thought she was going to vomit and/or die.

"Bridge to Kathryn."

Tapping her comm. badge gratefully - she was never putting that substance near her mouth - Kathryn smiled apologetically at the Talaxian. "On my way!"

***

"Chakotay?" She asked, stepping out of the turbolift.

"There was no need for you to come to the Bridge."

Kathryn held up a hand. "Yes. There was."

He frowned, but didn't comment.

Showing her the readouts from the nebular they'd stopped at, he raised an eyebrow at her. "There are unusually high levels of omicron particles within this nebula," He explained.

Kathryn nodded. "Are you thinking we could collect these omicron particles to provide an additional antimatter reserve?"

He nodded. "Exactly."

The scientific part of her brain started running through everything she knew about omicron particles but the part of her suffering from withdrawal overruled those thoughts. "There's coffee in that nebular." She sighed wistfully.

Chakotay grinned and tapped his comm. badge. "Senior Bridge officers, report for duty. Kathryn, set a new course. Let's get you some coffee."

Now she was going to have to hug him.

Kathryn was mildly alarmed to discover that the thought didn't bother her too much.

***

Stepping in to the Ready Room, she moved to sit at the desk across from Chakotay. "You wanted to see me?"

"I wanted to ask how the crew is doing."

It didn't surprise her that he asked, even though he was as close to them as she was. Closer, in the case of the Maquis.

Former Maquis, damnit.

"They seem to be holding up reasonably well, all things considered."

And 'all things' could range from the fact that they were stuck so far from home to the recent change in command structure. They'd only had just over a month to adjust and it was no where near enough time for any of them.

Chakotay nodded. “There's a nuanka, a period of mourning that everyone's going through. It's a natural reaction.”

“I'm worried about them.” She finally admitted. “I wish we had a counsellor on board, but the nature of our mission didn't require one.”

”We talk to animals. It's a Native American tradition.”

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. ”Animals?”

“Our own counsellors.” He explained. “We're taught that an animal guide accompanies us through life. Basically, it's what Carl Jung thought he invented when he came up with his active imagination technique in 1932, but we've been doing pretty much the same thing for centuries.”

It was a strange, but utterly fascinating, concept. “Is there a different animal guide for everyone?”

“Actually, yes.”

Kathryn regarded him for a moment. “Let me guess. Yours is a bear.”

Chakotay grinned at her. “Why do you say that?”

His grin was slightly disarming, but she shrugged. “You strike me as the bear type.”

”Thank you. The bear is a very powerful animal. It has great pokattah. But he's not my animal guide. The creature that guides us doesn't define who we are. It merely chooses to be with us.”

She frowned. ”Okay. If not a bear, then what?”

“I can't tell you that. It would offend my animal guide if I spoke its name.”

”But he guides you well?”

”Actually, it's female. But yes, she usually guides me very well.” He smiled, clearly impressed that she was taking an interest. “If you like, I can help you to meet your animal guide?”

“You’ve got a date.”

She wasn’t going to let herself ponder why she phrased it like that and the call from the Bridge that they were approaching the nebular was just enough to distract her thoughts from that direction.

Just.

***

Following her encounter with Harry in the turbolift - and he’d managed to call her ‘Kath…er…Hey’ this time so she took that as progress - Kathryn entered the active holodeck and blinked in surprise. “Well, this is remarkable. Harry tells me this is your doing, Tom?

“Ah, yeah. It's just a little diversion.” He grinned at the reference to their ‘diversion’ that was used to get out of the nebula.

Before she had a chance to respond, a darkly attractive man slid - actually slid - to her side and took her hand, kissing it. ”One always knows when a woman of good breeding enters the room. Ma Cherie, may I request your favourite song so that we may dance before I take you to my private felucca on the wharf and make passionate love to you.”

Tom flushed. ”Oh, I'm sorry.”

”All part of the fun, right?” She smiled and extracted her hand.

Kathryn didn’t hear the exchange between B’Elanna and the other character she stood beside, but she did hear the conversation that followed.

“Paris, did you program this guy?”

Tom looked puzzled. “Yeah. Why?”

“He's a pig, and so are you.”

Ignoring them, Kathryn stepped towards the large felted table that dominated the attention of the room. “Is this pool or billiards?”

“Er, pool.” Tom frowned.

Nodding, Kathryn smiled. “Right. Pool's the one with the pockets. Would you mind if I gave it a try?” The man that had taken her hand nodded and started clapping, whispering something to Tuvok. Turning to Chakotay, she smiled as innocently as she could. “Captain Chakotay, your stick?”

”It's called a cue, Kathryn.”

”A cue.” She nodded. “All right. So what do we do? Do I go first?”

Tom held his arm out in an extravagant gesture and Kathryn stared at the table while considering her options.

Finally leaning over, she lined the cue up and hit the white ball fair in the centre, sending it spiralling towards the other balls and scattering them across the table.

Watching the balls that she sunk, Kathryn rose up and raised an eyebrow. “Solids.”

Kathryn could almost hear his mouth fall open.

Sinking the remaining ‘solids’ easily, she nodded to herself.

Lining up the next shot, she turned to face Tom, who was looking very pale. “Eight ball in the side pocket.”

Pulling the cue back through her fingers, she kept her eyes locked on Tom's and thrust, sending the white balls spinning.

***

Sitting on the floor of her Quarters with her pitiful medicine bundle - containing her pips, her father's rank bar, a holoimage of her, Mark and Molly and a bracelet that her mother had given her - spread out before her, Kathryn began to chant softly.

"A-koo-chee-moya. We are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers and from the bones of our people. But perhaps there is one powerful being who will embrace this good crew and give them the answer they seek."

***

Chakotay laughed when she suggested that they 'punch their way through' and, hours later when she was lying in bed, Kathryn found herself huffing in amusement at the term as well.

As comfortable as she was trying to be about their situation, the incident with the nebula today had shown her exactly how difficult it was.

Despite the fact that she would never have allowed Cavit - or Chakotay, if he’d taken the job - to speak to her the way she spoke to Chakotay, it made the transition easier on them all when the command team was able to openly communicate in a relaxed way.

But when they had been trying to find a way out of the creature without killing it, her first instinct had been to start giving out orders and rectifying the situation.

She'd opened her mouth, the words poised on her tongue and then firmly shut it again, realizing what she was about to do.

That's not your place anymore, Kathy.

Sighing, she rolled over onto her stomach and curled her hands underneath the pillow.

Chakotay had seen her open her mouth to speak and he had probably known what was going to come out of it too. He'd smiled at her gently, which only added to her general confusion about him.

She couldn't work him out.

Every aspect of her life had always been compartmentalized. Everything fit into its own place in her mind and she was able to keep her thoughts organized.

He didn't fit any of them.

Regardless of where her mind tried to file him, he would do something that completely contrasted with her opinion.

He was a terrorist and then he was willing to die to save the life of someone he supposedly hated. He, effectively, blackmailed her into taking her job and then he was constantly asking her how she was handling 'things.'

Kathryn didn't like that he kept her so off-balance.

Sighing again, she closed her eyes and tried to will sleep to claim her.

***

Moving over to the ops station, Kathryn smiled. "Let’s see what you have, Harry."

He tapped a few keys and frowned before smiling triumphantly. "There. It’s registering only on subspace bands. We don’t even have it on long range sensors yet."

She moved around and read the information over his shoulder. "Verteron emanations. Tunnelling secondary particles. It certainly looks like a wormhole."

Chakotay frowned. "But is it stable enough for us to enter, and if it is, where does it lead?"

"There is, of course, a seventy five percent chance the wormhole will not lead to the Alpha Quadrant."

Kathryn smiled and nodded at Tuvok's words. How very logical of you, old friend. "Very true. But you can also say there’s a one in four chance it will. Those aren’t bad odds."

Chakotay smiled at the exchange. "Any analysis yet, Harry?"

The young man shook his head. "Too far away. We’d have to be within a thousand kilometres to get a detailed analysis. That would mean a significant course change."

Kathryn raised her eyebrows at Chakotay and waited for his decision.

"Well, Harry, if there’s even the possibility of finding a wormhole I think we can afford a detour. Tom, input the co-ordinates and change course."

The pilot nodded. "Aye Captain. And may I suggest, if this works, we petition the Astronomical Committee to officially designate this the Harry Kim Wormhole."

Kathryn huffed her amusement and smiled slightly, offering her silent thanks Chakotay.

She knew that he wanted to get out of the Delta Quadrant as much as she did, but there was still a little voice that constantly reminded her that, while she had a home and family and life to return to, a lot of the Maquis didn't.

As such, she often found herself wondering what the difference in their decisions would have been if she'd been in command.

In this case, he'd done exactly as she would have.

Tom's voice broke her thoughts. "Chakotay, we’re approaching the co-ordinates of the wormhole."

"On screen. Are we in visual range?"

"Affirmative, Captain," Harry blushed a little when he called Chakotay by rank, but shook it off. "And the anomaly is still registering on subspace bands."

"Sensors also indicate it’s there." Tom confirmed.

"Magnify." Kathryn squinted at the dot on the screen, moving down to the lower deck to stand next to Chakotay. "Increase to highest magnification."

Chakotay gasped. "If that’s a wormhole it must be the smallest one on record."

Nodding her agreement, Kathryn turned back to Harry. "Are you able to analyse it?"

"Aye ma'am. It’s virtually microscopic. The aperture is only about 30 centimetres in diameter."

"I guess it’s a little too small for us to fly through." Tom made the joke, but everyone could hear the tinge of disappointment in his voice.

Tuvok was the one to deliver the good news. "However, it might be large enough to act as a conduit for a message."

Harry grinned. "That’s right. It could carry a compressed data transmission to Federation space in minutes."

Chakotay shook his head, trying to calm the enthusiasm. It wouldn't do for the crew to get their hopes up. "We still have to find out if it goes anywhere near the Alpha Quadrant. Can you trace its subspace bearing?"

"I can’t get any directional readings at all." Harry frowned as he tapped at the console in front of him. "The aperture is too small."

"I recommend we launch a microprobe into the wormhole."

Chakotay nodded to Tuvok. "Agreed. Do it."

A few painful seconds later and Harry called out, "Receiving telemetry." He scanned the readings. "Microscopic gravitational eddies, extremely constricted spatial dimensions. Pathway’s barely wider than the probe itself."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow at her.

Kathryn knew that he had a good grasp on science and technology, but wormhole physics hadn't been the easiest of Starfleet courses that she'd taken and she smiled. "I think what we’re seeing is a wormhole in an advanced state of decay. Must be ancient. Probably been collapsing for centuries."

Tom frowned. "Does that mean we can’t send a message through it?"

Harry automatically shook his head. "No, I can do it. Maybe it’ll take longer to get through, but the wormhole’s still stable enough to carry a transmission."

"Any idea yet where that message would end up, Harry?"

"I’ll try extrapolating the verteron exit vector. No, I can’t get it. There’s a strange phase variance in the radiation stream." He frowned. "We’ll have to wait until the probe exits."

Kathryn nodded and glanced at Chakotay. "That shouldn’t take long."

"Chakotay, I’m getting a distorted energy reading." Tom frowned at the readings.

"The probe’s telemetry has changed." Tuvok elaborated.

"It’s stuck!"

Chakotay frowned at Harry. "Stuck?"

"It’s mired in a gravitational eddy, and because the wormhole’s in a state of collapse, those eddies are incredibly dense." Harry looked up from his console, the disappointment clear in his eyes. "That probe will never break free, Captain, and we’ll have no way of finding out where the wormhole ends."

"Let’s give it some time. Maybe it will work itself loose." Chakotay shrugged and looked to Kathryn for conformation that it was actually possible for the probe to loosen itself.

She nodded.

"Captain!"

"What is it, Harry?"

"Our probe was just scanned." Harry may have tried to mask the excitement in his voice, but if he did, he failed miserably. "There’s somebody on the other side of the wormhole!"

***

Kathryn groaned when her comm. badge beeped. "Chakotay to Kathryn."

Tapping the dresser repeatedly until she hit her mark, Kathryn opened the link. "Kathryn here."

"We've got him back."

She was awake then. "What is he saying?"

Finding the wormhole was everything that they had dreamed of. Discovering that the only person receiving their hail was a sceptical Romulan Captain was some kind of twisted nightmare.

They all wanted to get home - Maquis and Starfleet alike - and everyone felt the disappointment each time they lost the link or he terminated it, feeling the potential route home slipping further and further from their grasps.

They'd been jumping through the Romulan's hoops for almost a fully day and they were all exhausted at that point.

Under Chakotay’s gentle suggestion - order - Kathryn had retired to get some sleep, leaving the instruction that he was to call her if anything happened.

"I'm about to have him patched through to my Quarters. I thought you might like to listen."

Jumping up, she closed the link and ran - bare feet, nightgown, bed hair and all - the few feet to his Quarters.

The doors opened when she arrived and Chakotay was already speaking with their 'friend' when she moved to sit on his sofa.

“Aren’t you in fact Starfleet spies, a surveillance mission?”

Chakotay raised his eyebrows at her and Kathryn shrugged.

“Captain, I understand your concern. Naturally the Romulan Empire doesn’t want Starfleet spying on its science vessels, but since we’re seventy thousand light years from Romulan space and a subspace message to Starfleet would take years, I think you have to admit that we can’t be much of a threat to you. You have nothing to fear from us.”

He clearly wasn’t admitting to the change in command on Voyager and Kathryn couldn’t say that she blamed him.

When the Romulan scanned them, he would be able to detect the Starfleet signature of Voyager.

If he had access to Romulan intelligence files on Voyager, then he would see 'Captain Kathryn Janeway' listed as the commander and explaining how a Maquis came to captain the ship would only complicate their already difficult negotiations.

Moving to sit beside him on the sofa, she stayed silent and listened carefully.

”Soothing words, Captain, but they are only words.”

“If we were spies we wouldn’t be asking what I’m going to ask you now. We have no way of communicating with Starfleet, with our friends and families. We’re hoping you might be able to relay a message for us.” He rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. “Our crew is not large. Each of them could write a short personal message. You’d be welcome to read them all before passing them on. I think you’d be convinced that they’re nothing more than the heartfelt words of some very lonely people.” Chakotay looked up at the ceiling, waiting for a response.

Kathryn wasn’t surprised that he was taking the opportunity to find a way for the crew to contact their families.

It would certainly go a long way towards boosting the fluctuating morale.

”Captain, it would ease my apprehension if I could see that you are who you say you are. I have a signal amplifier on board. I’ve been working to reconfigure the protocols to penetrate the radiation stream of the wormhole. I think it might be possible to establish a visual link between us.”

”I have no objection. When that’s done, will you help us?”

”I make no promises. Let us proceed one step at a time. Have your officers contact me in order to attempt the visual link. Goodnight.”

Chakotay closed the link and raised his eyebrows at her again. "What do you think?"

"I don't know if he'll help us," Kathryn admitted. "But we're bending over backwards to ease his mind and do exactly what he wants, so... fingers crossed?"

"I hope that's enough."

"Me too."

It was roughly thirty seconds later that she realized that they were both sitting on his sofa in their sleep wear.

While hers was a semi modest pink silk nightgown, it seemed that their Captain had simply pulled on a baggy pair of sweat pants.

Does he sleep without clothes on, then?

Excusing herself, Kathryn made it back to her quarters in record time but sleep eluded her.

***

Tuvok passed the data chips over to the Romulan that stood on the transporter pad. "These are our messages."

Telek nodded. "I wish you luck on your journey."

"And I thank you for your help." Kathryn smiled.

He'd been sceptical at first, doubtful of who they really were.

It wasn't until he'd actually beamed aboard that he'd been more willing to help them and, after he'd spent almost an hour in their company, he had agreed to send their messages through to Starfleet.

Chakotay nodded and echoed her gratitude. "Energize."

"The signal’s in the pattern buffer. Transferring to the emitter array." B'Elanna worked furiously to keep the transport stable.

Harry worked beside her. "Phase variance is out of sync again."

"Compensating. Transport complete." She looked up, pleased. "Chakotay, he made it."

Kathryn felt tears prick at her eyes when she imagined her mother receiving her letter. "I’ll tell the crew. They can have the satisfaction of knowing that their messages have reached their families."

Tuvok placed a hand on her arm in an unusual tactile display, stopping her from leaving. "I did not want to mention this until after our guest had left. I checked the computers databanks for a Romulan scientist named Telek Ramor."

Chakotay frowned. "And?"

"I’m sorry to report that Doctor Ramor died in 2367."

Kathryn gasped along with the other occupants of the room. "That was four years ago!"

"That is correct. Before he would have sent our messages."

B'Elanna recovered first. "Maybe he left a will telling someone else to transmit the messages. Or he could have given our computer chip to the Romulan Government."

Tuvok nodded, conceding the possibility. "It is possible. Unfortunately there is no way to know."

Chakotay touched her hand gently and tried to smile at her. "Then let’s move on. We’ve got a long way to go."

Kathryn nodded and willed her numb body to move.

***

Walking towards the mess hall, Kathryn could feel the tension in the halls.

Since their failed attempt at sending messages home through Telek, the crew morale had hit an all time low.

Even the hope that he may have left a will instructing someone to send their messages at the appropriate time wasn't enough to lift their spirits.

Following that had been Tom's false conviction for murder.

Despite the fact that a lot of the crew held a grudge against him - the Maquis saw him as a traitor, the Starfleet saw him as someone willing to do anything for an easy credit - the mismatched Voyagers were learning to look out for their own and trying him for murdered didn't sit well with anyone. Regardless of their thoughts on him, no one had actually believed that Tom was capable of it.

Capable of having an affair with a married woman? Yes.

Murder? No.

After they managed to exonerate Tom, they'd stopped to investigate a new element inside the ring system of a Class-D planet.

When they'd beamed to one of the asteroids, Kathryn had theorized that it was a burial site. They'd investigated - without the aid of technology to minimize the disturbance to the bodies - and then had trouble beaming back to Voyager.

In the end, she and B'Elanna had made it back safely with one of the bodies.

Harry had been missing and they'd gained a temporary passenger in exchange.

Kathryn felt so sorry for Ptera. Finding herself awaking from ‘death’ on an alien vessel that was most definitely not her afterlife couldn't have been an easy situation to handle.

Though it taken almost seven hours, they'd managed to get Ptera back to where she belonged and Harry back in once piece, though he was certainly confused over the turn of events. She'd sought him out in the mess hall and tried to offer some semblance of comfort.

Kathryn had told him that what they didn't know about death was far, far greater than what they did know.

He’d smiled and finally agreed to the two days off that she offered him - with Chakotay’s prior approval - before she’d shared a cup of coffee with him and had a rather in-depth discussion about the nature of death.

While each incident had worked in their favour, those three big events one after another in the space of a week had caused a general cloud of gloom to descend over everyone.

They needed to do something.

And she knew just the person to help.

"Neelix?" She called.

"Kathryn!" The Talaxian smiled. "What can I do for you today? Are you hungry?"

"No, I-"

"Want coffee?" He finished for her, grinning. Even after only a few months, her coffee addiction was well known and a source of amusement among the crew. "I have my delicious substitute here that you still haven't tried."

"Oh, no thank you, another time." She was adamant that his 'substitute' could clean the warp nacelles better than they could caffeinate her and it was never going anywhere near her mouth. "I actually wanted to discuss an idea I had with you."

"OK. What about?"

"A party."

"A party?" He repeated, frowning.

"Well. Not necessarily a party, just an informal gathering or something." She frowned, uncertain of the details of what she was looking for. "The crew are a little despondent since our failed communication with the Romulan Vessel, Tom's problems and Harry's 'death' and I thought that something to cheer them up might help." She shrugged.

She wasn't sure exactly what to do for the crew, but a party or any kind of reason to celebrate seemed like a good idea.

And, the benefits of a party lay in the ability to legitimately have a drink and relax.

"You're right; it's just what we need." He grinned. "I'll get right on it."

***

Kathryn watched the table of Maquis/Starfleet occupants. "I think it’s finally beginning to happen. Both crews getting along." She told Tuvok.

Her companion nodded seriously. "That kind of bonding should improve performance and maximize efficiency."

Smiling, she huffed. "Yes, I’m sure it will." Her comm. badge beeped and Kathryn tapped it, opening the link. "Kathryn here."

"We’re receiving a distress call in one of the lower subspace bands. Report to the Bridge."

"On my way."

She smiled apologetically at Tuvok - who then followed her to the bridge anyway - and made it there in record time.

When she entered, there was an alien on screen, part way through a conversation. "We have no emergency." He was saying, smiling politely.

Chakotay frowned. "But you’re sending out a distress call."

"Yes." The alien nodded. "We are."

Kathryn stepped up to stand beside Chakotay and her frown matched his. "Why?"

"Because you are in distress. I am Gathhorel Labin of the planet Sikaris. Please, let us welcome you to our system. Show you the hospitality of our people."

Chakotay blinked. "That’s very kind of you."

"If I could come aboard your ship, I have gifts for you and a proposal I hope you will find irresistible."

Kathryn exchanged raised eyebrows with Chakotay before he turned. "Mister Tuvok, make the necessary arrangements to receive our guest."

***

Sipping carefully from her glass of fruit punch - which was almost certainly spiked - Kathryn made her way over to the table where Chakotay and B'Elanna sat. "Mind if I join you?"

Chakotay used his foot to push a chair out for her. "Of course not."

"Everyone seems to be having a good time." Kathryn mused, watching the festivities with a smile.

Neelix has certainly outdone himself on short notice.

She'd asked him about the party three days ago and in that time he'd managed to pull together quite the bash.

Of course, between her asking and the actual party taking place, they'd stopped on Sikaris for their 'respite.'

Despite the fact that the people were known for their hospitality, the end result of that little shore leave had given them even more need for the mood-lifter.

Kathryn still couldn't believe that Tuvok had traded their library for the technology, against Chakotay's order.

While the fact the he had given the order not to trade for the technology that could potentially get them home in two jumps had surprised her - he wasn't, after all, bound by the prime directive - Tuvok's blatant ignorance of that order surprised her more.

She couldn't help but feel personally betrayed by the whole situation.

Must have been Karma that our systems weren't compatible. She thought with a huff, sipping her drink.

B'Elanna rose from the table, nodding to her and Chakotay. "I'm going to go and give Harry a hard time, if you'll excuse me."

Chakotay nodded and turned to Kathryn, frowning. "Why would she be giving Harry a hard time?"

"Apparently he went on a date with Jenny and there was a bit of a mishap." Kathryn relayed the story to him, grinning at his laughter.

Harry was the baby of the crew - Kes was younger, but he'd earned the title first - and they all wanted what was best for him.

Of course, laughing over his failed 'romantic gondola ride' was all part and parcel with being the baby.

While Harry's romantic life was turning into something suitable for a comedy night, Kathryn couldn't help but think of her own almost-kiss with Gath on Sikaris.

She had been attracted to him, but when he'd leaned in to touch their lips together, Kathryn had felt as though it would be a betrayal for her to indulge.

It bothered her that she didn't automatically think of Mark as the potentially betrayed party.

"Kathryn?"

She blinked and focused her gaze on Chakotay. "Hmm?"

"I said, this was a good idea."

"Neelix did all of the work."

"But it was your idea."

Kathryn blushed. "Thank you."

"You're a hell of an XO, I have to say."

She was going to say 'and you are a hell of a Captain' but bit her tongue and smiled her thanks instead.

***

The party had been exactly the thing to lift everyone’s spirits.

Following that, they’d been granted a blessedly uneventful week.

The biggest event of that week for Kathryn was an interesting conversation with Baxter, who appeared to be working his frustrations out in the gym with just a little too much gusto, causing himself injury after injury to the point that the Doctor had filed a report with her, expressing his concerns.

She’d sat down with him to talk, but it had taken only a few moments to realize that he wasn’t comfortable with her and she’d suggested that he talk to one of his friends.

It bothered Kathryn that she couldn’t help him.

Troubled crewmembers were always going to be around on a Ship of this size and, as First Officer, it was her job to talk with them, help them.

It didn’t make her life any easier that most of the former Maquis seemed to think she had an ulterior motive when she sought them out.

***

Walking in the sunshine was the perfect way to lift her spirits and Kathryn basked in the fresh air.

She was enjoying her few moments of freedom when Joe called out her name.

"Kathryn!" He waved her over and she jogged to meet him. "Look at this. I think they're some kind of apple. There are trees filled with them as far as the eye can see, just over that ridge."

He was so pleased with himself that it was hard not to grin along with him.

Inspecting the plant, she nodded.

Kathryn was about to take a bite when Neelix plucked it from her hand, inspecting it as she had done before nodding and handing it back to her.

"Kaylos. Ah. Aren't they gorgeous? One bite will kill you.”

The fruit half-way to her mouth again, Kathryn frowned and dropped her hand. “Kill you?”

Neelix continued, nodding. “Puff you up like a vakol fish. Yeah. First your windpipe swells. And just when you think you're going to die of suffocation, ow! Oh, you get a sharp pain in your knees," He pointed to Joe's knee and his hand began to rise with his words. "which begins to work its way right up to you-"

Kathryn coughed delicately. "I think we get the picture."

"Sorry, Joe. Just don't judge a fruit by its skin. Er, on the other hand..." He held out an odd looking root. "Take a bite."

Taking a small bite, Kathryn chewed carefully.

She managed to keep it in her mouth for a good six seconds before she spat it out, hacking to get the horrid taste from her mouth. I'm drinking his coffee substitute before I touch that again. "What is it?"

"A Leola root."

"You expect us to eat this?"

Chakotay may very well throw her out the air lock if she let Neelix bring that thing back to Voyager.

Her comm. badge chirped before Neelix could reply and she tapped it, still running her tongue around her teeth to check for any signs of the horrid thing still lingering.

Knowing my luck it will spread and grow a colony in my mouth!

"Kathryn here."

Chakotay's voice came through. "Any unexpected life signs down there, Kathryn?"

"Nothing but bloodworms. Neelix wants to bring some back for a tartar he wants to make." Which sounds more appetizing than Leola root ever could be! "I'm trying to talk him out of it." She continued.

He huffed in amusement before turning serious. "There's an unidentified ship in low orbit. Assemble the away team and prepare for transport. And, Kathryn?"

"Yes?"

"Be careful."

***

After the interesting away mission that had resulted in Seska almost shooting her, Kathryn had spent several hours pouring over crew profiles as she tried to locate a potential mole.

While they knew that someone had to have traded technology with the Kazon, they couldn't pinpoint a suspect.

Though she'd had brief profile training and knew how to spot someone capable of such an act, Kathryn had to admit that all fingers would point to the former Maquis on their crew. It was an unfair assumption and she was doing her damndest to avoid it.

Chakotay stuck his head into her office. "Progress?"

Kathryn glanced downward uncomfortably. "No."

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Kathryn."

She sighed. "All of the potential suspects that I keep coming up with are Maquis."

"Former." He corrected automatically. There were no Maquis, no Starfleet, just the Voyager Crew. "And with their background, does that surprise you?"

"Well, no. But I don't want to point the finger at all of them."

"Given that I led them, I'd prefer that you didn't as well." He grinned. "Maje Culluh has arrived to view our Kazon guest. I'd like you to escort him to sickbay while I continue working on our other problem." He gestured to the pile of profiles she had stacked in front of her.

Kathryn nodded and rose, moving to meet the Maje in the transporter room before walking him - with a few of the more well-built males of the crew along with her - to sickbay.

Entering, she smiled at the EMH. "Doctor, this is First Maje Culluh of the Kazon-Nistrim. Could you give us the latest condition report on your Kazon patient?"

The Doctor nodded. "Well, the good news is, we've been able to stabilise him. We had to completely replace his blood."

"Replace his blood? With what?"

Kathryn didn't know if he looked shocked or horrified. She also didn't know if she cared all that much either way. "The blood of volunteers from our crew. They saved his life." She explained.

"His own blood cells were killing him." The Doctor continued. "They were changed by the accident on his ship."

"Changed? In what manner?"

The EMH shrugged. "We haven't been able to determine that yet."

"We've been working on a plan to access the source of the explosion, which should answer a lot of the questions." It was the best that they could offer him at this point.

Culluh shook his head. "That will no longer be necessary. We will take the damaged vessel to our port for inspection."

Kathryn shook her head. "I'm afraid I can't allow you to do that just yet."

"And what gives you the right to interfere in our affairs?"

"There was a trace of a Federation compound in the remains of the explosion. We have reason to believe that someone on board this ship gave technology to your people. Until we have a better explanation of what occurred, I can't release that ship to you."

"That is not acceptable."

She shrugged. Chakotay wasn't prepared to offer an alternative and she wouldn't have been either, had their positions been reversed. "It will have to be."

"Your unique technologies make you brave," He snarled at her. "but you have only one ship. In less than a day there will be four Kazon vessels off your bow."

Kathryn wondered if he really expected his threatening tone to work at all. Probably. "Perhaps by then we'll have the answers we need." She offered.

"You will leave us with him."

Nodding, she and the EMH stepped away from them, their voices hushed.

"I assume they'll want to take him back to their ship." She told him. "I'd rather not let them do it just yet in case he regains consciousness. There are a lot of questions he can answer. Can I tell them it's not safe to move him?

"It will be the truth." The EMH wasn't programmed to lie.

Kathryn nodded. "Good."

A loud beeping from the monitors pulled them back to the biobed in time to see Culluh pull a needle from their patient's arm.

The Doctor scanned the readings. "He's dead."

"Get off this ship." She snapped.

Her well-built escorts led him out of the room while Kathryn seethed.

The Doctor scanned the body. "There was some kind of nerve toxin in that needle. He died instantly." He flipped the tricorder shut and glanced at Kes. "May we talk to you in my office?"

After watching Culluh kill the unconscious Kazon on their biobed - and subsequently kicking him off the ship - Kathryn felt a small tremor of nausea in her as she followed the Doctor into his office.

"You wanted to speak with me?"

"It's about Seska."

Kathryn frowned. "Complications?"

"I was analysing her blood chemistry to try to locate a compatible donor. But when I got the results, her blood was lacking all the common Bajoran blood factors." The tips of Kes' ears turned pink.

Kathryn's frown deepened. "Meaning?"

***

Seska was Cardassian.

The crew seem divided about it. Half of them were shocked but not really affected by the revelation while half were hurt and angry.

Kathryn was having trouble digesting the idea, she could only imagine how Chakotay felt.

She knew that his relationship with Seska had been over months before they were pulled into the Delta Quadrant - Tuvok’s reports had mentioned it - but there was no way he was taking it lightly.

Ringing the chime on his door, she firmly told herself that she was concerned for the well-being of the Captain - which would, in turn, affect the crew - and nothing more.

Nothing.

When the doors slid open, she stepped into the darkened quarters.

"Chakotay?"

"Computer, lights at full."

Blinking against the bright light that hit her, Kathryn watched him as he sat on the sofa, staring out the view port. "I hope I'm not interrupting...?"

"Not at all." Chakotay turned his body to face her. "Have a seat."

"Thanks." Perching on the edge of one of the chairs, she folded her hands in her lap nervously. "It was quite a day."

"Quite." He agreed.

"I was wondering how you're doing?"

"I'm fine." He smiled slightly at her sceptical look. "Really. I'm almost not as surprised as I should be."

Lapsing into silence, Kathryn decided that she was going to sit with him - without speaking, if that was what he wanted - until he actually sounded believable.

She left his quarters three hours later.

***

"Sam Wildman is pregnant." Chakotay told her as they sat in the Ready Room the next morning.

"What?"

"She came to see me earlier. It seems she and her husband had been trying for months."

Kathryn mentally calculated. "We've been out here over four months... surely she would have known before now?"

"Her husband is K'tarian. It changes the gestational period."

"I see. I guess you really do have all the answers on mating behaviour."

Chakotay huffed. "Apparently."

"What does this mean, then?" She frowned. "We're not exactly prepared for this."

"I suppose, it means we're going to have to think about some modifications to Voyager."

Kathryn nodded.

This definitely counted towards making life more interesting.

***

It was some time between the third and fourth glass of cider that she decided that they were getting too friendly.

Protocol on the 'new' Voyager may have been lax, but she wasn't.

He was telling her a story - something of his childhood, she thought - and she found herself staring at his face.

Specifically, she was staring and appreciating his face.

Which wasn't good.

While it was one thing to start wearing leather on a daily basis - which Kathryn had to admit she'd gotten comfortable in rather quickly - and it was one thing to not have to wear a bun of steel and it was one thing to hear her first name all of the time. (Though Harry still had trouble getting past 'Kath... I... hey.')

It was a whole different Quadrant for her to be looking at her Commanding Officer and wondering what he looked like naked.

Though, thanks to their encounter with the Romulan from the past, she had a pretty good idea.

Damnit.

She had tried conjuring Mark's sweet face in her mind, but Kathryn knew that, realistically, he had probably already moved on with his life.

They'd been lost for months and she hadn't expected that he would wait.

It had taken her - and the rest of the crew, really - a long time to find themselves at easy with the structure of the ship. Even the former - she didn't have to remind herself to call them 'former' now - Maquis had found difficulty in adjusting.

Whatever happened, her original crew were Starfleet to the core and the Maquis were Maquis to the core.

Blending them had been the only option, but it had taken a while.

Now, though, friendships had started forming between them. The differences that had originally been road blocks were now a source of bonding.

Opposites attract, after all.

And speaking of opposites...

The man across from her was certainly nothing like she was. Or even anything like the lovers she'd had in the past. Or anyone that she’d ever known, really.

He had the ability to throw her off-balance with a look or make her tingle in all sorts of interesting ways with a smile and an off-handed comment.

She had been attracted to him when he'd first beamed onto her - and it was still 'hers' then - bridge the day that they'd met.

The pull of desire had tugged at her instantaneously and, aside from the fact that he blackmailed her into getting his own way, she still felt that pull.

Some mornings she woke with Mark's face fresh in her mind but, lately that face had morphed into darker, more defined features.

Kathryn had done everything that she could to put it out of her mind and she'd been having some success but then he had invited her to dinner the day before.

A working dinner.

She was fine with that. They had a lot to discuss - the Doctor's escapades on the holodeck with the story of Beowulf and his own adventure jumping from body to body - and working through a meal was a good way to handle it.

But then her mother’s wisdom about 'never going to supper empty handed' had fluttered through her mind and she'd thought to bring a bottle of cider with her.

Some time between her third and fourth glass, she'd found herself staring and appreciating and it all went downhill from there.

Sigh.

"…so then I pushed her over the edge of the cliff and told her that she was a poopy head." He finished, staring at her.

Kathryn snapped back to the conversation and frowned at him. "You did what?"

"Well, I was only five." Chakotay's smile was knowing. "I figured you weren't listening."

"I'm sorry Chakotay, I got distracted."

"So I assumed. What's on your mind?"

"I was thinking about the last few days and everything that's happened." She only partially lied. "How're you feeling?"

"Bewildered, I believe is the word." He sipped at his cider - third or fourth glass? she wondered - and shrugged. "I really didn't feel like I'd gone anywhere. Though it was an... interesting experience, to say the least."

"I can only imagine."

"I learnt a lot," He admitted. "I wasn't in any one person for long, but I learnt a lot."

She shuddered to think.

Kathryn wanted to ask exactly what he'd learnt when he was in her - and that sentence felt wrong to even think - but instead bit her tongue and made a non-committal sound for him to continue.

"Did you know that Tom Paris plays the piano?"

Eh? "No, I didn't."

"I was surprised too. But that was the kind of things I learnt. The things below the surface. A most enlightening experience."

And then he smiled and her heart sank.

***

“Using tissue from your counterpart, I can replicate the Klingon DNA, then over the course of several days, I’ll reintegrate that genetic material into your cellular structure.” The Doctor explained.

”Wait a minute. You’re not saying that you’re going to change me back?” The fully human B’Elanna Torres asked incredulously.

Kathryn stood back, listening to the conversation as the Doctor explained the need to reverse what the Vidiian's had done to her.

“That’s precisely what I’m saying. Your cell's ability to synthesis proteins has been severely compromised. You need the Klingon genes to survive.”

”So. She’s saving my life again.” B’Elanna huffed.

The Doctor - never one for sarcasm - simply nodded. ”I’ll get started on the DNA.“

As he moved away, Kathryn stepped forward to the biobed. “How are you doing?”

“I’m not sure. It’s been a pretty strange experience. I do know that right now, the way I am, I’m more at peace with myself than I’ve ever been before. And that’s a good feeling.”

”But?”

”I’m incomplete. It doesn’t feel like me. I guess I’ve had someone else living inside of me for too long to feel right without her.”

”I’d have to say that you two made quite a team down there.” Kathryn smiled gently.

Over the last several months, she and B’Elanna had managed to form an almost-friendship.

After their first interaction, which only included one airborne object - a record with this particular woman - they had forged a truce, helped along by the time they spent together when Voyager was caught in a singularity.

Since that time, they’d made the effort to have lunch every now and then, ostensibly to discuss the engine efficiency, which was a subject usually brought up near the end of their meal to validate the time spent laughing in the mess hall.

Having oneself split in two had to be an extremely disconcerting experience and Kathryn was grateful that Human B’Elanna was willing to talk with her about it. (Klingon B’Elanna probably would have ripped her arm off and beat her to death with it.)

”I know.” B’Elanna shrugged a little. “I came to admire a lot of things about her. Her strength, her bravery. I guess I just have to accept the fact that I’ll spend the rest of my life fighting with her.”

Kathryn patted her hand. “You have a lot of those qualities too, you know.”

***

Kathryn sat in the dark mess hall, watching the stars pass through the view port.

It was late - or early, depending on your view - and she hadn't been able to sleep.

Tossing and turning was a time waster, so she'd taken a long tour of the ship, stopping to talk to the crew that were on nightshift before she'd found herself in the deserted mess hall.

Late night walks always helped to clear her mind and, over the last several months, she had discovered that it was yet another way for her to get more in contact with the crew. It was also a way for her troubled mind to mull over whatever was bothering her.

Today was the anniversary of her engagement to Mark.

She'd woken from her light sleep and the date had hit her like a photon torpedo.

The following sleep deprivation had reminded her - quite brutally - that she wasn't as comfortable with the way that things had turned out as she'd thought.

She didn't resent Chakotay or the other Maquis.

If anything, the last eight months together had given her a new understanding to their cause and she even agreed with some of their views.

But sometimes, usually late at night, she wondered what would have happened if they'd never been pulled into the Delta Quadrant. She would have been married by now, possibly going on short missions before returning to Earth. Home. A husband. Children?

She'd never know now and Kathryn blamed no one but herself for that.

Chakotay may be the Captain, but she was the one that had gotten them stranded here and sometimes the guilt weighed her down so much that she thought she'd suffocate.

Occasionally she wondered if things would have been different if she had remained as Captain and Chakotay had taken her offer of XO. Or even the offer for the Maquis to simply remain on board as they were.

She refused to let her thoughts dwell there for long.

While she had worked long and hard to get where she has - where she had been - in Starfleet, right now she was content to let life play out as is if it meant that Voyager was going to have a chance at actually seeing Earth again. It didn't stop the doubts gnawing at her in the dark of night, but it was enough most of the time.

The doors to the mess hall slid open and she turned, finding Neelix at the threshold.

He smiled apologetically. "I didn't realize that anyone would be here."

She waved the apology away. "I was just having some trouble sleeping."

"Me too." He admitted quietly and Kathryn could understand why. "May I join you?"

"Please."

He moved into the room, coming to sit on the chair next to her as he joined her in the study of passing stars. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

Neelix sighed. "It’s hard to believe that someone would want to take the stars away from people."

"You can't blame yourself for what Jetrel did, Neelix."

"No," He agreed, "But I can blame myself for what I didn't do."

Kes had spoken with Kathryn earlier, telling her of what Neelix had done when Rinax was destroyed. Kathryn didn't fault him for hiding. She couldn't imagine their journey without him - bad food and all - and if he'd been out fighting with the defence forces on Talax, they may never have met.

"I forgave him." Neelix said quietly, breaking her thoughts. "When Jetrel was dying, I told him that I'd forgiven him."

"Keeping hatred in your heart isn't a good thing." She told him gently.

It was the same mantra that she had repeated in the first few days of taking orders from a former terrorist.

She might have been more at ease with the way things were now, but in those first few days, she'd wanted to strangle him every time he opened his mouth.

Lapsing into silence, they sat and watched the stars together for a few moments before Neelix spoke again.

"Kathryn?"

"Yes, Neelix?"

"Would you like to try my coffee substitute now?"

If he hadn't had such a bad few days, she'd tell him exactly what she wanted to do with that gluggy liquid.

Kathryn looked at his face, his expression so hopeful, and she smiled. She was willing to let her tastebuds take one for the team.

Just this once! she promised them.

"Sure, Neelix."

***

End